Monday, March 25, 2013

Her Poor Little Dog


When I was about 10, my brother and I were playing with our dog in our large, wooded backyard. For some reason I don't remember, we threw our dog down a 20 foot hill. We thought it was kind of funny. She came walking back up the hill toward us with her big brown eyes but head held low with tail slightly wagging.

We threw her down the hill again thinking her stupid that she would come back to us all meek and still seeking our affection. She came right back up the hill to us again, meekly but obviously wanting our approval/affection. I think we pushed her down one more time.

When she came back to us the third time, my brother and I burst into tears and hugged her profusely and told her how sorry we were even though she couldn't understand our words. We were never cruel to our dog again

This was a comment left on my post Being Falsely Accused to illustrate a point I was trying to make.  Before I make my point on this story, I want to make sure you all know if any of you are being physically abused by your husband, call the authorities and have him locked up.  A husband should never hit his wife.  I also don't endorse animal abuse in any way.  This is a true story about children and children will do very stupid things.

There are women I have mentored who feel like they are being "beat up" emotionally and mentally by their husbands.  They can relate to this dog.  These are the women I am writing to today.

If the dog would have run up the hill and bit them every time it came up, the children would have wanted to throw the dog down the hill over and over again.  Because the dog didn't act out of anger but out of meekness and sorrow, the boys quickly understood that what they were doing was wrong and repented {stopped doing it.}

In the same way, when wives are being treated harshly and in anger by their husbands, instead of reacting in anger but with gentleness and meekness, they will go much further in convicting their husbands of their wrong behavior.

Here is what the Bible says ~

But if your enemy {your husband} is hungry, feed him,
And if he is thristy, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head.
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:20,21

We are told not to take revenge but leave it all the Lord's hands.  Anger does not achieve the righteousness of God.  We are called to pursue peace with all men.  If your husband is angry and harsh with you, respond in meekness and love and watch how God will work in his life. 

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, 
but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
Psalm 34:19

Comments (12)

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When my ex-boyfriend was abusive towards me and I could relate to the dog being meek and loving didn't do me any good. He only abused me more. Sometimes a person needs to know when to walk away. Sometimes it's safer to put your trust in God and walk away.
1 reply · active 626 weeks ago
Of course you don't stay with boyfriends who abuse you in any way. You look for a man who will treat you with kindness and love. To even date a boy that treats you badly is foolish. Run as fast as you can! I am writing to married women only.
Once again, I feel the need to right.
"In the same way, when wives are being treated harshly and in anger by their husbands, instead of reacting in anger but with gentleness and meekness, they will go much further in convicting their husbands of their wrong behavior." "We are told not to take revenge but leave it all the Lord's hands. Anger does not achieve the righteousness of God. We are called to pursue peace with all men. If your husband is angry and harsh with you, respond in meekness and love and watch how God will work in his life. "
It is precisely because of this "I'll take his anger and harshness and just hope it changes him" philosophy that so many women remain in abusive households. Young boys learn it it ok to be mean to the wife because his mom doesn't stop it or stand up for herself when he was growing up.
So your point is it is NOT okay to be physically abused and you should get away, but it is OKAY for a woman to put up with mental or emotional abuse??? Wow! Do you see how mixed up that is"?! I hate to think the women you are 'mentoring' are taking your advice and just staying and taking his psychological abuse in "gentleness and meekness'. Many, many women end up dead doing that!
If your daughter marries a man who is mentally abusive to her, would you tell her to stay and just be "meek and gentle" and hope he changes? I love my daughter and hope she loves herself enough not to let anyone abuse her in ANY way!
God did not tell us to put up with any kind of abuse from our husband or wife. There is a difference between being vindictive toward a spouse (I don't agree with that either), or just getting out of the abusive situation. Perhaps, you should read the verse prior to the ones you posted:
Romans 12:18
"18 If possible, on your part, live at peace with everyone."
IF POSSIBLE! That does not mean staying and putting up with abuse! And being mentally or emotionally mean IS ABUSE!
1 reply · active 626 weeks ago
Read I Peter 2 carefully. It speaks of Jesus suffering terribly at the hands of evil men. Then look how I Peter 3 begins..."Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation {godly lifestyle} of the wives."

You are giving women the instructions the world gives them, not the Bible. The women I mentor are being told what you tell them from almost everyone else but deep down in their hearts, they know it is wrong and they don't want to leave their husbands. They love them enough to do everything they can to win them back to the Lord. They are living lives denying themselves and living for others, something we are all called to do.
I am living the trial.... I ask for prayers. Although, a private person, I will share my current struggles in the hopes it will help myself and others to carry on!
After 25 years of a really good marriage, for unknown reasons, my husband is being angry, harsh or ignoring me.... It hurts beyond belief or words! This is not the heart or actions of the man I married. There is not an affair, his 'mistress' is his work & like many men he avoids conflict, which includes the reasons why he is struggling within himself (I being the recipient of his unhappiness). I don't know what lies are Satan is feeding him & he believes, But I do know Satan's name is Liar, Deceiver, Thief. Yes, the world tells me this trial is emotionally abusive, yet the bible is clear about marriage, wives & divorce. I can only tell you I am in prayer, scripture, bible study, mentoring & counseling to deal with the day to day suffering (loneliness & confusion, etc). Yet, it does NOT feel right in my heart to leave and I have NOT heard the Lord tell me to leave. I might mention I've never been in an abusive relationship or family, so there are not 'past issues or hurts that keep me here. I am well educated, fit; fun, and told I am attractive. More importantly, I am a mother, wife, and Christian.... being watched for what I will do in this trial. You can probably hear my struggle to stay on the high road, HIS path, and yes it is tough! However, I am taking Lori's biblical input and praying God to carry me through to the other side. I pray to be a woman who say's "I've been there, & I am in a better place; Glad I didn't listen to the world's advice". Trust me, I've tried the worldly approach...(talk it out, stand strong, show him the wrong doing, worldly counselor input, etc,....it does NOT work!! No man has been humbled into right behavior by someone beating him down! I'm trying as best I can.... God’s way in these trials to be prayerful, gentle, seek Godly advice, & use discernment. I choose my words, say little or walk away instead of 'convincing' (Seen as quarreling by men) Sometimes I mess up, but I'm learning & getting better. Sometimes it feels 2 steps forward, one back. Can I share, that does stink and I write this on a hard day for me...not a strong one. A day, I myself am needing to be encouraged, but do not be swayed to think the world's ways work. They do not. If you have not gone through it, you do not know what you would do. You think you do, but you really don't! We have 2 beautiful teen daughters and No, I do not want them to go through 'this'. But if they marry (and I hope they do), they too WILL go through hard times in a marriage. I pray for courage, strength, a shielding for them and God to guide me...Daily! I feel God's prompting to tell me to be faithful to His ways & commands, vs. the worlds. (His ways are not our ways). I am praying the Holy Spirit to lead me, guide me, and in faithfulness God will change the heart of my husband & once again we will share a wonderful relationship. Not mediocre...GREAT!!! If need be (I pray not) He leads me away, I pray He bless me with a man who will love me. Either way, it involves faith.... blind faith.... Cuz I do NOT see it yet. I have seen, witnessed and lived His grace, TRUE miracles and prompted to not act how I feel, or what the circumstances 'look like' but to God's word and how He is leading me. Which for now is to STAY! Again, I pray God to reward my faithfulness, restore & heal my marriage and He one day can use me to mentor other ladies.
In the mean time.... please pray for a miracle for me & my family.
6 replies · active 626 weeks ago
Thank you for sharing...praying, praying, praying.
I thank you for sharing this. I have pretty much the same situation. In some ways it is nice to know that I am not alone in this type of struggle. I, too, have the same feeling of "stay". It is a day by day, sometimes moment by moment clinging to God and his promises. Yes, I know many women would not put up with what we do, but I know deep in my soul that this is where I am supposed to be. I have a hopeful vision of the day when it is all worth it. Praying for you.
Praying for you also, Sami.
It is such a comfort to know that you are praying for me! I share these things on your blog pretty much anonymously, as I wouldn't want to share with anyone that I know. I feel that if I talk about my husband to my friends, then I am betraying him.
Yes, I pray his heart will be softened. That you will be like an oak tree, firmly planted in God's Word and His promises, and that you will win him without a word. That God will comfort you and give you strength as you walk this difficult path realizing this is a spiritual battle. Thankfully, God is on your side fighting this battle for you. We know ALL things work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. Amen.
I am also in a similar situation. I cling to the hope that God will change my husband and show him how to love and care for me again. A quick story- for 10+ years I prayed for another baby. We had several children already, and my husband felt our family was complete. I prayed and prayed, believing that as long as I was able to have children there was a chance I could get pregnant, even though my husband was against it. I was in my early 40's when I unexpectedly got pregnant. I miscarried, but God put the worvd "hope" in my mind/heart and I held on to that, realizing that if I could get pregnant once without trying, I could get pregnant again. I continued praying and put my hope in God that he would open my womb, yet again. A year after my miscarriage I was pregnant. We now have a 2-1/2 year old who is the light of our lives, As I go through daily marriage struggles, similar to yours, Grateful, I have the hope that as long as my husband and I are both alive and remain married, God can and will work a miracle and change my husband's heart. I will pray for you.
Grateful,

I am sorry to hear of your struggles and as you know, if you choose to divorce your husband the voices of the whole world and many Christians will support you and sing your praises. You will be extolled as a wise women. But as you so eloquently have said, you are not a follower of this world and its thinking, but a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ, so you have work to do to discover His will.

Is being a follower of Christ risky? Is it at times an invitation for ridicule and persecution? Does Christ not ask us who will take up her/his cross and follow Him daily? You bet… that is what we signed on for.

The believer does not go looking for pain and difficulties just to be counted as one of His. We do not invite suffering, but we avoid it, if at all possible. Yet, when one marries we cannot help but believe that God was a part of this important decision in our lives and that in spite of poor choices, or maybe just bad luck that comes from life and living, or maybe our spouse has fallen on hard times in a way that is destroying them; whatever our marriage throws at us, we seek God and His ways.

Jesus showed us the way to true life and set us free to love in a way that the world will never understand. It does seem strange that the world can forgive a murderer, a rapist and some of the most heinous of sexual sins perpetrated on young teens, yet to ask a women to put up with an extremely difficult husband during a terrible phase of his life, to this you are counseled to run as fast as you possibly can from the man you said you would love and cherish, through thick and thin, until death do you part.

Don’t get me wrong… as you have the choice at any time to run out of your seemingly impossible situation and no one will blame you, certainly not me. But if you sense that the Spirit inside of you is asking you to suffer for the sake of Christ, and suffer for your husband and marriage, then I encourage you to continue to cautiously step out in faith to discover what God desires of your life, sold out for Him.

The Bible is replete with a call to suffer for Christ but our modern world does not understand it, for you and I are not of this world. Fairness, equality, common human decency tells us to run from a difficult spouse and marriage , yet something greater compels some, to wait and see if God will not deliver them. Should you be unwise and put yourself at significant risk? Never. But can you wade through the difficulties and see God’s hand of deliverance coming? What would Jesus do?

Yes, that same Jesus who says “turn the other cheek,” and “blessed are you when others revile you,” or better yet, “whoever wants to follow me must take up their cross daily,” this Jesus asks us to count the cost of following Him and doing things God’s ways. He also tells you to not go at this alone, but surround yourself with the body of Christ, those what are supportive of your staying and those who counsel you to get out, but especially those who will both pray and watch over you.

Unfortunately, no one will be able to make your decision for you as to go, or stay with him. I advocate for neither, but I will defend your right to test God at His Word and to wait patiently upon His faithfulness. I too hope and pray that God will reward your faithfulness with a husband who becomes broken before you and God, who repents and becomes the greatest gift of husband that you could ever imagine. My Lori was never abusive, although she was difficult for years, and God has rewarded me with the most precious gift of a wife any man could ever desire, and the love of my life. She is often sick and n terrible pain, yet I would have missed out on far too much if I had taken the easy way out… the world’s way.
My best to you, and you are in our prayers. ken

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