What Lies are You Believing?

Some women in the chat room are struggling in their marriages. Sometimes they have trouble with past behaviors of their husbands and forgiving them. This leads to trust issues in the marriage which can lead them on a destructive path. One particular woman was having a very difficult time so I wrote her this advice. Her husband had an affair and was involved in pornography in the past.

You need to ask yourself what lies you believe. Do you believe the lie that once someone has fallen into a sin, repented of that sin, will always fall into that sin again? Do you believe the lie that God isn't powerful enough to keep someone from their past sins? Do you believe the lie that if he falls into sin again, it will destroy you and you won't be able to handle it? I encourage you to write down every single lie you're believing and then go through each lie and write down a promise from God next to it so every time a lie pops into your head, you can conquer it with God's Truth.

After I made this comment, another woman wrote the following which I believe can help many of you who are in troubled marriages.

I can related to the mind issues since was raised by a scientist who taught me that the way to approach the problems of life is to reason them through and use logic. This was a very hard way of doing things since I don't have all the information. It doesn't bring joy and is very dark. I was taught that "we" are smarter than "they" are so we won't have to deal with the same kinds of problems. Every failure or bad decision I made was like a weight tied around my neck, pulling me down. Every time I get depressed, it is because I'm trying to trust myself and not God. When I'm depressed, I doubt that God can still work with me and care for me and guide me since I continue to make terrible decisions; like working to provide for us since my husband isn't.

My decision to come back to my husband {after 3 years of separation} even though he hasn't provided for me is a terrible decision if you look at it through worldly eyes. This decision may mean that I die a long and slow painful death alone and forgotten, but that may have been the end of divorcing him, as well. My husband may never overcome, but with God, it is possible and either way, God will provide for me. 

I think you can give your brain credit for having some justified fears and then face the future knowing that the worst may happen, but God is still God and loves you as he loves Christ. Trusting in God requires faith and through this group and books like Created to Be His Help Meet, you can get a glimpse of what it might be like to have a faith-filled marriage, without bitterness, strife and fears. The others are giving you great advice. We may be able to help you come up with a plan of action so that you have something faithful to do and not just a list of what not to do or feel. 

It is a miracle that you and your husband are still together. Praise God! I don't have any earthly reason to think that my husband will all of a sudden start to provide for us, even though he says he wants to more than anything. He's been saying that to me for 21 years. I'm clinging to hope and trusting that with God, he can overcome his terrible habits and provide. I know it will be such a precious victory for God. 

You can chose to treat your husband with trust {show the trust to him in his love language} and train/discipline your mind to God's word, His promises and the fruit of the Spirit and the joy of the Lord will surprise you, your husband, your kids and all those who don't think your marriage can last. You will laugh and take joy in small victories every day and if the worst happens, you will hear God's wisdom in how to handle it and draw close to him for His perfect comfort. It may take time to heal, but it might happen right away. 

The turning point for me was when I listened to Mike Pearl's Sin No More. I got to experience how powerful the love of God is in changing my heart in an instant. I was already saved but hadn't been trusting God. I didn't know how big God was. I forget at times and get depressed, but each time it is the love of Jesus that snaps me out of it. If you let your fears run your life, you run a much greater risk of your fears or worse coming true than if you trust Jesus and follow him. The great paradox! Philippians 4 is a great chapter since Paul is talking about how God fills our needs.  

Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.

Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.
 Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.  I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Philippians 4:4-9