Thursday, December 31, 2015

Men Giving Up on Marriage

According to this article, men are giving up on marriage. With the divorce laws and feminist movement, many men just don't feel getting married is worth it. In past generations, men and women knew what their roles were and marriage was simple. The husband worked hard to provide for his family, while the wife stayed home and cared for the home and children. It's rare to find this anymore.

More women are in higher education and getting careers than men, thus taking the place of men and many men have no work and fail to get into higher educations institutions since the women are taking their place. The same is happening in the job market. More women are taking over the jobs that used to be held by men. "Women are 'tough and independent' and men don't think they're needed anymore. With feminism pushing them out of their traditional role of breadwinner, protector and provider - and divorce laws increasingly creating a dangerously precarious financial prospect for the men cut loose from marriage - men are simply no longer finding any benefit in it."

When I ask them why, the answer is always the same: women aren't women anymore. Feminism which teaches women to think of men as the enemy, has made women 'angry' and 'defensive,' though often unknowingly. Now the men have nowhere to go. It is precisely this dynamic - women good/men bad - that has destroyed the relationship between the sexes. Yes somehow, men are still to blame when love goes awry. Men are tired," Venker wrote. "Tired of being told there's something fundamentally wrong with them. Tired of being told that if women aren't happy, it's men's fault."

"It's the women who lose. Not only are they saddled with the consequences of sex, by dismissing male nature, they're forever seeking a balanced life. The fact is, women need men's linear career goals - they need men to pick up the slack at the office - in order to live the balanced life they seek."

Wow! These are powerful words to ponder, women. In seeking to have equality and be like men, we've lost femininity and the romance we all so greatly hunger for. Feminism only looks at the short-sighted goals instead of pondering the long-term destruction for society, families and mostly children. 

We are Christian women who must go back to God's calling on our life and have nothing to do with feminism, but instead seek to be feminine. We must seek to please Him in all that we do. He calls women to be their husband's help meet, to submit to and obey them. He calls us to love and please our husbands and to fulfill their sexual needs. He calls men to provide for their families. The farther we get away from these roles, the worse every one's life becomes, especially the children. Go back to the biblical path and reap the bountiful fruit of doing life God's way. Go back to the old paths; to the good way. You will never find rest for your souls any other way.

Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, 
and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, 
and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. 
Jeremiah 6:16

***Why Your Family is So Important. "The American Psychological Association has taken issue with the kind of dolls that are being created for our daughters. Where once they were give baby dolls and dolls that they could role play with, now they are being given dolls with pouty lips and fishnet and high heel boots and parents must not understand this; that what a girl plays with a doll is just practice for what she will become when she is older."

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Mothering Seen as a Kind of Death?

Here is something I found interesting that I recently read from a Christian site: A woman I greatly admire was out to eat with her grown kids. I complimented my friend about how great her kids have turned out. Suddenly, her face dropped, her expression changed, and I could see emptiness behind her eyes. "Yes my kids turned out great and I loved raising them. But, I lost myself in the process." The question then asked by the Christian author, "I paused and thought how do we fully embrace motherhood but not lose the other parts of us?"

Compare this to what Elizabeth Elliot wrote, "The routines of housework and of mothering may be seen as a kind of death, and it is appropriate that they should be, for they offer the chance, day after day, to lay down one’s life for others. Then they are no longer routines. By being done with love and offered up to God with praise, they are thereby hallowed as the vessels of the tabernacle were hallowed–not because they were different from other vessels in quality or function, but because they were offered to God. A mother’s part in sustaining the life of her children and making it pleasant and comfortable is no triviality. It calls for self-sacrifice and humility, but it is the route, as was the humiliation of Jesus, to glory."

Do you see the how completely opposite these two perspectives of motherhood are and how one is focused upon herself and the other one is focused on giving her life away for a greater cause than herself? "I lost myself in the process." What's inside of us to find besides who we are in Christ? Does God ever command for us to find ourselves? NO! He commands that we seek Him and His will for our lives which is to give ourselves away, deny ourselves, and the greatest of all is the servant of all. I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service {Romans 12:1}.

Yes, being a mother can be monotonous, exhausting and difficult at times. There were many times that I was sick and each moment of the day was hard for me but when I look back, God ALWAYS gave me the strength I needed for each moment of every day. Now, I have been blessed with four children who love Jesus and walk with Him. I gave my life to raising my children, caring for their every little need and teaching them about the Lord. I didn't have much time "for me" in all those years of raising children and being sick. I knew that raising obedient children who knew the Lord was an assignment given to the Lord for me so I cherished it.

Then there are all the good things about raising children: when they laugh out loud; running to me to hug and kiss me; rocking them through their sick nights as they slept on me; watching them grow up to become good adults who chose good instead of evil. What can the world offer that is better than these things? Nothing. 

He maketh the barren woman to keep house,
 and to be a joyful mother of children. 
Praise ye the LORD.
Psalm 113:9

***If you plan on vaccinating your children, here is a great post about gently detoxing your child after vaccines. "Better yet, by waiting until between 2 and 3 years old, you can significantly reduce the amount of vaccines your child receives because they don’t need boosters (because their immune systems functions on its own- see point #2), and more importantly the blood/brain barrier (BBB) will be developed. Teething produces histamines, which are a neurotransmitter that causes consistent BBB opening, giving vaccine neurotoxins direct access to baby’s brain. Most babies are done teething by the age of 3." Good information!!!

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

His Face is Kissed a Thousand Times

My brother-in-law's best friend, Steve, went home to be with Jesus on Monday night. He was 56 years old with pancreatic cancer. He was a man who lived life to its fullest. He loved Jesus and others with his whole heart. He was blessed to be able to hold and play with his first grandbaby that was born two months ago. Another one is coming next month and he so wanted to live until this one was born. Steve was like an uncle to my sister’s children. He flew out here from Colorado to attend all of their weddings even though he was very ill. They all loved him dearly. He had an amazing voice and sang a beautiful song at my sister’s wedding many years ago. All of their hearts are now broken.

His dear wife, Stephanie, loved him deeply and will miss him terribly. She wrote a beautiful letter a few days before he died. I pray you are blessed by this letter and if you have a husband who is still living, love him today and always, will you? Life is fragile and short. Never take one minute for granted and never stop living for and loving Jesus.

Steve and I are sitting side by side in our bed in our home. He is comfortable and peaceful. He has not been able to eat or drink for days now. He no longer moves independently and can say no words. Nor does he open his eyes, but his hands are held all day long by my hand or those of his family who {all of us} love him dearly. His face is kissed a thousand times and we constantly whisper our love for him.

I wish I could tell you I am doing well, but I am not. I am overwhelmed with grief that breaks forth like the evening rain storms Steve and I witnessed in Hawaii. It comes on suddenly without advanced notice, dissipates, and then violently lashes out again. C.S. Lewis writes about the grief he experienced after he lost his wife, ”The act of living is different all through. Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.” 

Today, I read  Isaiah 64:4 and the words spoke to me. "Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him." I was struck by the thought that the only choice I have is to wait on him to act on my behalf. Nothing else will suffice.  

Steve shared a dream with me that he had while in the hospital; after sharing it we laughed together. But the dream continues to sit in my thoughts and I bring it back to think about over and over again. In his dream he was running with the reindeer. It was a large group of reindeer and he found himself running alongside of them, and then in the center of the herd. At one point he tells me they are suddenly launched in the air running together, like flying but running, and his legs are pounding and his arms are swinging back and forth, up and down. 

I frequently find myself asking God to gently, safely carry Steve to be with Him and keep him ready to meet me when it is my turn. It thrills me to think that I will have Steve to meet me and we will fly off together and he can show me everything, just like he did in our earthly time together. He was always showing me things to see and do, guiding me with his beautiful perspective. Today, I realized that what I have to do is wait on God to keep me safe here and then later I'm with Steve again in that place we call Heaven. It means my relationship with him is not over, just suspended. I know one thing for certain, if we retain any of our former selves in heaven then  Steve will be planning fun things for me to do with him when I get there; maybe even running with the reindeer.

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
Revelation 21:4

Monday, December 28, 2015

Wisdom While There is Yet Hope ~ Chapter Seven

Ken and I went to Palm Desert for our honeymoon. We were staying in a condo, so shortly after we got there we went to a store to buy food. He bought Ritz Crackers and that junky cheese to put on them. My mom had never bought any of that kind of stuff when I was growing up. I was appalled that he would eat that and I let him know. Usually, I would give him the silent treatment and be upset for a while. When we went to a nice restaurant and he ordered a steak, we wouldn't even be able to enjoy the meal because I was too upset. Oh, how I wish I would have learned as quickly as Debi did on her honeymoon when Michael wanted to buy the expensive meat and she questioned him about it. Michael had a bewildered look on his face and she read it correctly. I was patronizing him, speaking to him as if he were a stupid kid, because that is how I felt about what he was doing.* She was a wise woman who recognized her ungodly behavior immediately and I did not.

The story of the husband who watched things on TV that the wife felt was inappropriate so she treated him with disrespect and as a child also had a huge impact upon me. Debi gave the consequences of her behavior if she continued and the lonely plight of many single, divorced women who destroyed their marriages by treating their husbands as a child, instead of honoring and respecting them. The truth is, you ran him off because he watched commercials you declared unrighteous. You left his heart. And, he has left you emotionally- all because of your "playing the Holy Spirit"...Your nagging and criticism have the opposite effect of producing righteousness.*

Until I read Debi's book, Ken felt like he had to walk on eggshells around me; sneak his junk food and live like a stranger in his own home. As our children were getting ready to leave the nest, he told me he had come to the conclusion that marriage was simply a partnership and nothing more. Thankfully, I found Debi's book and through the conviction of Debi's words and the help of the Holy Spirit, I was able to turn our marriage around and stop being his Holy Spirit, but instead be the wife that the Lord has called me to be.

One of the saddest stories in this chapter was written by a woman who lost her husband through divorce by trying to be his Holy Spirit. She wrote all the ways she wished she would have responded instead of the way that she did. I shed tears as I read this letter the first time and praised the Lord that it wasn't me writing it since it could have been. I will abbreviate two of them for those of you who don't have the book.

When my husband acted selfishly at home...I wish I had prayed positively for him instead of withdrawing a little emotionally for him. I wish I had openly showed love and acceptance of him for himself, not impatiently waited until he acted right.*

Since SO many women decide that their husbands are not the spiritual leader they should be, this should help them see how wrong it is to have any critical attitude towards them. When he failed the children, failed to have devotions, failed to be spiritual, failed to lead as he should, I wish I had completely trusted God and maintained unity, honor, reverence, and submission with a glad and trusting heart.*

Please women, if your marriage is still intact by the grace of God, stop trying to change your husband's behavior, be upset with him continually and decide you are more spiritual than him since you go to Bible Studies. Allow the Lord to convict and change your husband while you obey God's commands to love, respect, obey, submit to and please your husband. Single mothers are the poorest group in our nation. Their lives are difficult. Never feel that you are a single mother since your husband works so hard. You are not!!! Your life is MUCH better than any single woman since you have a husband who hopefully is working hard to provide. Have godly wisdom in how you should treat your husband while there is still hope.

The amazing thing is that Ken has drastically changed all of the things I was continually upset with him about and it wasn't due to my nagging and controlling ways! As I have wanted to please him, he has wanted to please me. If something is bothering me, I can ask him now in a respectful way and he listens since he knows my heart is to do him good and not evil. We enjoy being married and deeply love each other. We no longer have simply a partnership but a loving marriage.

Your homework this week is to ask your husband if you are doing anything that makes him feel disrespected through your actions and words and see if he would point them out every time you act this way so you can begin changing. It's difficult to see the bad habits that we have developed over the years but your husband sure sees them. 

Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, 
and doeth it not, to him it is sin.
James 4:17

**Please feel free to write quotes that touched you in the comment section or 
questions and insights you may have!
*Quotes from the book.

Sunday, December 27, 2015

35 Years of Marriage

Yes, that picture was taken 35 years ago today. We were both only 22 years old and had no idea what our future would hold. If I were to talk to the woman in the photo today, I would tell her so many things she should have known on this special day. "Love your husband just the way that he is and don't try to change him. This isn't your job. It is the job of the Holy Spirit. Learn what pleases him and make it your ambition in life to make him happy. Love your husband deeply and be his help meet. Let him be the leader in your home in the way he wants to lead it. Don't get upset when he doesn't live his life the way that you want him to but learn to accept him and never nag him about it. You just work on yourself and becoming the woman that God has called you to be. Let His Word transform you."

I am sure if Ken could talk to the man in the picture he would have a lot to say also, like "RUN!!!" {just kidding} but we are both so very thankful how the Lord has used our past difficult marriage to help many others. Our greatest joy is to not only see our own children walking in Truth, but to see many marriages that were falling apart being restored. We love sharing this ministry together. The Lord has been very good.

Christmas 2015
Yes, our four children are faithfully walking with the Lord. {We would have had more if I hadn't gotten so sick since all I ever wanted in life was to be married and have children!} Each of their spouses are walking with Jesus too. We are enjoying our grandchildren immensely as they are the joy of our lives now. If you have a bunch of little ones and are exhausted, treasure these days as they are the most special years of your life. Children grow up quickly! Yes, the days are long, but the years pass swiftly by and then they are grown up and gone. Before you know it, you will have plenty of quiet time to yourself.

Our family that the Lord has greatly blessed us with!
Marriage is taken too lightly today. It's shameful to see so many marriages falling apart, especially among believers, and leaving the children behind in the ruins. Satan is the prince of the power of the air and he is our real enemy. If he can destroy marriages, he can destroy great nations. Nations are built upon strong, healthy families and marriage is the foundation. On the day we married, we committed to never using the word 'divorce.' This would never be an option. When this is not an option, you work things out and stick together through the hard times. Commit to being covenant keepers until death do you part.

I have gray hair {Thank you hair color!}, wrinkles and less energy. Time is showing on my face and body, especially since I have been through many hardships physically but this doesn't bother me. I had my time of being young and energetic. There are advantages to growing older; you don't worry about aging and its effects much anymore. I am just happy to still be here! Yes, Ken still rejoices with the wife of his youth. We love and enjoy each other very much. He told me the other day that he loves living with a joyful wife! We raised four children together and now we get to share in the privilege of having grandchildren. Our children have a home to come to on the holidays. It's not "mom's home" or "dad's home;" it's home. They have thanked us for the family they were raised in. It is a huge blessing from God to be raised in a home that loves Jesus. Like ours, it does not have to be a perfect home; just a faithful home that proves its love by being vow keepers.

The other day, I went to visit my daughter-in-law and my grandbabies. As I was rocking Baby Belle to sleep, Erin and I had a nice long conversation. She told me that she loves staying home with her children since they are such happy children. I told her of course they are happy! They have a mother and father who love each other deeply. They have a mother who is home with them full-time. They have parents who are raising them up in the Lord. This is God's recipe for happy children.

My parents, sisters with husbands, children with spouses and grandchildren!
And the generations go on. Our generation is a godly generation. Both Ken and I were blessed with godly families. All of my children will raise children to love Jesus. We are a remnant and a very blessed one. You can be as well. Live for Jesus. Love each other deeply. This is all you need.

Let thy fountain be blessed: 
and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
Proverbs 5:18

To the Wife of My Dreams!

I trust you will not mind me hijacking your post to tell you how my heart is so satisfied with you as you have become the wife of my dreams. Some 12-15 years ago I would cry out to the Lord begging Him to help you see how much I loved you and to help you find a place in your heart for vulnerability and trust of the man who was committed to love you forever. You certainly were a big challenge for me, far harder than the "Taming of the Shrew," but you were well worth it all. Five tough pregnancies, with one miscarriage and four beautiful children, incurable parasites for years, sandwich wreck between two semi-trucks on the freeway, brain tumor resection, neck fusion, failed brain tumor resection eight years later, cyber-knife radiation, pain, pain and more pain, and this year in and out of the ICU with below death value sodium levels. WOW!  You know how to test a husband's love, and I hope that I have passed your tests with flying colors so that it never has to be tested again!

Most importantly, I am so proud of you and your ministry with your blog and chat room. You have taught me many remarkable life lessons about how to accept life's sufferings and great pain while still showing love and joy in your life. I am astonished at times by how well written your posts are as they simply and clearly speak God's Word into the lives of your readers. Your unwavering resilience and commitment to God's truth even as your detractors say mean and nasty things to you and about us. Yet you live out every word you write on the blog as proof that a godly wife can indeed play out her God-given role with joy and submission, even with terrible heath issues.

But most of all, I love you dearly as you are indeed my best friend, my confidant, my lover and my great conversationalist. So much of our days spent focused on God's Word, our kids, and laughing and enjoying each other. I suggest that you and I have, after 35 years, come to know and be fully known by each other. We have no secrets, and nothing that we cannot talk about with each other. You make life fun and exciting, while peace and joy reigns in our home.

You are the wife of my dreams, and I hope and pray the Lord will bless us with 35 more years together. But whatever His plans are for us, I want you to know that I have come to see that you were indeed perfectly molded by God just for me. I am at peace and full of joy living side-by-side with you each and every moment of the day. 

Happy 35th Anniversary, Babes!  Love you forever! ken

Saturday, December 26, 2015

This Is "Biblical Conflict" Resolution?

Focus on the Family had a married couple on the radio recently who has written books on marriage. The topic they were discussing on this program was conflict between spouses. Their solution was to keep talking about it and praying about it until you reach a point where both spouses are happy with the resolution.

Jim Daly asked about a conflict that just didn't seem to be resolving, then what? Their solution was to keep praying about it until the one with the better solution won the conflict. Huh??? Not one mention about the husband being the leader or the wife being submissive. Not one! I think Jim Daly was trying to hint at that but I can't be sure. They seem to think that the one with the better solution should win whether that is the husband or the wife.

I am not sure how that works since both parties always think they have the better solution. This is why conflicts can go on and on when there isn't one designated leader. I think a much better way to solve a conflict would be to both share your concerns and solutions and then the husband decides the solution since he is the head of the home and the wife is to obey him in everything. In doing it this way, there is no conflict!

This proves my point that there must be a leader in every organization including the family. If not, there is going to be strife and probably a lot of it. The Bible repeatedly commands us to pursue peace with all men and not be in strife or quarrels with others.

You and you alone can control your reaction, your anger, your emotions, and your moods towards your husband. You have no control whatsoever over your husband and his opinions, habits, or leadership. Instead of having a long drawn out conflict as this couple espouses over many days or even weeks sometimes, let your husband lead and have the last word and final say.

Depart from evil, and do good; 
seek peace, and pursue it.
Psalm 34:14

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Love Your Family

Christmas is not only about Jesus' birth but about family. Many will be with family members they don't enjoy much. Some will be with family members who are living in open rebellion to God's ways. Some will even mock the name of Jesus. Conflict and tension will visit many homes this Christmas but it should not be for a believer.

Even if you don't enjoy them, show them the love of Jesus. If they dislike you, show them love. When they say hurtful things, respond in kindness. How will they ever know Jesus if those who proclaim to love Him, don't love them?

We are commanded to overcome evil with good. Christ overcame all evil on the cross and we know how it is all going to end. King Jesus is on His throne. God doesn't want any to perish but all to come to the knowledge of Him. Therefore, use the short times you are with those who oppose you to show them Jesus through your kindness and joy. Don't let them steal your joy. Don't go down to their level of behavior but help them to come up to yours.

Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners and to save us from the wrath to come. He lived a perfect life so all who believe on Him will one day be made perfect in Him. He is our Lord and Savior. He has done everything for us; now He asks us to love others deeply, even our enemies.

May this Christmas be one of peace for you and your family. May you shine the light of Jesus wherever you go. May you ponder all that the Lord has done for you this year and the blessings He has bestowed upon you. 

Merry Christmas!

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.
Isaiah 9:6

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Changing Your Future

Yes, I enjoy Hallmark movies. They are decent and usually have a good story line; they always end happy! Some are too silly for me but many are not. Last week, I watched A Family for Christmas. It was about a career woman who was a successful newscaster. She lived in San Francisco in a gorgeous apartment overlooking the Bay. She received a promotion from a highly recognized news station in New York. She immediately took it with great excitement. However, before she got this job, she had a Facebook friend request come to her from an old boyfriend and it got her to thinking.

About this time, she met a guy dressed up as Santa Claus ringing the bell at the red bucket. {I'm not sure why Hallmark centers most of their Christmas movies around Santa Claus since those who watch them are mostly women!} She shared with him a bit about her life. He told her to make a Christmas wish. She went to bed that night and woke up the next morning in a house in the suburbs married to her old boyfriend with two children. She finds out she's a stay-at-home mother who deeply loves her husband {everyone told her she did any ways}. Of course, she was scared to death in this role at first and found Santa. He told her that she will stay in this situation until she "figured it out." She had no idea what this meant.

After a while, she began loving her life. She grew to love her two daughters and her husband. One night, they were all at a party and a newscaster who had previously been her secretary was sharing news on camera. Suddenly, the newscaster was hit by something falling, so this mother had to take the mic. She did a great job and was offered a prestigious job in the city which would mean her family would have to move to the city. She came home and excitedly told her husband. He unhappily replied, "I thought we were happy doing what we are doing!" He liked having his wife home full-time. She finally decided not to take the job since she loved her life the way it was so much.

The next morning, she woke up back in her bed alone in San Francisco. She frantically looked for Santa and told him that she loved that life. She wanted to go back. He told her she couldn't and she was so upset with him. Why did he take her from a life that she learned to love so much more? He responded, "You can't change your past but you can change your future." She quit her job, got a hold of her old boyfriend and it ended with them going out to coffee together arm in arm.

How many of you regret your past and your decisions? Did you put a career ahead of marriage and motherhood? Were you a disobedient wife to your husband, thus causing him misery? Did you divorce your husband and now know it was wrong? Did you have a career while putting your children in preschool to be taken care of by others? There is nothing we can do about the past but we can change the future. We can begin walking in the ways of the Lord. We can become submissive help meets to our husbands. We can work on coming home full-time and being a keeper at home. We can become the mother our children need. It's not too late. With God all things are possible. Therefore, stop regretting your past and start right now to obey the Lord's will for you in every area of your life.

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.
Philippians 3:13

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Anna's Reaction to Josh

After the whole Josh Duggar sex scandal came out, I was encouraged by others to write a Letter to Anna. "I was encouraged yesterday to hear a report that you would not seek divorce. I have never encouraged a woman to get divorced and I never will since marriage is a model of Christ and the church and He will never divorce us. He continues to be faithful, even when we are not. Please, don't hold onto bitterness but forgive as the Lord has so graciously forgiven us. It may take a lot of time and prayer but with Christ ALL things are possible. This will be a huge witness to a watching world of God's patience and love for His children the church. You are showing Christ's love and forgiveness to a wretched sinner as we all once were before being washed in His blood and made new creatures in Him. He now even calls us saints!"

Every other letter I saw that women had written to her, they told her she had every right to leave him and she should. However, this is not what God tells us. He commands us to be covenant keepers. He commands we forgive 70 X 7 times. He says that if we don't love our brother {or husband} who we can see, we don't love Him whom we cannot see. He even commands for us to love and forgive our enemies; therefore, a wife should love and forgive her husband. 

Here are Anna's words from an interview on TLC Sunday night:

How could this happen in our marriage? Josh was my first love; my one and only but I knew the only thing was to cling to my faith because I knew if I went off of what I was feeling, I would turn a mess into a disaster. In the stun and shock of everything, I just went "Help me, God, help me to know how to respond to all of this." I didn't know what to do. I knew we needed help and I was praying God would give the help and the wisdom to even know how to take the next step. 

When your world is shattered, there are a lot of emotions you have to walk through and initially it was just crying and crying and crying some more. You get up and start to go on with life and you start crying all over again. I know there are those that think I have every right to walk away from this marriage and I respect their opinion but in my heart when I got married, I vowed to God first and then to Joshua, "For better or worse until death do we part." God has unfailing love for me and He's loved me and forgiven me for so much.

 I pray through all of this that I would be an extension of God's love to Joshua; that I would love him and forgive him. I will wait patiently and allow God to work in our hearts. My prayer and my heart's desire is for our marriage to be restored. When you go through difficult times, it can either destroy your life or make you stronger. My purpose and my desire through all of this for each member of my family is that we would turn our hearts to God and find the grace and the help we need and come out stronger.

Anna is a godly woman. Josh is at a Christian recovery program now. She is living with the Duggar family and finding love and help with this amazing family. I am sure she will be mocked by many but the angels in heaven are rejoicing! We are not here to please ourselves but the Lord. Many times this will call for suffering and sacrifice as He modeled to us by being crucified on a cross for our sin. 

Thank you, Anna, for your brave stand on God's Word and His ways. He promises that He will work out ALL things for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. The world cannot comprehend this because they do not know God. However, as believers, we walk on a different path. Anna takes seriously her vows and believes that what God has joined together, let NO man tear asunder, not even Josh himself. How will unbelievers know the depths of God's love and forgiveness if those who call themselves by His name don't love and forgive their own spouses whom they are one with?

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:32

Monday, December 21, 2015

The Beginning of Wisdom ~ Chapter Six

Many wives believe they are more spiritual than their husband. Many come to me and complain about their husband's lack of spiritual leadership in their home. I understand them since I used to be this way until I read this chapter in Debi's book. We think we are more spiritual because we read our Bibles and pray more than our husbands. We go to Bible Study and would never think of missing a church service, plus most of us don't struggle with sexual things like they do. We must be SO much better than them. Right? Wrong!

When we are criticizing our husbands, judging them and comparing them to us, we are sinning. God made them our leader and head over us and commands that we respect and honor them as our leader. He commands we obey them in everything and submit to their leading, NOT sit in judgment of them. A woman who really knows God will know that true spirituality is obeying God's recorded Word, not cultivating her "spiritual" sensibilities.*

 When we continually walk in disobedience to God, we will reap the consequences from doing it. Our actions and reactions do indeed reap painful results in this present life as well as in eternity. We live under a law of sowing and reaping that is as certain and unrelenting as disease and death.* We will NEVER have a good marriage if we think we are more spiritual or more anything than our husbands since we are not building up but tearing down. Do NOT cultivate bitterness in your heart toward your husband. Bitterness is a poison that will come back and bite you and may even destroy your life. Don't be your husband's Holy Spirit but encourage him instead. Allow the Spirit to do His work in your husband since this is not your job. Remember, a wise woman builds up her home but a foolish one tears it down with her own hands with bitterness and a critical spirit.

By the time many women are entering their fortieth year, they are teetering on the edge of mental instability. They have spent several years of their life irritated at their husbands, daily feeling hurt and responding with coldness and bitterness. Instead of practicing being thankful and merry, they are practicing bitterness.* Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled {Hebrews 12:15}.

Bitterness defiles you. The definition of defile is "to make foul, dirty or unclean; pollute." When you dishonor His marriage plan, clearly recorded in His word, He will stand against you while sin eats away your soul and destroys your health. The consequences of sin are always cruel and costly.*  God is VERY clear in His Word that we will reap what we sow, so sow beauty, women. Sow the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that is so precious to our Lord. I am convicted as I write these words. I love being challenged, convicted and reminded of God's glorious ways. I pray you are as well.

Seek wisdom, dear women. Stop doing marriage your way and producing rotten, polluted fruit but instead begin living in the fear of the Lord and doing it His way. Don't listen to the many preachers and teachers anymore who make people comfortable living in their sin; who never speak about the many wives who are in rebellion to their husband's leadership and living a life contrary to the Word of God. Find pastors that preach about godliness and holiness who rebuke, exhort and encourage their congregation to walk in the Spirit and live lives pleasing to the Lord. 

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
Psalm 110:11

**Please feel free to write quotes that touched you in the comment section or 
questions and insights you may have!
*Quotes taken from the book.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Teachers Who Tickle Their Ears

It would be SO much easier to be a blogger and I would be SO much more popular if I simply taught about love and grace, not about the tougher things God commands of us as His children. I read these blogs that don't want to teach Truth since "it is within everybody to know what is right and what to do" and "homosexuality in the Bible isn't the same as homosexuality is today since the homosexuals that I know are so nice and loving." They teach that marriage shouldn't be until death do you part but each person should do "what is right for them." Women shouldn't just be "keepers at home" since keeper at home doesn't mean to just be at home keeping it but going out for hours a day and getting a job. Women shouldn't be submissive to their husbands but submit to each other for this is the "new and improved way." Yes, if I were to teach these things, many would enjoy my teachings so much more.

However, I can't. I can't water down God's Word to us and try to squeeze it into the mold that society wants; what's popular and comfortable and what the majority of people believe since it's not what the Bible teaches. God's Truth is unchanging from generation to generation. When we think we're alone with what we believe, we are not. There will always be a remnant; "I have reserved to myself seven thousand men, who have not bowed the knee to the image of Baal" {Romans 11:4}. We are not alone in our beliefs. The God of the Universe believes the same! We must continue to teach and live Truth even as it gets more and more uncomfortable to do for God is with us and on our side. He is fighting our battle and His ways are unchanging!

Be not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ for it is the power of salvation to all those who believe! {Romans 1:16}. His Word has the power to convict and change people. Yes, we are called to love others but part of loving others is speaking Truth into their lives; God's Truth. We have come to a time where people are finding teachers who tickle their ears; For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires {2 Timothy 4:3} and that time is NOW.

Get a good study Bible and begin studying it daily so you know Truth clearly. Know the Truth for it is what sets you free from sin and damnation. Don't look for teachers who will tickle your ears but find teachers who speak Truth boldly and unashamedly! God doesn't want lukewarm Christians {Revelation 3:15}, He wants those who believe in what He clearly says and obeys it. But whoso keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God perfected: hereby know we that we are in him {1 John 2:5}.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Did God Tell Her to Divorce Her Husband?

There was a blog post I read about a Christian woman who was in a difficult marriage and she wrote that God told her to divorce her husband. Does God ever tell a woman to divorce her husband? No! If He did, He would have given examples or commands in His Word. He never changes what is written in His Word. He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

There is no place in the Bible that divorce is God's divine will. There is NO place where He tells spouses that they should divorce their spouse if this or that happens. He never tells us to break our marriage vows and be covenant breakers. In fact, He clearly states the opposite, "What God has joined together, let NO MAN tear asunder." Let your Yes be Yes and  your No, No. He tells us that in the last days, many will be covenant breakers. 

God never calls His children to do the easy thing or take the easy way out; this is why the path we walk on is the narrow path. It is the difficult and hard path. Many times it costs us a lot of personal comfort and pleasure. However, we are called to be lovers of God rather than lovers of pleasure. God will use these difficult times to smooth out our rough edges and make us more like Jesus. Since His Holy Spirit works in us mightily, we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us and NOTHING is impossible with God.

Since we understand that this is not our home and that this is just a small piece of eternity, we can live our lives boldly for Him, even if it means sacrifice and suffering. Many women through the ages have won their difficult husbands to the Lord by remaining faithful to them through the good times and the bad times. There are movie star couples who have everything the world values; beauty, fame and wealth. Yet, most of their marriages end in divorce. Therefore, marriage has nothing whatsoever to do with beauty, fame and wealth. It has to do with obeying God and being a covenant keeper. If you are a godly, submissive help meet to your husband who tries to please him, love him deeply, forgives him freely, and has a meek and quiet spirit, your rewards will be great in heaven. 

In closing, I'd like to share a paragraph from Mary Pride's book The Way Home on marriage. "Christians may never, never, never divorce Christians. The world only knows we are Christ's disciples by the love we have for each other {John 13:34, 35}. John plainly says that if we can't love our brothers, whom we have seen, there is no way that we can love God, whom we haven't see {1 John 4:20, 21}. When Christians divorce and both parties still remain in the church without serious disciplining, the message the world gets is that we are grade-number-one, first-class, government-inspected hypocrites. And when it comes to mixed marriages of Christians and non-Christians, it's up to the Christian to show more love, more understanding, more forgiveness than the unsaved partner. Christ called us to love our neighbors, not reject them."

And if ye call on the Father, 
who without respect of persons judges according to every man's work, 
pass the time of your sojourning here in fear.
1 Peter 1:17

Friday, December 18, 2015

What is Our Natural Function?

What is a man and woman's natural function? What did God create for our bodies to do naturally? The book of Romans is the most powerful theology of history in the Bible. Paul begins the book by explaining how when men and women turn away from God's Truth, they become perverse and God eventually gives them over to a reprobate mind. In Romans 1:26, 27 Paul wrote, For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet.

Mary Pride in her book The Way Home wrote, "What is their natural function? Since the word for female is connected so strongly with the idea of nursing babies, whereas it has no connection at all with the idea of sexual activity, I believe that God is saying here that when women exchange their natural function of child-bearing and motherliness for that which is 'against nature' {that is, trying to behave sexually like a man}, the men tend to abandon the natural sexual use of the women and turn to homosexuality."

Paul said that women left their natural use "into which is against nature." As I was pondering all of this, I was asking the question, "What is the natural function of the woman?" I disagree with part of what Mary wrote since I believe our natural function, the way God created us, is to have sex with a man and have his babies, then nurse them.  For the men, Paul said they "left the natural use of the woman and burned in their lust for one another, doing things which are unseemly." The natural function of a man is to have sex with a woman. The parts fit. This is what sex actually is! Two women can't actually even have sex. They can fool around but it is impossible for them to have sexual intercourse because they don't have the parts that fit together and neither do two men. {All medical studies have proven that anal sex is "very damaging to your health and quite possibly life threatening."} When birth control entered America and women began preventing having babies {one of the main reasons God created sex}, they began having sex only for pleasure, thus using their bodies unnaturally.

Since, the natural function of a woman is to have sex with a man, have his babies and nurse them, you can see now that as women stopped using their bodies the way God intended them to be used, destruction began. They no longer needed a man. Since a man's natural function of having sex with a woman so she can bear children is taken away, he uses sex simply for pleasure. He is no longer needed to leave his mother and father, cleave to a wife and create a family. 

NOTHING good happens when mankind leaves the path that God created them to walk in. God's purpose from the beginning was to create a family for Himself.  For ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people {2 Corinthians 6:16}. God created sex to build a family for Him; for a man to leave his family, cleave to his wife and create godly offspring. The wife was to be at home being a help meet to her husband, bearing children and keeping house. 

If you have a chance, watch this short YouTube called Homemaker or Career Woman? It clearly explains women's biblical roles. "God never intended for women to pursue careers at the expense of motherhood. God intended for women to be keepers at home. Modern apostate society treats women just like men and as a consequence, women now act like men."

Let's stop acting like men and begin using our bodies for their natural function the way God intended for us to use them and not society's perversion. Enjoy being a woman. Enjoy sex with your husband. Cherish the children the Lord blesses you with. Love being at home and making a sanctuary where your family can learn about the Lord, eat nourishing food and enjoy peace with one another. This is God's will for you.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

No Healing Without Confession

Did you know that your marriage will NEVER get better if there is no confession? If you are only concerned about your spouse changing and never pointing the finger at yourself, there is little hope for the marriage to ever improve. "Confession is the doorway to growth and change in your relationship. It is essential. It is fundamental. Without it, you are relegated to a cycle of repeated and deepening patterns of misunderstanding, wrong, and conflict. With it, the future is bright and hopeful, no matter how big the issues that you are now facing" {Paul David Tripp}.

For 23 years, my finger was pointed at Ken. He was the reason our marriage was difficult. Then I read Debi Pearl's book and she pointed her finger right at me. Ken had previously talked to me until he was blue in the face to get me to see my fault but I couldn't see it. As soon as I realized my part in the difficulty of our marriage, our marriage began on the path of healing. There can be no healing without confession. Marriages are destroyed for lack of confession if one or both of the spouses have too much pride to confess their faults. No one is perfect and the quicker we see the areas we need to change, the quicker our marriage will get better.

I have mentored many women in the past ten years. The first time I mentor them, all they can talk about are all the ways their husbands have failed them. Have you ever talked to a woman who has gotten divorced? All she talks about is how horrible her ex was. She never tells what her part was in the destruction of her marriage.

Once I can get a woman to admit what she was doing to hurt the marriage, I know the marriage can be healed and is on the right path. When I can help them see the positive qualities of their husband, their attitudes begin changing.

We were talking in the chat room about our spouses appreciating us. However, if we want our spouses to show appreciation and affection towards us, we must be the one to begin showing appreciation and affection towards them for we reap what we sow. If we sow bitterness,  lack of forgiveness, and coldness, we will reap these qualities from our husband. If we sow love, kindness, and grace, we will eventually reap them from our husband since God plainly tells us that we do indeed reap what we sow.

Begin sowing life into your marriage. Stop looking at what your husband is doing wrong. He's human and so are you. Begin finding things about him to be thankful for. Begin speaking words of appreciation to him. Begin smiling at him and being joyful with him and you can bet in a while, he will be giving them right back to you. Whatever it is that you've been wanting from him, give it to him in abundance!

Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
James 5:16