Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Walking On Eggshells


Do people have to walk on eggshells around you?  Especially your husband?  Is he afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing for fear of "hurting your feelings" or making you angry?  My friends, this should not be.

We were at a marriage conference recently and a couple was interviewed.  They said they were going to get divorced a year ago but went through a marriage seminar and are better today.  The husband admitted it was all his fault.  He just didn't understand his wife and was a bonehead.  She agreed.

He rated the marriage a seven out of ten now.  She said she couldn't yet rate it because it still goes up and down.  Ken and I watched them the rest of the day.  He was trying so hard to be kind to her.  He put his arm around her at one time and she took his arm off of him.  She is not loving him and accepting him as he is and the way she should.

I would love to mentor her.  She still doesn't get it.  She thinks she won't be happy until he is perfect.  She is blind to any fault in her marriage.  I use to be that way.  Ken would make me happy for awhile but if he spoke to me in a voice I didn't like, I would get angry at him.  It was pathetic!

I mentioned this to Cassi and she said, "Yeah, you weren't very fun to live with."  Don't make the same mistake I made with my family.  Love them just the way God made them...warts and all!

Learning to not get offended, to accept others just the way that they are, and not to judge others is a much better way to live.  Choose to be joyful.  Choose to be happy!  If someone gave you a million dollars to be happy for a month, you could do it.  Do it because God commands you to be joyful.  Others are drawn to happy people.

But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice:  let them ever shout for joy, because thou defends them:  let them also that love you name be joyful in thee.
Psalms 5:11

Alphabe-Thursday

Comments (28)

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I know so many people who need to learn to not get offended! Thanks Lori!
Good post.
This is awesome! I have friends that are in this very situation. They've been very rocky lately and the hubby finally 'gets it'. He flirts and plays and tickles. She is constantly telling him to stop or she's doing this or that. The other day, he was teasingly poking at her and she yelled at him that she was watching a movie. I JUST WANT TO SHAKE HER!!!!!!! Flirt with him, have fun and enjoy each other. He's trying and she just doesn't get it yet........I pray that he doesn't become discouraged!!!
Lori,
Both my husband and I have been/are working on not taking things the wrong way or being overly sensitive. My biggest problem comes once every month when I suddenly feel so tired, weepy and unlike my normal self that I often fall short and become edgy. It hits me so hard and at first I can't understand what is going on, but when I do realize why it's happening it is still a struggle to set myself 100% straight. I stop, breath, and pray, but I'm wondering if you have any natural remedy suggestions for such things. I am weening my 2 yr old from nursing and know that also affects my hormones/can contribute to feeling emotional. Thank you.
2 replies · active 678 weeks ago
Lori, this SOOOO used to be me! I think back to how I used to be, easily offended, grumpy whenever I 'felt' like it, and very selfish. I am surprised my husband put up with me for as long as he did. He and I started dating in high school and married young. We have basically grown up together, especially in the last two years. This is such valuable information to share!
So sad that we can treat those we supposedly love the most with such disdain. I agree we need to admit our own shortcomings and "love them as they are".

Glad I found you through WFW. Now following. Feel free to visit me at Finding The Inspiring!
So true! I've been married almost 20 years. We are still learning and changing regularly. We aren't same people we were 20 years ago, and thankfully so! It is work to be married to and live with anyone.
Love this post. Yesterday, in my sinful nature, I was pondering on the things I dislike of my husband. Here is what the list contained yesterday: he doesn't like to go to the movies to watch a movie twice when I do, he doesn't like to go on low budget vacation adventures because he is not as comfortable as he'd like, he doesn't like to read books as much as I do, he is just not spontaneous, adventure craving, bohemian like I am. I think I even thought: he is boring.
He did take me to the movies but we watched another movie. He tried to entertain me.
I think the only way I could describe myself is with the same adjective you used: PATHETIC!
Seriously? Reading what I listed to say my husband is boring is Pathetic!
I don't want him to feel like walking on egg shells with me. I do know he doesn't like to confront me for fear I get angry. This ashames me to no end. I want to learn. Thanks for mentoring us through your blog. I wish to say, like you do now, I used to be like that and never think such things or make my husband feel such things ever again.
Blessings
Vicki Walton's avatar

Vicki Walton · 678 weeks ago

Eggsellant Post! In keeping with the food metaphors, I came across this today. It was in the back of an old canning cookbook:

How to Preserve a Husband
Be careful in your selection. Do not choose too young. When selected, give your entire thought to preparation for domestic use. Some wives insist upon keeping them in a pickle, others are constantly getting them into hot water. This may make them sour, hard, and sometimes bitter: even poor varieties may be made sweet, tender, and good by garnishing them with patience, well sweetened love, and seasoned with kisses. Wrap them in a mantle of charity. Keep warm with a steady fire of domestic devotion and serve with peaches and cream. Thus prepared, they will keep for years.

A good recipe for a happy life together!
Great lesson.
That is so sad with the couple. No my husband and I don't walk on eggshells around each but we have known people who do... So sad. If she doesn't figure it out some other lucky woman will grab him up. I'll keep them in prayer and thanks for a great reminder for!
It's always a great reminder that when your'e a parent and are this way towards your kids, it provokes them. Severely. Nobody likes living with an angry or grumpy or easily annoyed person. Your kids will feel so much more stable and confident when they know you are always going to be there to encourage and support them, and not get irritated when they need to talk, are being noisy having fun, etc.
Really enjoyed this! Thank you for the reminder/challenge.
It sounds like he's owning up to his issues, which is very hard. It's interesting what you noticed watching them, there's so much to learn by watching to learn instead of watching to judge. Sometimes my husband is more "lovable" than other times, but I try hard to love him all the time.
Hi Lori,

No walking on eggshells here - we just tell it like it is ... lol. Sounds to me like this couple needs more counseling. We should all know by now you can't change someone. They have to want to change. Great post for Alphabe-Thursday.
One can never really know what goes on between a husband and wife, even in counseling. I am sure that in a seminar setting, the offending partner will try to be on best behavior and do what is expected. Unless a person has significant training in psychology, to judge by what one sees on the outside between husband and wife is presumptuous.
Interesting post, lots of good points...
You are so right! Life is too not to choose joy!
Fantastic post and so true!
When I was married I was always walking on egg shells but divorced and now free from that
My husband isn't perfect, but he's easy to love.
That's why I picked him!

;)
Every marriage has it's ebbs and flows. I used to walk on egg shells but decided I was not being true to myself. I quit walking on eggshells and I am still married after 27 years.~Ames
You're right, I think sometimes both parties may do that to just not rock the boat, to keep things ok... We did a marraige weekend session back a few years ago, it was a catholic weekend retreat- we learmed alot about eachother, and both learned things about the other that we did to hurt them. It was sad, because you don't do things intentionally sometimes, and do hurt the one you love. At the same time, it prevented us from doing further damage, so it was positive. We didn't continue journaling or anything like that, he totally hates to write, even on one hour writing sessions, he may have written a paragraph with 4 sentences- but they were from deep inside his heart. This post is a reminder that communication is so important, it always makes me feel better in the long run after a deep discussion about important issues with my husband, even though alot of times we avoid them because we don't want to hurt them, or get hurt ourselves- it ends up bringing you closer afterwards... Thank you for this post!
These are such Wonderful Words of Wisdom...

Everyone is a special gift to the World just the Way they are... Warts and all!

Terrific post for the letter W.

Thanks for linking.

A+

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