Tension Makes A Good Marriage?

"Being human is being in conflict. Is not fighting normal? 'No, it's not normal. The couple that never fights and always gets along is aiming too low if you aim for the kind of intimacy, the kind of oneness that I strive for in my marriage. I want to be close to my wife. When you aim high, you recognize the obstacles in your own nature that get in the way of that and that's where the tension comes. Aim low and you're doing fine. Be a happy roommate and you'll have no problem.' "

This was a conversation recently on Focus On The Family with Dr. Larry Crabb who has written many marriage books. Do you understand what he said? Can you find anywhere in the Bible that supports his position? I have listened to several of the marriage programs on Focus On The Family and they usually say many good things but when it comes to conflict in marriage, I disagree with them.

Here are a few verses from the Bible about arguing and conflict ~

Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, 

because you know they produce quarrels.

2 Timothy 2:23

What causes fights and quarrels among you? 

Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?

James 4:1

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4:31,32

I can tell you, Ken and I spent the first 23 years of our marriage in almost constant conflict and it made for a very difficult marriage.  I know couples who have never argued and they have wonderful marriages.

How do we have marriages without conflict?

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, 

as unto the Lord.

Ephesians 5:22

It is as simple as that. I find the very few times that Ken and I argue now, I can ALWAYS look back and see that I was being unsubmissive or disrespectful. We both agree nothing good comes from conflict and arguing. There can only be one leader in the family. We are called to be help meets to our husbands, not in combat with them.

Yes, fighting is normal in a marriage when we are walking in the flesh but when we are walking in the Spirit, being led by the Lord and His ways, NO, fighting is not normal.

***Here is the next portion of John MacArthur's message on
God's Plan For Younger Women.