Always Learning: Taking Your Husband's Last Name

Monday, August 18, 2014

Taking Your Husband's Last Name

Emily took Steven's last name last week. Her father walked her down the isle towards Steven. He stood between Emily and Steven. Her father has been her protection from the time she was born. He loved her, provided for her, and protected her. Steven went to her father awhile ago and asked her father for her hand in marriage.

Emily took her father's name when she was born since her father was her protector. When the three of them stood before the pastor, he asked Steven if he would protect, care for, and love Emily until one of them should die. Steven made a vow that he indeed would do all those things for her.

Then the pastor asked Emily's father who was giving this woman to this man. He responded, "Her mother and I." A transfer of protection happened in that moment. Steven and Emily joined hands. When they were announced as husband and wife, the pastor said, "May I introduce to you Dr. and Mrs. Steven Alexander." Emily had taken Steven's name now that he had vowed to take over protection of Emily from her father.

Several years ago, I heard Dennis Prager tell this young man who was interested in a young woman but didn't want to take his last name to RUN! He encouraged the young man to never marry a woman who refused to take his last name. She would be preferring her father's protection and name over her husband's.

When we marry, we become one with our husband. He becomes our source of protection and provision and we become his help meet. It is such a beautiful picture of Christ and His church. When we believe in Jesus, we begin calling ourselves Christians. We take on a new name with a new identity in the same way that Emily now has a new name and a new identity. She is Steven's help meet with his last name.

All of the young women in my family, my daughters and daughters-in-law, changed their names on their Facebook pages almost immediately after they got married. They were thrilled to take on their husbands' last names. They wanted to be clearly identified with them. It was something they were proud and very happy about, unlike many in our "enlightened" society.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother,

and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

Ephesians 5:31

***HERE is a short video of their wedding!

Comments (52)

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Cynthia · 553 weeks ago

What would you advise for couple who live in Quebec, where the law requires the use of birth names only? Applying for a legal change of name there is a process that can cost thousands of dollars, and the government doesn't approve all requests.

4 replies · active 553 weeks ago

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Brit · 553 weeks ago

What a beautiful wedding and video! I wish those wedding videos were popular when I got married, I just live them! Congrats to your family! My husband said it would be a deal breaker if I didn't take his name, which wasn't an issue at all. I remember dreaming and writing my name with his last name a couple months before getting engaged. ;) He looks at it as a big sign of disrespect.

1 reply · active 553 weeks ago

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Pup · 553 weeks ago

I don't really understand the idea of being "under someone's protection" -- what does that mean in practical terms? I can understand it psychologically, as in a feeling that someone is there to protect me, is that it? But then that wouldn't be dependent on whose name I have, that would be a matter of the depth of relationship I have with another person.

I am close with someone who never married, so she still has her father's name, but she is an adult in her 50s and her father has passed on. She is competent and capable -- what kind of protection is she in need of?

10 replies · active 553 weeks ago

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Lydia · 553 weeks ago

Congratulations on your daughter's beautiful wedding. I hope that they are blessed with a wonderful and loving marriage.

My former husband and I have a daughter. He passed away suddenly and I remarried after several years. I chose to kept my old married name so there would not be any issues with my daughter's school or with traveling with her abroad. While she considers my new husband as her step-father, she still remembers her father. You forget that "protectors" can pass away, and some of us women find love again and remarry and there may be circumstances that may not make it feasible for women to take on their husbands' last names. My "protector", my current husband, is a wonderful man. I do not think that he thinks any less of me, because I did not take his last name. Nobody thinks any less of me. In fact, my husband even considered adding my last name (yes, my married last name) to his last name out of respect for me and my daughter. I doubt God cares about the name on my driver's license or passport, as much as He cares whether I love my husband, my daughter, my family, and friends.

2 replies · active 553 weeks ago

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helen · 553 weeks ago

Dear Lori
Just had to comment again after watching the most beautiful wedding video, oh my goodness, I was really touched and teary!. They both looked amazing and you looked so lovely too!. Yours and Kens hearts must be really full of joy to have all your children in God fearing marriages.
Many many congratulations to the newly weds and may God bless them richly all the days of their lives.
Blessings
Helen UK

1 reply · active 553 weeks ago

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Peggie · 553 weeks ago

I am glad you posted this! I posted it on my facebook page and hope this is ok. For facebook I have my long line of names for those that may try to find me. I was married, widowed and remarried. But the name I use is my current husband. He is my protector and took the vows.

1 reply · active 553 weeks ago

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Lady Virtue · 553 weeks ago

I fully agree that a woman should take her husband's last name immediately after marrying him. In fact, he should express where he stands on that issue prior to marrying, in my opinion. Just as I think it's a red flag when a woman says she won't take her husband's surname upon marriage, it's also a bad sign when a man says he doesn't care if his wife takes and uses his surname or not. Men have been badly indoctrinated by feminism as well as women.

I gladly claimed my husband's surname upon marriage as my own! I'm part of his family now, and wouldn't have it any other way. :)

1 reply · active 553 weeks ago

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Jamie · 553 weeks ago

I took my husband's last name mostly because I want to have the same last name as my children. My husband is a different ethnicity, and I really don't like having a last name that doesn't match my ethnicity. I teach classes and people sign up for my class thinking they're getting one "type" of person and they're actually getting another. Anyways, I have noticed that Asian and Latin American women keep their last names. So I guess it is just a cultural thing that we change ours.
I have to admit that it also bums me out that my last name is dying. All of the female cousins in my family got married and had kids, but the guys have been totally non-procreative!

3 replies · active 553 weeks ago

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sheila payne · 553 weeks ago

Best Wedding Video Ever!! you looked beautiful Lori. I totally agree with the taking of your husband's name.

1 reply · active 553 weeks ago

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sheworksretail 36p · 553 weeks ago

I'm curious your thoughts on professional married women keeping their names, like I did. I have no issue being Mrs. Spouse in social settings but my professional name marches my degrees. My MIL kept her maiden name and my husband really had no opinion either way. I think of our wedding bands as our symbols of unity and connectedness and never thought of my last name that way.

3 replies · active 553 weeks ago

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Linda · 553 weeks ago

I'm a new reader to this blog and really enjoy the posts. I identify with the mission listed in Lori's profile. It's pretty amazing to see all the changes that have occurred since my birth in 1951. The ones that dismay me the most concern the family - feminism, cohabitation, divorce, morality, etc. When we stray from God's plan for marriage and His church we sin. I grew up in a world where married adults were introduced as Mr.& Mrs. I remember the first time I met a woman who insisted on the title of Ms. Wilson Summers. I thought how strange that a married woman wanted to be addressed as Ms. plus her maiden name and her husband's name. At the time I didn't realize the significance of what was happening to society. You may think that taking your husband's name is a choice. Maybe you like the sound of your name. But the Christian woman finds her identity in Christ. She eagerly seeks His word for her decisions. This a good article! For me it's more than about changing your name. Dig a little deeper and you find such topics as feminism, individuality, and the headship of Christ. I agree with Dennis Prager's comments but would like to add to his observation of the woman preferring her father's protection. I believe that maintaining your maiden name also identifies you as a single woman. I haven't used my maiden name for 45 yrs. and when it's mentioned I always think of myself as young single girl.

2 replies · active 552 weeks ago

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Anna · 553 weeks ago

Speaking of names and academic degrees: I recently finished my PhD, so when I am going to marry my boyfriend, the pastor will introduce us as "Dr. and Mr...".

Does that sound inappropriate? Would you change that during the wedding ceremony?

5 replies · active 549 weeks ago

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randomlyrachels 64p · 553 weeks ago

I was extremely happy to take my husband's last name when we got married--I love that with our shared last name I do feel like we are our own little family. However, it's worth noting that in some cultures, the wife taking the husband's last name just isn't done--in some of the countries I've lived, women keep their birth name throughout their life, although most of them are called "mrs. husband's surname" even though that isn't their legal name. That was a little confusing to my family when we first moved to Asia!

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Tiffany · 553 weeks ago

Love this! I couldn't agree more. :)

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elspethbreathinggrace 46p · 553 weeks ago

Loved the video, Lori. Very beautiful wedding.

It's already been noted that there are many cultures where women changing their names just isn't done, and I'll add that the practice often has nothing to do with feminist influence.

Here in the West however, taking your husband's name is an important and unifying thing to do.

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Sherry Jennings · 553 weeks ago

EXCELLENT POST!! In marriage counseling, we encourage wives who haven't to please do take their husband's name- it's part of the leaving and cleaving process. I hadn't thought about the protection aspect. It's right on, thanks for sharing!! I'm stopping over from www.intentionallyyours.org.

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Tam · 553 weeks ago

Oh, my, what a beautiful, touching video! Thank you for graciously sharing it with us, your readers! I wish your son and daughter-in-law many happy years together! Can I also say how lovely it is to see an elegant, modest wedding gown and brides' maids dresses! Wonderful choice, ladies!

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Sue B. · 553 weeks ago

Beautiful wedding, beautiful couple! Congratulations!

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