She tells me she is "so unhappy" and tells me she wonders why she ever married her husband. I explain to her, "You will never find complete happiness in a man. Let me repeat myself. You will NEVER find all your happiness in a man." If you marry a man to be happy, you will be disappointed. He will disappoint you. He will never be able to live up to all of your expectations. NEVER, so you must change your expectations.
Your happiness in marriage is no where near as important to the Lord as your obedience is to Him. He commands that you be a vow keeper. He commands that you LOVE your husband, please him, serve him, obey him, and submit to him. Your happiness is NOT what matters to the Lord. Your growing up in your faith, and spreading the Gospel by your godly behavior, are what He wants you to care about in this world that is quickly passing towards eternity.
When you are loving and serving your husband, the world notices. If your husband isn't "Mr. Perfect" and you still love and serve him, the world wonders why you stay with him, but they will respect you. As you live with your husband in a joyful way, regardless of the circumstances, the world will see Jesus.
The world needs to see Jesus. The world is lost and floundering in the dark. They need lights that live out the Christian life. They need to see wives loving their husbands through good times and bad times, through sickness and health, though rich or poor. They need models of Christ's power working through His people or else how will the world see Jesus?
Yes, you may not have any more "feelings" for your husband. So what? Feelings come and go for everyone. Love is a decision. It is a commitment. It is a "death until we part" vow. Yes, it's hard but the narrow road isn't called "narrow" for no reason. It's a lot easier to jump on that worldly broad path that leads to destruction than to stay on the narrow road of God's Truth BUT along this narrow road is Life, abundant and free.
Sure it's hard to smile at your husband when he acts like a jerk, but I bet you act like one at times also. Even if you don't, we should still smile and love for love forgives easily and is not easily offended. {Meditate on I Corinthians 13}
If you are having a hard time in your marriage, go on long walks {take the children if you have them} and get in the fresh air and sunshine. Stop eating sugar. It causes depression and lots of other bad things. Fill your home with God-honoring music and solid Bible believing sermons. Spend time in the Word and read it to your children. Stop watching trash television and movies. In this way, you are sanctifying your family with Jesus.
You can stay married to this man all the days of your life for with God ALL things are possible. Love him, even when he is unlovable. Respect him, even when he is not worthy of respect for this pleases God and when you live to please God, you will reap beautiful fruit.
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking
but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.
Romans 14:7
Logging you in...
Mbb · 545 weeks ago
A Mom's Many Lessons · 545 weeks ago
Lady Virtue · 545 weeks ago
I can't agree more with your counsel about television and movies. Those are two of the prime reasons why marital expectations are so inflated and unrealistic in the first place!
Lindsay Harold · 545 weeks ago
So, if you want to be happy in your marriage, don't try to make your marriage bring you happiness or seek happiness in what your spouse does for you. Instead, focus on making your marriage strong and on pleasing your spouse. Having a goal outside yourself and working to achieve that goal (doing pleasant things for your spouse and growing closer to them) brings happiness that you will never get by constantly assessing whether your spouse has done enough for you lately.
River · 545 weeks ago
Sola · 545 weeks ago
Rebecca · 545 weeks ago
We bring our suffering upon ourselves through our sins, and that fills God with sorrow. I believe he wants us to be happy--not the superficial, "tralala I'm so happy because I have a big house/new car/lots of stuff" kind of happy, but true, joy-filled happy, the kind of happy that comes from knowing and trusting in God and rejoicing in his Creation and in the new life he's given us through Jesus, and in studying and obeying his Word. And that goes for both men and women, husbands and wives. We won't be truly, eternally happy until we get to Heaven, but happiness and joy here on earth can be a glimpse of what's to come, and I think God intends for us to have those glimpses.
Rob · 545 weeks ago
When we think we are unhappy in marriage isn't it easy to say--Well he or she doesn't make me happy anymore. Well ask yourself this question!!! Are YOU putting enough water on your own grass?? How can you expect your grass to grow if are not putting LOTS of sunshine and water in it??? I think you know what i mean.
Ken · 545 weeks ago
I think that most spouses will find happiness with their husband or wife once they find happiness with themselves. True happiness comes from within not from the outside in. Erratically we all hope that our spouses are returning our love and kindness in like kind, but we also must expect that our spouse is going to go through a road patch in life. It could happen early in marriage or midway or closer to the end, but few of us escape having a period where we lose our own joy, and in turn begin to make our spouse miserable. If both spouses get into the mud puddle of self-pity and moodiness, unkindness, who will shine Jesus to the other so that they may be sanctified and healed?
I would hope that my wife is finding some happiness in and with me :), and that for the large part I live up to her expectations, now that she has become realistic with them. It is not that most husbands cannot live up to a wife's expectations, but rather a wife's expectations are at times unrealistic. When a husband tries to please his wife while holding her to realistic expectations, then the two should find happiness together. Not because they are perfect towards each other, but because they choose to live out the value of accepting their spouse for who they are: The good, the bad, and the things that need to be changed. All accepted, even as we may make the request to "please work on this for me," with a smile and with grace and kindness towards them. Knowing that we are all God's workmanship, and that God is using me to help my spouse become love, and like Jesus.
Let God get in there and do His work through His Spirit, not by your expectations. Talk to your spouse about what would be realistic and reasonable expectations and set up an agreed upon mechanism of accountability. When accountability is agreed to, it is no longer nagging when my wife reminds me of my commitments. The tone of the discussion changes, and the focus gets placed on helping your spouse, not tearing them down.
"We have talked about this before Ken, and you asked me to remind you about it." All said with grace, not frustration, and the desire to build up and edify, not tear down our destroy. Change often takes time. "Til death do you part" is plenty of time to be patient and allow God to turn your spouse into the husband or wife of your dreams. Isn't that what the Christian life is about? Growing up ourselves and helping to grow up others into Christ Jesus? And doing it with the tools Jesus gives us, humility, love, grace, kindness, caring, a walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh! This is where the Believer shines. The one who is all about being who they are called to be, even when their spouse is not performing well, or up to expectation. This is true marriage, that, "two are better than one," because if one falls the other is is there to pick them up (Eccl. 4:9-10).
Loving being Mrs. W · 545 weeks ago
I also believe our happiness is very important to God He is our Father and as any good parent He wants His best for us which to me means happiness, health and prosperity - in fact prosperity in the Bible means all our needs met with nothing missing. I know that there are many things I want for my children and happiness is most defiantly one of them.
Jacqueline · 545 weeks ago
I think this is one of the best and most difficult posts I have read here. It is truth and it is a word form the Lord to women. I am learning to do this and it gets easier all the time. Best thing is, that he gets easier to live with every year b/c I am facilitating Him to see Jesus. My talk keeps him from seeing and hearing the lord's direction. I can be a distraction to his growth. Keep up the wonderful work...love this ministry and that you and Ken are doing it together!
Roxy · 545 weeks ago
We have witnessed this in a few couples over the years and it speaks volumes to so many people. We are being an example to the world. So many people just throw in the towel so quickly. I read an article years ago asking couples who divorced if they would do it over again. And almost all of them said they wish they had just hung in there. You lose so much when you leave the husband or wife of your youth. And it really does get better if you will stay true and live biblical and wait on the Lord. Hard yes, it is for many, but the reward is eternal.
Strong, but it is the truth...
Yours, Roxy
Ksdee · 545 weeks ago
equippinggodlywomen 18p · 545 weeks ago
graniteforgold 0p · 545 weeks ago
Just want to make a point though. WHen we say that the Lord is NOT concerned about our happiness, we really paint a false picture of our loving Father. Jesus did come to this earth to be an expression of our Father's love- he came to introduce God to us as ABBA father. Even the best father in the human realm is deeply concerned about the happiness of his children. Not only is he concerned but would certainly also be involved. If a man who is evil knows how to give good things to his children, what more our heavenly father who is perfect?
We treat the gospel as if its a mere message to spread across to everyone and get the whole world to heaven and that God expects us to be focuses on it at all cost. True, but we shouldn't miss the essence of the gospel should we? Gospel is good news. What IS the good news? That God LOVED(adored, delighted, oh man, the words to describe this love is never enough) us so much that he was wiling to die so that we can escape punishment. Geesh, doesn't that tell us about God's interest in MY happiness?
This God is far more amazing that we can ever imagine. He loves us with depth we will never understand. He is not about commandments because Jesus fulfilled ALL of them on the cross. But submission to your husband is a PROMISE. In that loving nudge to submit, he shows us that out of that loving relationship is a promise of abundance. Grace should be our guide not commandments. Lets not put him in a box?
I hope you don't mind me but people are always repelled by even getting to know Jesus because of our human impositions. Because of that, we fail him - we paint wrong pictures. He is the most radical, most passionate, most loving, most joyful and most creative God we can ever imagine. I want the world to know him for that. :)
Warm hugs and kisses!