Wednesday, August 27, 2014

She Tried To Do It All

Many women realize too late that trying to do it all is not worth the price. A reader commented on this post about this topic. I thought her experience was worthy of a post of its own in hopes of sparing other women from trying to do it all ~

I did it all, by choice. Now I HAVE to do it all because I'm divorced. Going down the superwoman path carries a price, to yourself, to your marriage, to your kids and to your time with God. Are you trying to prove something by doing that? What?

I believe that women who are married and have children CAN also have a career, but that does have a price. Sometimes the man does not make enough money to support his family and the woman has large earning potential. I was there. But you HAVE to consider the big picture. Some marriages can be creative and you can both be frugal ~ to compensate for lesser income and more time with family. But IF you can make it work for the woman to be home, I STRONGLY encourage you to view that as the best option. It's biblical, it's proven statistically by tracking 'outcomes' of children by social services, in divorce figures, in the happiness and health of the entire family.

EVEN IF you can work all day and have the energy to play with your kids, teach them, cook good whole food meals, clean house, do laundry, STUDY THE WORD, have time to exercise and still have the energy to have sex. REALLY!?!?! DO YOU WANT TO BE THAT BUSY ALL THE TIME??? Where is the 'spending time together' in all that?? When I was married and doing all that I could only sleep 4 hours a night. I was crabby to everyone and tired ALL the time. Nobody was getting the best of anything from me.

I'm a 50 year old single mother of a teen now. I own my own business, own my own home, I am a poster child for the feminists. {barf} I am active in my church... and I'm chronically EXHAUSTED. At one point when my son was a toddler and my business was more 'successful' than it is now, I was sleep deprived and INSANE. My health and relationships suffered, GREATLY. And while I do not think that is why I am divorced, it certainly was a factor. I'm divorced because my husband was an addict. Was my 'doing it all' a factor in his sickness? How could I say it wasn't?? But the fact now is that I don't have time to seek a mate, I have a boat that has not been in the lake for 4 years... an activity that I always dreamed of sharing with my son.

I am from the generation of women who first proved 'we can do it all' and MANY of my peers and friends have done so. ALL of them would tell you there was a price paid for it. ALL. OF. THEM.

I HAVE to sleep 6-7 hours a night now because I did less for so long that I have health challenges and eye problems if I don't. THERE IS A PRICE. I would GIVE ANYTHING to have a solid marriage to a man who could provide to us. Don't be someone who didn't know what they had until it is gone... be honest with yourself. Even if you ARE able to get all the chores done all the time, aren't you giving up precious 'relationship' time with your spouse, kids, God, friends and extended family? The very relationships that feed our souls and are the real purpose for being?

Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time.
Colossians 4:5