Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Standing In The Gap For Their Husbands


Whenever I write about women staying with their mean husbands, I have all these "supposed" experts come out of their hiding and tell me how wrong I am to teach such things.  They think they should leave these husbands and divorce them.

Mean husbands are unhappy people. This is a spiritual battle.  These wives are standing in the gap for their miserable husbands and praying for their salvation.  By staying with their husbands, they are sanctifying them.  They may even help save their soul from hell.

Is this too much to ask?  I don't think so.  I remember reading these letters by a woman named Connie.  There is an article from her in the recent Above Rubies magazine.  Her husband was in and out of jail for many, many years.

She had six children and had to completely depend upon the Lord for her provision.  Every night, she would put a place setting at the table and tell the children it was for their daddy when he came home.  He was an awful husband.  He neither protected nor provided for his family.

Connie still loved him, however.  She knew he was her husband and was committed to him for better or worse.  She prayed consistently for him ~

People laughed at me and said that he would always leave me and be in and out of prison. The prison guards told me that Jim was institutionalized and was hopeless. Hopeless or not, he was my husband. I knew I could never forsake the Lord by not forgiving my own husband. Also, as a young wife I wanted to be a teacher of women when I got older and I knew I couldn’t be divorced. I’d sing, “Keep me Jesus as the apple of thine eye.”

After many years, he came home for good.  He accepted the Lord and they had 20 wonderful years together before the Lord took him home. She stood in the gap for her husband, along with many other women out there who are doing the same for their husbands.  If they leave and divorce their husbands, their husbands have little chance of ever living a decent, godly life but the Bible promises us we overcome evil with good.

He promises them they can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens them.  God hates divorce.  The only reason Moses permitted it was due to the hardening of their hearts, an unforgiving heart.  These women realize that true love forgives easily.  Is it easy?  No, it is difficult but we are asked to make difficult decisions, walk the narrow path, and love even our enemies.

I am confident these women will be eternally blessed for continuing to live with their husbands who they are one flesh with.  God will never leave them nor forsake them.  He is fighting the battle for them and He will lead them in triumphal procession.  Praise be to His holy name!

And I sought for a man among them,
that should make up the hedge,
and stand in the gap before me for the land,
that I should not destroy it: but I found none.
Ezekiel 22:30

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Comments (22)

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Interesting perspective. A close friend has been in an abusive marriage for years. He lives with the other woman much of the time but wants to come home and "play" family. His boys suffer terribly. I will try and look upon her choice with more compassion
2 replies · active 619 weeks ago
My Bible Study leader's husband was having an affair. She would help him wash his car and wave to him as he drove away to his girlfriend. He eventually came back to her, repented, and they became marriage mentors for many years. He was so thankful to her for standing by his side through his foolishness.
I will share that with my friend, thank you!
I am another example. My husband was an alcoholic, abusive man. For six years, I prayed for him. I tried to remain patient with him and forgive. I struggled many times and consider giving up often. My family provided a way for my son and I to leave him, but when it came down to it I just couldn't. I begged for Christian counseling for years. Finally, he agreed.

I am so proud to say that my husband is a changed man! He has turned his life completely around and I now have the family I dreamed of. I am so blessed! I believe God brings us through periods of brokenness to draw us closer to Him and we are both changed because of this. I am so very grateful for what the Lord brought us through because we offer hope to those going through similar things in their marriage. It takes time, tons of patience and many prayers, but it is possible.
1 reply · active 619 weeks ago
Joseph's submission to his rightful authority under the worst of conditions is a testimony to any woman in a difficult marriage. Praise God that your marriage was restored as you remained faithful.
My husband was a giant baby with temper tantrums and fits, disobeying authorities, getting arrested at airports and spending days in airport jails, banned from shopping malls and restaurants for attacking staff members and other guests. We were thrown out of taxis because of him, a few times we almost got knifed and beaten up because he would just insult strangers on the street for no reason. He would smuggle weapons from the US back to his home country for which once I almost got arrested too.
So I went back to the kitchen and knelt down on the kitchen floor and prayed while I was cooking, I prayed by I was chopping onions and peeling potatoes and I was just cooking and praying and praying and cooking and I only came out of the kitchen when God has removed his need for insulting, threatening, attacking people around us and his need to force me to disobey authorities. It was like ta-da! Gone! So I went back into the kitchen and praised God for his mercy. The kitchen is my temple, here's where I heal my soul. Much love in Him, N.
1 reply · active 619 weeks ago
Great testimony, Nessa. Thank you for sharing. We forget how powerful prayer is.
That's an amazing story! Love creates miracles for sure.

My husband is the furthest thing from mean! But I wanted to tell you this story because it shows how your blog has changed my way of thinking, ha ha! Last week my husband came home and had bought a new mini van for our family. I had no idea he was even looking, and he definitely didn't consult me before buying it. The "old" me probably would have come unglued that he would make such a huge purchase without me! (I'm the more frugal one in the relationship and probably would have said NO!) But honestly, I just couldn't feel mad. My first thoughts were - well, he is the one who makes and manages our money. If he thinks we can afford this, then that's up to him. And I know he wanted a more reliable vehicle for me to drive the kids around in. He was looking out for us! All my neighbors, friends, sisters, etc. could NOT believe that my husband bought a car without asking me first. They all made comments like "my husband would NEVER dare do that!" or "if MY husband did that, he would be sleeping on the couch!" I'm glad that your blog has taught me to just trust my husband and let him make his own choices. He certainly is nearly perfect in every area, honestly. He treats me SO well. I'm not his boss or his mother. You have helped me realize that, Lori, so I just have to thank you!!!
3 replies · active 619 weeks ago
You showed your husband honor and respect, Tiffany. You did exactly the right thing.
Bravo, Tiffany for changing your way of thinking! Now, I want to challenge you to do even more. Why did your neighbors, friends, and sisters even know what had happened? Were you the one who spilled the beans? If asked about getting a new van, you could simply say "My terrific husband just got this for me" instead of "Can you believe that my husband did this without consulting me?" See the difference? I was/am just like that and I forget, too. Always look for ways to publicly support your husband and never tear him down. Bravo to you for being aware that you need to trust your husband. But let all of your words and actions match that trust! Blessings to you both!
Good question, Vicki! :) I did tell them I didn't know about it, but not really in a negative way (at least I hope!) I called it a surprise. :) But they still couldn't believe it. My sister was very negative about it - she controls her husband quite a bit. Our mom was the same way with our dad, unfortunately. I think I have tendencies to be that way sometimes but I have learned a lot from Lori and I really have changed a lot!
I read your writings all the time. I have to admit I do live with some remorse and sadness that I gave up on my difficult marriage of 28 years. Even though I know your whole point of writing is to encourage and mentor women in their marriages I wonder where the part of God's love and mercy comes in for those of us who are in our 2nd marriages.

There are way too many details to go into here, but I have definitely been convicted in my part that ended the marriage. It has taken me years to truly accept God's forgiveness.

God was with me through all those very difficult years as I believe He still is. There has been much repentance on my part. I am at a place that I can now offer up daily prayer for my ex husband.

I love my current husband very much and am very happy to watch how far along he has come in his spiritual walk. Before we were married he had never attended church on a regular basis at all. He did have a good example in a set of grandparents he was very close to. In the 5 years we have been married he hasn't missed Sunday morning mass with me but a hand full of times.

One of the most difficult things to deal with has been my ex husbands hatred towards me and the revenge that he continues to try and act out towards me. It has taken me a long time to realize I was having some of my own false pride by thinking I was better than he and don't deserve what he continues to pull. Once again I seed God's mercy on a regular basis for myself and him. I don't want a life full of anger, hatred and revenge for him.

Yes, I know this is part of the picture of divorce. At this point though I can't undo the steps I chose to take over 7 years ago. I can only live now and seek God's will as I continue on this journey that has had it's share of pit falls.

There are times I can be VERY hard on myself for my past. Then I am reminded of the many people in scripture, such as David, that God has used even after their fall. Many saints did not live saintly lives to begin with.

I thank you for what you write here. I haven't read anything that I didn't agree with. I guess I just wanted you to know there are those of us who have been divorced that can still be true living examples of Godly women, wifes, and mothers.
1 reply · active 619 weeks ago
Thankfully, God works all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. I regret terribly all the years I was not a good wife to Ken. What a waste of precious years but I know, without a doubt, I am forgiven and now I try to be the wife that loves and pleases her husband and the Lord. God does forgive our sin.
Would this advice of standing in the gap for your husband work if you are divorced and your husband is in the process of marrying another, do I still stand and believe God will work it out??
1 reply · active 619 weeks ago
I encourage women to try and win their husbands until they are remarried. This case is difficult since he is already planning on marrying another. All you can do is pray and seek God's will.
This is a great post Lori.
This is a great post and even better comments! I really am encouraged by these testimonies. I have wondered how many divorces have been initiated by the woman. Perhaps if we ladies were more content and better prayer warriors, our marriage would end up a heavenly one! It seemed to me the more gentle and quiet I became in my marriage, the more supportive and loving my husband became.
Currently standing for my husband. He had an affair, and it's over but he's not sure he wants to stay married, says hes not in love with me and told me I should find someone who will love me the way I deserve to be loved. I told him it was him or nothing. I can see God working in him and I'm believing for full restoration and renewal. I know God has a calling on our lives TOGETHER and I'm not about to let the enemy destroy God will or our lives.
This has given me so much hope! Both the article and the comments! I personally have been in and out of church since I was young. God really got ahold of me in high school but I walked away. Then again after I was married to my husband for about 7 years. I walked away again for about 6 months but have been back in church for the last 3 months and man has God changed me in that short amount of time! However, during that 6 months, I moved out (back in April of this year) and was having a secret affair that my husband still doesn't know about (because I had an affair with the same man 2 years ago when Ioved out that he does know about). Well, now my hisand is the one who asked for a separation because he is having an affair and doesn't know if he wants to stay married to me. My faith for the restoration of my marriage has grown tremendously in the past two weeks... And even more so now that I have read this. I know God has forgiven me of my sins because I've repented. Now I stand in the gap for my husband. Thankyou for this article/post/blog! I googled "can I stand in the gap for my husband" and found this.... Awesome stuff. God bless you all! And to you Lori, may God continue to use and bless you!
I am against abuse, however, I know God doesn't deal with us on a "one size fits all" basis. Every situation is unique. Ultimately only God knows the outcome of each marriage. Because God has forced me to walk in other people's shoes, I now understand that how you approach people makes all the difference in their lives. I used to pass judgment on women who stayed in abusive relationships. After God allowed me to be in one (that I was meant to escape), and after becoming close to a few women who struggle in one, I have a whole new set of eyes on it. And from my personal experiences, I've learned that it's complete grace, complete mercy, complete listening, and complete compassion that eventually pulls everyone through it or out of it. 99 percent of the time, there's a back story also that winds up being the reason (s) why someone turned to abusive behavior or addiction. The only one who can ultimately heal them and see them over come it all is Christ. But I see that the majority of the time the example they see of Christ is finger pointing and negativity. I looked over New Testament scripture to see what the missing link is here, and it seems we don't immulate Christ like we're called to do. The only ones He was against were the Parishum, or priests, because they were truly wicked in heart. Discerning people's hearts isn't easy, and sometimes, we just don't know. Only advise I can give from my own experiences is be a friend when you're called to be one, be kind, and be the compassionate, non judgmental heart that person needs you to be.
Also, I'm on my second marriage. 11 years and two kids and he up and leaves. He's been gone since August 2015 and has blocked contact with me. The first month I prayed and fasted for God to reveal what He wanted me to do. Leave or stay. His answer was and still is clear, "stay and stand in the gap for him. I will make a miracle out of him and a testimony of good from your marriage." I've had complete strangers confirm to me along the way that God's word about my husband and marriage will stand and to wait. But even having an answer from God doesn't make it easier like since would believe. I struggle constantly with bitterness against God... "You've promised me this is all not in vain and have promised restoration so where are You're promises?!?!?".... I ask this of Him almost daily. I've been obedient when all I've wanted to do is rebel. God has recently told me I MUST be pure and continue to publicly wear my ring and continue to act like a virtuous wife if I want Him to keep my husband pure, as I've constantly requested. Doesn't seem fair. Then again, being honorable and bringing honor to my marriage in the end will be worth it. My victory will be my husband's victory when God does turn him right side up and bring him back.
I wonder if it starts with us women turning into Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 examples for the rest of our communities to see. It is still the majority of women who raise boys into men and those men into future husbands. Women were usually the spiritual back bone of children in past times. I think that's still true today. In my own life, I can see how my two boys are taking after me, good and bad. But the good I see being passed on to them is strength, virtue, steadfastness, mercy, and grace. So keep being a warrior woman. For what the world may see as weakness is actually you're greatest strength and it may just be teaching the world around you through example.
With all my love,
Avid
I am standing for my marriage and have been for 2 years. God has changed my life by drawing me unto Him. My hubby still is obsessed the OW, however they do not talk as much. My hubby is not saved and I have been praying for his salvation and our restoration every day and night. We have stayed living together throughout these 2 years. God is in control, He sits on the throne and I will see my husband saved and our marriage restored. Thank you for this post, it is encouraging to read as some days are tough. Thank you.
I am standing in the gap for my husband. We have been together for 40 years, married for 34. We have 3 children and 4 grandkids.. He is an alcoholic and has been most of his life. Had a very bad childhood and was abused when he was young in a church. 5 years ago he quit drinking, saw a therapist for his issues, he was sober for theee years, it was the best three years. He has now been drinking again for the past two years, I can’t stand it. He needs to drink to function. I have been praying none stop. I’m trying not to nag and just leave it in Gods hands but it so hard. I just don’t know what to do, I mean 40 years I’ve waited for him to completely stop drinking how much longer do I wait. I’m loosing hope and I’m a wreak. Please help me pray for him because just me praying isn’t working. 🙏🏻🙏🏻

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