Sunshine Mary's husband told her not to put knives in the dishwasher since the dishwasher ruins good knives. She did anyways. When the dishwasher broke, he refused to buy her a new one so she would have to wash them by hand since she disobeyed him. I have heard of some husbands cutting up their wife's credit card for spending too much. Is there anything a husband can do if his wife disobeys him and allow her the consequences of her disobedience?
The husband is the leader and head of the home. The wife is called to submit to her husband. The wife can't make her husband be the leader and head of the home but she can encourage him by allowing him to lead and respecting him more. The husband can't make the wife submit but he sure can confront her about it when she doesn't.
If Ken didn't buy me a dishwasher because I disobeyed him, I would be okay with it. I wouldn't have been in the past but as I have grown older, I honor his position as head of our home and respect his decisions. When I was young, I fought him on all of his decisions. Now, if he didn't think I deserved a dishwasher, I would honor that.
Some think Ken would be "lording" it over me if he did this. Sunshine Mary stated, "You may think you can get away with disrespect and disobedience, but those consequences, when they finally arrive, are not worth it. Because he is nipping my disrespect for his authority in the bud, you can be sure that I will not test his resolve to respond to rebellious disobedience again." She knew she deserved it. They have a great marriage. She understands that the Bible calls wives to submit to and obey their husbands and the husband is the head of the home. She wants to be submissive. It is the desire of her heart.
I think it all comes down to how each couple wants to live their lives. Ken and I keep each other accountable by asking each other in areas we struggle with. The only reason I am wondering about this is because I made our lives miserable for 23 years and am wondering if there was anything Ken could have done to make me shape up a lot earlier!
I am not sure there is. God commands older women to teach the younger women to love and obey their husbands. I never had an older woman, until Debi Pearl, teach me. I am not sure I would have responded to any discipline Ken may have tried on me since I had a rebellious and stubborn heart. Now that I am no longer rebellious, I wouldn't care if he chose to discipline me or set some boundaries at times! I trust him. I trust how he leads me and my family.
One man responded this way, "A husband that has no authority to do anything but 'reason' with his wife is not the head. Certainly he is without any true authority. I agree that a husband should not hit, kick, bite, be harsh (trying to make this list exhaustive!), but a husband that can't cut up credit cards, not buy a dishwasher, say you can't go out with the gals, and I can think of a million other things that are discipline, yet not harsh as taught in Colossians, and still in keeping with loving as Christ loves the church as taught in Ephesians. For does not Christ discipline those He loves? If you can't agree to a husband having that kind of authority then there is no use having headship for it is nothing but impotent and lifeless. You cannot lead one or even protect one you don't have authority over."
Food for thought.
Food for thought.
But as the church is subject to Christ,
so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Ephesians 5:23
***Here is a follow-up post to this one titled ~
Dealing With A Rebellious Wife
Here is a post Sunshine Mary put together as a result
of the reactions to this post ~ My Favorite Sunshine Mary Post
so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Ephesians 5:23
***Here is a follow-up post to this one titled ~
Dealing With A Rebellious Wife
Here is a post Sunshine Mary put together as a result
of the reactions to this post ~ My Favorite Sunshine Mary Post
Logging you in...
Jilly · 584 weeks ago
Lindsay Harold · 584 weeks ago
Melanie Scarbrough · 584 weeks ago
But...women are adults, not children. They are equal to men in God's eyes (at least that's my understanding of New Testament teaching). To me, a husband disciplining his wife sounds more like a father disciplining his child, and that is NOT a Biblical definition of marriage. So why is there this intense emphasis on husbands disciplining their wives as if they're children? What are these wives doing that makes their husbands think they deserve to be disciplined? Misbehaving? Acting like a child? Are all these Christian wives really so immature? Because if they are, if this really is going on in Christian marriages, then something is very, very wrong, and their husbands' discipline, no matter what form it takes, is not going to solve the problem.
Tiffany · 584 weeks ago
Karen · 584 weeks ago
Amy Grace · 584 weeks ago
Discipline can be in many forms. And those who say that the church doesn't discipline (granted, some are so PC they don't) are mistaken. There are disciplinary actions in most church policies, revocation of membership, leadership roles, etc. While a pastor may not 'spank' a member, that doesn't mean there isn't discipline. Discipline doesn't have to come by way of physical implications. A husband cutting up credit cards of a wife who spends excessively is wise. I don't understand how anyone can say that would be against God! True, I might not like it at the moment, but in the end, I would certainly appreciate that my husband took action!!
shannon · 584 weeks ago
Certainly no one likes to be disciplined. But it's a Christian with a loving heart that sees the consequence and gets remorseful. Often, the discipline doesn't have to go very far, and certainly probably the case with a loving husband/wife relationship. This concept will seem absolutely foreign until the idea of submission is understood.
It is hard but I am learning to take reproof better. I am not writing this from an "I'm perfect" attitude either- more from a been there, done that and wish I would have done differently.
shannon · 584 weeks ago
helen · 584 weeks ago
....be kind to one another, forgiving each other etc says the scriptures
Helen UK
Kathy · 584 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 584 weeks ago
AMY · 584 weeks ago
It is my opinion, that physical discipline is abuse. Plain and simple.
Amy · 584 weeks ago
I was not saying that you condone physical discipline of wives. You actually handled the question well the other night. I believe you wrote that it was not supported biblically. I was responding to Courtney's question of what people thought of "domestic discipline". I wrote in my comment that"if a woman choses freely to be submissive and agrees to be disciplined (not physically), more power to them. However, I would think that physical punishment crosses the line. Just sharing my thoughts :)
Cynthia · 584 weeks ago
What about the idea of having mutual respect instead of getting into power struggles in the first place?
When you take out the power struggle, you take out most of what fuels fights. What's left are just simple, practical issues that can be easily resolved in a respectful way. Knives in a dishwasher? Just mention, without nagging, threats or put-downs, that they aren't good for knives, and maybe point out an article on it. If it's just about sharing information, and not about feeling that someone is being bossy or trying to put you down, then there's no reason to say anything other than, "thanks for the information, I didn't realize that. We'll wash by hand and see how much long the knives last."
Ken · 584 weeks ago
Yet, you so oppose discipline that is done in a loving way? If discipline is given a wife it is in a controlled and loving manner. T is to look the doctor, lawyer, teacher, homemaker in the eye and remind her of her commitments to her husband and to God. It is far more loving to delve out consequences that to punish with words and misdeeds. Would you not agree? Yet some of you prefer your methods of punishment over discipline?
sunshinemary 12p · 584 weeks ago
I'll write a response to this soon and link back. In the meantime, I will say this: discipline is not defined first and foremost as punishment. From dictionary.com, here are the five definitions given; only one has to do with a punishment:
1. Training to act in accordance with rules; drill: military discipline.
2.activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training: A daily stint at the typewriter is excellent discipline for a writer.
3.punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.
4.the rigor or training effect of experience, adversity, etc.: the harsh discipline of poverty.
5.behavior in in accord with rules of conduct; behavior and order maintained by training and control: good discipline in an army.
Discipline - which actually isn't the word I used in my post about the incident - is allowing natural consequences to correct and train someone. Not only is it morally-licit for a man to use consequences to correct and train his wife and children so that order is maintained, but it is actually morally-required of him to do so. In 1 Timothy 3, we learn that overseers and deacons are to be "above reproach". And what is above reproach? It is managing his own family well. Not all men are called to be deacons, but we should all be striving toward being "above reproach".
sheworksretail 36p · 584 weeks ago
This (spousal discipline) doesn't appear to be one of those one-size-fits-all areas for you. But for those areas that are, what I can't reconcile is how changing my demeanor entirely is supposed to draw me closer into my faith.
elspethbreathinggrace 46p · 584 weeks ago
A lot of the problem with the comments here is the spirit of pride. If the fruit from the tree is good, then the tree is good. Taking my debit card saved us from what could have been a major problem later on.
I never got the impression that Lori was referring to harsh or physical discipline.
Raeh · 584 weeks ago
Beth · 584 weeks ago
ArdenLynn · 582 weeks ago
That is the essence of my 23 year marriage. We have survived unemployment, 8 children, life threatening illnesses in two of our 4 sons. This is a picture of a true union between two equal Christian adults. I just can't imagine being married to a man that feels his most important role is to play "gotcha" with the one woman who has promised to spend her life with him.
helen · 582 weeks ago
Blessings
Helen UK
Lily · 573 weeks ago
MJ3 · 573 weeks ago
Amanda · 552 weeks ago