tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8046083858777525940.post2224136317810604247..comments2023-12-27T20:21:43.187-08:00Comments on Always Learning: God Hates DivorceAlways Learninghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15764938913852283082noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8046083858777525940.post-1969028422018357292011-07-03T07:30:29.535-07:002011-07-03T07:30:29.535-07:00Thank goodness there is enough of God's grace ...Thank goodness there is enough of God's grace to cover ALL of us! No matter what situation we may find ourselves in as women we need to not judge, not preach and certainly not look down upon another because of their circumstances. Divorced women need not enter God's house with the feeling that they are less than worthy in God's sight and those other women seated around her. I think, perhaps...a differently worded subject header might have illicited a more positive, less button pushing response. We need a small dose of humility and empathy.... not holyier than thou.Terihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08260409135914707204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8046083858777525940.post-19973042067590412782011-05-19T17:37:53.530-07:002011-05-19T17:37:53.530-07:00I wrote a post several months ago about being marr...I wrote a post several months ago about being married to a bad man or a man that just made a bad mistake and distinguishing between the two:<br />http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2011/02/judas-or-peter.html<br />It sounds like you may have been married to a Judas. I have some friends who I don't agree with their reasons for divorcing their husbands but I love them and value their friendship. No matter what reason you divorced your husband is between you and God and I won't judge you for it. If I knew you, I would love you and support you. I am called to do that whether it was a mistake or not. We all make mistakes. No one is perfect...not even close! So I didn't write this post to condemn those who are divorced but to encourage the many women out there who are divorcing their husbands for trivial reasons.Always Learninghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15764938913852283082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8046083858777525940.post-33995198850891212112011-05-19T16:28:31.422-07:002011-05-19T16:28:31.422-07:00I am talking about abuse, not physical abuse. It i...I am talking about abuse, not physical abuse. It is the psychological abuse that kills a person. Sometimes it manifests in physical harm, sometimes it doesn't. Scars heal, but when the inside of a person - the ability to think and be a person is attacked - the person dies. I have yet to hear or meet an abused woman who said that physical abuse was worse than the psychological. <br /><br />Domestic violence (the systematic coercion and intimidation of another) is the scourge, the elephant in the living room of the church, today. And part of the problem is the reluctance of the church to support a woman and save her ("sozo" = wholeness) if it means dismantling the marriage, fearing that divorce is unnecessarily happening, and that God hates divorce. He loves unity, He loves marriage, but His people should stop misquoting the Bible and perpetrate the notion that God hates divorce. <br /><br />It is the reason I stopped going to the church I was active in for 20 years, in spite of having the pastor's support. There were hundreds against me. They lumped me (and the dozens of my friends) into the category of those who divorce because of unhappiness or lack of commitment. All of us had to leave. I actually have never met someone who threw away their marriage (but I don't mix heavily with the world), and neither have I met someone severely physically abused, although I know of people who were killed (there was no history of severe physical abuse). I belong to several abused womens groups.<br /><br />I am a homeschooler and avid fan of all the classic authors and advocates of family life. However, I really feel that the message is skewed when it doesn't recognize that some marriages are cauldrons of evil and do not honor God. Any talk about tackling crises in marriage must address those as well. Yes, sometimes, about 1% of a sermon will address it, but given that it affects 25% of families, that's not enough. My experience isn't unique either - I know of MANY in mainstream, strong, evangelical churches who went through the same thing. <br /><br />If God hadn't firmly spoken to me, we wouldn't be here today.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8046083858777525940.post-82268290087662087912011-05-19T08:59:47.831-07:002011-05-19T08:59:47.831-07:00Dear Anonymous,
The last line in the second paragr...Dear Anonymous,<br />The last line in the second paragraph states that the one reason for divorce is abuse. I am not sure how you missed that but I firmly believe that as I stated so I am not so sure how your response has anything to do with my post.Always Learninghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15764938913852283082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8046083858777525940.post-4778016203919392762011-05-19T08:49:22.198-07:002011-05-19T08:49:22.198-07:00I know many divorced women in my church, and witho...I know many divorced women in my church, and without a single exception, they were all abused. My church believes that divorce is never an option, so these women really waited until they were nearly dead before they escaped out of their marriage. I personally don't know of anyone who threw away their marriage. They were all in domestic violence (which is not characterized by physical violence, but a dynamic of power and control).<br /><br />My own kids are struggling with how their safety was never prioritized - only the permanence of marriage. No wonder we have generations of messed-up kids - we didn't break the cycle. Now that I have left him, after 25 years of marriage, we finally realize what it is like to live in peace, although we are still easily triggered or traumatized, such is the impact of mistreatment. <br /><br />I no longer have to suffer or see my children suffer (they will definitely need a lot of therapy in the coming years), but we still suffer abuse in the church - because he perpetrates the typical post-separation violence and enlists ignorant church members who treat us as sinners because "God hates divorce".<br /><br />Do a word study and find out what He hates - the violent person (Ps 11:5), the evil person (Ps 5:5), pride and perverse speech (Prov 8:13), false ways (Ps 119:128). He hates evil (Ps 97:10). All of what I quoted are present in an abusive marriage. He doesn't hate institutions. He hates what breaks people, especially children. He hates the fact that the vulnerable are stumbling because we won't allow the non-abusive parent to protect them. <br /><br />In my Bible (NIV, 2011 edition), Malachi 2:16 says "the man who hates and divorces his wife does violence to the one he should protect." THAT's the correct version. Makes sense and aligns with the rest of the Word.<br /><br />Marriage should be permanent. But when lives are stake, God allows for divorce to save the lives of the vulnerable.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8046083858777525940.post-71041862044481562542011-05-03T20:27:09.249-07:002011-05-03T20:27:09.249-07:00Thank you for this post. As a wife who is currentl...Thank you for this post. As a wife who is currently separated from my spouse, I can understand where you stand and I agree. Our marriage feel apart over years and it was not just one of us. <br /><br />It is very easy to point a finger at another person but there is NEVER a case where there is no fault of each person in a marriage. What I am saying is perhaps we allowed our selves to be treated in a disrespectful manner, perhaps we knew no better, perhaps we didn't have the right tools... Perhaps perhaps perhaps. But a marriage is 2 people and each person not just one makes and breaks a marriage... Blame is not the issue for me but rather responsibilities for our actions or NO-action.<br /><br />Additionally I am in a marriage that is a covenant not an agreement or contract. What that means to me is that I do my part NO MATTER what, this is not a contract where my spouse does his part and THEN I do mine or vise versa if he is not willing then neither am I. These are MY personal ideas and beliefs. <br /><br />My biggest point is who do I believe in GOD and his words and promises or do I believe the things that I see or feel, the world or those around me? I choose GOD as I believe that he can and WILL restore our marriage and I will become a better wife, person, mother, and child of God.JMOMBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10943145094523290780noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8046083858777525940.post-70910807028348257522011-05-01T20:31:09.599-07:002011-05-01T20:31:09.599-07:00Both parties don't always want a divorce. Som...Both parties don't always want a divorce. Sometimes one is willing to work at the marriage and the other is not. I stayed in a marriage full of mental abuse of me and my children for 23 of the 25 years of my marriage because of the vow I took. I confronted him when I found written proof of his infidelity, he felt the need to tell me details of the 23 years that it had been going on. (The beginning of the abuse went along with the infidelity, I discovered.) I offered my forgiveness and sought reconciliation, asking him to remain faithful, return to church and go into rehab for his drinking. His response was that I was asking too much. I was told to accept it because he liked variety and would continue to live the way he was. After almost a year of trying to get him to change his mind, I filed for divorce. I do not believe that God expected me to live a life of abuse with a husband who was not faithful. I am now married to a Godly man who loves me, my children and grandchildren. In 10 years, he's never given me any reason to doubt him. I now know what marriage was intended to be.Cynthiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06934523372179103045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8046083858777525940.post-34133416857824608232011-04-27T13:31:32.383-07:002011-04-27T13:31:32.383-07:00Hi Rachel,
This was my quote exactly:
"I al...Hi Rachel,<br /><br />This was my quote exactly:<br /><br />"I also believe that it usually takes two to ruin a marriage."<br /><br />I said "usually" not always...I definitely understand that one person can cause the divorce but in a lot of cases, it takes two to destroy a marriage. I am sorry I didn't make that clearer!Always Learninghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15764938913852283082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8046083858777525940.post-85869704132112365462011-04-27T12:03:52.116-07:002011-04-27T12:03:52.116-07:00I totally believe that divorce is sin. However, I...I totally believe that divorce is sin. However, I have seen many marriages where the divorce is only one person's sin - not both. Please keep this in mind. As both people are human and have a sinful nature, both people sin within the marriage - every marriage. The marriage can fall "apart" when just one person wants out. I've seen many divorces happen because just one party wants it. Please do not put the sin on both parties.Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17326341620240628573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8046083858777525940.post-34005688803005621862011-04-27T06:47:07.667-07:002011-04-27T06:47:07.667-07:00Olivia, that's an interesting point. I've ...Olivia, that's an interesting point. I've never thought of the vows that way, but you're right!<br /><br />God does hate divorce. It just reeks havoc with families and communities. I'm seeing that in my own family, where all my nieces and nephews are children of divorce (as am I). The difference between my kids and their cousins is amazing. My kids like being home. They're not in a hurry to go to university. The other kids just want to grow up and put all this behind them. It's sad.<br /><br />Thanks for linking up to <a href="http://tolovehonorandvacuum.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">Wifey Wednesday!</a>.Sheilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06842674051346091248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8046083858777525940.post-9382164554084388702011-04-26T19:45:51.065-07:002011-04-26T19:45:51.065-07:00Love this! I actually just linked up a blog as wel...Love this! I actually just linked up a blog as well on Courtney's site about divorce. I think it's so interesting that most Christians will say that God allows for divorce sometimes but don't leave room for that in their vows! They go beyond and say "til DEATH do us part." They don't say "til death or ADULTERY do us part." How important to remember to be careful with our words before God!Oliviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02591590873959326255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8046083858777525940.post-58545582186214129102011-04-26T09:34:53.228-07:002011-04-26T09:34:53.228-07:00It's unbelievable how many people use marriage...It's unbelievable how many people use marriage as a throw away items these days. It's unbelievable. Then again, it seems people have been become so detached from so many relationships and commitments. The only time I see an viability for divorce is IF it's a very abusive situation and it could be life or death. But, it really seems like anymore people don't want to make the effort in marriage, it's harder than they thought, or they are ready for change. It's heartbreaking how many people just discard marriage, and divorce has become so casual. Very sad.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08320121067497251199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8046083858777525940.post-46089922540733594352011-04-26T06:12:13.965-07:002011-04-26T06:12:13.965-07:00A marriage is a commitment between three, the husb...A marriage is a commitment between three, the husband, the wife and God. When we take vows they are not only to our spouse but to God as well. It's sad that divorce is such and easy way out for people.<br /><br />Yes it takes a committed husband and a committed wife to make a marriage work.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11698363947636369029noreply@blogger.com