Thursday, July 2, 2015

The Neglected Husband


Her husband wrote her a text from work and told her that she loves the children more than him. It broke her heart. Does your husband feel this way? I believe most men feel this way. I have even heard women say they will divorce their husband, but "they will always do whatever is best for their children." They would NEVER leave their children. Oh, how I wish I could explain to them that staying married to their daddy, making him her number one priority over the children, and providing them with a mother and father are what is best for her children!

Whenever I have asked women if they are better wives or mothers, they always answer they are better mothers. Mothers are touched, pulled, and needed all day long by little ones. They nurse awhile, fix meals, clean, wipe faces, wash dishes, cuddle, read, and the list goes on and on. These are their babies that came from their womb. They love them! They would do anything for them. I understand. I felt the same exact way when I had four little ones.

Then Dad walks in the door. "Oh, it's just him. He's a big boy and can take care of himself. What about me? I sure hope he doesn't expect anything from me tonight." I'm sure many of you can agree with this sentiment. You're happy to have your husband around to work hard and bring home the paycheck but this is about it. Many wives don't care for their husbands much past this and besides, he does things that bother you. I'm sure this is why many men don't want many children. They've already lost their wife when they had their first child!

Boy! I sure wish I had Debi Pearl in my life to set me straight! I desperately needed a thought transformation since I had such bad thinking. This is not God's ways for us. We are first and foremost called to be our husband's help meet. Most husbands work hard to provide for their families and deserve the respect of their wives for this huge responsibility God has ordained for them. Men want and need respect from their wives. God knew this. He created them for it and this is why He commands it from wives.

Instead, when your husband comes home, drop everything and greet him at the door with a hug and a kiss. All the children will follow your lead. (Although, they've probably been excited to see their daddy come home all along and the mother should have followed her children's lead!) Make sure there is a meal he enjoys prepared for him and he has a home of peace without strife to welcome him home. Train and discipline your children so all of the burden doesn't fall on your husband's shoulders. 

Listen to him when he speaks. Make sure the law of kindness is on your tongue and that he knows he is as important to you as the children you had together if not more. Please, don't neglect your husband once you begin having children. I understand that it is easy to do but you must not allow it to happen in your marriage. You two are one flesh and you'll be together alone for many years after the children grow up and leave home if the Lord tarries.

And the LORD God said,
 It is not good that the man should be alone; 
I will make him an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:18

Comments (33)

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Annonymous's avatar

Annonymous · 507 weeks ago

I feel like I did this when my child was small, but thankfully I read Debi Pearl's book a few years ago and hopefully I am on the right path now. Things are kind of hard now as my father has been in the hospital and when he is released they said he will need 24 hour supervision and my husband has told me that he cannot live with us (I agree and there's no bitterness there about this) and he has also said that it's not going to be me that handles it all. I think he really doesn't want me to even help because he thinks it will all fall on me because I am the one in the family that doesn't work--but he points out that I already have a job (his wife and my child's mother). I understand and want to only do what he wants, but I am afraid I will cave once he gets home and the responsibility will all fall on me and not the rest of my siblings. I pray that I do the thing I know God would have me do and not slip and give in (I have a tendency to not want to hurt anyone's feelings or put anyone out so I wind up doing it myself). It's hard when people expect things out of you, but I know I have to obey my husband and honestly I agree with him. I lived through my mom taking care of her father in law and he was also there for that and he seen how it affected my mom and he just says no. Please pray for me to stand firm and not worry about hurt feelings and to not be guilted into something.
1 reply · active 507 weeks ago
Great post! I recently found your blog and find it very encouraging and inspiring!
1 reply · active 507 weeks ago
As Martha was busy doing her thing, Jesus said Mary had found life simply doing 'nothing' but being interested in Him. Wives have that choice too. It can hurt so greatly otherwise
1 reply · active 507 weeks ago
I too was guilty of this for years. Thankful for my husband who was quick to forgive me once God showed me through Debi Pearl's book "Created To Be His Help Meet" how very wrong I was. Thank you, Lori, for mentoring women like myself through your blog..... and yes! I listened to your call on the link. You didn't sound a bit nervous. What a wonderful testimony of what God can do if we willingly fulfill the role He has created us for!
1 reply · active 507 weeks ago
Good job on the radio, Lori! It is nice to connect a voice to your picture and writing. I hope Dennis stops by the blog.
1 reply · active 507 weeks ago
Thankfully I have always put my husband first, even my children know this and they know I love them, but I love their father even more. My husband says I am an excellent wife and cook and mother, but not housekeeper. LOL I told him I wasn't superwoman. hahahah
2 replies · active 507 weeks ago
Anonymous's avatar

Anonymous · 507 weeks ago

Dang, I hate when you post about this because it reminds me how much I fail in this area. I am right now currently reading Living Virtuously by Erin Harrison (at your recommendation on your blog) and have Created to be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl on my nightstand. I want to be better at putting my husband first! I really do! He works out of state during the week and is only home on the weekends. It is so hard for me to switch gears when he gets home. I rehearse how I will do differently and then it seems that I don't. My husband has cried to me more than once about how lonely he is. He admits what a wonderful mother I am and a good wife, but only as a partner in raising our family. He has had one affair and I think that he is talking with another woman now. Of course this is all my fault. I have decided not to mention my knowledge of this other woman to him, but to instead keep reading these books and applying the principles hoping that he will see that I am a wife worthy of him being faithful to. I do not blame him. I am not the wife he needs.
3 replies · active 507 weeks ago
Fun to hear you on the radio! At the end, he said, "the woman has the power to make the marriage good or bad." He is 100% accurate with that statement. The more I've learned from you and Debi, the more I realize that! We were just watching a rerun of Downton Abbey last night. It is set in the 1920's and Sybil said to one of the other characters, "Things are changing for women . . . " I screamed at the TV, "No! Don't do it! You have no idea where it is going to lead!!!"
1 reply · active 507 weeks ago
Tell us how to listen to Dennis Prager's Wednesday show. I'm on the road constantly or living overseas.

You did a great job, Lori. Thank you for sharing OUR VOICES with the world. You are not alone! And you ARE making a difference!

Hugs,
Kelley~

P. S. God HELP America.
1 reply · active 507 weeks ago
You were great on the radio, Lori. I enjoyef hearing you there.

-Elspeth
1 reply · active 507 weeks ago
Hi Mrs. Alexander. Tracy and I listened to your spot! You didn't sound nervous in the least. I was also shocked at the time Dennis gave you to talk--he obviously liked you! Funny, I was listening to him in the car earlier that day--he was talking about the study concluding that the divorce rate for people who lived together before marriage is actually higher. The entire spot was summed up by one caller who answered Dennis' question: "Why did you decide to get married (in light of the problems with the relationship she outlined)?" with "It was easier to get married than to break up."
1 reply · active 507 weeks ago
I was just going to type - "Once again, THANK YOU for this great post." Then I listened to you on the radio show... You were so wise, gentle and articulate. I love you. Thanks for all you do for us. I have so much to learn even after 35 wonderful years of marriage and am inspired everyday by your advice.
1 reply · active 507 weeks ago
LaNell Stafford's avatar

LaNell Stafford · 507 weeks ago

Hi Lori, I listened to you on the Dennis Prager show just now. You did great! I cried as I listened to you, because your testimony sounds so similar to my own life. My parents also fought all the time when I was little, then when I married, my husband and I also fought, as in yelling matches. I definitely was the biggest cause of all this. We have 6 children, which I home schooled, and now 11 grandchildren. We also walked together in the evenings, around our neighborhood, when the children were small, for our alone time. We were always in church, and attended Sunday School classes. I about destroyed our marriage with my constant jealousy and selfishness. I was good about having meals ready, and the children and I always greeted daddy at the door after work. But after 15 years of my constant arguing, my husband had finally had it, he was ready to leave me,and I knew he was serious. With God's help and my determination to change, I decided to do things differently. I pretty much changed over night, even my kids noticed! I agree, a woman can make the difference for the better in the marriage! I actually started to love and appreciate my husband more when I stopped looking for things to be suspicious and mad about! We have now been married almost 34 years. I love your blog Lori, and appreciate your many great posts! Thank you! You encourage me so much and I pass your posts on to my daughters and daughter in loves.
1 reply · active 507 weeks ago
And the hilarious part is.. women are shocked when their man cheats! I don't know why. I am sure most MEN do not begrudge the kids the attention they get, I am sure most men are busting their ass to provide for the wife and kids. I am sure most men, would pull the kids out of a burning car first and then go back for the wife if it came down to a choice. Is bringing a guy a cup of coffee and giving a shoulder rub and some kisses to much work after the kids have their supper? If they are young enough, they should be in bed by 7pm unless they are sick, and if they are older, with computers, texts, video games, cell phones... they probably don't even notice if mom is in the house anyway.
And guys.. think about what mom is doing at home.. would it kill you to spend $5 or pick a few flowers once in awhile on your way home?
Arnie Rogers's avatar

Arnie Rogers · 347 weeks ago

So many women view their husband's needs as childish if this is so then is God's needs childish ? God made man because He was lonely God was lonely ? and then made woman because man was lonely God made Eve for man. God is a jealous God he will have no others before Him. is God a Child because He is a jealous God ? Are we now as men and women mocking God ? He will not be mocked .
God wants us to pursue a relationship with him ! So does your husband as well ! Does God have a fragile male ego no I think not .

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