Saturday, March 14, 2015

Challenging His Authority in Front of the Children

His wife disrespects him OFTEN. She'll even correct him after he's done praying if he's forgotten something and she'll do it in front of the children. If he says something she disagrees with, she'll challenge him, even with swearing, with the children present. "We are members of our church and do both love each other very much. But I have a real struggle when I feel disrespected especially in front of our kids. It shuts me down emotionally and the circle starts again. She'll say when you are ready to lead I'll be patiently waiting in a demeaning tone."

TheJoyFilledWife's shared with him what she thought he should do ~

I just spoke with my husband about your situation and wanted to share with you what he told me he would do if he and I were in the same situation you and your wife are. Keep in mind that my husband is speaking from the perspective of being a born again Christian who is married to a born again Christian. You mentioned that you and your wife were baptized and attend church, but I didn't see you mention that you are both believers. If your wife is using blatant profanity toward you and is not remorseful for her lashing out in anger, perhaps what we are seeing here is a lack of fruit. When there is a lack of fruit, it's usually because a person is not plugged into the vine. If your wife is a true believer and has been born again yet has no remorse, she has a stronghold that will take an act of the Holy Spirit to break. That's no small order, but it can be done as we know that all things are possible with Christ. 

With that said, here was what my husband said he would do ~

As a Christian husband running a Christian household, the chain of command set forth in the Scriptures is what our household will abide by. Period. Is there forgiveness and love for the rebellious? Yes, always. But I would be guilty of no lesser sin if I opt not to obey the Word of God regarding my position of authority because of fear {also a sin} of my rebellious wife. As the head of the household, I am accountable before God for any and all sin I allow to go unchecked {including and ESPECIALLY my own}. I am to lead by example. 

The Bible gives the household and marital authority to the husband, regardless of whether he is doing an adequate job in his role. His authority is not dependent upon whether or not his family respects him {although, of course, they should and he should be respectable in his actions}. The authority he has been given does not begin and end with him, it begins and ends with a Holy God who put a Holy order to things so that we would not have a world full of chaos. Since the Lord God decreed and commanded the authority, it is not optional. It is a command. My language may be strong, but Scripture is stronger. God is not wishy-washy or concerned with whether or not His commands are popular. 

If my wife has a suggestion about additional topics that need to be covered in prayer, she can suggest them respectfully beforehand or pull me aside and share them respectfully afterward. When she communicates to me, especially in front of the children, it will need to be in a respectful manner or the communication will be cut short and I will excuse us from earshot of the children and continue the conversation privately. If anger, disrespect, profanity, or any kind of words or behavior unbecoming to a Christian should come from her, I will stop her short and firmly tell her that, in our Christian household, disrespect will not be tolerated and, if she has something she wants me to hear her on, I will lend her a listening ear and give her the floor so long as she communicates in a respectful way that is becoming of a Believer. If she refuses to abide by those Christian principles, her communication will be cut short and she can remain in the room to complete the conversation with herself. If she lashes out at me and chooses to disrespect me and the Lord in front of our children, she will be asked to leave the home for an hour or so to cool off and spend some time in prayer regarding the state of her heart. If she refuses to leave, I will take any age-appropriate children with me to spend time out of the house for a bit so she can get her heart right before we return. 

If she continues this behavior, each time she will find herself alone in the room or the house following each incident. I will not engage her in conversation or put up with her disrespect. Her words will fall on deaf ears and she will not be heard. Once she is ready to approach me with respect and offer a sincere apology and heart change over her sin, she will have a husband who is ready and willing to hear her heart and to take into consideration anything she communicates respectfully. 

I know that it is my job to lead by example and I will continue to work on that daily so that I may love her like Christ. I will continue to tell her each day that I love her and my prayers for her will be faithful. Sometimes leaders have the difficult job of leading difficult people. Regardless of their level of difficulty, however, they have been given authority and a job to do. That job must be done as unto the Lord, whether or not those under that authority agree with the implementation of it. Otherwise, they are guilty of being disobedient to the Scriptures out of fear. If husbands are to lead by example, they must begin by obeying the commands the Lord gave regarding their headship and live it out with fearlessness and courage. God will come to his aid and strengthen him for the battle at hand because of his faithfulness and obedience. He need not fear the enemy.

For the husband is the head of the wife,
even as Christ is the head of the church: 
                                 and he is the saviour of the body.
Ephesians 5:23