My Dating Life And Meeting Ken

When a bunch of us girls were talking about the guy we wanted to marry as we were riding the school bus to junior high one morning, we were talking about the qualities we all wanted in a husband. I said I wanted to marry a Christian and someone who didn't smoke. All the girls thought I was WAY too picky! 

During the summer before my junior year in high school, my mom would take a bunch of us to the beach. There was one guy who always came with us who I had a huge crush on. I thought he was so handsome. I finally turned 16 at the beginning of September. My mom wouldn't let me date until I was sixteen. He asked me out on a date on my birthday. I was so excited! What a wonderful sixteenth birthday this turned out to be.

He took me to a drive-in theater. The movie had hardly began and he started kissing me. {I had never kissed a guy before this time.} Then he threw me down onto the front seat and laid on top of me. He wanted to have sex with me! I told him to take me home immediately. I will never forget that drive home. He was so mad that he hit the median in the middle of the road and our car almost rolled over. That was the last date I ever had with him! All that summer and spending time with him, I never could have imagined him taking advantage of me like he did. I thought he actually liked me. {I can't even begin to imagine what would have happened in today's culture, sadly.}

I dated several guys in high school. They were great guys who treated me well and we had fun together. I eventually broke it off with them since they were not as committed to Jesus and His ways as I was, so I knew it could never go anywhere.

God protected me in college. I went out on dates with quite a few guys but none of them worked out. All the guys I liked, didn't like me and all the guys that liked me, I didn't like. My senior year, at Christmas time, I went home and announced to my mom and dad that I would never get married since I had never met a guy I wanted to marry and he wanted to marry me. My parents laughed and still remind me of that comment to this day.

When I went back to school, Ken's best friend asked me if I wanted to go out on a suite date with his roommate who happened to be Ken. I had briefly met him before Christmas vacation and felt some attraction to him.  I said "Yes" and we knew we were meant for each other and have been together ever since! We had our first date in January of 1980 and married in December of the same year. We were both 22 years old.

So even though I wasn't clearly taught about purity growing up {"Don't have sex until marriage!" was all I was taught}, God protected me. I always loved Him and wanted to please Him, even in my dating relationships. I am very thankful he gave me a Christian husband and one who doesn't smoke! He heard the desires of a 12 year old girl.

Delight yourself also in the LORD; 

and he shall give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

***The picture was taken at Westmont College where we met and 

were ready to go to one of the formal events the college provided.

Release All Your Control Today!

Control. It is the curse from the garden and almost every woman I have ever mentored struggles with it. "Her desire will be for her husband..." Our desire will be to control our husbands and we must stop giving into this curse. For we are told we can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us.

Stop trying to control what he watches, what he eats, what he wears, what he does with his free time, where he goes, etc. You are his wife, not his mother. Yes, he may have heart disease and eats terrible. He is not obeying the doctor and you only nag him about his eating because you want him to be healthy. This is NOT your responsibility unless he wants you to hold him accountable. If not, give up ALL control and you won't believe the freedom you find in this.

He watches too much television. He plays too much golf. He spends too much money. He drinks too much alcohol. And on and on the list goes. You may have a hundred reasons why you feel justified in trying to change his behavior. Hundreds, but you still don't have the right to try and control him. This is not your job. Men are not attracted to their mothers. You were created to be his help meet, not his conscience. Share your opinions with him a few times and then let it go.

He is a man now. He gets to live his life the way he wants to live it. He didn't marry you to nag him. In fact, a lot of men are scared to death to get married for fear they are going to be nagged to death and have to walk on eggshells in their own home. They feel they aren't going to get to live life the way they want anymore but have to live with a general that tries to control them with her emotions, tempers, silent treatment, avoidance of sex, or anger.

A true help meet doesn't try to control and change her husband no matter how right she thinks she is and how wrong her husband's behavior. Our job is to love, serve, please, submit to and obey. This is our job description for it is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife {Proverbs 21:9} and a continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike {Proverbs 27:15} and it is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman {Proverbs 21:19}.

Now, you don't want your husband to feel he has to sleep on the roof, listen to constant dripping, or live in the desert, do you? He should be able to sleep in his comfortable bed where peace reigns with his air conditioning on! We need to make our homes comfortable places for our husbands. They need to be places he longs to be in, not miserable.

Therefore, dear wives, go to work making your husband at home. Help him by loving and serving him. Let him see Jesus in you and this will draw him closer to you and the Lord. Let all of your controlling nature go. Release it today. Let it go!

She Wished She Knew Her Parents Had Sex

When I was young, around ten or so, I was at my neighbor's home across the street. She told me her parents had sex a lot. I told her my parents were Christians and only had sex three times! When my sons were young, one of them asked Ken if he had sex with me only four times. Ken looked at them and asked, "Four times this week?"

Thejoyfilledwife wrote me this about her childhood and what her parents 

taught her about sex after I explained to her how we taught our children ~

I think that is SO crucial and important. How I wish I had that kind of influence from my parents. Most of the time, my parents went to bed separately, slept with their door open, or had one of my younger siblings asleep in their bed with them. I don't recall EVER seeing my parents show affection, except a small peck on holidays after they opened their gift from one another. That was very hard on me growing up, especially with affection being so important to me. My parents spent most of their time complaining to us kids about each other and I remember wondering throughout my childhood if I was going to wake up one day to find that my parents were going to divorce. I longed for a Biblical, affectionate marriage all of my life and I knew that I would have to go to the Bible and read a lot about how it takes to have one since I didn't have that example in my own life. 

I remember spending time with friends who would say how grossed out they were that they overheard their parents late one night having sex. I never told them, but I would have gladly traded places with them, if for no other reason than to take comfort in knowing that my parents still desired each other. 

All of her four siblings grew up to have very warped views about sex. They either became very sexually promiscuous or so overly conservative.  She has told me that they will kiss on the lips, but that they think anything more than a peck is disgusting and worldly. Normal sex, traditional position, is acceptable, but every other form of sexual expression is sinful.

How do we teach children about purity before marriage and FUN after marriage in a sexually saturated society that views sex far from the ways of God? I will just tell you how we raised our children in this area.

After the boys asked Ken about how many times we had sex, Ken sat them down and explained the facts of life in this area. We were always open with our children. They knew if our door was locked, they were not to disturb us. We didn't allow our children to ever sleep in our bed with us. We weren't afraid to hug and kiss in front of them. They knew we enjoyed sex and thought it was a very good thing in marriage and a very bad thing outside of marriage.

We sent them to a purity camp. We NEVER spoke as if sex was sinful. We told them they needed to wait until marriage to have sex and we gave them boundaries in order to attain these goals. It didn't seem that difficult. Be open with your children when they ask questions. Explain to them all the terrible consequences of sex outside of marriage and the wonderful, fun plan of sex inside of marriage; enjoyment of each other and making precious babies.

Our children always knew that sex inside of marriage was never something dirty but a gift from God that was worth saving for their spouses. From the looks of it, they all appear to be VERY happily married. Actually, they have all told me they love being married!

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.
Proverbs 5:18,19

He Looks At Sexy Women!

We live in a VERY highly sexualized society. Almost everywhere we go, we see scantily clad women. They are on magazine covers in the airport, plastered on big posters in the mall, and selling burgers on television. Lot lived in a city that was overrun by sexual immorality and this is how the Bible described him, "For by what he saw and heard that righteous man, while living among them, felt his righteous soul tormented day after day by their lawless deeds"{2 Peter 2:8}.

It is difficult living in a land filled with so much blatant sin. How are we to overcome it? How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word. With all my heart I have sought You; Do not let me wander from Your commandments. Your word I have treasured in my heart, That I may not sin against You {Psalm 119:9-11}.

You see, Lot didn't have the Word of God to meditate upon. He also didn't have the Holy Spirit working mightily inside of him like we do. No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it {I Corinthians 10:13}.

We, as women, will never understand how a man's mind works. We think all men who see scantily clad women want to have sex with them. We get mad at them for looking. However, one man on another blog, made this very interesting comment ~

I’m not blind. I see attractive women all the time and I don’t want them AT ALL. I want my wife. She’s 50, has had and raised five kids and it shows. It has not diminished my desire for her and her alone in the least. The curious thing is that exposure to a highly sexualized society does not make me want “sex” more and it certainly doesn't make me want that sexy woman in the commercial, it makes me want HER more. She cannot comprehend this.

Ken has tried to explain this to me before. I am beginning to understand. God gave men wives to satisfy their sexual needs for it is better to marry than to burn. Yes, they WILL see beautiful, sexy women in this world but our husbands chose us to live with all the days of our lives and most Christian husbands live faithful to us, thankfully!

Yes, most men will be attracted to a beautiful, sexy woman walking by but that doesn't mean he wants to have sex with her. It may get him more excited to have sex with you, but we need to stop taking this offensively and understand that this is the way God built them and live in an understanding, instead of judgmental way with them.

Just as most women struggle with their emotional nature, men struggle with their sexual nature. But, since the Holy Spirit lives inside of us, we are overcomers! We are new creatures in Christ. We can have victory over sin! {Just remember to give your husband lots of sex, don't try to control him in any way, and learn to please him. This makes his battle against his sexual nature SO much easier.}