Monday, May 13, 2013

Don't Dictate To Him


Meredith Viera has been married for 26 years to a man who has multiple sclerosis.  She knew he had it before she married him but she said she fell in love with him anyways.  She was on Dr. Oz recently and said,  "In the sixties, I bought into the notion that you can have it all. The job you always wanted.  I had a little boy.  I was happily married.  I thought the package was complete.  Then I discovered in doing the job that something had to give.  Life is really about priorities.  For me, it was the job that had to give.  It was all consuming."

She feels that since her children grew up with a dad with a disease, her children are more empathetic towards others.  She said Richard has dealt with his illness with strength and humor which has been good for the children. 

When asked what makes her marriage strong, she responded, "I am a good listener. I have a strong backbone.  I don't impose on him and I think that is important when you are living with someone with illness.  I think it is wrong to decide things for them...I don't want to dictate to him...I couldn't live his life for him.  I have to be there to support him."

Such wise advice.  It is so easy to think we know best with our spouses.  What they should eat.  What they should wear.  What they should watch.  What they should do with their free time.  What they can do to be a better spiritual leader.

No spouse wants to be dictated to by the other.  You sure don't want to be dictated by your spouse.  Allowing your spouse to live their life the way they please is a wonderful gift you give them along with being his biggest supporter.  We need to treat others the way we want to be treated.

I have always like Meredith.  She always has seemed so kind and loving towards others.  Now I see why.  She doesn't try to control or manipulate others.  She allows them to be who they are and loves them that way.  This is a recipe for a peaceful and happy home.

And be you kind one to another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:32

Comments (7)

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I have always liked her too. Great advice!
Sheila Payne's avatar

Sheila Payne · 619 weeks ago

I agree with this post fully. As far as Meredith goes, I have trouble. I have heard her make lots of sexually crude jokes and express VERY LIBERAL views. I thought she seemed really sweet in the Dr. Oz interview, however. This post is excellent advice as always.
This is very true. We have to remember that our spouses are not our children so we must not treat them like one! I love the verse you used, perfect!

This reminds me of my relationship with my elderly mom. She lives with us and I am constantly having to encourage her to eat, or remind her to do certain hygienic things and I'm always after her to walk with her walker.

It's hard and I have to remember to treat her with respect, but in some ways the parent becomes the child. She is forgetful so I do have to remind her of stuff. I am her caretaker but she is also my mom and so I do try and allow her as much control over her life as I can safely give her. But I do have to do some nagging every day (she isn't supposed to walk without her walker but she always forgets it, lol!).

Also, the "Making Your Home Sing Monday" linky party is live!
1 reply · active 619 weeks ago
Just popping back to say thanks so much for linking up to the "Making Your Home Sing Monday" linky party today! :)
Thank you, Lori. This is wonderful advice -- I needed to hear this!
No, we shouldn't dictate to our husbands and husbands shouldn't do it their wives. Husbands and wives should work together towards a common goal. Neither side needs to be bossy or controlling. Respect each other, as we should respect others too and the decisions they make.
I'm the one with a disability in our marriage and my husband always gives me the gift of independence. He lets me do things just as I want, which is awfully important to me since I tend to have a stubborn streak! Thank you for your article and reminding me of how much I need to appreciate my other half.

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