Craving Happiness

Do you crave to be happy or holy?  Most people crave to be happy.  Our constitution even states we have the right to pursue happiness.  So we go about our lives trying to be happy.  We work to get things and go places.  We watch love stories and read romance novels dreaming of our Prince Charming. 

If you have no morals behind your happiness, you will sleep with whoever you want, eat as much as you want, drink as much as you want, take as many drugs as you want, try and get everything you can for free, and do just about anything in your quest for happiness.

None of those things will bring true happiness.  Maybe for a moment or two but no more than that.  However, if you seek holiness, you just might find happiness. 

As you seek God, He fills you with Himself. 

As you seek to love others, they start loving you back. 

As you seek to please your husband, tadaa!...he might just start wanting to please you. 

As you seek to work hard and be generous, you will reap rewards like gaining a sense of accomplishment, satisfaction from a job well done, and people being generous back to you.

Now some may argue we should never do anything expecting anything in return.  I don't agree with that.  The Bible speaks often about rewards and reaping what we sow.  God also tells us about disciplining us to make us more like Him and destroying evil.  We must live our lives in reverant fear of God and doing things His way.  He is a rewarder of those who earnestly seek Him and I have found His rewards to be very good indeed.

As obedient children, do not be conformed to the
passions of your former ignorance,
but as he who called you is holy,
you also be holy in all your conduct,
since it is written,
“You shall be holy, for I am holy."
I Peter 1:14-16

Satisfaction At Home

Women and men now find it difficult to believe that a life centered around the home can satisfy their needs for personal fulfillment and genuine achievement.

{Radical Homemakers}

Women have been taught women that a life at home raising babies and taking care of their husbands and children not fulfilling. They needed to get an education and career to find happiness. Housewives were bored and unfulfilled being at home all day. Many women believed this to be true.

Women have left their homes in droves to pursue careers and fulfillment outside the home.  Are they any happier? I don't think so. They feel torn between their jobs and their families.  This doesn't sound like the fulfillment they were promised.

When we regain connection with all that sustains us, we regain creative spirit. We rediscover the joy that comes with using our hands and our minds in union to nourish, nurture and delight our families.

Since leaving the home, this seems to be the result ~

Millions more compulsively view television, video games, and pornography; play the stock market; overeat; shop for things they don't need, and flee their helplessness and hopelessness in countless other ways. Increasingly the US economy is based on diversions and anesthetizations.

Dr. Micheal Yapko found that in those societies where depression is less prevalent, there is less emphasis on technology and consumerism and greater emphasis on family and community. Our actual needs are so much larger emotionally and so much smaller materially than we have come to describe them in American society.

Teach the young women to be...keepers at home. 
Titus 2:5

Julia Child's Marriage

We watched  Julie And Julia the other night. I loved watching the interaction between Julia and her husband. They adored each other. She was always laughing and happy with him. She listened to him and you could tell that she greatly respected him. She would come home every day during lunch to make love to him. It wasn't a chore to her. It was fun and exciting.

Too many women think of making love to their husbands as a chore. We forget it is an important part of loving our husbands. Don't forget to enjoy your husband. You did while you were dating him so I am sure you can while you are married. Forget trying to change him and being critical towards him. 

It is so enjoyable to watch a husband and wife enjoying each other; laughing, talking, and flirting with each other. This seems to be the best testimony for marriage. People enjoy being around happily married couples. Work on becoming that kind of a couple.

The very best gift you can give your children is a happy marriage. They would love seeing their mommy and daddy loving each other. This is their greatest security. Happy, secure marriages make for happy, secure children.

Start being playful with your husband. Laugh at his jokes.Smile at him often.  Enjoy making love to him. Everyone benefits...society, children, and yourself.

Let your fountain be blessed:

and rejoice with the wife of your youth.

Proverbs 5:18

Dealing with a Vexed Husband

So your husband seems to be always upset with you and goes snap, crackle, pop at almost anything you do, or even suggest.  Is he abrupt with you or launches hand grenades when you feel that a simple "yes" or "no," or better yet a gentle response might do?

The vexed spouse, which comes in both genders, can be the result of many issues, and most can be traced back to an underlying root of anger, resentment, anxiety, a sense of feeling out of control, or simply a bad habit learned from Dad. The response to what just happened is often tied to things that are far from the immediate circumstances.

To understand why your spouse is vexed, or seemingly abrupt all day long requires that you look into his life and try to figure out what bad thinking is leading to this bad behavior.  Yes, you cannot stop bad behavior until you first find the lies and replace them with the truth. 

This is the process of personal and spiritual growth, to look behind the behavior and discover the lies one is living by, and uproot the lies and replace them with truth. Getting to one's lies is the most difficult part of the attempt to change any behavior, but if your spouse is a follower of Jesus you have much of the battle already won because Jesus lives inside of both of you!. 

It is best to stop telling and start asking sincere questions. 

Instead of saying, "You are always mean to me and I do not appreciate your tone of voice and constant irritation!" you might instead say with a smile, and in the right timing, "Honey, why is it that when we have sex you treat me so special and then much of the day you seem irritated with me. Is there something I could do differently to get you to be gentle and nice to me all the time?" 

If you get him to open up as to what is bothering him about your relationship you can then go about trying to help solve his angst, keeping in mind that even if you were perfect, your stressed out man may still need to deal with deeper issues. To get to the deeper issues try to show him that you have taken yourself out of the equation by trying to please him. Although he may now think you are his irritant, the reality may well be that it is his own lies and bad thinking that are the true source of his irritations.

If he tells you that you are not the problem, but instead it is the stresses of work, or of money, or of other life issues, you can again ask questions to help him see that although life has its stresses at times, taking them out on you, his best friend, will not help.  Getting your man to open up about what is really bothering him can be a difficult thing to do, but gently keep pressing, but only at the most opportune times.  Finding the lies is your goal, and once found, gently remind him of the truth, especially the truth of your unconditional love and commitment to him, and of God's love and  promises.

Unfortunately, your man may be habitually vexed and to gain necessary change will take a long time of gentle questioning and reassurances that you are on his team no matter what happens. The habitually vexed have grown comfortable with their abrupt and irritated manners.  They do not see how destructive and selfish they can be to their spouse, and they will not see it clearly until they can stop the habit for at least 30 days.  

Once I was able to stop my vexation with Lori, I quickly saw how ugly I had been with her for far too many years.  Yes, she was not perfect, but the way I responded to her was not gentle or kind, and it only served to drive a bigger wedge between us. I asked her to hold me accountable for each and every time I was not kind or gentle in my response by simply saying my name.  I heard "Ken, Ken, Ken" a lot for about a month, and now eight years later I never hear her gentle calling of my name as a reminder of my commitment to be gentle to her. Sometimes if I was really hot she would wait until the next day to bring my eruption or abruptness to my attention and gained a quick apology from me.

If you can get your man to ask for accountability in this area you will quickly accelerate the process of change. He may be willing to make a game out of this difficult and hurtful issue, where you have fun punishments and rewards, just so that he will quickly recognize the behavior so that the habit and bad thinking can be flushed out with new habits and new truths. Men love to win and enjoy competition, and the rewards.

Thank God that He grows us up into Christ Jesus and that we can overcome our sins.  If we say that our spouse is the one we love the most in the whole wide world we should be treating them with the greatest amount of grace, kindness and consideration, especially with our words, tone of voice and body language. Learning how to explore inner thinking to find the lies and replace them with the truth can lead to significant and permanent behavior changes as we renew our minds with the key truth that we are to become like Christ.

Written by Ken to be shared with your husbands

For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.

2 Cor. 10:4-5

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing   that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2

Making The Bed

My sisters have very pretty beds.  They like the sheets folded back just so and the pretty pillows placed in a special order.  Their husbands know this and when my sisters don't have time to make the beds, their husbands make it just the way they like it!

My sisters have learned  and practice biblical submission.  Neither of them were too good at it when they were younger but now have wonderful marriages.  Both husbands are very happy men and like pleasing their wives.  They are the leaders in the family and they are good leaders.

Women don't seem to know that when they start loving and serving their husbands, their husbands will love and serve them, even in the little things.  You reap what you sow, but why is this concept so difficult to understand?

I have always been a woman who seeks after God.  I have always wanted to please Him.  Carol Hopson {my mentor} asked what opened my eyes to the truth of biblical submission.  I told her it was Debi Pearl's book.  Debi told me I needed to start smiling at my husband and enjoying him.  She told me I needed to stop trying to change him.

How come I didn't see that in all the hours of Bible study I have done in my life?  God tells us to love Him and love others.  It is so simple.  If you truly love others, you will want to make them happy, even in the little things.  You won't always want your way.  You will want to serve them.

Thankfully, it is never too late to change.  My sisters and I all have good, solid marriages that have withstood the test of time.  God has been good and gracious to us and very patient!  We must be good, gracious, and patient with others.

What little thing does your husband like you to do?  Ask him and next time he needs it done, surprise him by doing it!

She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

Proverbs 31:12

Protect Them From Evil

When I was a child I knew almost nothing of evil...Was our home not a place of humility and purity?  I think it was.  It was also a place of peace.  We never heard our parents raise their voices to each other, and very seldom to us. 

These words were written by Elizabeth Elliot in her book The Shaping Of A Christian Family.  She had an amazing childhood with godly parents.  I heard her speak in chapel when I went to Westmont College many years ago.  She was the only chapel speaker I remember and the only words spoken that I remember from all four years I attended Westmont.

She said if you were to write all of your blessings on a piece of paper and you were raised in a good home with godly parents, this should be the first thing on your list.  The older I get, the more I see the wisdom in those words.

Alyssa traveled all around the world with a ballet company for nine years.  She heard so many stories of painful childhoods from many of the people she met along the way.  It convinced her of the value of a stable, godly home.

We tried protecting our children from evil, especially when they were young.  We wanted them to enjoy their childhood and not worry about the evil in the world.  As they grew older, I told them to never fear what is happening in the world but to always trust in the Lord.  He would protect them and take care of them.

Thankfully, my children rarely heard Ken and me argue.  We saved that for our walks.  They remember a peaceful home.  I am not much of a yeller either.  I was bossy and controlling but I didn't struggle with moodiness, anger, or yelling.

My children are all secure.  Stable, godly homes produce secure children.  Of course, the most important thing we did for them was to teach them who they were in Christ and that knowing and loving Jesus was the most important thing in life.

I encourage you to protect your children from evil.  Watch carefully over the books they read, the movies they watch, and the friends they hang around with.  If you don't protect them, nobody will.  It is your duty as a parent to make sure they are raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Philippians 4:8

Growing In Our Circumstances

God doesn't want us to focus on getting out of our circumstances, He wants to grow us and bless us and use us IN our circumstances.
Carol Hopson

When people are unhappy in their marriages, they want out.  They believe that if they can get out of their marriage, they will be happy.  It is a lie.

This life isn't about being happy.  It is about doing God's will, loving others, and becoming more like Jesus.  When you truly believe this, you will do your part in saving your marriage.

When I mentor women, the first thing I try to get them to see is their part in the destruction of their marriage.  We somehow think that all of our problems are from other people and not ourselves.  When we are true with ourselves and can admit our sins, we can then start changing.

If you aren't happy in your marriage, my suggestion to you is to forget yourself and start doing everything you can to make your husband happy.  The more we can get our minds off of ourselves, the happier we will be and the more others will enjoy being around us.

I have heard that the greatest cure for depression is to start serving and helping others.  I think God knew what He was talking about when He commanded us to love others.  He knew this would bring the greatest joy in our lives.

Then, miracle of miracles, as you start loving others, you may forget all about your problems and start becoming joyful!  Then you will start looking more and more like Jesus and your husband won't be able to help himself when he starts loving you like crazy.

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ.

Philippians 1:6

Wise Women, Wifey Wednesday

It's Not Fair!!!

I started into one of my famous discipline lectures. Yes, my best form of discipline was a long lecture that got to the heart of the problem and opened up the minds of my children to the truth. Teach right thinking and you will gain right behavior and attitudes. After this lecture we never once heard the words again “It’s not fair!”

It’s not fair!

You are exactly right! It’s not fair that you were born into this family. You could have been born to a family in Africa or India and have one set of clothes and live in a tin hut. You get three meals a day and lots of snacks when much of the world gets one full meal and many go to bed hungry.

It’s not fair!

You get to go on vacation in one of the most ideal places in the U.S. at Grandma’s beautiful cabin right on the lake, which Grandpa worked so hard to afford. You have two parents who love you and care for you, who laugh with you and play with you, when some children have only one parent or no parents at all.

No… life is not fair!

We have been blessed to be born into a loving Christian family and in the place and time of history that kings and queens of old would have given their right arm to have experienced. Refrigerators, ovens, microwaves, televisions, cars and boats and planes… toilet tissue and running hot water… these are luxuries to a small percentage of all the people who ever lived, and you and I get to experience them.

You don’t want fair!

You want your parents to be generous with you. You want us to look at each and every one of your needs and to give you what is best for you, not everything you want in life. Just because you want something does not mean it is the best for you, and you have to allow your parents to treat each one of you differently so that we can give you the best.

Giving everyone the same thing is not fair!

Thank God that he does not give us all the exact same things in life, but He gives us what He knows is best for us to learn and grow as His children. Do you all want the same Christmas gifts? Do you all want to go to the same schools, study the same subjects, play the same sports, and attend the exact same colleges? Do you want to wear the same clothes and eat exactly the same things? Sleep in the exact same bed and play with the same toys?

So do not ask us to be fair! 

You do not want fairness from your parents, but instead you want our love and generosity. God is not fair with us, but is gracious and generous, kind and loving. If we got what we deserve we would be most miserable, but instead, God and your parents give you the good things of life as we try to give you our best.

Instead, ask that you too learn to be generous and to serve others. To give up things and privileges so that your brothers and sisters can get what they want and need. If everyone in a family is willing to seek the best interest of the others, then fairness is a non-issue. Instead generosity and love become so much more important than making sure you get everything you want or feel you deserve.

Parents, don’t be fair with your children!

Instead be generous, and teach them that fairness is a much lower standard than serving and sacrifice. Seek the best interest of others and watch what God will do in the lives of those who serve Him to change them from the inside out in a way that the things and pleasures of life can never do.

And whosoever of you will be the greatest must become servant of all.

Mark 10:44

Written by Ken Alexander
Are there any other topics you would like to hear from him?

Melting A Hardened Heart

Therefore if your enemy hungers, feed him; if he thirsts, give him drink: for in so doing you shall heap coals of fire on his head.  {Romans 12:20}

Heaping burning coals upon your enemies head sounds about right.  However, it doesn't mean what you think it means.  It means that if someone is cruel to you, mean, or has a hardened heart, heaping burning coals {love} upon their head will melt their hardened heart.

Love is healing.  It works miracles.  This is why Jesus commands us to love others no matter how difficult they are to love.  Every one needs to be loved.  Most people that are unhappy haven't been loved correctly.

Loving your children means disciplining them properly.  It means setting boundaries.  It means being gentle, kind, and warm with them.  It means treating them with respect.

Loving your husband means submitting to his leadership.  It means respecting him as your head.  It means learning what pleases him and serve him gladly.

Loving your mean mother-in-law means being kind to her even when she is unkind to you.  It means serving her regardless how she treats you.

You don't win any one by being angry or cold with them.  Love is quick to forgive and difficult to offend.  It is not being hard, sharp, or legalistic.  It is being merciful.  It is living with peace with all men.  It is overcoming evil with good.

Are Men Idiots?

Men are idiots. We work hard to date and pursue our girlfriend, but once we marry our girlfriend it all stops. The man who dated, wooed, and passionately pursued his girlfriend degenerates into the husband who merely shares a home, bills, conflict, and problems with his wife. {Taken from this article.}

This author makes some very good points.  It would be wonderful if men continued dating their wives and treating them like they did before they got married.  The only problem is that most women do not treat their husband like they did before they got married.

Calling men idiots is what our society likes to do, blame it all on the men.  Yes, men are responsible for a lot of things but so are women.  Many men aren't idiots.  They marry their wives desiring a good marriage but their wives start treating them like a child instead of a husband.  Men have a very hard time treating a wife romantically if their wife treats them like a child.

From my experience, when wives start loving and pleasing their husbands, the husbands want to treat their wives special.  They want to start dating them again because they have fun with them and enjoy being with them.  When a wife nags and complains, a husband doesn't desire to date his wife.  Who wants to date a nag?

There is a reason there are so many Bible verses about quarreling and arguing wives.  We are very good at it!  We can, however, decide to stop that behavior and start winning our husbands without a word.

I thought it was interesting that this man interviewed many people asking them how many great marriages they saw around them.  Most could only think of one or two.  He then proceeds to explain how they can have a great marriage. Date their wives!  It is a very good start and I think it is a good article for men to read.

However, I don't think it will work that well unless the wives decide to accept and appreciate their husbands just the way they are now.  If they can do that, this dating thing will work very well!

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop

than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs 21:9

P.S.  The couple in the picture is one we mentored before marriage.  They love being married, he is an amazing husband, and they still date a lot!!!

Raising Happy Children

We may look upon rules laid down for children as the stakes and ties that keep the vine from rank growth and entangle it to produce the best fruit, while the pruning might represent the parents' chastening...The obedient child is the happiest child. 

Elizabeth Elliott

Today's parents seem to be afraid of making rules for their children.  They are afraid their children will rebel if they have rules.  They mistakenly think if they give them everything they want and let them do what they want, they will be happy.

God gives us a lot of rules to live by.  His Word is full of guidance for us.  We are to dwell on the lovely and good, help those in need, be generous and kind, hate what is evil and cling to what is good, along with many other commands.

He tells us to train our children in the way they are to go.  We were "strict" parents as many of you know.  We had quite a few rules for our children.  We were careful what friends they hung out with, what television shows and movies they watched, and they couldn't date through high school.

We disciplined our children for misbehavior.  A few times we spanked them when they were very young for not obeying us.  Later, we used time out or other creative ways to help them learn self-control and be disciplined.

My children were happy.  No, we weren't perfect parents and I will never claim  I was but we did do some things right.  Obedient children are the happiest children.  Obedient, happy people make the world a better place.  Disobedient, unhappy people make the world worse.

Train your children to be self-controlled.  They will reap the consequences of a disciplined life and you will reap the consequences of happy children.

Discipline your son, and he will give you rest;

he will give delight to your heart.

Proverbs 29:17

Admiring His Masculinity

Both male and female brains receive a measure of testosterone, but the female brain gets only small injections of the hormone while the male brain is flooded with it {inside the womb}.  And testosterone makes a huge difference,  it stimulates strength, drive, and aggression, giving the average male a focus on power, competition, and winning. 

The low testosterone levels in the average female put her focus on nurturing, affection, sensitivity, and personal connections.  The bulk of the man's communication is in pursuit of his competitive goals.  The bulk of the woman's is in pursuit of relationships.

{Dr. Gary Smalley}

Now you can see why marriages are in deep trouble. Today's society is trying to teach you there is no difference between men and women. They are lying to you. There is a huge difference. The more that you understand this difference, the happier your marriage will become.

Instead of trying to make your husband become more sensitive, you will understand that he is not a woman and God has created him to go out and fight for survival. 

Instead of trying to get your husband to talk more, you will understand that he has used up his 10,000 words for the day and you still have 20,000 words left, so you will call your girlfriend. 

Instead of turning him down for sex again, you will understand that he has ten times the testosterone that you have and will be happy to meet that need for him. 

Instead of getting angry with him when he yells at the referee, you will smile and think he is just being a competitive man. 

You will admire his masculine traits for now on instead of trying to make him into a woman. 

You will understand when he doesn't notice your haircut or buy you flowers, but softly ask him if he likes your hair. 

Love the differences between the two of you instead of despise them. I wouldn't want to be married to another women. Yuck! Too much estrogen and too many similarities. Children like the differences between their moms and dads. All children if given the choice want a mom and dad instead of two moms or two dads. 

Each sex has something unique and special to add to the raising of children and the home.  Admire and cherish those differences. Why don't you go and tell your husband you love his masculine qualities and start appreciating him for who God made him?

But from the beginning of the creation 
God made them male and female.

Mark 10:6

Trust God And Do Good

A pretty simple motto to live by.  I have been reading Psalm 37 every day lately and meditating upon it.  It has so many wonderful promises and directions for life.

Trust in the Lord, and do good;
so shalt thou dwell in the land,
and verily thou shalt be fed. 
Delight thyself also in the Lord;
and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.  {verses 4,5}

The more I have learned to trust in the Lord and wait patiently upon Him, the more peace I have in my life.  It takes away the need to control and manipulate others and situations.  His ways are best.

We should be known for doing good.   All of our actions towards others should be considered good.  Whether you are changing your baby's diaper or helping your neighbor out, consider them as offerings to the Lord.   If you do this, you shall dwell in the land and be fed.  We don't need to worry about a thing.

Many of you single women want to be married.  Many of you married women want to have children.  Believe God.  He tells us to delight ourselves in Him and He will give us the desires of our heart.  Wanting to be married and have children are desires from God Almighty.  Never be ashamed of those desires.  Thank the Lord for the godly spouse He is preparing for you and for the children He will bless you with and then wait patiently upon Him and His timing.

While you are waiting, make it your ambition in life to do good.  Whatever your hand finds to do, do it mightily as unto the Lord.  If you are in college, do your very best and love all those God puts into your path.  Be involved in a local church and find a ministry that you enjoy there.  Be full of doing good things for this is what the Lord requires of you.

So continue trusting in the Lord and doing good.  This is the way to an abundant life!

Husbands Need To Confront

There aren't many men who read my blog but for those of you who do, I think you need to start speaking up and being the leader in the home.  Ken so wishes he would have spoken up years ago and told me I was treating him with disrespect.

If you have a wife who is constantly grumpy, negative, disrespects you, nags and tries manipulating her, start telling her what she is doing is wrong.  Tell her she respects other people more than she respects you and she is commanded by God to respect you.  Start confronting her with her sin. 

I am sure she has told you what your sins are many times.  The Bible admonishes us to rebuke and admonish others and if you can't do this with your own wife, who can you do it with?  

I think a lot of husbands are afraid of their wives.  Wives wield a lot of power in relationships with their moods and ability to withhold sex.  This is why it is much harder for a marriage to improve when just dealing with the husbands. 

Almost all marriages have dramatically changed as I have mentored the women.  But I think the husbands can help by speaking truth to their wives. 

If you have been reading this blog, you now know what a godly wife should look like.  Start speaking truth to her and start praying she will listen.  Hopefully, she will take what you have to say to heart and see her sin in the marriage.  The biggest key to changing behavior is to see it, confess it, and work on changing it. 

So be leaders, men, and start taking the lead in your families.  It may not work but as you are the head of the home, it is your responsibility to act like the head and lead your wife down the right path.

But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things,
who is the head, even Christ.
Ephesians 4:15

For the husband is the head of the wife,
 even as Christ is the head of the church:
and he is the savior of the body.
Ephesians 5:23

Wise Woman

Protect Their Creativity

There were few diversions for children in the early twentieth century, and one gets the distinct impression that they were happier because of it. 
{Elizabeth Elliott}

We had television when I was young, but that was it.  There were no computers, iPads, cell phones, DVDs, or video games.  Television got boring after awhile so we spent most of our time outside swimming, making up games, having a neighborhood Good News club, playing school, riding bikes, etc.  Our activities caused us to be involved with other people, real live people.

Today's children have been cheated.  I rarely see children outside playing anymore.  Even when my children were young, we would all gather in the cul-de-sac.  The mothers would sit around and talk while the children would play together.  My children were outside playing a lot of the time.  Alyssa was always making up plays with her siblings.  They did a lot of creative play.

Children don't seem to be doing this anymore.  All of this new technology has taken them away from reality and imagination and put them into continual entertainment mode.  There is little time to be still and hear that still small Voice. 

Our enemy must love this.  It is causing a generation of overweight and lazy children.  I know there are many of you have children who work hard and don't sit around expecting to be entertained all day but you, I think, are the exception.

Children need to be bored.  They need to learn to use their imaginations and be creative.  They need to be taught to work hard and not expect hand outs.  We need to be protecting them from all of these diversions which can lead them away from godliness and hard work.

They also need fresh air and exercise.  They need to keep their minds active through reading and playing outside.  They also need to have healthy interaction with others face-to-face.

Don't let this new technological age steal the minds and hearts of your children.  Watch over them carefully and protect them.  They may thank you for it someday.

She looks well to the ways of her household.

Proverbs 31:7

Frugal Friday

Changing On A Dime

Over 14 years ago, two neighbors and I were driving together to a funeral.  On the way there, we were talking about our marriages and our husbands.  One of the women told us there was not one thing she would change about her husband.  We were shocked.  "Wow!  Really?"

They live across the street from us.  They never argue and are madly in love with each other.  They are both always gentle and kind to each other, never raising their voices or showing disrespect.

On the radio today, one woman said she decided to start acting nice to her husband and she said her husband changed on a dime.  Dennis Prager then said most men change dramatically when they are treated nicely by their wives. 

So having a good marriage is simple really, unless you are married to a very bad man.  Love him just the way he is and treat him nicely.  Doesn't everyone want to be treated this way?  Shouldn't we treat all our family and friends this way?

Of course my neighbor's husband isn't perfect.  Nobody is so we must not expect it of anyone.  The people I enjoy being around the most are those who accept me just as I am and aren't critical of me.

We have so much control over our thoughts and behaviors.  Begin with your thoughts.  Change from critical thoughts to positive thoughts.  Start being nice even if you don't feel like it.  Do what is right instead of what you feel like doing.  Then, maybe even your husband will change on a dime.

May the God of endurance and encouragement

grant you to live in such harmony with one another,

in accord with Christ Jesus,

that together you may with one voice

glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  

Romans 15:5,6

Wifey Wednesday

Conflict Resolution

There is a class on conflict resolution at our church for couples preparing to get married.  Every marriage seminar we have attended taught conflict resolution.  When I write about not arguing at all, people usually comment that this is not possible.  Conflict resolution needs to be taught.

Show me in the Bible that conflict resolution should be part of a marriage.  I find many verses about being peacemakers and pursuing peace with all men.  I assume this means with our husbands also.  I read verses about not quarreling and fighting with others.  If you have something against your brother, go to him quickly and make amends.

God makes it very clear throughout Scripture that we are to be people of peace, kindness, patience, and love.  Quarrelling, arguing, fighting, and discord should have no place in our lives.

Therefore, I think it is much more profitable to teach engaged couples to not argue and fight.  Simply state your opinions and leave it at that.  Since God has called for the husband to be the head, he should have the last word.  Most husbands will gladly listen to their wives counsel before making decisions.  If they do not, live with it and learn to accept it gladly.  This brings honor to the Lord.

I know this can be done.  My marriage is proof of it.  We fought for 23 years.  Now we rarely do.  We are not perfect.  Nobody is but it is much better for couples to make it a goal to not argue than how to argue.  Our marriage is peaceful now.  We love to be together.  This is the way it should be.

If it be possible, as much as lies in you, live peaceably with all men.

Romans 12:18

Saturated In God's Word

A Christian who is saturated with the Word is likely to have a calm, wholesome outlook on life; to be kept steady in the path of God's will in neither joy or sorrow, wealth or poverty;  he is likely to be a pleasant companion, not voluble in aimless talk;  and he will not be overly disturbed by world conditions. 

Elizabeth Elliot's father

She doesn't worry about what is happening in society.  She knows God's Word predicts evil getting worse as the end nears, but she remembers Who is in control and all things work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.

Romans 8:28

If she loses all her wealth, she knows that God owns the cattle on a thousand hills and promises to provide for her.

If she loses her health, she knows that God loves her, will bring good out of it, and will sustain her on her sickbed.

If evil men advance and cause terror in the land, she knows that sin and evil are always present while we live on this earth but God still reigns.  He will have the final say.

Saturate yourself in God's Word.  Saturate your children in God's Word.  Know the Bible so well that when lies are told, you will not believe them.  Match everything you believe to God's Word.  It is truth.  Believe the many promises He gives to those who love Him.  Rest in Him knowing that He is a good God and is preparing a mansion for us.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. 

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth be removed,

and though the mountains be carried in the midst of the sea.

Psalms 46:1,2

Thankful for ~

His Word guiding us
His many promises to us
The strength He gives us
He works all things together for good
He loves us

Multitudes On Monday