Friday, August 8, 2014

Tender Love Without Tough Love


Today's children are being raised in a feminist culture. We are told we must only give our children tender love with no tough love. I can't even write about spanking your children {training them to obey} anymore without getting blasted and called a child abuser. Now, there is "gentle parenting" where one never lets a baby cry themselves to sleep and is held constantly.

We are not allowed to keep score at games for fear of one team losing and their feelings getting hurt. Too many fathers are working hours every day for the almighty dollar causing their wives to raise the children {if the mother is even home. If not, nannies or someone else is raising them.} Women are slowly taking over all the institutions that use to be held by men ~ church and government leadership positions, doctors, etc. Even universities are mostly attended by women now.

Criminals are hardly punished anymore. Instead, innocent babies in the womb are being slaughtered daily because they may cause hardship on a mother. Schools are filled with misbehaved children since most children run the home now. There are few fathers in the home and parents are afraid of their children since they don't discipline them properly.

It is a very sad state of affairs. Joy Pullman wrote a fascinating piece near Father's Day. In it she wrote the devastation our society is experiencing since we are devaluing men and masculinity ~

This business style has seeped into the education system {or maybe it's the other way around}, which the Brits and Aussies {Yay, to all my Brit and Aussie readers!} have recognized needs to change so boys stop getting left behind, but so far Americans are pretty much ignoring that growing problem. Schools ban competition, comparisons, hierarchy, objective answers, concrete subjects and grading systems, and more male-friendly features. When society pushes female-dominated activities and behaviors ~ such as talking {and over talking}, hovering over children, aversion to risk, collective decision making, consensus-building ~ we push men to either strike back at such attempts to deny their manhood or retreat into their stinky man caves. But we don't have to promote such bipolar behavior. We can reclaim the truth that, when we're not fighting for power, man and women complete each other {this same principle applies in marriage!}.

My mom and dad balance each other the way men and women are supposed to in marriage. For one, mom absolved our faults, and dad made us see that forgiveness is not excuse for perpetual transgression. Together, they provided us tender love and tough love. Everyone needs both, because tender love without tough love becomes a chaotic free-for-all, which inflicts its own pain, while tough love without tenderness frays the soul. Without either half, a person and a society loses its balance.

Feminism so wanted to get rid of any differences between the sexes that the only sex they have accomplished getting rid of is the male sex. Women can never stop being women no matter how hard they try. They can't get rid of their emotions and their "tender love" approach. Tender love is good, but we also desperately need tough love. Applying only tender love is destroying children, families, and our society.

Let us begin by allowing our husbands their rightful place in our family, as head over it. Respect their decisions, even if you disagree, and follow his lead. Model this for your children. Let them see a representative model of what God has designed. Everything runs much more smoothly when we go along with God's design and conversely, everything goes terribly wrong when we run against it.

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, 
for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.
2 Timothy 3:16

***You can read all of  Joy Pullman's article HERE. It is well worth your time!

Comments (7)

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I agree wholeheartedly. Most shows on television depict the father as a buffoon. One more area which I struggle with is young mothers in the military. They leave their children behind months at a time. Feminism has done society so much harm! Why don't we look at women like Dorcas and Abigail?
Lady Virtue's avatar

Lady Virtue · 555 weeks ago

I read Joy's article; thanks for the recommendation and for another great post.
Lori, I get this, but what if the father is verbally abusive, always grumpy and irritated so that EVERYTHING is tough, hard, unloving love? Ken said he believe in leading through loving, but this is not the case in every home. Harsh angry words breed harsh angry children.
1 reply · active 555 weeks ago
No, not always. Children would rather have a father like that than no father at all. You give them a ton of tender love, pray earnestly for your husband then go about winning him without a word by your godly behavior. This is God's prescription for changing your husband and His way is the best way.
Shelley Payton's avatar

Shelley Payton · 555 weeks ago

Just a thought... I wonder if you'd be interested to looking into how mothers interacted with their children in ages past. In America certain aspects of child rearing have completely changed from what most other countries do and they're still doing it the way this great great great (x10) grandmother's did it. In America many people believe holding a baby too much or various other natural things will "spoil" a baby. Research shows that's not so, quite the opposite in fact. I know you put little stock in research if it contradicts the Bible but I don't believe it does in this case. Traditionally, even in Bible times, moms probably wrapped their baby and wore them on their back (or front where the baby could easily access a breastfeed nurse on demand)... in many cultures especially in years past it was normal, safer, and even expected that you would sleep with your baby and probably your children too. A family bed. Sleep training small children or babies, not holding them constantly (babies crave touch and warmth and closeness, very positive together developmentally), and trying to put them on a feeding schedule is a relatively new idea in the grand scheme of things. I just think that the "gentle parenting" movement that you seem to disagree with isn't too far from the way people in Biblical times probably did things when you think about it, especially in the 3 areas I listed above. Proverbs 31 woman would probably have worn her children! ;)
2 replies · active 555 weeks ago
As long as the husband is in agreement with gentle parenting, I have no problem with it. I am just seeing way too many children growing up to be undisciplined. As children grow up, they need a firm hand so they will grow up to obedient. They need a man's toughness since the world is a tough place.
Shelley Payton's avatar

Shelley Payton · 555 weeks ago

I'm really just referring to the last sentence in your first paragraph, nothing to do with fathers. You've made similar statements in the past about gentle parenting practices and it honestly boggles my mind. You of all people know how rotten this country is spiritually and how far people have fallen and believed in the world's ways... and historically and maybe even biblically... the way many raise their babies/small children is shocking. Not referring to discipline here, I don't disagree with that... I'm talking about all the little moments in between. Even at night. Parents don't get to clock out at bedtime.

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