Tuesday, August 12, 2014

No Feelings When You Get Married?

Kay Warren admitted she had no feelings for Rick Warren when she married him. A woman asked me this question when I wrote a post about it, "I agree that sustaining love is a commitment and a decision, but marrying someone you have 'no feelings for' still seems strange. I make the decision to love and honor my husband, but I also had emotional feelings for him to go along with that. I guess I'll put it this way -- if it were your own daughter planning on marrying someone she had no feelings for, would you counsel her to take caution?"

It would depend. If he was a godly man with strong roots in Jesus who had no major character flaws and she knew he would make a fabulous husband and father to her children someday, I would encourage her to marry him. If she was not attracted to him at all, I would encourage her not to marry him, however, feelings come and go and are a terrible thing to base major decisions upon.

Some may argue if she were attracted to him, it must mean she had feelings for him. Not necessarily. Many people are attracted to movie stars, rock stars, etc. but they have no feelings for them. You can be attracted to someone without any feelings.

I have a friend who wondered on her honeymoon, "What have I done?" They have been happily married for many, many years. It is difficult to even describe feelings...butterflies in tummy, tight throat, sweaty palms, and wobbly knees.. ??? I don't think any of these feeling are good indicators if the man you are dating is good marriage material!

My personal opinion is that it is better to decide with your mind who to marry than with your feelings. If they meet your major qualifications for a spouse and you are attracted to them, you most likely will develop feelings for them, even if it happens after marriage. As you seek to love, serve, please, honor, invest in, and respect your husband, you most undoubtedly will begin to have feelings {whatever that really means} towards him since you have invested so much of your time and energy into him!

The reason I am writing this is because many married women think they have no more feelings for their husbands. This is NEVER a reason to leave your husband. NEVER. You are a vow keeper, a covenant keeper, a woman who keeps her commitments to love this man until the day that you die. Mind over matter. 

 What therefore God hath joined together, 
let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:9