Monday, October 6, 2014

Heartbreak at the Divorce Hotel


This is the saddest thing to watch. The divorce of a couple who should NOT be getting a divorce. This Divorce Hotel, a place where couples go to get divorced in three days, is designed to make divorce easier and cheaper. Divorce is never easy or cheap.

This couple has four beautiful children. At dinner time, they sit around the dinner table, hold hands and pray. It definitely looks like they are believers. When asked why the woman is divorcing her husband {Yes, the majority of divorces are being sought by women}, she explained that her husband worked too much and was married to his job. On a clip I had seen earlier in the day, she said she just wasn't "happy" anymore.

Throughout the whole clip, you want to cry for the husband. He is grief-stricken and does not want a divorce. He said he tried to make things better for his wife but he guessed it must not have been enough. Did she go to Christian counselors? Did she seek out a godly older woman who would have told her NOT to divorce her husband but to keep her vows and LOVE him?

She gets to be home full-time with her children. She drives a large truck that has a $35,000 debt on it. He wants to sell it. She refuses to {You can see who wears the pants in the home}, so she decides she will keep it and find a job to pay for it! 

I can't stand this!!! They should NOT be getting a divorce. She needs to love on her husband. He is a very good man. The reporter even asked her, "There's got to be more to this story. Was there an affair or something like it?" because no one could understand why this woman would be divorcing her husband. They are probably even Christians!!!

The whole thing makes me want to cry. She is divorcing her husband and destroying her family since she isn't "happy." Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands {Proverbs 14:1). She, my friends, is a very foolish woman.

You can watch the full episode HERE and see for yourself that I am not 
making up this tragic situation which seems to be all too common.
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Posted by Always Learning at 6:00 AM
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Pam's avatar

Pam · 546 weeks ago

While I appreciate your desire to stress that divorce is not the answer, I don't think you are being fair to put all of the blame on the wife. I have been married for 22 years to a man who has been unwilling to place work in its proper place behind God and family. He means well, but he just won't tell work no when necessary. Consequently, he is not home much At All. Through it all I have been very patient and understanding about the work demands (we are both engineers and I used to work for the same company - so I do understand the culture there). I quit my job to stay home and raise our 3 children. Divorce is not an option that I would ever consider - I believe the vow matters!
At some point however, the reality takes a toll on you and you realize how very lonely your marriage is when your husband is never at home to put any time into the marriage. Date nights have been non-existent for those 22 years. I am not high maintenance - I would be happy with a cheap time that was set aside to just be with his wife. So, I just think its not fair to put all of the blame on the wife. Sometimes even when we do everything within our power to do - it doesn't seem to make enough difference. The husband took wedding vows too - and he needs to love, honor, and cherish his wife, and it is very hard to do that if he is not with her very much.
Thanks for your post.
9 replies · active 546 weeks ago
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mbb · 546 weeks ago

Pam, I just have to comment. I see what you're saying and am also married to an engineer. That in itself is a VERY different field from the majority of 9-5'ish jobs as you know. I recommend you use the third partner in your marriage, Jesus, to fill in the gaps and pray for your husband and your own shortcomings in the meantime. I did this, and it saved my marriage. I have dated different kinds of men, and when I decided to get married, I wanted someone who was stable and a hard worker. (Be careful what you ask for...lol). Few people, I believe, are in this world more STABLE and hard working than an engineer. To a fault, to where sometimes you have to jump up and down and remind him there is life beyond work, mainly you, that you are still here. haha! Ever hear the joke about the engineer and the frog? The engineer was walking down the street and picked up a talking frog. She said "If you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful princess and will be yours forever." He put it in his pocket. She said this two more times and finally he said, "Sure, a beautiful princess would be nice, but a talking frog? Now that's cool." and he walked away. Lol!!

My point is...they're just into their projects (which happens to be what they get paid to do). You won't find anyone more loyal nor a better provider. But in return, you may have to give up a few early evening walks and chats. But the trade-off is lots of early evening walks, and less of a brilliant mind to scour for information. They always have something interesting to say. I guess it depends on who makes you tick, but obviously your engineer did. Enjoy your free time. As Lori teaches, without a submissive spirit, you may in fact be making him want to stay away. Once I began submitting and praying more than complaining, my husband started to come home earlier. He ran into hug me. You could tell a difference once I stopped nagging and choosing to be miserable. Instead I chose joy and what man doesn't thrive off of a wife's joyful spirit? I'm not saying you are a nag, but I certainly was. Just make sure you are doing the things Lori blogs about: CHOOSING to have a joyful spirit, submitting to your husband (if nothing else, at least when there's an unresolved argument, always let him have the say so and trust God to protect you in his decisions), And first and foremost...use Jesus as the third partner in your marriage. He is there and wants your attention first. That's my tried and true advice. We celebrate 8 years of marriage tomorrow. I'm glad I nipped the misery in the bud early on. We have a great marriage now. :)
5 replies · active 546 weeks ago
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mbb · 546 weeks ago

Lori, sorry to make this not about your post. I totally agree with you that the woman is being a fool. I tore down a wonderful relationship with my own hands, my first love. By being spoiled rotten like this woman. She will regret it no doubt. Your blog is a treasure and has saved my marriage!!!
1 reply · active 546 weeks ago
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Lindsay Harold · 546 weeks ago

This kind of thing is so tragic, especially for the kids, but also for the abandoned spouse. I've seen the same sort of thing. The family that lives across the street from my parents is divorcing in much the same scenario. They have 4 kids and he thought everything was fine, but she wasn't "happy" and decided to leave and take the kids and the husband is devastated. Purposely depriving children of their loving father for the sake of a mother's selfish desires is child abuse. Being "unhappy" is not grounds for divorce. If you're unhappy in your marriage, work to make it happy, but don't deprive your children of the stable home with both parents that they need.

And whatever happened to people keeping their word? It used to be that promising something, even something little, meant you would move heaven and earth to make sure you followed through. Marriage vows were considered even more sacred than a simple promise and breaking them was cause for deep shame. But nowadays, people break their marriage vows as if they aren't important at all. They often treat friends, coworkers, and even acquaintances as more important than their own spouse. It's so terribly sad, and the children bear the fallout of the adults' selfishness and lack of integrity.
1 reply · active 546 weeks ago
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Dawn · 546 weeks ago

Just watching this makes me feel so sad and so sick. This woman is so selfish and full of herself. She will regret this.He most likely will find someone to appreciate the qualities that first drew his wife.He is not perfect, but seemed willing to try.There will now be 4 more children that become statistics of divorce.This just adds to society's burden of messed up kids.Marriage is permanent.I am married 34 years ,not all easy.In fact this last year Satan has used every tactic to destroy what God began so long ago.There has been tremendous hurt for me .It matters not. With Jesus as our focus,this day ,we are stronger than we ever were last year before all of the fiery darts of the enemy. We can be victorious.Yes, I could have left ,my children and grandchildren been messed up as well.It was a choice I made to stay and show grace and forgiveness,and it has taught me so very much. I would not change the hurt, the lessons God taught us both through this last year were just a glimpse of the blessings He desires to bestow on us.My husband is not perfect,he has made some grave mistakes,but I love him more today than I ever believed possible. We are all sinners.Thanks for your column, I am so encouraged to see another like minded sister,blessings,Dawn
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Jamie · 546 weeks ago

As I get older I am understanding more and more why the Bible tells older women to teach the younger women to love their husbands and children. It does seem as women we are not born with an understanding of men. It's a learned skill to know how to love the one you're with. I also think it is important to have friends who are committed to their marriages. I think a lot of women have friends who encourage a negative attitude and say things like "you shouldn't have to put up with that." etc etc.. For those who are feeling lonely in a marriage with a man who is so focused on work, I think it is very helpful to just put a date on the calendar once a month so he can see it. Pick the restaurant yourself. Basically don't sit around waiting for him to plan stuff for you because he's done wooing you. So just do it, so that you get the time together that you want.
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LRN · 546 weeks ago

This is so sad. I truly believe that both of them are just on the wrong page in understanding one another. I wish I knew both of them and could just sit them down and make them read "The 10 Love Languages". If they both tried harder to speak each other's "love languages" rather than dwelling in the fact that neither of them (mostly the wife) is being "filled up", I really believe that they would be able to get to the place of happiness they were 20 years ago.

Often times we don't feel happy anymore within the marriage simply because we don't receive love in the way our spouse shows it. If we could all recognize our spouse's "love language" and train ourselves to do whatever it may be our spouse will in turn feel completely loved and start to show love back. This is such a hard concept to recognize and train our selves to do but the fruits will flourish within the marriage if you can get this down.
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Rob · 546 weeks ago

Lori, i have followed your blog for the last few months. As a Christian husband and father i find that we all sometimes like to take the easy way by blaming others for actions, thoughts and language. We home school 3 children and i have a small business which takes up so much of my time. I understand what you are saying, but as a man we have to ensure we are giving our wives what they need and take very seriously what we need to do to ensure our wives are happy. Yes i am gone alot, an most days i am completely exhausted when i get home, but so is my wife. She teaches our kids and looks after the house. I think we all need to put our focus on our spouses and not ourselves and are living for Christ, being obedient to him?? I know Lori what you are saying about wives being obedient, but as a husband am being obedient as a husband. If we as husbands do a better job at understanding and paying more attention to the needs of our wives than the divorce rate would hopefully drop drastically. Just my thoughts
6 replies · active 546 weeks ago
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guest · 546 weeks ago

Rob, it sounds like you are a good husband! While I agree with everything you said, I would think that most of the readers of this blog are female and so focusing on what wives can do to help their marriages makes sense. Not that men shouldn't do everything they can to make their marriages better, but telling women what their husbands ought to do could give them false expectations. They can't make their husbands do those things and trying to will only make things worse. Telling them how they should help their marriages gives them tools they can really use.
1 reply · active 546 weeks ago
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LSCS_XO 28p · 546 weeks ago

This is so completely awful. This woman will regret what she has done. I am not convinced that there is no one else. Women usually have someone to run to after a divorce or should I say frivorce.
4 replies · active 546 weeks ago
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John · 546 weeks ago

Dawn, well said! This video is IMO describes the modern, unhappy, all about me, feminist movement. It's sicking, and utterly disgusting how men/women of our day view marriage! The only way marriage will work is if you hold the hand of Jesus. It's can be complicated! Very complicated! I was cheated on emotional/affair 3 yrs ago- married 14 yrs I'm a very loving/handsome/wealthy/young guy, who was always there for my wife, but it still happened- not because of anything I did- I'm not perfect by any means, but because of her abusive parents she let this trickle back into her life, and she became unhappy with everything in her life. When this happened- I asked The Lord to hold my hand, cause it was going to be the only way Id make it through, and only by the the grace of god show her the love of Jesus. If your in a "covenant" with god, he does not see that as something thats disposable. Seek god, Find help, talk to your husband/wife about the issues. Sometimes I think marriage is the greatest test of faith. Can we show love even when everything looks hopeless? Jesus did!
1 reply · active 546 weeks ago
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Ann · 546 weeks ago

I think the divorce rate would drop if husbands and wives equally would stop buying into the concept that the spouse is meant to make them happy. This was a hard lesson for me to learn-my happiness was so wrapped up in my husband, that I made an idol of him. We were created to find our happiness, our satisfaction, our joy, in our Saviour. Our spouses cannot be held responsible for our happiness. Ann
1 reply · active 546 weeks ago
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Dreada · 546 weeks ago

I love this post!
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Rob · 546 weeks ago

I do understand and respect that Lori is trying to reach out with her heart to help women realize the importance of obedience to our God for women, but i just cannot help but cry when i hear of divorce. I have been married 14years and came through an addiction to painkillers which nearly took my life years ago. Yes as man or woman, we cannot say i am not happy anymore in this marriage because what we are really saying is i am unhappy with myself. To believe in and follow the commandments of our precious God is to know that we will fall short, but when we do our spouse should be our rock to fall on.
Excuses for a woman to want a divorce because she is unhappy or a man to say he is unhappy and wants a divorce is so sad.
Yes life can be mondane and we will fall short
But ask yourself this.
Lori you posted a week or so ago
If you put a little water on your own grass(not expecting your spouse to do)you'd be amazed at how fast it may grow nice and green!!!

I know you are ministering to woman Lori, but a good man will love, lead and understand the importance of his wife and the importance if giving her what she needs!!!
Keep up the great work Lori and thanks for letting me chime in on this!!!

As much as women need to be obedient, men need to make sure they are being as they should be as well to make it all work!!! I out the onise on men.
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Rob · 546 weeks ago

I'll just say Ken that i see too many men including Christian men putting the work they do outside the home as more important than the woman's inside the home. Because i work hard for my family outside the home, somehow that gives me the right to come home and put my feet up and grab a beer and watch tv without giving regard to how hard the wife has worked inside the home all day. And that is why i think so many women become unhappy. Because they don't feel appreciated by there husbands for what they do inside the home. What out wives do inside the home, basically raise kids and keep the home genuine is so important, we as men need to make sure we are recognizing what goes on during her long stressful day, and doing what we need to ensure she is looked after!!! Ok I'm done now!! Lol
2 replies · active 546 weeks ago
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Jo · 546 weeks ago

Around two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women (in the USA) and the figure is similar in the UK and Australia. There are a number of reasons for this, some very serious such as domestic and family violence, drinking, drug abuse, and infidelity, however I agree, we are seeing an increase of “I’m no longer happy/he is no longer my friend” divorces initiated by women. This though is the modern mantra as everyone excepts to be happy 100% all the time and surrounded by adoring friends and if they are not, they go in search of friends and happiness sometimes at a huge cost to others. We live in a selfish “me” world and this is one of the consequences of it. Sadly, 100% happiness is never going to happen to any of us as we all experience bumps along the way and those lacking the Lord (or fighting against His Word) will find even less happiness, some only misery. I think it’s a lack of maturing in many women, selfishness and the lack of strong Christian role models – too many women are looking at celebrities as their role models and this is dangerous to say the least.
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RTD · 546 weeks ago

If this is actually the full story (and the wife isn't simply hiding something about her husband to save his dignity,) then I see the wife as one of the most selfish embodiments of the 21st century woman. I'm so saddened for her husband and her children--and for her, as well, since she is tearing down her home with her own hands--and am completely sickened by the standing of our culture today.
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Loving being Mrs. W · 546 weeks ago

Do you think it could just be actors it didn't seem real to me? I thought that both of them toasting with Champagne was a bit strange! If it was me going through a divorce and not wanting it, I would NOT be toasting it with my husband who had just divorced me! Very strange!
1 reply · active 546 weeks ago
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elspethbreathinggrace 46p · 546 weeks ago

@ Mrs. W,

I have no doubt at all that this was real. The marketing of divorce, as desirable at best and harmless at worst, has been going on in our culture for decades.

That it was covered on Nightline, considered a 'hard hitting" news program, further solidifies how real this is.

I was overcome with sadness when I watched it.

The idea that a husband working too much is grounds for divorce is just...I don't have the words. Especially in the same mind of a wife who wants to hold a 35,000 dollar truck note. The cognitive dissonance is astounding really.
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Loving being Mrs. W · 546 weeks ago

Unreal, what a silly woman she will have to answer to both God and their children one day. I can't imagine ever having to go through something so horrible and for what money?
Dear Lord, what has this world come to? Just makes me so sad!
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Dana · 546 weeks ago

This post struck a cord and I can't help thinking about it. I don't think we as women realize the burden that is on the man to provide for his family. How can she punish him for working to provide a nice home and stable home environment? I feel so sorry for the children and the husband. But maybe he is tired of the nagging too.

I have been married for 21 years and my husband is currently unemployed due to the nature of his career. It is very hard on a marriage to go through this again and again. On top of that we have moved 13 times for jobs. So hearing someone complain because their husband works too much, is beyond me to understand. She is obviously selfish and clueless. There are plenty of women that would be happy to have a man that works tor provide for them. My husband works very hard but sometimes the jobs are not available. God knows and that's what keeps me sane! :)

She is in for a VERY rude awakening.

Thank you, Lori, for such a wonderful blog!
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Kris · 546 weeks ago

That was such a sad thing to watch, Lori, I'm sick about it. I just can't believe how much she was smiling over it and ready to do it like she was doing something special and couldn't contain her happiness. She has a nice house, an expensive truck, and a huge ring on her finger but she is not appreciative of anything she has. She seems very spoiled and self-centered. I felt so badly for her husband - I couldn't even imagine what he was going through. My husbands cousin was divorced two years after marrying for the same reason as this woman. Her husband was trying to make partner so he had to put a lot of hours in and she didn't like it. Why her mother didn't intervene and point out the situation was temporary is beyond me. She now lives in another state and is unfortunately hanging out with some people who don't have her best interest in mind. She had a loving husband and stability and she threw it away for a horrible situation that involves drugs and who knows what else. So sad. A friend of mine and a neighbor of mine have sisters who did the same exact thing to their husbands. Left them and their kids for other men. It's so upsetting. I wonder if they'll wake up one day and see what they did. I hope so, so they can repent. My goodness...
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Megan · 546 weeks ago

I just can't stop shaking my head. Silly woman! The husband admitted his shortcomings but she was determined to have her way. She effectively picked a bucket of bolts over her husband. Her focus was on her husbands ability to make her happy. Not on God at all. While I understand that it is hard to have a workaholic for a husband, if she had looked to God for strength and kept busy serving her family and others then then she would of felt more fulfilled. And what's worse is they are dragging their kids thru it all too, and setting a bad example of a Christ centred family to the world. If they are in fact, saved. Sickening.
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Jill · 546 weeks ago

Very sad. May God open her eyes.
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Tamara · 546 weeks ago

Scary where living by your feelings can take you!! Yikes!

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