The Bible does not say, "Wives, train up your husband in the way he should go..." Nowhere does it say we should teach them how to live their lives. It doesn't even say we should set boundaries with our husbands. {The only boundaries you should set with anyone is if they ask you to sin and do something completely contrary to God's Word.}
You cannot change your husband. You cannot change him through pouting, manipulation, controlling, crying, arguing, or withdrawing. Nothing like this will change your husband. You must allow the Lord to change your husband. You can keep trying to change him and destroy ALL intimacy in your marriage or you can decide to STOP and probably have the marriage you have always dreamed of having.
How do you do this? You work on changing yourself. It is that simple. Keep your finger and focus pointed on you, work on yourself, and let the Lord work on your husband. Work on having a gentle and quiet spirit. Work on rejoicing always and having a joyful spirit with a smile often on your lips. {I do find that to be the best face lift as you get older. My wrinkles don't show nearly as badly when I smile!}
Draw so close to the Lord that your husband can't help but see Him in you. The more you become like Jesus, the more your husband will be drawn to you. Pouting, manipulation, crying, etc. just pushes husbands away from their wives and builds a huge wall between you that gets thicker and thicker with each argument.
Tear down that wall! Wave the white flag of surrender. Decide today that you are no longer going to try to fix your husband. You are only going to work on fixing yourself. Lay your husband down at the foot of the cross and leave him there. Don't go back and try to pick him up. You just focus on yourself.
Spend a lot of time in God's Word and prayer. Read encouraging books and blogs. Get involved with a good church. Dwell on the lovely, the good, and the holy. Find godly friends that NEVER speak evil about their husbands. Fill your life with good things.
Finally, love your husband, flaws and all. Really love him. Accept him just the way that he is. Serve him. Find out what he loves and begin doing it for good always overcomes evil.
Confess resentment and bitterness as sin. They are in the same list of scripture as drunkenness, adultery, witchcraft, etc. Sins of the emotions may be hidden to others, but they can destroy you from the inside out. Ask God to take away those strong feelings of bitterness and unforgiveness. Let go of them!
And above all things have fervent love among yourselves:
for love shall cover a multitude of sins.
I Peter 4:8
Logging you in...
Jamie · 554 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 554 weeks ago
Diane · 554 weeks ago
As an older mom who would just love to encourage you to please just be contented where you are. I was one who was always "unsettled" in where we lived. It was enough for our family but I was just never satisfied. I needed to just let it go but couldn't. So we moved to a much larger mortgage and ended up losing everything when the economy tanked in 08. my husband worked for the auto industry for General Motors. We have still not recovered and are still renting due to poor decisions. My husband knew best and I should have just been quiet and trusted him. Please do your husband a favor and just love him and let him know that you are contented right where you are so happy to be there with him. It is very stressful on a man when he feels he can't ever make a wife happy. I wish I could take those days back but I can't. Please listen to Lori and pray about how you can be a godly helpmeet to the man who loves you and your children. He should be commended in doing such a good job of taking care of your family. Throw the papers away and stay off the real estate sites unless he asks you to look.
Cynthia · 554 weeks ago
If so, it should be clear where the money is going, and if there is any extra after expenses (including 10% to charity and savings).
If there isn't any extra, you have your answer. Dreaming of bigger places will only make you unhappy. Focus on the 10 Commandments and how we are not supposed to covet that which others have.
If there is extra, have your talked about how it will be applied? Perhaps if you picture the peace of mind that comes with knowing that you have college savings for the kids, or enough emergency savings to cover you even if something were to happen with your husband, or enough retirement savings to allow him to retire a few years earlier and enjoy spending more time with you, you could focus on that instead.
Jamie · 554 weeks ago
sheworksretail 36p · 554 weeks ago
But I go back to the example I used last time about setting boundaries - no one brings fast food into our house. My husband knows that fast food is his weakness, and it's a bad decision for both his wallet and waistline. While I don't try to control what he has for lunch at work, I asked (and he agreed) that we not bring it home for dinner.
Does the sin involved have to do with the manner of appealing to a husband? I completely agree that manipulation and whining have no place in the marriage of two adults. And I really think that there is some growing up to do if one spouse defaults to those means. But here I set a rule for our home, had a conversation with my husband about it one night, and after he agreed we implemented it in our home. This isn't an idea that would have organically come to my husband, no matter how much I focused on myself and behaviors. Am I controlling him? Maybe, but aren't I really just helping him be healthier?
Lindsay Harold · 553 weeks ago
But the trick is to encourage your husband towards being better without trying to control, force, or manipulate him. Laying down a rule that he cannot bring fast food into the home is not your place to decide for him. But talking to him about it and deciding on a rule together for your family is fine. It may even be appropriate in some circumstances to gently remind him of the rule he agreed to if he forgets several times in a short period of time (Sort of like "Didn't we agree not to have fast food in the house? Just thought I'd remind you of that. I guess it's your choice though." And then drop it.), but it is not okay to berate him or complain about his choices.
thejoyfilledwife 62p · 554 weeks ago
When we were on the brink of losing everything during my husband's addiction, I remember him sitting me down and telling me that we could end up homeless in a matter of weeks. I was not surprised because I was aware that God was trying to get my husband's attention, but you can imagine it was not something I was looking forward to. I was quite pregnant at the time and I think that wives tend to value their homes more than husbands do because it's their domain to care for and raise their children. I think most men, even if it's not their first choice, would be fairly content just camping out at different campsites, or living out of their car, if absolutely necessary. I believe that most men would not strive to have beautiful homes if they weren't married. They would probably be content with something small.
When my husband told me the news that day, although I felt sad, I tried to keep my chin up and my eyes focused on Christ. I told my husband, "Sweetie, if we have to pitch a tent and go from campsite to campsite, we'll make an adventure out of it. If we have to sell all we have and live in the car, I'll still be grateful for a roof over our head and a way to get around."
God did get my husband's attention and we didn't end up having to do either of those things, but I would have been willing to make the best of it, even if it would have been very difficult living out of a car with children and a newborn on the way. Because my husband was living in sin when this all came about, I fully recognized that it may have taken us actually living that way for a while in order for my husband to come to repentance. As I've mentioned before, part of being our husband's helpmeet is being willing to stand beside him in the muddy trenches, even if you weren't the one who dug them in the first place. I accepted the fact that I may have had to live in less than desirable -- or practical -- conditions in order for my husband to bring his focus back to Christ and to walk in victory. No matter the cost, I was willing to do that, in order that he may come to repentance.
The things of this world are fun for a time, but may we always remember that we should never strive for material things at the expense of our relationships. What wise advice you all have given, sisters!
Kathy · 554 weeks ago
Sarah · 554 weeks ago
I'm wondering what makes you say this. Of course we need boundaries even if we aren't asked to sin. It's not for your neighbor to come to your house every morning for coffee. But if she is imposing herself on you daily making your life difficult to manage you tell her you can only see her a couple times a week. Boundaries are not to control other people, but to control ourselves.
Have you ever read Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend? They base their work on scripture. Many Christians make this mistake that boundaries are selfish. This is simply not true when boundaries are designed and executed properly.
Colleen · 554 weeks ago
Of course by then I had a ridiculous grin on my face. Lol but it really showed me that my actions could make or break us. If I nagged or accused him of not reading his Bible enough it would probably drive him away further.
This post was very timely for me. Thank you for encouraging wives and mothers everywhere!
thejoyfilledwife 62p · 554 weeks ago