Whenever I write about women staying with their mean husbands, I have all these "supposed" experts come out of their hiding and tell me how wrong I am to teach such things. They think they should leave these husbands and divorce them.
Mean husbands are unhappy people. This is a spiritual battle. These wives are standing in the gap for their miserable husbands and praying for their salvation. By staying with their husbands, they are sanctifying them. They may even help save their soul from hell.
Is this too much to ask? I don't think so. I remember reading these letters by a woman named Connie. There is an article from her in the recent Above Rubies magazine. Her husband was in and out of jail for many, many years.
She had six children and had to completely depend upon the Lord for her provision. Every night, she would put a place setting at the table and tell the children it was for their daddy when he came home. He was an awful husband. He neither protected nor provided for his family.
Connie still loved him, however. She knew he was her husband and was committed to him for better or worse. She prayed consistently for him ~
People laughed at me and said that he would always leave me and be in and out of prison. The prison guards told me that Jim was institutionalized and was hopeless. Hopeless or not, he was my husband. I knew I could never forsake the Lord by not forgiving my own husband. Also, as a young wife I wanted to be a teacher of women when I got older and I knew I couldn’t be divorced. I’d sing, “Keep me Jesus as the apple of thine eye.”
After many years, he came home for good. He accepted the Lord and they had 20 wonderful years together before the Lord took him home. She stood in the gap for her husband, along with many other women out there who are doing the same for their husbands. If they leave and divorce their husbands, their husbands have little chance of ever living a decent, godly life but the Bible promises us we overcome evil with good.
He promises them they can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens them. God hates divorce. The only reason Moses permitted it was due to the hardening of their hearts, an unforgiving heart. These women realize that true love forgives easily. Is it easy? No, it is difficult but we are asked to make difficult decisions, walk the narrow path, and love even our enemies.
I am confident these women will be eternally blessed for continuing to live with their husbands who they are one flesh with. God will never leave them nor forsake them. He is fighting the battle for them and He will lead them in triumphal procession. Praise be to His holy name!
And I sought for a man among them,
that should make up the hedge,
and stand in
the gap before me for the land,
that I should not destroy it: but I found none.
christasterken 8p · 619 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 619 weeks ago
christasterken 8p · 619 weeks ago
Wendy · 619 weeks ago
I am so proud to say that my husband is a changed man! He has turned his life completely around and I now have the family I dreamed of. I am so blessed! I believe God brings us through periods of brokenness to draw us closer to Him and we are both changed because of this. I am so very grateful for what the Lord brought us through because we offer hope to those going through similar things in their marriage. It takes time, tons of patience and many prayers, but it is possible.
Lori Alexander 122p · 619 weeks ago
Nessa · 619 weeks ago
So I went back to the kitchen and knelt down on the kitchen floor and prayed while I was cooking, I prayed by I was chopping onions and peeling potatoes and I was just cooking and praying and praying and cooking and I only came out of the kitchen when God has removed his need for insulting, threatening, attacking people around us and his need to force me to disobey authorities. It was like ta-da! Gone! So I went back into the kitchen and praised God for his mercy. The kitchen is my temple, here's where I heal my soul. Much love in Him, N.
Lori Alexander 122p · 619 weeks ago
Tiffany · 619 weeks ago
My husband is the furthest thing from mean! But I wanted to tell you this story because it shows how your blog has changed my way of thinking, ha ha! Last week my husband came home and had bought a new mini van for our family. I had no idea he was even looking, and he definitely didn't consult me before buying it. The "old" me probably would have come unglued that he would make such a huge purchase without me! (I'm the more frugal one in the relationship and probably would have said NO!) But honestly, I just couldn't feel mad. My first thoughts were - well, he is the one who makes and manages our money. If he thinks we can afford this, then that's up to him. And I know he wanted a more reliable vehicle for me to drive the kids around in. He was looking out for us! All my neighbors, friends, sisters, etc. could NOT believe that my husband bought a car without asking me first. They all made comments like "my husband would NEVER dare do that!" or "if MY husband did that, he would be sleeping on the couch!" I'm glad that your blog has taught me to just trust my husband and let him make his own choices. He certainly is nearly perfect in every area, honestly. He treats me SO well. I'm not his boss or his mother. You have helped me realize that, Lori, so I just have to thank you!!!
Lori Alexander 122p · 619 weeks ago
Vicki W · 619 weeks ago
Tiffany · 619 weeks ago
kathy · 619 weeks ago
There are way too many details to go into here, but I have definitely been convicted in my part that ended the marriage. It has taken me years to truly accept God's forgiveness.
God was with me through all those very difficult years as I believe He still is. There has been much repentance on my part. I am at a place that I can now offer up daily prayer for my ex husband.
I love my current husband very much and am very happy to watch how far along he has come in his spiritual walk. Before we were married he had never attended church on a regular basis at all. He did have a good example in a set of grandparents he was very close to. In the 5 years we have been married he hasn't missed Sunday morning mass with me but a hand full of times.
One of the most difficult things to deal with has been my ex husbands hatred towards me and the revenge that he continues to try and act out towards me. It has taken me a long time to realize I was having some of my own false pride by thinking I was better than he and don't deserve what he continues to pull. Once again I seed God's mercy on a regular basis for myself and him. I don't want a life full of anger, hatred and revenge for him.
Yes, I know this is part of the picture of divorce. At this point though I can't undo the steps I chose to take over 7 years ago. I can only live now and seek God's will as I continue on this journey that has had it's share of pit falls.
There are times I can be VERY hard on myself for my past. Then I am reminded of the many people in scripture, such as David, that God has used even after their fall. Many saints did not live saintly lives to begin with.
I thank you for what you write here. I haven't read anything that I didn't agree with. I guess I just wanted you to know there are those of us who have been divorced that can still be true living examples of Godly women, wifes, and mothers.
Lori Alexander 122p · 619 weeks ago
Anganie · 619 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 619 weeks ago
ayearinskirts 66p · 619 weeks ago
Kath · 619 weeks ago
Lainee · 619 weeks ago
Chas · 600 weeks ago
Avid · 458 weeks ago
Also, I'm on my second marriage. 11 years and two kids and he up and leaves. He's been gone since August 2015 and has blocked contact with me. The first month I prayed and fasted for God to reveal what He wanted me to do. Leave or stay. His answer was and still is clear, "stay and stand in the gap for him. I will make a miracle out of him and a testimony of good from your marriage." I've had complete strangers confirm to me along the way that God's word about my husband and marriage will stand and to wait. But even having an answer from God doesn't make it easier like since would believe. I struggle constantly with bitterness against God... "You've promised me this is all not in vain and have promised restoration so where are You're promises?!?!?".... I ask this of Him almost daily. I've been obedient when all I've wanted to do is rebel. God has recently told me I MUST be pure and continue to publicly wear my ring and continue to act like a virtuous wife if I want Him to keep my husband pure, as I've constantly requested. Doesn't seem fair. Then again, being honorable and bringing honor to my marriage in the end will be worth it. My victory will be my husband's victory when God does turn him right side up and bring him back.
I wonder if it starts with us women turning into Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 examples for the rest of our communities to see. It is still the majority of women who raise boys into men and those men into future husbands. Women were usually the spiritual back bone of children in past times. I think that's still true today. In my own life, I can see how my two boys are taking after me, good and bad. But the good I see being passed on to them is strength, virtue, steadfastness, mercy, and grace. So keep being a warrior woman. For what the world may see as weakness is actually you're greatest strength and it may just be teaching the world around you through example.
With all my love,
Avid
Denise · 364 weeks ago
Marie · 326 weeks ago