Wednesday, January 8, 2014

A Sensible Approach To Spanking, Flicking Or Twigging Your Child

It is always interesting when Lori does a post on spanking to see the hard core, politically correct types swoop in and challenge anything and everything. There are also the more sensible types with whom you can at least carry on a discussion, but the hard core opponents are actually somewhat organized and smell out any spanking advocates and pour onto the post many ridiculous comments.

In an effort to try and set the record straight let me be clear about our position on spanking. First, we believe that spanking, flicking and twigging are excellent communication's tools to communicate with a child who cannot reason. If you are going to spank, almost all of your spanking should probably be complete by the age of 5-7, or it most likely will not work. Most of the time if your child does not obey you by seven years old it is because you were either a wimp of a disciplinarian in their formative years,  or you have one of those really hard headed, stubborn children who may turn out to be a terrific doctor or lawyer some day.  Regardless, try another approach after age seven, and hopefully by age 4-5 there will be no more need for spankings.

For that matter we will strongly object to any spanking that has any potential to harm bones, as some objectors like to call spankings “beatings”  or "hitting." The pain of discomfort that comes from a spank or swat should all be related to sensitive feelings on the child's bottom and not the use of force. There should be no force in spanking that leaves any mark or bruise, let alone have any influence on bones. As the Pearl’s correctly teach, a swat or spank should be done in a controlled manner, ideally with a flexible object that will cause discomfort, but not leave any marks or bruises. Skin stinging pain, not muscle pain.

The question as I see it is this: "Will we allow parents to do what they believe is right to raise their children to become well disciplined?"  If the answer is yes, then please leave some room for parents who choose to flick their five month old and spank their five year old.  We personally do not advocate any spanking of kids under the age of 12 months, but I had no problem having Lori flick the cheek of our child to train them not to bite her as she was nursing. OW! Now that is cruel to allow a baby to bite a very sensitive part of the body when a couple of flicks will solve the problem.

The same applies to squirming babies when diapers are being changed. For some reason one of our babies was all over the place when it came time to change his diaper. He would get mad at being changed and became very uncooperative, arching his back, and throwing a fit at a very young age… maybe a year old. We gave him a swat at times to get him into a more cooperative mood. Are we cruel parents for this?

Our ASB President, winner of many sports championships and the title Doctor, and soon to be specialist was not maimed or harmed in any way. Much the opposite as he appreciates the training we invested in him. And some other post will need to cover the many ways we trained our children, and the concept of spanking was simply one of a number of effective communication's tools.  

Sure there are other ways to accomplish training a small child and we are all for using them.  Hold the baby’s nose if you like, or withhold nursing the baby when they bite, but a small amount of pain or discomfort applied at the right time, and the right way IS a major communication's tool that can and should be used by caring parents as they train their children.

Some have asked if we have looked at the significant research that is out there that shows that spanking will lower your child’s IQ and make them more aggressive. The answer is yes, and I would refer anyone who is interested in the truth about these studies to start with a Wall Street Journal article: New Research on Spanking Might Need a Time Out

If some choose not to flick or spank, so be it. It is not sin to not spank, flick or twig your child, but you had better have a game plan then as to how you will raise a godly, disciplined adult, or stand before God some day and explain why His ways were not good for you and your family. God cares more about the results than the methods, so use whatever ‘rod” you like, even a none physical rod, to achieve what God desires in well behaved children who will become some sort of adult that you trained and prepared for life.

America is on a decline for many reasons, but our teachers shake their heads each day wondering how their unruly, undisciplined students, who have been raised by “laissez faire” parents, will ever become solid contributors to society. How can you teach them Math and English when their parents have not taught them to sit quietly and obey their elders? And we submit such training starts somewhere around 18 months, not 18 years old. You get to choose how to train your children, but leave us the freedom to use time tested and proven discipline techniques, so long as what we are doing is reasonable. And allow us and the Pearls to pass along what has worked so successfully with our combined nine, well behaved, godly, discipline young adults.

Train up a child in the way he should go: 
and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6