Following in the Footsteps of Our Great-Grandmothers

Our grandmothers and great grandmothers lived in a time when it was socially acceptable and even encouraged to be keepers at home; devoted to their husbands and families. Nobody questioned their honorable vocation and they did not have to apologize or try to rationalize their reasons for wanting to be at home. It was definitely politically correct for them to be stay-at-home wives and mothers raising their own children. They would have never thought about letting someone else raise their children! Being steadfast at home was their important position in society. 

Everything has dramatically changed in the last 70 years. Now, when women decide they want to leave their careers to be home full-time, they have to have a well-thought out defense ready and deliver it with precision to the many objections of family, friends, neighbors and stranger. They will even get ridiculed for wanting to be "just" a housewife, when they could be spending their time doing something so much more "worthwhile."

Knowing that we follow in the footsteps of millions of women who have been keepers at home from the beginning of time should bring us much comfort and the fact that God commands young women to be keepers at home. We are NOT an aberration! This upside down society that we presently live in is the exception to the rules which have, up until now, held fast since God created Adam and Eve in the garden.

The most tragic thing to me is the fact that this current thinking has even invaded the church. We are not allowed to teach women to be keepers at home for fear of offending those who work. Since when are we not allowed to teach Truth in the church for fear of offending? Truth usually offends since it is contrary to the ways of the world.

We must always remember that we are strangers and aliens down here. Our purpose in life isn't to get rich and famous. It is to raise up a godly generation and to be salt and light to the world around us. God tells women how they can do this: be keepers at home. When we obey His Word, we adorn it and when we disobey it, we blaspheme it.

Dear women, hold FAST to that which is true and good and real. Carry on this time-honored way of life to the next generation. We may not change the world, but we can have a big influence on future generations through our own families and by being keepers at home.

Thus says the LORD, "Stand by the ways and see and 

ask for the ancient paths, Where the good way is, and walk in it; 

And you will find rest for your souls."

Jeremiah 6:16

Gaining Self-Control

I {written by Ken} didn’t realize until recently how much God’s Word emphasizes self-control as a vital godly discipline. Sure I knew that self-discipline was important, but this was the first time I went through and tried to find every verse in the Bible as it related to this vital personal discipline. I am in most respects a very disciplined person when it comes to my work and my goals, but in other areas of life I do not keep my flesh under control as well as I should. Is that not what self-control is really all about? Telling one’s flesh “no” when what it wants to do, say, see or eat is not the best for us? How many of you are like me and find yourselves at times settling for “short term gain with long term pain” or “short term pleasure with long term destruction?” Is this not a lack of self-control?

My three greatest weaknesses with self-control are wanting to eat too much junk, wanting to watch too much junk, and at times saying things that I should not have said, or in a way I should not have said it. The reality is that each of these things is simply the feeding of my flesh and fleshly desires. Don’t misunderstand as I am not some zealot for perfection, nor do I want to sensor everything a Christian eats or watches on TV. Each of us are at a different point in our journey with the Lord and you are most welcome to your Big Mac and ice cream without feeling an ounce of guilt if you can eat them in moderation and your main diet is healthy, natural whole foods. If you saw what I eat with my protein shakes and huge organic salads almost every day at home you might laugh that I am even concerned about self-control in my eating. I am not a total slob when it comes to self-control, but I do at times lack it, and need to do a better job of saying “no” to self.

My greatest struggle with self-control comes when I am traveling. I just got back from three weeks working in Europe and if there is one thing I love it is French bread and pastries. To be honest, I love almost everything about French food except for the various innards they like to eat as delicacies. But give me a French hotel breakfast buffet and the baked goods will be my undoing. One, two or three croissants and "pain au chocolate" is not quite enough. Have you ever had one of those snail pastries or one loaded with almond paste? If the flesh is not completely satisfied, you can always make your own designer pastry with ten different jams and my favorite, Nutella.  And of course you have to get your monies worth, and finish it all with a little discipline of eating some prunes.

Then there is the French bread that is bar none the best in the world. I can’t tell you how many different varieties I experienced but why is it that the French can make bread taste so much better than we do? Maybe it is because it is made fresh daily? So the first evening with a client and friend we decided to have pizza, and of course in Europe you each get your own. When it came out I exclaimed that it was huge and we should have gotten one and not two, but when it was all over, only a few pieces of crust remained. Wow it was good because it was on that French dough. So the next night, we decided to display some self-control by not going out to eat. Instead we bought one very long French baguette along with some toppings and watched France lose to Brazil in soccer. The sausage slices turned to great cheeses and then I finished up with the Nutella… one, slice, two slices, four slices of bread covered with chocolate frosting. I am glad I do not live in France as I might be the fattest Frenchman ever. 

You get the point. I lack a certain amount of self-control in my eating, and this same lack of self-control shows up in some other areas of my life. Yet God tells me: “Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified” {I Corinthians 9:25-27}. And 2 Peter 1:5 tells us we are to supplement our faith with self-control. It seems that as a mature believer I have all the fruit of the Spirit in my life, but at times, what is missing is self-control and the ability to say “no” to the flesh, and "yes" to godliness.

It seems to me that the church too often gives a free ride to the sin of a lack of self-control. It’s tough for a pastor to preach on the subject when he knows that what he is eating and watching are things he should not and he is snapping at his spouse from time to time when stressed out. Think about the areas you lack self-control and many times you cannot even see how often you give in to the flesh because it is now a bad set of habits. If you want to really see how often your flesh speaks for you instead of your spirit, ask your spouse to catch you each time they see it and call you on it. Maybe in your toughest areas of a lack of self-control, ask your spouse to hold you accountable.

I am on a thirty day challenge to say “no” to the flesh and I have asked my spouse to help me do so. If she sees my flesh speaking or acting in any way that is not with self-control, I want her to catch me on it so I like Paul can discipline myself and learn greater self-control. This may be a lifelong project, or it may be learned in a month, or year, but regardless it is what God calls each of us to be: Self-controlled in all areas of our lives, even the hidden areas of what we eat, what we think and what we see in private.

In some ways, most of us are addicted to certain fleshly desires even as our struggles may be different. We think we can regularly get away with a lack of self-control, but eventually it shows up in pain and destruction. A husband’s struggle with what he looks at becomes an unfulfilling marriage bed. A wife’s struggle with a lack of respect or control over her tongue results in pushing her husband away and closing down any possibility of real intimacy. A father’s snaps and angry outbursts results in angry and rebellious teenagers, and a mom’s unwillingness to cook healthy and nutritious foods can lead to a myriad of health problems and perhaps a whole family gradually becoming overweight. There is no free lunch in life and most often “we reap what we sow.” So let’s sow the seeds of self-control and self-discipline realizing that this is God’s call on our lives to be at our best in all areas of life and godliness. Is this not what He means when he calls us to “put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires” {Romans 13:14}. Ask your spouse to hold you accountable and let us honor the Spirit that is within us, knowing that this is what pleases the Lord.

For God gave us a spirit not of fear,

 but of power and love and self-control.

2 Timothy 1:7

   

A Disciplined Home is a Joyful Home

Our society no longer values discipline. "If it feels good, do it." Many children rule the roost in their homes. Homes and marriages are a mess. We are suffering the consequences of the 60s when the younger generation decided to rebel against their parents' ways and forge a "new" path. Forget saving sex until marriage. Forget having mothers at home raising their children. If they want a career, they can simply leave their children in the care of others, pick up fast food on their way home, and demand that their husband help with the home and children. Our jails are overflowing with criminals. Policemen are being shot for no reason. Public schools and universities aren't safe places to be anymore. What is the answer?

Discipline is the answer. From the moment your child begins to crawl, begin training and disciplining them. Teach them right from wrong. Teach them to obey you the first time you tell them something. Teach them kindness, generosity, responsibility by keeping their rooms tidy and picking up after themselves, and teach them to respect authority. Plant God's Word deep into their hearts by speaking about Him often and reading His Word to them daily.

Model discipline to your children. Keep your home neat and tidy. Show respect towards your husband and allow him to lead.  Don't waste your time on the television, Internet and iPhone, if your home is in disarray. Play with your children. Teach them to work along beside you. Be careful what books, magazines and television shows that you watch and read. Go to bed at a reasonable time and wake up, ready to serve your family. Don't overeat. Eat food that nourishes your body. Spend daily time in God's Word. Help those in need. As one woman so aptly stated, "There is so much more work in the home other than housekeeping. In fact, before women were encouraged to leave the home there was no need for at risk teen programs, after school tutoring programs, etc. The home was the backbone of society. It was where children were taught how to function in society. When women left the home our country fell apart." 

"Oh, but I'm so undisciplined and can't do all those things you say." No, you can't by yourself but you can in Christ. He is the One who strengthens you and gives you the strength to walk in obedience to Him. The tree you see in the picture is our guava tree. We planted it 17 years ago, shortly after we moved into this home. It has produced a little bit of fruit each year. This year has been a bumper crop. The guavas are the size of large oranges; delicious and abundant. This should happen to your children also. As they live with you and you're training and disciplining them, you should see a little bit of fruit being produced. When they are 17 or 18 and their roots have grown deep into the soil of God's Word and they have been disciplined properly, they should produce bumper crops of fruit; ready to go out into the world and be salt and light.

When a home is a disciplined home, there is joy. Discipline brings joy and lack of discipline brings sorrow. Raise your children in a disciplined home and make sure you are joyful in the process so they can see that living for Jesus is the BEST thing in the world!

But have nothing to do with worldly fables fit only for old women. On the other hand, discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness.

1 Timothy 4:7

The root of the righteous yields fruit.
Proverbs 12:12

More posts in my Home Series.

American Christianity on the Broad Path?

This woman knows suffering. She has a difficult marriage and learning disabled children. We were recently having a conversation and she wrote this to me, "It is amazing that following Jesus does not look anything like what I learned in church as a child, or even in most churches as an adult.  I think this is one reason I'm having such a hard time finding a bible believing church to help me {us}. It IS a narrow way - the Word says it is - but American Christianity has largely defined it as a very broad pathway to happiness and blessings on this earth.  It is confusing to come out of that mentality.  It is hard to find a church full of people who have read the bible.”

I agreed. It is VERY hard to find a church that isn’t afraid to teach the whole Bible, even those parts that are politically incorrect like being a keeper at home, being submissive to our husbands, and even staying married in a difficult marriage. Our society is taught to flee suffering at ALL costs like this woman who had a beautiful home, a big nice truck, four beautiful children, and a husband that worked too hard so she wasn’t happy. She divorced him.

How about the feminist movement? Their teachings have destroyed millions of babies' lives, millions of children’s lives through divorce and single parenting, took control of their womb by using birth control, and left their homes by the millions to get careers and find “happiness."

The church fails to teach I Peter 2 which speaks about Christ’s sufferings and then begins I Peter 3 with “Likewise…” Likewise women, some of you are going to have to suffer under disobedient husbands but you begin winning them without a word by your godly, chaste behavior. However, even many Christians believe that if you are unhappy at all in your marriage, you need to leave your husband.  One woman was told by a “Christian” woman, "My God does not want me to live a life of misery." 

Too many don’t like to quote Scripture anymore like, “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials for the testing of your faith produces endurance…” No, they like to make people believe that we are never to live in pain or suffering, just happiness and filled with good things for us.

The path we are called to take is a narrow one. It calls us to be like Christ, a light to a dark and decaying world. It commands we speak the Truth in love, even if it offends. Better to be considered a Puritan, rather than a hypocrite. How can the world ever see Jesus if they don’t see us persevering through trials with patience and joy? They won’t see Jesus in us if our lives are a bed of flowers. Everyone is happy when life is great.

I encourage you to find a strong Bible believing church. If you can’t find preachers that teach all of the Truth boldly, at least listen to sermons or read books {especially the Bible} so you will know the Truth and will be able to match up everything that is taught with God’s Word.

Yes, this woman suffers but she is commanded by God not to leave her husband for as she lives with her husband, she is sanctifying him. He is seeing Jesus. He needs Jesus. She is the only Jesus he may ever see. She is being a living sacrifice. She cares more about her husband's soul than her happiness. Is it easy? NO, it is very hard. She needs to be encouraged daily but with God’s strength flowing powerfully through her, she can do it. For with God ALL things are possible.

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; 

that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word 

be won by the conversation of the wives.

I Peter 3:1