Monday, December 9, 2013

Invasion Of His Privacy


Did you know that if a wife tries to control, manipulate, or nag her husband, it is an invasion of his privacy?  I wrote this on another post and a reader wanted to know what I meant by this.

If you are married with children and your mother keeps calling you asking you what you are eating, how you are dressing, what television shows you are watching, how you are raising your children, etc. and then proceeds in giving you her opinion about all of these and telling you what you are doing wrong, it would be an invasion of your privacy.  You are an adult and should be able to decide how you want to live your life.

This same principle applies to your husband.  He is an adult.  In fact, he is the head of the home.  You would never try to control, manipulate, or nag your boss, if you have one, so you should definitely not do any of these things to your husband.  It doesn't work.  I know.  I tried it for many years.

What freedom there is when you let all of this go and allow him to live his life the way he wants to live it.  When someone tries to control your life, you almost feel like you are in prison, not a good place to be.

So now that you know how wrong trying to control your husband is, you have no excuse.  If you are still trying to control him, release him from the shackles of your manipulation once and for all and give him the freedom he deserves, respecting his privacy to be a grown man.

 It is better to live in a corner of the housetop 
than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
Proverbs 21:9
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Posted by Always Learning at 6:00 AM
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Susan's avatar - Go to profile

Susan · 589 weeks ago

I have made amazing strides in this area during the past couple of years but I still find myself slipping sometimes. It is really hard but makes things so much easier in the long run. Any tips to avoid pitfalls and slip ups? That was a great analogy because nothing is more irritating that when my mom mentions or raises her eyebrow at the way I keep house, train my daughter etc. I might also mention that I am 53 and she still does it!
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Lori Alexander's avatar - Go to profile

Lori Alexander 122p · 589 weeks ago

Recognizing that what you are doing is wrong is the first step to correcting it. Apologize to him when you treat him like a mother instead of a wife. Ask him to help you and point out when you do it. Pray about it. Remind yourself that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.
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shannon's avatar

shannon · 589 weeks ago

Thanks for this Lori. Love how you ask if you we would nag and manipulate our employer. That keeps things in perspective. Have a good week.
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Lucy's avatar

Lucy · 589 weeks ago

Great advice and wisdom. My husband has always said that he wants me to point out things that can make our lives easier such as where to put dirty clothing, or little things like that, and I have told him the same thing. However, simply nagging a spouse about issues such as weight, what is eaten or not eaten, what is being done or not done at any given moment harms a marriage. Very good counsel. Wives are not supposed to be the Holy Spirit, but be led by the Spirit. God is quite capable of speaking to our husbands.
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Kim's avatar

Kim · 589 weeks ago

If my mother did as you described, and since she is not a member of our household, yes, that is an invasion of privacy. To put the same behavior towards your husband as invasion of privacy doesn't sit right; just not the right title. I don't think you need to try to rename nagging; it is a headache, pure and simple. Off topic point: Once, a long while ago, when I worked 60 hour weeks and my husband was in school, we sat down to divide up the household chores. Knowing the vacuum cleaner occasionally visited from Mars (aka: we didn't know how to use one), my husband stated how he didn't know how to do some chores, and granted that, I wrote out a list and instructions. He later told me that I was nagging. Wow! Instructions on how to turn on the vacuum cleaner was nagging. I don't doubt that you and I agree on what defines as nagging, but he and I definitely didn't.
1 reply · active 589 weeks ago
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Cynthia's avatar

Cynthia · 589 weeks ago

I don't think it's nagging to have an adult conversation together and figure out what needs to be done to make sure that the household can function.

The important thing is that both husband and wife are treated as adults, capable of handling responsibility. For the most part, that means that once basic tasks are divided and basic information is given, there's no need to micro-manage anything, and you trust that someone will figure out the task on their own or ask for help.

The trick is knowing when to give instructions, and when to hold back. If the consequences aren't that serious, holding back can be good. When my husband had a parental leave during his residency, we agreed that he would take over primary care of our baby during the day (except for breastfeeding). That first day, he learned the hard way the importance of checking the diaper bag for extra diapers, wipes, blanket and clothes when things got messy! He figured out the situation, and mastered it from that point on - he didn't need me to nag about it. Health and safety, though, sometimes demand that someone says something. My husband recently lost part of his vision, and he can't always see hazards. He's agreed that I sometimes need to point these out.
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Kath's avatar

Kath · 589 weeks ago

This is a good way of thinking about submission and respect. Never thought of it like this- thank you! Keep up the good writing, Lori. I really appreciate your ministry to me.
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Jilly's avatar - Go to profile

Jilly · 589 weeks ago

Nagging is the devils counterfeit of us asking in a Godly way! The devil always perverts everything!
~Jilly oxoxo
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erin's avatar

erin · 589 weeks ago

My husband is the one who does this to me. What are some tips to get him to speak to me and address things in a godly way instead of going off and being overly critical and calling me retarded and stupid? I feel like I am in prison sometimes. He is trying to get better but he slips up alot and in front of the kids too...
1 reply · active 585 weeks ago
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bob's avatar

bob · 585 weeks ago

Heres a thought, quit acting like a little child and a yes person and have some original thoughts

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