Lori sometimes refers to the husband as “the Boss” in her
posts to make the point the husband should be respected as the leader of his
home. Her idea comes from the clear teachings of scripture which repeatedly say
that wives are to “submit” to their husbands, respect their husbands, and “be
subject to” or obey their husbands. The
husband is given by God the role of the head of the family.
I decided to do a brief comparison as to how I am “the
boss” at work and how I am “the boss” at home.
I run a large orthodontic practice with 23 team members and two
doctors.
As a boss at work I ~
*Set the vision, goals and standards for the business
and for each job.
*Establish specific roles of each team member with
appropriate leadership positions.
*Review each team member and make suggestions for
areas of improvement.
*Give out praise and appreciation, especially
recognizing
extra efforts and contributions to the
team.
*Whenever I hear of or see of a problem I jump in with
a “fix it” attitude,
not playing “the blame game.”
*When the first conversation does not fix it, my team
members know
they will hear it again from me.
*When a consistent pattern of
misbehavior or substandard performance is
identified I have a special conference
with the deficient team member
and ask her how I can help change the
behavior.
*I have never yelled at any
employee or belittled them or shown disgust.
No matter what they do, my job is to create a harmonious,
well-functioning team where each team member feels a part of the team and wants
to contribute their very best to please the boss and to participate in the
rewards of a well run enterprise that serves the needs of the community.
*I try to make my team members feel as if I am one of them... equal as persons, but still their leader on the job.
My main method of leadership is talking things out.
Talking and communicating are not the most efficient
ways to lead, but they ultimately are the most effective. The boss that barks out commands leads by
fear, whereas the leader who communicates goals and standards effectively is
growing his team by teaching them not so much what they should be doing, but
what they should be thinking. It is
thinking right that leads to right behavior, so the leader must find the lies that
the employee is telling themselves and help them replace the lie with the
truth.
Being a great leader takes time to understand each
employee, their needs, their desires, their dreams and goals. The more that the
leader can match up the likes and dislikes of the employee with the job, and with
their individual goals, the more the team member will willingly follow to get
their perceived needs met within the job.
My employees are my equal in every way, except that I
am their leader. My leadership style is
to serve them in such a way that we can run a highly successful business where
we can all be proud of the work we do, be a part of a work family.
I am not above allowing my team members to tell me
when I am wrong, and sometimes I agree with them, and apologize for something I
said or did, perhaps a misunderstanding.
I know that keeping the peace and a great relationship with each team
member is the only way that we can all be happy and
successful.
I doubt that there needs to be much translation for
the reader to understand what it means to be a great husband/leader. Two bosses
are impossible in that at some point one has to make a final decision or the
family gets paralyzed. Interestingly, one of the first decisions I made was to
appoint an Operations Manager who would function in the day to day decisions as
the “on-site boss.” Most decisions made
in the office are her idea, or the idea of a team member, but I always get the
final say on management issues.
Lori is free to run all of the day to day operations
and even set most of the standards and goals to create a healthy, happy family. I express my desires from time to time and
expect that she will want to please me and follow through on them. If she does not agree, or wants something
different, I invite her to communicate clearly with me what she feels is best.
Ultimately, I as the leader of the family want very little control and much less
to be controlling, but I do desire to be respected as the leader of our home.
Here is what I think lies at the heart of the
successful marriage, that no matter what the disagreement, no matter
how much something is communicated, there will be times that husband and wife
disagree. It is at those few points of
disagreement that God votes with the husband, whether he is right or wrong, and says that the wife is to
submit. Yes, the husband is to be a
loving team player who does not make his wife feel like he is “the boss,” and
the idea of being the boss should be so far from being bossy, but instead loving
Christlike servant leadership.
What most godly Christian men crave from their wives
is respect and their willingness that when there is a disagreement that
cannot be resolved with good communications, she allow her man to have the
final say, to let him lead, to let him be the leader.
I know Lori’s concern in posting will be
with the wife who says, “But my husband is not a benevolent leader, he is a bad
boss. How can I follow him or allow
him to have the final say?”
The beauty of God’s design is that just like a great
leader develops those under him/her into being great team players, so too can
the loving submissive wife gently lead her husband by her "chaste and godly behavior" and her "quiet and gentle spirit." This respect allows the Spirit to move within him to show Christlike love and servant
leadership.
Actually, women seem to have more of an ability to help make their
husbands great leaders than a man has of turning his difficult wife into a
respectful, submissive wife.
The best discovery a
Christian man can find to unlock his disagreeable wife is the ability to smile at his
wife, give her a big hug, and as he holds her tight he whispers in her
ear, “I love you. But we are going to do it my way. I hope you understand that although we
significantly disagree on this important issue, God wants me to lead. I will continue to think about what you want,
and I may change my mind, but for now, I know you want me to be the leader of
our family and our relationship, so please, let me be right on
this.”
It is remarkable to watch a godly wife, and often a not so godly wife, respond properly when a husband takes leadership without fighting about it. Even though many wives want their own way to insure that their perceived needs are met, they also secretly crave the idea of their man gently, yet firmly, standing up for what he believes is the right thing.
Even if her husband
may be wrong, God cannot work effectively to make him into a great family leader if
his co-leader is not supportive of his position with the respect and following
that his role demands to get the job done well. There can be no leader without someone who follows.
Husbands, listen to your wife and try to give them everything that makes no difference, but
on things you feel strongly about, step up and lead for the good of the family
and health of your marriage. There is no bigger turn on for most men
than to know their ideas and desires are respected and honored by their
wife. Love and respect really do work to
build a successful marriage that is pleasing to God, and submission gets to the heart of trust and intimacy in a marriage, just as it does in our relationship with God.
by Ken
