Rachel Martin is a mommy blogger with seven children. I haven't followed her blog, just one post that was on facebook. This is what she wrote ~
“I am writing this in my hallway at the top of the stairs because my two little boys won’t stay in their room and go to bed unless I sit up here at the doorway and utter words like go to bed and stay in bed now – I mean it and no more water and you will lose media time if you get out of your bed again until they both decide to give in, slip under their covers and go to sleep.
That’s the truth.
I’ve tried charts. Bedtime routines. Stickers. Time outs. All of it. And I’ve resorted to working at the top of the stairs for an hour each night and muttering those phrases. I’ve actually gotten quite used to emailing, tweeting, facebooking, and writing with my back against the door to my room and my eyes constantly looking in their room to see if they’re asleep."
I’ve tried charts. Bedtime routines. Stickers. Time outs. All of it. And I’ve resorted to working at the top of the stairs for an hour each night and muttering those phrases. I’ve actually gotten quite used to emailing, tweeting, facebooking, and writing with my back against the door to my room and my eyes constantly looking in their room to see if they’re asleep."
Now, I am not going to criticize her parenting style. If she wants to spend an hour at the top of the stairs making sure her children stay in bed each night, that is her decision. I am only going to tell you why we never had to do anything like that. Our children obeyed us. We didn't have to resort to charts, bedtime routines, stickers, or time outs. We spanked them if they didn't obey us! It only took a few times being consistent, but it worked like a charm.
When we put our children in bed or told them to go to bed, they went to bed. She is getting them to stay in bed eventually but are her children really obeying her? No. They know that they can continue to get out of bed without consequences.
Parenting is much more difficult if you don't make your children obey you when they are very young. I know many of you are opposed to spanking but it works great if done consistently and hard enough so it hurts. The children decide the punishment is not worth the disobedience, therefore, they learn obedience quickly.
Some will tell you when the Bible speaks about the rod, it means just to lead a child. So tell me how the following verse means that?
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.
Proverbs 23:13,14
God wants our obedience just as He wants children to obey their parents and it is up to you to make them obey you.
Proverbs 23:13,14
God wants our obedience just as He wants children to obey their parents and it is up to you to make them obey you.
Logging you in...
Danielle B · 584 weeks ago
But I do agree it's ridiculous to do what she does. We don't need to spank, routine is what kids needs. Wafter dinner, it's bath time, then family worship, then get into bed for story time.
Happy Girl · 584 weeks ago
Lindsay Harold · 584 weeks ago
shannon · 584 weeks ago
Courtney · 584 weeks ago
Tiffany · 584 weeks ago
wellsbunch2014j 32p · 584 weeks ago
I think that just because someone does it differently to us doesn’t make them wrong; just different! I would often sit with Johanna when she was going off to sleep as a baby-youngster because she suffered from anxiety and it helped. I now am so grateful to God that I did that because Johanna has often told me that just knowing I was there helped her out-grow the dreadful anxiety that she felt going off to sleep. Sadly my Mama’s side of our family suffers dreadfully with anxiety; we can trace it back generations. I for one am on medication for it and I thank God daily for doctors that have the wisdom to treat such things.
For me, being a Mama meant that I was available for my children as much as they needed me; not for naughtiness but for love and comfort, and as a Mama I prayed for wisdom to know the difference (i.e. when they were being naughty or when they needed comfort). I look at it this way: God sent the Holy Spirit to comfort us whenever we need Him, so our comfort to our children is something that is very important to God. Therefore, I strive to be a Mama after God’s own heart and be the kind of Mama that comforts at all times, while also teaching my children that they need to learn in their time how to allow God to be the comfort. But, we still disciplined when it was needed, because that also is part of love.
Our children have often said that they can trust God to be there for them because they first learnt that we were there for them. We are the first picture of God to our children so I wanted to be a loving and comforting picture for them to follow!
~Jilly oxoxo
Antony here. My father had the opposite view of children. Although he didn’t believe in smacking or hitting us at young ages, he certainly presented a dominating presence to us and hit me with a rod in later years. This lack of love has affected me badly down the years… err… decades! It left me with such a low self image that I have never been any good at sticking up for myself, and consequently have been hopeless at negotiating. All my immediate relatives on both sides of our family have out-earned me because I could never negotiate or go for better paid jobs. This lack of love in my earlier years has been a major factor in the 7 or so breakdowns I have had, and I’ve spent the last decade getting help from psychiatrists and psychologists to try to repair the damage my father did. They are still working on it. I’m sure if he had some of the understanding they have today, he would not have treated me and my sister the way he did. (He had a qualification in Industrial Psychology, but I guess they didn’t have the knowledge of personal psychology back in the 50’s that they have today.) I am so glad that Jilly made a point of loving our kids as much as she did because I know that has helped them enormously in life. Our daughter, who is now 29, has thanked us both for showing her the love we did. She has although thanked us for the discipline we gave, but she obviously doesn’t think we overdid it and she realizes that it helped her along the way.
Allison · 584 weeks ago
wellsbunch2014j 32p · 584 weeks ago
Children raising is not a one size fits all.
Pray Pray Pray!!!!! Seek God with all your heart He will never let you down! oxoxoxo
Cynthia · 584 weeks ago
With my oldest, it became clear that she wasn't defiant - she just really, really didn't feel comfortable on her own and wanted someone beside her. So, I didn't make it into an obedience issue.
When she was really little, she often slept with us. As she got older, I'd lie down with her while she fell asleep, and then get up. We also had the idea of having her sleep with her sister, and then her little brother.
We took the opportunity with our kids to make bedtime a time of unwinding, of giving each child some undivided attention, of cuddling kids who may be too busy or mature to ask for hugs during the day, and of having time to talk about anything on their minds.
The time that we invested at that stage paid off. My kids weren't defiant. They had a strong bond with me. They listen to me and respond to mild disapproval, so I don't need to escalate pain and punishment. More importantly, they feel close to me and are used to cuddling and confiding in me. My oldest is now 14. Like any 14 year old, she has no trouble sleeping! What's important to me is that she'll still tell me what's on her mind. That's a habit that we formed those many years ago - a way that she was trained in, that she has not departed from. I can sleep well now, because my children are close to me, I know what is happening with them and they are not looking for opportunities to defy me.
Cynthia · 584 weeks ago
Do the bedtime routine with some classical music in the background. We had a good CD that started with more lively music, and ended with very calm and quiet music. Something like relaxation or "spa" music would also be good.
Don't start the story until the child is in PJs, under the covers and lying down, with the lights dim. You can make a cuddle after that part of the routine, but you only stay if the child stays in bed, with eyes closed. I found that when you have a tired child who has been fed, gone to the bathroom, had a bath, had a story and who is lying in bed in a dark room with eyes closed - they tend to fall asleep! Since you don't stay if they are arguing or getting up, they learn not to do this and don't get into the habit of keeping themselves awake.
I also learned to give each child a time slot. I'd be available to do a story and be with them for a certain length of time, and then their time was up. So, if they really wanted that cuddle, they couldn't waste their time. No arguments or punishments necessary.
Amy · 584 weeks ago
Stacie · 584 weeks ago
Kim · 584 weeks ago
MIchelle · 584 weeks ago
I think there is a terrible habit that most everyone has to assume that because what worked for one parent doesn't work for another, they are doing it wrong or are just bad parents. That is not the case, I assure you!
It is the honest truth that some parents are very lucky in that they get children that are naturally fairly obedient and are easy to corral. Then some parents get one child (or all their children) who are rebellious and strong willed and disobedient and try as they might to use biblical methods, their child is still strong-willed and disobedient. The fact that these children are still disobedient doesn't mean the parents have done anything wrong.
I was raised in a Christian household and my parents had no problem applying the rod (never in an abusive manner) as they saw fit when the children were disobedient. My brother and I were fairly obedient and didn't require much discipline. My sister however, no matter how many times she was spanked--either with hand or wooden spoon--it would not curb her behavior. My parents were very consistent in their discipline and it still did not work. And you know what? My sister turned out just fine! She was a difficult child and teenager--many of us were, or have them ourselves--and yet we turn out fine.
Unfortunately there is no guarantee that even if you spank your children they will be obedient. Sometimes God gives parents children that are a bit more rebellious and require a bit more creativity. That doesn't mean you are a bad mother if your child is one of them! Spanking works for many parents, not all. Don't feel like a failure if you are one who it does not work for.
RTD · 584 weeks ago
RTD · 584 weeks ago
Birdie · 584 weeks ago
Rebecca · 584 weeks ago
Rachel · 584 weeks ago
It's better now that he is articulate, but bedtime is still a chore, to say the least. I would give anything to have it as easy as the blogger above. I have to be in the room until he decides to lie down. But it's getting better. It usually takes about an hour, and we haven't needed spankings for a while. But I have learned that, like my husband, my oldest simply does not have the attention span to lie down and stay that way long enough to fall asleep. If I stop monitoring him, he really does forget within about five minutes that he is supposed to stay put, meaning that a punishment cones as a complete surprise. It took me three years of being stiff-necked to notice that he truly did not understand why I was spanking him. He thought I just wanted to paddle his bottom every night for no reason.
I failed to put my son, as an individual, over parenting philosophy, and that has caused more sleepless hours for me than my son's fussing ever could.
Buddy Federer · 583 weeks ago
Mrs. W · 580 weeks ago