Affairs can begin very innocently but they always end in destruction. Here is a comment from another women who wants to remain anonymous who had an affair ~
My husband and I are healing over my unfaithfulness which was revealed last May 2014. If you are in a tempting situation with another man, I cannot reverberate enough to get out! It is mass destruction. I am walking this road of repentance and brokenness and there has been good that has come from it because God always brings good, however, not worth the cost. Complete devastation. My heart shattered, my soul in anguish, periods of moaning, especially in the beginning, that now I understand the Psalmist when he speaks of the moaning. It was with an old flame from 20 years ago. He kept "checking in" with me on Facebook even though he was not on my "friends" list. I do not have a Facebook account now. My choice. So much deception an affair is. So much confusion and nonsense. Looking back, you cannot make sense of it because God is not the author of confusion. Please, please, please! If you are in a situation and you think you can change a man and you are just being used by God or you feel your heart soften toward another man please, please do like Joseph and RUN! This is one sin that is ever before me. I still don't know if we will make it through. Such torment. I love you sisters!
Then another woman admitted that she was close to beginning an affair and the anonymous woman responded ~
Stay Strong. DO NOT GIVE UP!! If you can think of anyone you can talk to, as sister in Christ, go to her. Confess what is going on. It will free you so much to share this burden with someone. But more importantly, hit your knees, let loose and confess it all to God. He is faithful to forgive you if you ask, and He will give you exactly what you need to overcome. Then take whatever steps you need in order to close the door that has been opened. Lock it. Bolt it shut. Board that baby up! Whatever it takes!!! {Speaking from experience here; what may FEEL good now will end up in destruction.}
Another woman wrote a list of things that might happen if you are to follow through on this open door!
Have a lovely relationship with a *person* {nice for a time}
Get found out or end up confessing {ouch}
Break husband's trust {ouch}
Have to tell children what I have done {ouch}
Have to tell family and friends what I have done {ouch}
Divorce perhaps? {ouch} Or long road to healing {ouch}
Leave a legacy of unfaithfulness {ouch}
And more ouches!
When I have made lists like these, it has helped me to see that the carrot being dangled in front of my face is actually poison in disguise. I would also agree with the other comments and say that telling your husband is a good way to put water on the fire. Secrets lose their power when they are brought into the open. They can lose their glamour too!
Another woman wrote a list of things that might happen if you are to follow through on this open door!
Have a lovely relationship with a *person* {nice for a time}
Get found out or end up confessing {ouch}
Break husband's trust {ouch}
Have to tell children what I have done {ouch}
Have to tell family and friends what I have done {ouch}
Divorce perhaps? {ouch} Or long road to healing {ouch}
Leave a legacy of unfaithfulness {ouch}
And more ouches!
When I have made lists like these, it has helped me to see that the carrot being dangled in front of my face is actually poison in disguise. I would also agree with the other comments and say that telling your husband is a good way to put water on the fire. Secrets lose their power when they are brought into the open. They can lose their glamour too!
Many of the chapters at the beginning of Proverbs warn men about prostitutes and how they are a path to destruction. Unfortunately, many women are on the path to destruction as they leave the husband of their youth to chase empty and destructive dreams of a more romantic relationship with excitement. Once all the passion is gone, you'll only be left with the ashes of a ruined marriage and if you have children, damaged children. It is NEVER worth the cost. Going against any of God's ways is never worth the cost but sexual sins are sins against your own body.
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body;
but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
1 Corinthians 6:18
Logging you in...
Phyllis Sather · 504 weeks ago
Before we moved to this town my husband wanted me to buy gas at a certain station because it was the best price in town. There was a friendly young man who worked there and we always exchanged how are yous. Then I started to notice that he remembered my name and said hello before I even got to the counter and asking more personal questions while I paid.
It was an "interesting" thought that after all the years of being married I could possibly still be attractive to a man, but I began to feel rather uncomfortable.
But my husband had asked me to buy our gas there so...
I finally told my husband that I was uncomfortable going there even if it was the best price. He heartily agreed and said he would fill the car or I should go somewhere else if I needed gas.
Yvonne Mangum · 504 weeks ago
I have seen too many couples 'do this to each other', and it breaks my heart. Thinking it is the 'easy solution' to a relationship where some major need is not being met. In all the circumstances that I have observed - they were NOT talking to their spouse intimately, there was an unwillingness to address their issue, or seek counseling. What is so disheartening is all the destruction caused by an ignorant belief that somehow you're going to have an affair and 'feel better'. How is that EVEN POSSIBLE? I have known two couples where they had gotten out of marriages to cling to this new person... who was an emotional affair, if not physical too... and they were NEVER able to fully trust that partner. If they (you) did it to their first spouse, how will you ever be SURE that they won't cheat on you??
It almost certainly leaves a path of destruction, in your marriage, in your career, in your heart, in the lives of your children and even in your friendships, and church family. NOBODY ever wins... if you're even thinking about it, think hard about the reality of what you have seen around you. Has it EVER turned out good for ANYONE?? I've never seen it, and you are not likely to be the first exception. Get some help for your marriage, and an accountability partner, please.
Wendy · 504 weeks ago
shyandunsure 1p · 504 weeks ago
Ken · 503 weeks ago
I am sorry for the late reply, but I have been traveling. It is impossible to try to properly answer your question without knowing more details. It is never a good thing to have a wife uncomfortable with what a husband is asking of her "while he watches," especially if she feels "it is cheating." So definitely you should try to find answers, but I am not sure that a blog comment section can really do your concerns justice.
Here are some of my thoughts not knowing what you are really describing. First, try to check it out with <a href="http://www.themarriagebed.com/" target="_blank">www.themarriagebed.com/. The couple who have this site seem to be pretty spot on with what I have read about dealing with sex issues in the Christian marriage bed. They will say where there are grey areas and not be dogmatic on things the scriptures are not clear on, but seem to have a common sense approach biblically based approach to things.
I do know that many wives are far more uncomfortable with experimenting within the marriage bed than their husbands. If you trust that your husband is a godly man and the things he wants you to try seem half reasonable to you, then consider that maybe he is right to ask you to trust him and jump into the experiment and see if what he is asking is so bad. If you don't trust that he is a godly man, or has godly motives, or his request simply cannot be seen as any way reasonable, ask for some compromise that may seem reasonable until your comfort level increases or until you have have checked it out with other godly counselors.
My view of what happens in the bedroom between two consenting adults may by far wider range of activities than some highly conservative couples, so be sure to check out your question with those who have a broad enough view of Christian sexuality than just someone who themselves is narrow in opinion on many subjects. If the God's Word is not clear on subject than each couple is free to find what is not only enjoyable and fun with each other, but what is pleasing to the Lord. The Lord made sex to be something that is not only pleasurable, but I believe also a matter of learning to trust each other.
Without a willingness to trust a spouse in the small things of sex, it is far greater to learn to trust them in the bigger things of how money is to be spent, how the kids are to be raised, and and endless list of ares that need trust. Trust is the basis on which intimacy is built, just as trust that is violated will kill all intimacy. I am happy to be married to a wife who after 22 years decided to trust me, and in turn I also try to be trustworthy. But it was her willingness to trust that broke open the doors to the intimacy we both longed for.
BUT... trust in someone or something that is untrustworthy will not lead to intimacy. Baby steps are often necessary for trust to be developed, so consider asking for smaller steps and doing so with joy, even if you at the end have to say "I am just too uncomfortable with what you are asking em to do. Can you point me to one Christian article or Christian blog that advocates or condones what you are asking him to do? Then perhaps I can feel more comfortable with it."