Wednesday, May 1, 2013

His Very Bad Advice


She was in the middle seat.  Her husband was on the aisle seat.  A marriage psychologist was in the window seat.  It was an hour flight.  The whole time her husband was on his computer and phone.  He didn't look at her or speak to her the whole time.

At the end, the psychologist who teaches at big universities, asked her if he were her husband. She told him he was.  Then the psychologist told her what a horrible husband he was to not communicate with her at all and went on and on disparaging him.  This made her feel resentment and bitterness towards her husband.

I wish she would have looked at the doctor and told him how hard he works and what a good provider he is for her family.  He has been a faithful husband and father.  She lives in a beautiful home because of how hard he works.

It is so easy to grow resentful and bitter towards your husband.  Especially if you listen to friends and family who tear him down.  "He doesn't help around the house enough."  "He works too hard."  "He plays too many video games," etc.

Stop listening to other's criticism of your husband.  Defend him and tell them all of his good qualities.  If you listen to them,  it will affect your marriage.  You will become bitter and resentful.  If you defend him and dwell on all his positive qualities, you are on your way to having a good marriage.

Most of life is in our thinking.  This is why the Bible commands us to be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Don't listen to the lies of society.  Start meditating and dwelling on the good, lovely, and just.

 And be not conformed to this world:  
but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, 
that ye may prove what is that good, 
and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Romans 12:2
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Posted by Always Learning at 6:00 AM
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Lori's avatar

Lori · 621 weeks ago

I agree. Practicing an attitude of gratitude goes a long way toward helping us esteem our husbands. Thanks for the good reminder.
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Grateful · 621 weeks ago

Marriage is not considered sacred in the eyes of the world. Seemingly well meaning, but worldly, input from others can be damaging if not Bibical input. The desire of our hearts needs to be to do it God's way. That is the road to a happy marriage. Thank you Lori for reminding us of God's ways for our marriage...so we can live it and pass on that input!
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Brit · 621 weeks ago

Loved this! My husband is a fairly picky eater. It doesn't bother me because I'm use to it, and I do make meals he likes (even if they aren't healthy). It brings me pleasure to serve him in this way. My family is constantly commenting about it, and it drives me crazy! Just this past weekend we were with family and I made BBQ baked chicken. My husband doesn't like BBQ sauce, so I fried a few wings up for him separately. Oh, the comments that came. "I never make anything special for my husband. If he doesn't like he can figure something else out." What's the best way to respond to comments like these that come up EVERYTIME we're with family. I said, "I'm thankful that he'll eat meat almost anyway I make it, and he never complains even if it's something he doesn't care for as much or if the only thing he likes that I serve is the meat dish."
2 replies · active 474 weeks ago
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Holly's avatar

Holly · 618 weeks ago

Brit, from what you've shared, I think you could honestly and kindly say

"It wasn't a burden to me to prepare something my husband would enjoy today; it was a pleasure! And I was also happy to make the BBQ chicken too, knowing how much you like it. But if it's going to stress you out so much that you can't enjoy the meal, next time I'll just make one dish for everyone--and put a bottle of BBQ sauce on the table, in case anyone wants to peel the skin off the fried chicken."

And, as a southern girl, I'd follow that with a big, cheerful smile. 'cause it's a blessing for a husband and wife to have fellowship with the family they love.
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Eliza · 474 weeks ago

I always get comments at social gatherings, because I will serve my husband his food rather than making him get his own. I used to sometimes be embarrassed about it, but now I take pleasure in serving him the way he wants to be served, and I know that he feels the love, which is more important than any approval I would get from female friends for saying 'get it yourself'.

Totally agree with Holly's comment below, and her suggestion about what to say.
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ayearinskirts 66p · 621 weeks ago

I tell wives who are discontent to use the "bounce" technique. List 10 things you love about your husband. When your thoughts start to dwell in discontent, bounce your mind back to that list. It is dangerous for us wives to wallow in the sea of discontented thoughts and for some reason it's very easy to do!! But it's not fair and nor is it healthy.
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Mrs. J. · 621 weeks ago

We've all had neighbors who busy themselves by coming door to door in the mornings to "have coffee" and they start playing the "husbands are stupid" game by knocking their husbands. Next thing you know they get you thinking that your man isn't so great.
After you've had all day to stew over this and your unfortunate husband comes home from work, the dirt hits the fan and a fight is well on the way.

I became convicted of this as I saw this happening to me and stopped the morning coffee klatching by praising my husband and telling of good things he did. It changed the whole mood of the visit. After a few visits like this, the husband knocking didn't come knocking at my door anymore. I guess discontentment and misery both like the same company.
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Rosemary · 621 weeks ago

Shortly before I married my husband, a woman I knew said she was surprised I would want to marry someone who wasn't more "in touch with his own inner processes." I knew her husband, and what I didn't tell her was that I was surprised she would want to marry someone so narcissistic. Nearly 30 years later, we are still married and they aren't.

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