Kay Warren admitted she had no feelings for Rick Warren when she married him. A woman asked me this question when I wrote a post about it, "I agree that sustaining love is a commitment and a decision, but marrying someone you have 'no feelings for' still seems strange. I make the decision to love and honor my husband, but I also had emotional feelings for him to go along with that. I guess I'll put it this way -- if it were your own daughter planning on marrying someone she had no feelings for, would you counsel her to take caution?"
It would depend. If he was a godly man with strong roots in Jesus who had no major character flaws and she knew he would make a fabulous husband and father to her children someday, I would encourage her to marry him. If she was not attracted to him at all, I would encourage her not to marry him, however, feelings come and go and are a terrible thing to base major decisions upon.
Some may argue if she were attracted to him, it must mean she had feelings for him. Not necessarily. Many people are attracted to movie stars, rock stars, etc. but they have no feelings for them. You can be attracted to someone without any feelings.
I have a friend who wondered on her honeymoon, "What have I done?" They have been happily married for many, many years. It is difficult to even describe feelings...butterflies in tummy, tight throat, sweaty palms, and wobbly knees.. ??? I don't think any of these feeling are good indicators if the man you are dating is good marriage material!
My personal opinion is that it is better to decide with your mind who to marry than with your feelings. If they meet your major qualifications for a spouse and you are attracted to them, you most likely will develop feelings for them, even if it happens after marriage. As you seek to love, serve, please, honor, invest in, and respect your husband, you most undoubtedly will begin to have feelings {whatever that really means} towards him since you have invested so much of your time and energy into him!
The reason I am writing this is because many married women think they have no more feelings for their husbands. This is NEVER a reason to leave your husband. NEVER. You are a vow keeper, a covenant keeper, a woman who keeps her commitments to love this man until the day that you die. Mind over matter.
What therefore God hath joined together,
let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:9
I have a friend who wondered on her honeymoon, "What have I done?" They have been happily married for many, many years. It is difficult to even describe feelings...butterflies in tummy, tight throat, sweaty palms, and wobbly knees.. ??? I don't think any of these feeling are good indicators if the man you are dating is good marriage material!
My personal opinion is that it is better to decide with your mind who to marry than with your feelings. If they meet your major qualifications for a spouse and you are attracted to them, you most likely will develop feelings for them, even if it happens after marriage. As you seek to love, serve, please, honor, invest in, and respect your husband, you most undoubtedly will begin to have feelings {whatever that really means} towards him since you have invested so much of your time and energy into him!
The reason I am writing this is because many married women think they have no more feelings for their husbands. This is NEVER a reason to leave your husband. NEVER. You are a vow keeper, a covenant keeper, a woman who keeps her commitments to love this man until the day that you die. Mind over matter.
What therefore God hath joined together,
let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:9
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Lady Virtue · 554 weeks ago
I agree that the romantic aspect can follow marital commitment and that marriage is the arena in which to explore sex and the eros element of love. Society inverts it so that "love," as the world defines it, is the place to pursue sex and marriage, usually in that order, sadly. Only in fairly recent history has romance been considered an essential element prior to marriage; in the past, it wasn't a major consideration in many cases. And yet people married younger and stayed married for life more often then. It makes me wonder if the old paths aren't better after all...
mvstephenson 44p · 554 weeks ago
Cynthia · 554 weeks ago
I do have an unusual story of how I realized the full depth of my feelings of love for my husband, which sparked me to get serious about thinking about marriage.
We met very young, and had been dating for years. Marriage was not my top priority, and I was happy with how things were, especially since we were students, we were busy, and we were both living at home.
19 years ago, he went to volunteer at a hospital in Israel, while I had to stay home and work. One day, he was planning to go downtown, but decided to jog instead of taking the bus. That decision saved his life, as a Hamas suicide bomber blew up that bus in that stop. I saw the news on TV, and started screaming because I recognized the location and didn't know if he was alive or dead. Even after we were finally able to confirm that he was okay, I couldn't sleep or stop shaking. At that point, I knew the depth of my love for him, and that I couldn't imagine living the rest of my life without him. Within a few weeks of his return, we got engaged. [I like to think of this as a story of love winning out over hate.]
wendytamaryoung 37p · 554 weeks ago
elspethbreathinggrace 46p · 554 weeks ago
So I completely agree with this post. we often forget that marriage with warm fuzzy feelings as a foundation is a relatively new phenomena.
-Els
Abigail · 554 weeks ago
herecomestheLIGHT · 554 weeks ago