Make Your Mess Your Message

Robin Robert's mother frequently told her four children to make their mess their message. Everyone has a mess in their lives at one time or another. No one gets through life without trials and suffering. The two I can think of easily in my life are my marriage and my health issues. I wanted to share with you how I made my messes my messages.

My marriage was not good for 23 years, as most of you know. It's not that I didn't want a good marriage; I simply didn't know how. I read every marriage book I could get my hands on but for some reason, I always read the husband's part in the marriage and felt Ken fell short. Thankfully, I finally read Debi Pearl's book and my marriage has steadily improved since then by working on myself and allowing God to change me.

This blog is my message from my marriage mess. I don't want other marriages to struggle all the years that I did. I have various ways to mentor women. I began with mentoring small groups. Then I mentored women one-on-one. Then I began the blog. Now, I mentor women through text messaging, email, Facebook, Chat Room, telephone, and my blog. I am so thankful that the Lord has used my mess to be able to reach out and teach so many women my message!

My health has been a mess for many years. First, I had many parasites and had to go on many drugs which caused IBS. Then, I had a brain tumor and surgery. Five years later, I had my neck fused. Five years after that, my brain tumor grew back and I needed more surgery. The surgeon couldn't get it all, so I had to have Cyber Knife. How have I made this mess my message?

I love to encourage women going through difficult times since I can completely empathize with them. I have a lot of natural remedies for pain since I have experienced so much; whether it be practical ways through Black Salve, ice dipping, trigger point therapy, or food or spiritual ways by being in the Word daily, choosing joy, and singing hymns and spiritual hymns in my head over and over through pain-filled nights of no sleep. It has also helped me clearly see that this earth is not my home!

God promises us that ALL things work out for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. We just celebrated Thanksgiving; a day to remember all that we are thankful for. I would love for any of you to share your message from your mess in the comment section. It's good to look back and see how God has turned your mess into a message; working all things for good!

And we know that all things work together for good 

to them that love God, to them who are 

the called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

Using Ridicule As Their Weapon

There is a blog written by two beautiful women who are in their late 20s and still living at home. Their father believes that his daughters should live under his roof so he can be their protector and provider until they get married. I'm thinking Jim Bob Duggar believes the same. However, several of his daughters have become midwives through study on the Internet and being taught by woman in their community. Some refer to this practice by families as Patriarchy.

These people are absolutely ridiculed for living their lives this way. We have come SO far from respecting fathers' authority in the home that it is mocked if it goes way beyond what they believe is acceptable. However, fatherlessness is the single major predictor in poor outcomes {violence, early sexual involvement, suicide, depression, etc.} for children…Fathers impart a sense of identity, provision, and protection that mothers don’t. If you don’t know who you are {identity} and you don’t have provision and protection from exposure to evil in a controlled manner to help overcome it, you’re more likely going to be willing to do things to fill the void that was left there.*

Our society is dying due to lack of strong father figures, yet many ridicule those fathers who want to take a strong, active role in raising their children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. Yes, maybe these fathers take their role too far, in your opinion, but it is better than way too many who aren't even around to raise their children. One in three children live without a father in the United States today.{source} You can find multiple articles about the devastation this is having on children and society. As our society gets more dangerous and evil, I don't blame fathers at all who want to do all they can to protect their precious daughters.

Those against God's ways use ridicule as their most potent weapon, because there is no defense to ridicule. Ridicule is irrational with no facts or logic that one can argue against. They ridicule anything they don't understand and they definitely don't understand God's Word and His ways. Their eyes are blinded to it so it makes no sense to them whether it be submission, keepers at home, modesty, purity, etc. Therefore, don't take their ridicule personal. Live your life boldly by obeying God's Word. If you are convicted about something, don't allow ridicule to change your mind. Stand firm in the faith.

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: 
but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4

*The man who made this comment is looking for a godly wife! 

HERE is what he's looking for. HERE is a post he wrote on fatherlessness.

Meekness: Resting in God's Sovereignty

Continuing my series on meekness that began HERE, I want to clarify the difference between gentleness and meekness. Gentleness has to do with our treatment of others. Meekness is our attitude of others. Our treatment of others is how we view them. God commands, Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves {Philippians 2:3}. Many of us think we are better than our husbands, therefore, we don't treat them with gentleness. We point out all their faults and are angry with them often. If we truly took this verse seriously and considered our husbands better than us, we would treat them differently, wouldn't we? It would be MUCH easier to reverence them, as the Bible commands, if we esteemed them better than ourselves; showing an attitude of meekness towards them.

A lack of meekness is taking offense and being provoked easily. It is also being contentious. {Do you argue with your husband a lot? If so, you are being contentious.} Have you ever been around someone that you felt you had to walk on eggshells? This means they are NOT meek. Does your husband feel like he has to walk on eggshells around you? Meekness, on the other hand, holds her peace and has a cool spirit. She is not agitated easily. Meekness flows out of the confidence that God is in control, and therefore, we don't have to be. We can allow our husbands to lead us since this is what God asks of us. We don't have to demand our way and our rights. Allow God to convict and change your husband!

The meek do not resent adversity because they accept everything as being the effect of God's wise and loving purpose for them so they accept injuries from men also, knowing that these are permitted by God for their ultimate good. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose {Romans 8:28}.

Meekness is knowing that NOTHING can touch my life apart from the permission of a wise, loving God. It enables the one who is being wronged to endure the wrong patiently and without any spirit of retaliation in the face of those provocations. It understands that men's reproaches are God's rebukes, and whoever he be that affronts me, I must see and say that therein my Father corrects me.

Nancy's favorite book on this topic of meekness is Matthew Henry's The Quest for Meekness and Quietness of Spirit. I would encourage you to get this book and study it. Having a meek spirit is completely opposite what our culture values. The feminist movement has removed this important quality from most women, including Christian women, and even disdains it. God's ways are not man's ways. 

If you want to cultivate a meek spirit, it’s so important that we consciously, consistently yield our rights. What makes us angry? It’s when we feel that our rights have been violated. Somebody has stepped on our rights. Somebody has not treated us in the way we think we should be treated. Well, if you realize how we deserve to be treated, then anything that we get better than hell is better than what we deserve. 

If you will consciously yield your rights before you get into a situation . . . Yield your rights to happiness. Yield your rights to have a husband who loves you and cares about you and meets your needs. Then anything you get will be a blessing. You’ll consider it a privilege. You’ll be grateful for it. {Nancy Leigh DeMoss}

How do you go about gaining this ornament of a meek spirit? Carefully study Nancy's entire series on the topic. Get Matthew Henry's book about it. It is NOT an easy study but a VERY important one. Do a word study on the word "meek" in the KJV. Then pray and ask the Lord to make you meek. With God ALL things are possible {Matthew 19:26} and I can do all things through Christ which strengths me {Philippians 4:13}.

Decorate Your Life with Meekness

Christmas is coming soon. We will all be decorating our homes. Have you ever noticed how plain your Christmas tree is until you put ornaments on it? Ornaments make it beautiful. What truly makes a woman beautiful? What ornament does God command that women use to make themselves beautiful in His eyes? The KJV of the Bible states that women should be characterized with "the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit." 

Many other versions translate "meek" into "gentle." Meek is a powerful word that is packed full with meaning that encompasses gentleness, but a whole lot more. Becoming meek is becoming like Jesus. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls {Matthew 11:29}.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss did an entire series on women developing a meek spirit. I studied the entire series and am going to summarize it in two posts for you. If you have time, I encourage you to do the whole series also. It is powerful and very convicting. If you work on becoming meek, you will automatically become submissive to your husband and gentle with others. It is a VERY important ornament to decorate your life with. It is the BEST gift you can give to your husband and others!

Most women have a problem with talking too much; meekness, on the other hand, means you don't overwhelm others with words by talking fast and intensely. You don't run others over with rough words and by steamrolling them with your opinions. Instead, you are kind and considerate {Colossians 3:12; 1 Timothy 6:11}. The opposite of meekness is self-assertiveness; standing up for your rights, demanding, speaking your mind and having it your way. All of these things are championed in today's culture. Young women are taught to be characterized by these qualities which are in complete opposition to meekness which is teachable, humble and open to counsel. 

I know this to be true. I have been mentoring women for ten years now. It isn't an easy thing to do today with the opinionated and self-assertive young women. Many don't want to learn from me and think they know better. However, if they continue to listen to God's Word, I have seen hearts soften and a willingness to learn. It is a beautiful thing!

Many believe that being meek is being weak. This is completely false. Meekness is not being mousy, spineless, having no opinions, weak, fragile, wimpy, brainless or pitiful. A Bible dictionary defines it this way; "Meekness is an attitude of humility towards God and gentleness towards people, springing from a recognition that God is in control." The Webster-Miriam dictionary defines it this way; "Meekness is enduring injury with patience and without resentment." Matthew Henry wrote, "Meekness is a gracious, easiness of spirit. It accommodates the soul to every occurrence and so makes a man easy to himself and to all about him." In other words, don't make others uptight! Make it easy and comfortable for others to be with you.

Do you know any meek women? How would you describe them? I would love for any of you to describe women in your life who are meek in the comment section. I bet you love being around them. They may not be beautiful in the world's eyes, but they are sure beautiful in yours! 

HERE is the follow up post on meekness!