Monday, September 30, 2013

Ravenous Wolves


Some people come cross as mean and hateful when they disagree. Whenever I write a post, I never know what the response will be.  I just write my opinions and try to stay within God's Word to guide me.  When I wrote A More Innocent Time, several minutes after it was published, I recieved this email, "One day, Lori, you will have to stand trial before the Lord for all the wicked things you spew on His children and especially on His daughters!"  I simply deleted it and moved on.

I started getting a lot more mean emails and could not fathom why this post would create such a backlash.  I know I have websites that hate everything good, moral, and decent that mock me.  I am use to it and don't let it stop me.

To be clear, my commentary was on a Hallmark movie that was a portrayal of more decent times in our country as I stated in my post ~

It is set in a time in our history when sexual immorality was not nearly as common and society wasn't hyper-sexualized like it is today. I imagine it was a much easier time to remain sexually pure. The music was decent and romantic.  No vulgar words. Divorce was rare.  Parents stayed together and raised their children.  Yes, it is easy to romanticize those days and look back with nostalgia but God has placed us here, in this day, for His purposes.  They had their struggles and we have ours.

That afternoon, I asked Ken to read my post and tell me if I was out of line.  When I asked him, he was already responding to some of my critics.  He wrote ~

I have no clue what world a few commenters are living in, but to think that the world is not running headlong into the End Times is to be out of touch with reality. Evil is always present in the world, but there was a time in the U.S. where churches were filled, neighbors who knew each other and acted like a church, even with unbelievers. Doors were never locked, kids played out in the streets and hope abounded. 

Fast forward to today and see that right is wrong and wrong is considered right in so many areas of our society. Abortion is acceptable to half the nation, and with it shacking up is almost the norm for even Christian kids. Being gay is not only considered an acceptable lifestyle, it is honored and glorified on TV, the media and legislated to be something wonderful. Alcohol is now replaced with a myriad of special drugs, and even our kids are loaded up with cocaine like drugs to keep their behavior in check and their grades at a high standard. 

The list of degradation in our country from 50 years ago to today is almost endless with prisons filled, divorce rates through the roof and everyone doing what is good in their own eyes instead of listening to God’s Word at church on Sundays and at least trying to be a “good person.” 

Let me be clear.  Every era has its evils and my post was specifically focused on our hyper sexed society and the breakdown of the family.  To believe that we are not heading down a path of destruction when it comes to sex is to have one's head either buried in the sand, or to believe an "anything goes concerning sex" philosophy of our times is somehow a good thing.

As long as my husband defends what I write and as long as the Lord allows me to write, I will continue to stand for God's Word no matter what the detractors say.  After all, that is my right, which some would love to take away from me in the name of tolerance.  But where is their tolerance?



Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing 

but inwardly are ravenous wolves.
Matthew 7:15


Sunday, September 29, 2013

Path Of Pleasure Is Empty


Fornication is rampant.  Couples have sex before marriage.  They live together before marriage and think it is okay.  One can watch others have sex on television or movies whenever they want. Women can have their babies murdered and be protected under the law.  Pornography takes what is beautiful and makes it profane.  

 Emptiness always come from an indulgent life that lives far away from God's order and beauty.  Sin brings death.  Righteousness brings life.

Many bad things have been happening in our country for a long time.  It is getting worse and worse so what can we do?

Make your home a happy home.  Let the world see Jesus shining through you.  Make your marriage strong and love your husband dearly.  Raise your children to be well-disciplined walking with Jesus.  Dwell on the lovely and the good.

This isn't our home.  Satan is the prince of the power of the air and most people are listening to him.  He produces ugliness, immorality, and unpleasantness.  We listen to the King of Kings who He brings beauty, morality, and things that are pleasant and pure.  We know how the story ends.  Don't let the condition of our country take away your joy.  God is still on His throne.

We are strangers and aliens.  We must never forget this important fact.  We must be full of peace and joy or what will attract the world to us and Jesus?  We are the salt and light of this earth.  Live like salt and light.  Put your hope and trust in God, not in this country.

Love the homosexuals in your life.  Love the couples who are living together.  Love wins others, not hate and condemnation.  Remember, they don't live under biblical standards.  They don't know our God so why should we expect them to live like us?

Show them Jesus.  Love them.  Never be cruel to them.  They need Jesus as much as we did.  They are looking for meaning in life.  They are just looking in all the wrong places.  True meaning only comes from knowing Jesus and walking with Him.  Show them the way.


Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
 This is the first and great commandment.
 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
Matthew 22:36-40



Saturday, September 28, 2013

Help For Migraine Sufferers


She is 38 years old and has suffered debilitating migraine headaches her whole life.  She was bagging my groceries at Trader Joe's and she told her friend that she now weighs 117 pounds. It has been years since she weighed so little. She looked fabulous. {She was a short, small-boned woman.}

I asked her how she lost her weight. She said she lives on smoothies with all sorts of good things in it: organic fruits, greens, protein powder, etc.  She has also given up all alcohol.  Then she told me about her history with migraines.

She tried all the drugs given for migraines to try and help manage them. When she felt a migraine coming on, she would give herself a shot and lay down in a dark room. Since giving up all alcohol, gluten, and living on food the way God created, she has not had one migraine!

On an episode of Dr. Oz last year, there was a doctor who treats people with migraines. She said the first thing she recommends is they get off of all foods with gluten in them. The majority of people are cured from simply giving up gluten!

I have never had a migraine, headache YES, from my tumor and bad neck, but never a migraine.  So I thought I would share this with any of you who suffer from migraines in hopes that this may help.

Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you 
and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.
3 John 1:2

***Remember, I'm NOT a doctor. I'm just a homemaker who loves to research 
natural cures and have found many that have worked for my family and me. Information I have given is for educational and informational purposes only and to motivate you to make your own health care and dietary decisions based upon your own research and in partnership with your health care provider. Any statements or claims about the possible health benefits conferred by any foods or supplements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Nothing you read here should be relied upon to determine dietary changes, a medical diagnosis or course of treatment.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Cyber Knife Treatment


Cyber Knife is the treatment we have chosen.  Proton Therapy would take six weeks of treatment, five days a week, two hours away, and would kill my pituitary.  Cyber Knife is five treatments, fifteen minutes away, and probably will kill the pituitary.  This was an easy choice for us.

I will begin in a week or so.  They will first take an MRI and Cat Scan, then overlay them to map out the tumor.  I will lay on the contraption above.  They will give my hundreds of beams of radiation targeting the tumor. Each individual beam can do no harm but where they all meet is where they are effective in controlling the tumor.  It won't even shrink the tumor, just hopefully keep it from growing for many years.

There is an 80% success rate for ten years.  It is close to my optic nerve and hugging my pituitary so I am asking for prayers to protect both.  They are going to give lower doses of radiation at the top of the tumor to protect the optic nerve but hopefully stop the tumor.

My endocrinologist will take my blood to get a baseline of all my hormones and watch my levels after treatment.  An opthamologist will give me an eye exam so she can watch how treatment will affect my vision.  

So there you have it.  Your prayers are very much appreciated.  It is amazing what medicine can do today.  God is a God of miracles so I am asking Him for a hedge of protection around my optic nerve and pituitary.  He can do abundantly more than we can imagine!

 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, 
our inner self is being renewed day by day. 
For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us 
an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 
as we look not to the things that are seen 
but to the things that are unseen. 
For the things that are seen are transient,
 but the things that are unseen are eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18


Thursday, September 26, 2013

Pursuing Holiness Tenaciously


Pursuing holiness tenaciously are the words Courtney uses to describe her mother.  Her mother taught her three daughters from an early age to have a daily quiet time with Jesus, reading His Word and praying.  She was often heard listening to sermons on the radio.  She wasn't known for having a college degree or career, but being a faithful, godly wife and mother.

All throughout her life, Courtney had daily quiet times with Jesus.  She wanted to shine His light wherever she went.  She attended public schools her whole life and then went to Moody Bible Institute.  She married her high school sweetheart.  She worked full-time the first three years while her husband finished school.  Then she became a full-time homemaker for three years before she had children.

Her life as a full-time homemaker before children was spent learning to please her husband, learning to be a good homemaker, including cooking, and ministering to those in need.  She then had two children and is now teaching and training them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

She has written a book titled Women Living Well which I was privileged to read and write a review for.  I thoroughly enjoyed it!  She gives wonderful suggestions about having a quiet time, praying as you do your housework, being a homemaker, loving your husband, and raising children.  She freely admits she is not perfect and even shares many of the struggles she has encountered along the way.

I highly recommend it, especially to young women who are in the stage of raising children and trying to keep everything juggling at once.  However, I was even inspired at my age to seek God more often, pray more, and spend more time in His Word.  You can order it HERE.

Many daughters have done virtuously, 
but thou excellest them all.  
Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: 
but a woman that fears the lord, she shall be praised.
Proverbs. 31:29,30

***Write a comment expressing the ways you pursue holiness and I will choose one for Courtney to send you a free signed copy of her book!

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Trapped In Satan's Web


Many of you are in very difficult marriages.  Here is an example of one ~

My husband goes through a very dark period every year from about October - March. Seasonal depression, I don't know. He has had affairs and/or resorted to porn for a few years in a row during this time. He is unable to perform with me. But, he won't seek any kind of help. I was married once before to a man who was/is addicted to porn and his affairs were malicious and greedy and disgusting. I was not a Christian when I divorced him leaving me with two young children. 

My current husband and I have been married for 12 years and have two children. But, it's different. His affairs are not malicious, they are full of pain. I am a Christian and seek God daily. I see the effects of divorce, still today, on my older two children who are 19 and 17. I have felt that God has told me that even if my husband is unable to be faithful to me and our marriage, that I am to remain faithful to him. It's difficult, but I just have to believe that God has a plan for all of this. My husband deals with a lot of abandonment issues from his childhood. I seriously want, in his last dying breath, for him to look in my eyes and know I never left him.

She wrote me personally and told me she didn't know what she would do without my words of wisdom and encouragement.  It is through God's strength alone that she can continue being married to him and His strength is all we need.

I have mentored many women who were in difficult marriages and everyone else was telling them to leave their husbands.  They would come to me broken and in despair wanting to give up.  I would just let them know if they were looking for someone to encourage them to leave, they have come to the wrong person.

All of these women have eventually made their marriages better.  It doesn't happen overnight and it may take a long time, but love definitely softens hearts.  I love what this one woman who wrote above realizes the pitiful state her husband is in.  She knows he is trapped in Satan's web but refuses to give up.

God is much more powerful and mighty than Satan.  Satan may win some battles, but we know who wins the war.  This husband will thank his precious wife someday for sticking by his side through his struggles.  She is keeping her vow for better or for worse.  Most importantly, she will receive her reward from the Lord.  For He has promised this ~

Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, 
the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free.
Ephesians 6:8


Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Are Homeschoolers Not Socialized?


Many people believe that children who are homeschooled are "weird" or shy and can't fit in with the other children.  They aren't socialized properly.  I think this is such a bad argument against homeschooling!

Are all the children in public school not "weird"?  Are they all outgoing and fit in well?  Do they all get along with others, thus socialized well?  NO!  There are all types of children in public school.  There are also all types of homeschooled children.

I have met homeschooled children who are wonderful!  They are well-behaved, happy, and easy to talk to.  I have met public school children with the same qualities.  There are also homeschooled children who are shy and socially awkward, but so are some public school children.

The most important thing with socialization is what goes on in the family and the temperament of each individual child.  Some are more outgoing and happy than others.  Some talk more easily.  It has nothing to do with whether they are homeschooled or not.

The main reason one should homeschool their children is to protect them from evil influences and train them in the ways of the Lord.  As Nancy Campbell says,  "We are not faithfully teaching our children unless we teach them what it means to walk in the fear of the Lord. This is the foundation of their education which is more important than any other curriculum. The fear of the Lord teaches them how to keep pure in the midst of wickedness, how to depart from evil, and walk in the way of life."

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 
You shall teach them diligently to your children, 
and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, 
and when you walk by the way, 
and when you lie down, and when you rise.
Deuteronomy 6:6,7


Monday, September 23, 2013

A More Innocent Time


The Lost Valentine was on Hallmark last night.  It is a movie I highly recommend!  It is set in a time in our history when sexual immorality was not nearly as common and society wasn't hyper-sexualized like it is today.

Women knew how to be modest.  Their dresses covered up their privates.  They looked and acted very feminine.  They mostly wore dresses.  Most mothers were at home taking care of their children.

Was it a perfect time?  No. World War II was in full swing.  Most young men were fighting Hitler's evil.  Many young men sacrificed their lives.  It was a very difficult time in our history.

However, I imagine it was a much easier time to remain sexually pure.  There was no Internet where you could get pornography at the click of a mouse.  No IPhones either.  There were not even any televisions to watch others having sex and sex selling almost everything, including hamburgers.  People just listened to radios and talked to each other. 

The music was decent and romantic.  No vulgar words.  Just simple love songs.  Sure, there was evil going on.  I am sure there was fornication and adultery and everything else but not to the degree it is today.  One never heard of young girls and women being abducted and brutally raped and murdered.  Most people didn't even have locks on their doors!

Divorce was rare.  Parents stayed together and raised their children.  Yes, it is easy to romanticize those days and look back with nostalgia but God has placed us here, in this day, for His purposes.  They had their struggles and we have ours.

I just think living in a society that wasn't so sexualized would have been good.  Good for marriages.  Good for young people.  Easier for men.  Now, most places they go, they see scantily clad women...the mall, the beach, the theater, etc.  It isn't an easy time to raise sons to be sexually pure but it is possible because with God, all things are possible.  Make it a priority in your life to raise your children in the wisdom and knowledge of God.  This is their single greatest protection.

Because of the increase of wickedness, 
the love of most will grow cold.
Matthew 24:12

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Duck Dynasty Calls For Repentance


Phil is not afraid to speak the Truth.  I have heard of the show Duck Dynasty but have never watched it.  The whole cast was on Dr. Oz recently so I thought I would watch it.

Dr. Oz had the dad, Phil, come over and check out the difference between a duck liver and a human liver.  The duck liver was pliable, soft, and tender from eating food off of the land.  The human liver was hard and not flexible from abuse.

Dr. Oz asked Phil why he thought so many people do things that hurt themselves.  Phil replied, "We've lost two concepts that our founding fathers had.  They don't love God and obey what He says.  They don't love each other."

Dr. Oz then asked Phil how he found this love in his heart?  Phil said at 28 he finally decided, "You know, this sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll can only run so far and you either end up like this {he held up the hard, bad human liver} or you decide to repent.  Trust me, Doc, it was time for me to repent and from that point on, from 28 to 67.  Trust me, the last 39 {years} have been far better than the 28, for sure.  Everyone can repent.  It's not a scary thing, it's a needed thing."

Repentance.  Turning from your sin and turning to God. Changing course.  Deciding the path you are on is not a good one and wanting to walk the narrow path with Jesus.  No, it is not a scary thing.  You must, however, count the cost...giving up your sin, living in obedience to God, etc.   It is the needed thing.  Phil is right on.

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, 
but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, 
but that all should reach repentance.
II Peter 3:9

***HERE is a speech given by Phil called
"Why This Country Needs A Lot More Jesus."

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Chicken Rosemary Stew


I usually use chicken thighs for this but you can use chicken breasts or legs if you prefer.  The thighs and legs  just add that extra fat that makes it taste real good.

Preheat oven to 425 degrees

In a cast iron skillet {use any old skillet if you don't have a cast iron one)}:

Coat bottom of pan with olive oil.

Salt and pepper 8 chicken thighs with the skin and bones.

Cook each side in oil for 8 minutes, then remove from pan.

Saute 1 chopped up carrot, onion, and  2 celery in the fat for 10 minutes.

Add 2 sprigs of rosemary. I leave them whole and take them out before serving.

Squeeze 1 lemon into the pan and scrape the bottom of the pan to get all the yummy stuff off.

Place the chicken on top of all the vegetables.

Add 2 1/2 cup chicken broth (Homemade Chicken Broth)

Bring to boil.

Put it in the oven for 40 minutes.*

*If you did not use a cast iron skillet you will have to
transfer the whole dish to an oven proof dish.

Put chicken and vegetables over brown rice.  Very yummy!


Friday, September 20, 2013

When Is It Okay To Disobey?



Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands
 in everything. {Ephesians 5:24}  So when is it okay to disobey our husbands?  Is it ever okay for the church to disobey Christ?

For one thing, Christ would never ask the church to sin.  Husbands may ask their wives' to sin.  I believe it is okay to disobey your husband if he asks you to do something that is clearly against Scripture such as participating in pornography, a threesome, open marriage, etc.

Scripture teaches, Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. {I Peter 3:1,2}

Our husbands will not be won by impure behavior even if he asks you to do it.  God is our highest authority so we must obey God rather than man,  which includes our husbands, and live pure and reverent lives as He has commanded us to do.

In the same way, we are commanded to obey our government, but if it asks us to abort our babies, we would not obey.  

However, wives are commanded to obey their husbands in everything so this must be your goal.  Most husbands will never ask their wives to sin so we should not use the "what ifs" to excuse disobeying our husbands.

Sunshine Mary recently made this comment on one of her posts,  "We do not need to stand in judgment of our husbands' instructions to us.  Almost always their instructions will be good ones, but even if on occasion they are not good, still we are commanded to obey them without fear, and to trust in God, the only One who never fails.  Sisters, God will not bless your rebellion against your husband, whatever the reason, but He will bless your submission and obedience."


Thursday, September 19, 2013

My Friend Who Can


A bunch of frogs were given the challenge of climbing to the top of a pinnacle.  Along the way, many onlookers were yelling, "You'll never make it!"  "This is way too difficult for you."  In the end, only one frog made it to the top.  Later, they found out he was deaf and didn't hear the naysayers.

My friend, Patty {the one on the left}, contracted a bacterial infection many years ago.  They had to amputate her legs above the knees, her fingers just below the knuckles, and had skin grafts over 60% of her body.  If you want to hear her incredible testimony, listen to it HERE.  {You must scroll down on the right side to KA Weekly Messages and look for the message on 8/17/13 called Patty Kolb.  It is well worth your time!}

She shared this frog story in her testimony.  She has been through a lot in her life.  In spite of all of her trials and tribulations, she is a testimony to God's strength and His glory.

This frog story reminded me of my dad.  He is ALWAYS optimistic with me and the outcome of all my health problems.  It is so easy to get depressed and think dimly of my future but my dad always tells me I am going to be fine.  He gives me hope.  Hope is a wonderful thing.

Patty encourages her listeners to not listen to the naysayers or the pessimistic people in your life.  When asking all these doctors if she would ever walk again, only one out of many said, "If she wants to."  Not one other doctor gave her any hope!  All she needed was that one doctor who did.

If you have people in your life going through trials, always speak words of hope and encouragement to them.  Weep and mourn with them, but then remind them of all of God's promises.  We are more than conquerors through Christ who strengthens us!

Patty's favorite verse is from Isaiah 43:1,2 ~

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.


Wednesday, September 18, 2013

They Laid Down Their Swords


We saw Rebecca while we were eating breakfast.  She told me a post of mine changed their marriage.  They decided to take the Thirty Day Challenge and not argue for thirty days.   They made it five days the first time, then 39, and now they have made it 140 days!  I gave her a big hug.

She said the difference it has made in their marriage is amazing.   They have finally laid down their swords.  They honor and respect each other. They now actually like each other and truly love each other.  They enjoy being together.   These are words she wrote to me ~

When we "enter the holy of holies" in our bedroom and there is "true intimacy" {not just going through the motion of obedience}, we end our "tender time" with prayer.  I bless him and he blesses me.  I tell our Father how much I love and appreciate my husband and all of his good qualities as a father and husband and he tells our Father how much he appreciates me, loves me and is thankful that God sent me to him as his "gift"!  It's like the "anointing of our hearts" with God's love!  Beautiful and real.  No more faking, pretending, or harboring resentment.  No more negative words poisoning my mind and stealing my passion anymore!  My husband loves the new me and vice versa!

They just celebrated their 36th wedding anniversary in June.  Learning to live at peace with your spouse is life changing.  This is why God commands that we seek peace, actually pursue it.  He wants peace among the brethren, especially in a marriage since we model Christ and the church.

Please don't wait until you've been married 36 years to stop arguing.  Make a commitment today to stop and with God's power, you can accomplish it.  Rebecca told us it only takes 40 days to make a new habit.  It took them three times and the third time was the charm.  They were persistent, refused to give up, and now are experiencing the wonderful blessing of doing marriage God's way.  It is never too late!

 Blessed are the peacemakers, 
for they shall be called sons of God.
Matthew 5:9


Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Dependent On Welfare?


Before I had children, I believed that I would live in a tiny trailer if that is what I needed to do in order to stay home and raise my children.  I teach a lot on mothers being keepers at home.  Cynthia commented on one of my posts, " I just want to add that my mother was a single mom who had to work.  I made up my mind at a young age that I would go on welfare or live with relatives or whatever it took to stay home with my children.  God has always provided without resorting to those measures.  I am thankful."

Then another woman wrote, "I am all for moms staying home with their children.  I am blessed to be able to stay home, but welfare should not be used so that a mom can stay home with her kids.  That is not what welfare is for and that is abusing the system."

I believe women who keep having children without a husband to get more money from welfare is abusing the system.  However, if a woman loses her husband when she has young children, she has no living relatives to support her, and the church refuses to support her, I believe this is exactly when welfare should be used.

Connie was a young mother with six children.  Her husband was in and out of prison, mostly in.  She lived on welfare so she could be at home raising her children.  Her husband finally came to the Lord.  Who could possibly fault her for that?  Should she have gotten a full-time job leaving her children with strangers to care for all day?

The Bible exhorts young widows to get remarried, have children, and guide the home.  It exhorts the church to provide for older widows.  It exhorts families to take care of each other.  If their is no willing family or church, I think it is better for the mother to go on welfare to take care of her children rather than find a full-time job and let someone else raise her children.

Yes, some of you had mothers who worked if you lost your father and she modeled hard work to you so now you are a hard worker.  She refused welfare and you admired her for that.  If children have lost their father, I see no reason why a mother couldn't receive welfare for a time until she got remarried or found a church to support her.

She would have to learn to live frugally and simply.  She would need to cook her food from scratch and shop wisely but all these would be good for her children to see.  She would be there to raise and discipline her children and give them the love they so need.

I know this opinion will be controversial since welfare is so abused in this country but I  think if there is ever a need for welfare, a widowed or abandoned mother with children without a supportive church or relatives would be the best reason welfare was instituted.  I sure wouldn't mind using my tax dollars so a widowed or abandoned mother could stay home and raise her children.

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, 
and especially for members of his household, 
he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
I Timothy 5:8

Monday, September 16, 2013

My Husband's Past Struggle


When we were struggling in our marriage for many years, my husband Ken, would write his feelings down so he could try and make sense of what was going on. The other night, he was reading me some of those thoughts. He wrote that he loved 95% of who I was but had a lot of trouble with the other 5%.  I was continually preaching the Bible to him and trying to control him through my emotions, withholding sex, and getting angry with him. I argued with him constantly. He felt like he continually walked on egg shells around me, never knowing when he was going to displease me, sometimes with the littlest of things.

It wore on him. He wrote how easy it was for him to accept others just the way they are, so why was it so hard for him to accept me the way I was?  As I listened to his words, I could tell it was a great struggle for him to love me because my life was about getting my "needs" met and making sure he did things the way I wanted him to do them, instead of seeking to please him and being his help meet.

I was a great mother. Even in my sickest of days, I would have healthy meals on the table, took the children to their games and ballet, and made sure that AWANA was a weekly priority. I kept the house clean with some help, and did the laundry. I cooked healthy meals from scratch, paid all the bills and was a good manager of my home. I went to church and Bible studies faithfully. I taught my children the Word of God from the time they were small and even home schooled them some years.  I had all this energy for the kids, yet I put Ken on the sidelines.  Why didn't I see this clearly?

I finally realized that it all came down to control. It is the curse from the garden and almost every woman I have ever mentored struggles with it. "Her desire will be for her husband..." Our desire will be to control our husbands and we must stop giving into this curse. For we are told we can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us.

Therefore, after arguing constantly with my husband for 23 years and wanting to control him, for the past ten years I have learned that I was sinning against my husband and my Lord. I have been mentoring women for the past ten years and I now encourage them to stop trying to control what their husband watches, what he eats, what he wears, what he does with his free time, where he goes, etc. We are their wife, not their mother. Yes, he may have heart disease and eats terrible. He doesn’t obey the doctor and you only nag him about his eating because you want him to be healthy. However, this is NOT our responsibility unless he wants us to hold him accountable. If not, give up ALL control and you won't believe the freedom you find in this.

He watches too much television. He plays too much golf. He spends too much money. He drinks too much alcohol. And on and on the list goes. You may have a hundred reasons why you feel justified in trying to change his behavior. I sure know I did! Hundreds, but it still doesn’t give us the right to try and control them. This is not our job. Men are not attracted to their mothers. We were created to be his help meet, not his conscience. Share your opinions with him a few times and then let it go.

He is a man now. He gets to live his life the way he wants to live it. He didn't marry you to nag him. In fact, a lot of men are scared to death to get married for fear they are going to be nagged to death and have to walk on eggshells in their own home. They feel they aren't going to get to live life the way they want anymore but have to live with a boss that tries to control them with her emotions, tempers, silent treatment, avoidance of sex, or anger.

A true help meet doesn't try to control and change her husband no matter how right she thinks she is and how wrong her husband's behavior. Our job is to love, serve, please, submit to and obey. This is our job description for it is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife {Proverbs 21:9} and a continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike {Proverbs 27:15} and it is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman {Proverbs 21:19}.

Now, you don't want your husband to feel he has to sleep on the roof, listen to constant dripping, or live in the desert, do you? He should be able to sleep in his comfortable bed where peace reigns and his air conditioning on! We need to make our homes comfortable places for our husbands. They need to be places he longs to be in, not miserable.

Therefore, dear wives, go to work making your husband at home. Help him by loving and serving him. Let him see Jesus in you and this will draw him closer to you and the Lord. Let all of your controlling nature go. Release it today. Let it go!

Many women use the excuse that their husband does not love them as “Christ loves the church."  I had the perfect, yet most flawed excuse to not follow God's clear teaching of love, sacrifice and submission. If my marriage was mediocre it was not all my fault, or was it? We will not stand in front of God someday and have to give an account about how our husbands didn’t love us, but how we loved or did not love our husbands.

There is a desperate need for older women to teach the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. {Titus 2:4-5}

So even though you may be an amazing mother and homemaker, if you are not working on becoming an amazing wife, you are missing out on the priority of your God-ordained role to be a great help meet.  If you read my blog, you should know by now that what I teach is not to scold or to put you down, but to try to prevent you from losing out on some of the best years of your life with your husband and best friend.  I can never get those years back, but I can shout to all who will listen to beg you not to make the same mistakes I made. Become your husband's blessing instead of his struggle.

The past ten years of my marriage have been amazing. Ken and I now mentor couples. I write for my blog daily encouraging women in their roles as wives and mothers. This is the ministry the Lord has given us and we love it. The Lord has definitely brought beauty out of ashes. Praise His Holy Name!


Sunday, September 15, 2013

Strictly Walking With God


Strict walking is much despised in these days, but rest assured, dear reader, it is both the safest and the happiest.  Worldly conformity, in any degree, is a snare to the soul, and makes it more and more liable to presumptuous sins. {Charles Spurgeon}

God commands us,  "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God" {Romans 12:2}.

We, as believers, do walk a narrow path.  This narrow path with borders is for our protection.  All of God's commands are to protect us.  We must teach our children this while they are young.  We taught our children that the majority of rules we had for them came from God so when they left home, they would be accountable to God and not us.

The world has a strong pull.  It wants you to compromise with it.  It feels good and looks good but it isn't good.  God's ways are good.  They are the best path to travel on.  I know.  Life is much better when I am walking in obedience to God.

So stop being angry with your husband because he is always late, or isn't involved with the children enough, or eats too much, etc.  Obey God.  Love your husband.  Love your in-laws.  Love your children for love covers over a multitude of sin.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

The Ideal Christian Lady


Will your children rise up and call you blessed?  We can not become godly wives and mothers by our own strength.  We need daily communion with our Savior.  He needs to guide us and lead us in all of our ways.  If we want to become more like Him, we must know Him and spend time with Him.

The following words were written by Frederick William Farrar about his mother.  She is a wonderful example to us of what a godly wife and mother looks like.

My mother made it a habit every day, immediately after breakfast, to spend an hour in her room, reading the Bible, meditating over it, and praying to the Lord.  It enabled her to maintain a genuine peacefulness in spite of the normal trying worries and pettiness that so often accompany life in a crowded neighborhood.

As I think of her life and all that she had to endure, I see the absolute triumph of the grace of God in the ideal Christian lady.  She was such a lovely person that I never saw her lose her temper or speak even one word in anger.

I never heard her participate in idle gossip or make a disparaging remark about another person.  In fact, I never saw in her even the hint of an emotion unbecoming to someone who had drunk from "the river of the water of life" {Revelation 22:1} and who had eaten of the "living bread that came down from heaven" {John 6:51}.

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; 
her husband also, and he praises her.  
Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain:  
but a woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
Proverbs 31:28,30

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Married To A Repeat Cheater


Many men are trapped in porn.  It is an ugly, evil thing that destroys lives, marriages, and families.  The following words were written by an anonymous woman who has been living with a husband trapped in pornography's web for ten years.  Her words and testimony are powerful and I want to share them with you.

The world and even the church will offer up divorce as an option in the case of infidelity as excusable, even lawful.  But God's Word says He hates divorce.  Sometimes divorce is necessary, but God's plan is always about redemption.  ALWAYS.  It is an awful thing to see a broken mother in the face of a cheating, broken father.  But it is also remarkable for a child to see the love of God and forgiveness lived out every day between two imperfect people.

Getting the help you need can be really challenging, but it is ABSOLUTELY possible.  I've been advised to leave my husband and never return without his agreement to stiff penalties and impossible requirements.  That does NOT a marriage make.  Establishing trust in marriage is not just based on a list of arm-length trappings.  Accountability for the spouse is key.  Filtering software and even limiting software is HIGHLY recommended.  Serious counsel with those who dwell in God's Word is KEY.  Not just a pastor or counselor but someone who is keyed into the Holy Spirit.

While I do not want to be a doormat, at the same time, God revealed His will for my marriage to me:  In His Word.  I sought Him out daily, even hourly, and heard Him speak to my heart what He wanted me to do.  At the same time, I had many friends who lifted me up in prayer, without knowing all the details, and supported me through my decisions.  Even when they did not understand, they entrusted me into His hands and continue to lift me up in prayer to this day.

For me, the biggest challenge was entrusting my children to this situation under God's watchful eye.  I want to protect them and when I have been stressed out from the strain of infidelity and worry and grief, I have wounded them with my impatience and fear and anger.  I was worried about them suffering because of what their dad did, and my own wrestling sometimes caused them to suffer unfairly.  Learning to let my children go into God's hand has been key to allowing God to work in my marriage.  I cannot control their dad and I cannot control what his actions bring into our children's lives, but I can control MY response in this situation and can demonstrate trust in God and love for Him in my life.

At this time, my husband is in accountability relationships.  Our computers and his phone have filters and monitoring software.  I track our cell phone usage, including phone numbers and texting information.  I ask him about anything that is unusual.  I cannot control his thoughts.  I cannot control where he goes or who he talks to.  I cannot control his urges or inclinations.

I CAN pray for him.  I CAN pray for our marriage.  I CAN ask God to intervene and redeem what has been lost.  I CAN trust God's leading in my life and believe His direction, regardless of what others might say.

It is NOT easy being married to a repeat cheater.  It is not a burden I would like to continue to bear.  I want my husband to be faithful and my marriage to be God-focused and holy.

Pornography is UGLY.  It is destructive and it is a deceptive tool of an enemy who hates God and everything God has for us.  It is a slimy weapon that the enemy wields and holds so many captive.  But JESUS CHRIST has won the victory over sin, over everything that would hold us captive.  His redemption power can bring freedom and forgiveness and wholeness.  I firmly believe that this battle for marriage is fought best in the supernatural realm and praying Scripture over those caught in the web of pornography can battle in ways that nothing else can.

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, 
that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 
And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, 
we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.
I John 5:14,15