Monday, January 20, 2014

Honor ~ The Heart Of The Issue


Ken and Jon {my son-in-law} were discussing money recently.  Jon said something so profound that I have thought about it ever since.  Ken and I decided long ago that if I ever was to buy something over $100, I needed to check with him.  Jon said that whenever Alyssa wants to buy anything, other than food and necessities, she asks him.  He said it was a way she honors him.  Wow!

I later asked him about it.  He said it all comes down to a heart issue.  When he and Alyssa married, they decided he would love her and she would honor him since those were the characteristics that were most important to them.  He never asked Alyssa to ask him about money she was going to spend.  She decided on her own that it would be honoring him to ask him.

This is so convicting to me.  Most of the time, I just buy things I want without consulting Ken.  At times, I know he probably wouldn't want me to buy something, but I still do.  I realized that this is not showing him honor.  He doesn't usually care about what I buy but like Jon explained, it is a heart issue.  Do I really want to honor him in everything or do I want to please myself in this area and do what I want without Ken knowing?

I know he trusts me with our money and depends on me to make good choices, but from now on, I am going to ask him if I can buy something if it is a want and not a need.  I want to learn to honor him in every area and this is a growing process.  

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, 
and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 5:33

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Posted by Always Learning at 6:00 AM
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shannon's avatar

shannon · 583 weeks ago

May God bless them and thanks for sharing. Out of respect to my husband, I always ask if I can buy something. I can not tell you the last time he ever said "no" or if he's even said "no". I have been doing this for about 4-5 years or so and don't even remember what brought it on. He usually laughs and says "of course" but I will keep asking to show him respect, or honor is another great way to look at it!
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Chris's avatar

Chris · 583 weeks ago

I agree with Danielle B. My husband wouldn't want to be asked this either. I think this is like submission - it looks different for each couple depending on what the husband and wife agree on or what the husband wants. :) When we were first married, I called to ask him if I could buy a used dresser for $99. He asked me why I was asking him that. lol (My husband would want to know on a big ticket item). I do think that is kind of you to consider this now. :)
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Cynthia · 583 weeks ago

I like the way that John describes this as a heart issue.

I truly believe that if the heart is in the right place, and we are truly committed to honoring and respecting our husbands with both our words and actions, we will naturally do the right thing. There won't be power struggles over every little thing, nor will there be a need for a spouse for enforce obedience. The heart is the key.
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Brit · 583 weeks ago

I always talk about al ost any purchase with my husband, even if it's just a few dollars. For us, money is tight, so we do make even the smallest purchase decision together. I also don't want to ever be tempted to hide a purchase from him like my mom did growing up.

Btw...has anyone ever said how much your son-in-law looks like the actor from Arrow! I don't know his name but he looks so much like him!!
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Jill York · 583 weeks ago

Great post! What a blessing you are, Lori.
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sheworksretail 36p · 583 weeks ago

We each get X amount of cash weekly to spend freely, and then consult the other before making a purchase with a card. We've gotten a little bit of pushback from others who find it odd that we keep ourselves on an "allowance" but it's really just our way of keeping our spending in check. We've also never had a disagreement about money and appreciate not having that added stress.
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Jenny's avatar

Jenny · 583 weeks ago

Well, if the wife is not working, then yes, she should ask her husband if she wants to spend money. It isn't money she earned. However, if she's working, then she shouldn't have to ask for most things...she earned the money! That sounds more like a parent/child relationship than a husband/wife relationship to me. But again, if he is the only one working, I agree with it.
3 replies · active 583 weeks ago
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Joluise · 583 weeks ago

I am the carer of all our finances in the household (pay all the bills etc..) and the main income earner, regardless of this, we do discuss large purchases together, but I don't run past small items of less than $100 or slightly over. Likewise my husband tells me if he is thinking of buying something more expensive. However in saying this, I did go and buy an expensive sewing mating (on the spur of the moment) and told my husband about it afterwards - I did stress the savings I had made!!!! He does agree it was a worthwhile purchase.
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Ken's avatar

Ken · 583 weeks ago

And if he did not agree it was a worthwhile purchase? Then what? Would he discipline you? I am kidding :).

But I do wonder, just because something turns out to be right does not make it honoring to a husband. But I assume you knew your husband would not mind, but do wonder if he is really comfortable actually telling you that he minds, or prefers to just be agreeable, not wanting the fight or have a disagreement?

It may be even more important to honor a husband who is seemingly laid back, or not controlling, because this honors him in his rightful place as head of the home and marriage. Much of this comment has little to do with you Joluise, but I was just reading up on the feminization of men which results from a father’s inability to pass down to a son a model of patriarchy. It is something I had not really considered in the whole discussion of wives who lead their families, because they are the better leaders.

So I am curious what others think about this. I think it may make a good blog post for Lori to tackle. Just because a wife is a stronger, better leader, should she take the lead in a marriage or better to at least allow the husband the last word and honor as leader for the sake of raising boys to be real men?
7 replies · active 583 weeks ago
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homemakinghearts 1p · 582 weeks ago

I found your website from the link-up on raisinghomemakers.com. I really like your post - well said!

I would like to invite you to HomemakingHearts.com on Fridays for a brand new link-up; it would be a delight to have you join us!

Gabriella

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