Monday, September 10, 2012

Definition Of Keeper At Home


Whenever I write on this topic, I get a lot of comments disagreeing with me.  I am told in God's Word to teach the young women with children to be keepers at home and that is what I am attempting to do. 

My definition of keeper at home is a mother who is mostly at home taking good care of her husband, children, and home.  I had a mother that was home full-time growing up and I loved it.  My dad refused to let my mom work outside of the home. 

Every day I would come home from school and yell "Hi Mom!" and tell her all about my day.  Lots of my friends loved coming to my home because it was warm and homey.  When I went to my friend's homes where their moms worked, it felt cold and uniniviting.  I could sense a huge difference between the two. 

I was home full-time for my children and I loved it.  They loved it.  They loved being taken care of and trained by me.  They knew I was always there to help them whenever they needed me for anything.  It gave them a sense of security in this very insecure world. 

So this is my view on this topic from my childhood years and the years of my children's growing up years.  You can argue the definition of being a keeper at home however you want but I, as an older women, am teaching you what I think it means. 

If you don't agree with me, that is your right.  You will stand before God with the way you lived your life, not me.  I don't pretend to know everything.  I just study and observe a lot and love to share my views as what I see works best. 

I don't believe in quality time verses quantity time.  Children need both.  Children need their mothers.  They need them to feed them healthy, discipline them, and protect them.  This is what I think is meant when the Bible says that mothers need to be keepers at home or they blaspheme the Word of God. 

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Titus 2:4,5
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Posted by Always Learning at 4:00 PM
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PJB's avatar

PJB · 654 weeks ago

Lori, your dedication to loving your family is highly valued in my eyes... but defining a Biblical term, a Greek adjective, based on your own life's expereinces is more like sharing a testemony. Testemony and scholarship are different things. To truly define the term using sound exegesis and linguistics, you'd need to do a lot more homework.

Personally, I also love being home (mostly) full time with my young children. I very much agree with how beneficial it is to children to be parented, lovingly, by a parent at home... though it is certainly my choice, and I would not stand for my husband presuming the authority to either permit or forbid me to work.

Another thing to note: the verse clearly says, "that the word of God be not blasphemed" -- not that the non-home-keepers would be doing the blasphemey, but that their conduct had the potential to bring ill-repute on the word of God -- from outside observers. If it was warning the women that non-home-keeping was in itself blasphemy, it would have said "that they might not blaspheme the word of God" in the active voice, rather than the passive.
1 reply · active 493 weeks ago
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Dee · 654 weeks ago

Lori, I really do believe that you mean well by your instruction. I appreciate your viewpoint. I, too had a full time stay at home Mom. I was a full time stay at home Mom up until my husband, who is a full time Pastor was called to serve a congregation that does not provide Health Insurance for our family of 8. What should we do? I am perfectly capable of working. Should we go without insurance and hope for the best? No, I am working full time to provide insurance. We have 3 children in college (who work and pay their own way), 2 in a Christian HS and one in 7th grade. She is homeschooled by her Dad, which the congregation allows, however they did not want my husband to work an outside job to provide insurance. So see, all situations are not the same. I don't believe that I am sinning by working full time. I don't think you intend to, but you come across very judgemental in your posts. It hurts to have someone like you talk like that to those of us who are truly putting our Lord first and then our family. You can't judge every situation black and white. Thank you. Thanks also to PJB for your comments.
1 reply · active 654 weeks ago
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Fran · 654 weeks ago

Lori, thank you for being a teacher to younger women. I agree with everything you write and I also had the privelage of having a mother at home growing up. I cannot even immagine my childhod any other way. I was wondering why you, and other older women who advocate for young women with husbands and children to be keepers at home, would get so much disagreement when it is right there in the Bible. The only thing that occurs to me is that there is a lot of emphasis on the "keeper at home" portion of the verse. I think it would be fair to say that this verse is emphasized on Christian blogs I read more than any other aspect (sober, chaste, discreet, good, obedient to their husbands, etc.) These other aspects seem at least as important because if a young married woman with children was following even one of these other attributes by their biblical meaing, being a keeper at home would be a logical and necessary extention.
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Fran · 654 weeks ago

The other thing that strikes me is that obedience, chastity, sobriety, goodness, and discretion all seem inherantly "heart-issues." Each of them, I think, requires not just a change of external attitude, but an internal shift as well. I am sure the original Greek for keeper at home connoted more of a heart-alteration than the English translation. But just based on the English, "keeping at home" seems the most external and symptomic attribute mentioned (ie, goodness imples an interal, spiritual shift wheras keeping at home may be the external manifestation of goodness, obedience, discrtion, etc.) So perhaps the Titus 2 women bloggers could continue to write great stuff about being a keeper at home, but also delve into the oth'er attributes mentioned as well. They raise a lot of questions.
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Fran · 654 weeks ago

For example, does "sober in this passage mean literal sobriety or does it speak to something deeper? Why is "chaste" in there when ths verse seems directed at married young women? Assuming they are faithful to their husband and also not withholding of their affections, what does "chaste" mean? (I think of it as remaining pure until marriage, but if you are married, how does that apply to you? And why would it be linked discreet and keepers at home?) I am not trying to tell you what to write not write, I just think perhaps any backlash may be because of the overwhelming focus of one phrase in a passage abounding in attributes
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Katherine · 654 weeks ago

Hi Lori, I agree with your definition. I was raised in the 60s with a mom who worked at home. At that time, most everyone's mom was at home. I can't think of any of my friends who came home to an empty house. We didn't have to lock our doors, we just walked in after school, knowing our mothers would always be there to greet us. Clean homes, clean clothes, meals always on time. It was the way we were raised back then. I was surrounded by great examples of mothers who invested themselves as keepers at home, even though I didn't know the title back then. It is something I believe very strongly in and to me is the highest calling for a woman. I've been blessed to be a keeper at home for 33 years now. God bless you!
~Kathy
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Kayla · 654 weeks ago

I'm not sure why so many feel the need to challenge what you wrote. It's your opinion. I love it. I love this blog. Thank you so much. You open my eyes so much.
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joluise · 654 weeks ago

My Christian mother worked all my growing years as a teacher at a local country school and we generally arrived home at the same time. My childhood experiences were always one of love, warmth, home-cooked meals, a very dedicated mother, fun and laughter. I had a wonderful childhood even though my mother worked. I am not alone with this. Nor am I damaged or have any hangups. Personal experiences is just that, personal, and should not be generalised - many children of working parents have wonderful loving homes and are not affected by it. My mother never neglected her home and she created a wonderful Christian home that I can not fault. She is a wonderful Christian woman that I am very happy to be my role model.
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jbeane6 36p · 654 weeks ago

There don't have be children at home to be a keeper of the home. My husband needs me there to create peace for him and a welcoming place. The older you get the more you realize how important your home is.
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Tiffany · 654 weeks ago

I completely agree with you, Lori. Being home with my kids is the greatest responsibility and the greatest blessing of my life. They need me. There are so many little moments throughout the day that I would die if I had to miss, or that they need their MOM....Not a day care worker, not a babysitter, not even an Aunt or Grandmother. They need their mama.

I was raised with a mom who was home, and she was so passionate about how important that was. I always felt that warm comforting feeling, coming home from school with her waiting with a hug.

There just is not any replacement that is good enough for my kids!
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joyfilledhomemaker 0p · 654 weeks ago

I agree with you completely. Staying home has given my family such luxuries (home-cooked food, clean laundry, unlimited hugs) that we would not have had had I chosen a job outside the home. Now that our oldest is in college, I find that my role hasn't changed, but has taken on a new dimension. He comes home after classes and tells me everything about his day, calls during the day to let me know where he's going, brings friends home regularly, and is adjusting to life outside of our homeschool wonderfully. I know this is partly due to the fact that I am HOME. Keep spreading your message; other women need to hear it.
Blessings,
Shani
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Sally Jo · 654 weeks ago

I was one of those children whose mom wasn't at home - from 6am to 6pm - and when she was she was very tired. Back in the sixties I was the only one in my school whose folks were divorced. It was very painful for me to see the homes of friends whose moms were at home. It made my heart ache to see what I was missing. I'm doing the best I can to make it different for my son. Your posts help me very much - even though I'm probably older than you!! :)
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Renee · 654 weeks ago

I am fairly new to your blog, but I LOVE it!!! I love that you are bold enough to speak the word as it speaks to you. Don't stop! Your honesty is refreshing and brings new incite to so many things for me. I grew up with a mom who stayed home, I was able to stay home with my children until they started school then I only worked while they were in school. I am so lucky that I could do it, and I wouldn't change it for anything!!!
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Faith · 654 weeks ago

Thank you for your boldness in sharing! I often think about that passage and wonder about the way our culture does things so differently. I know that there are some women who have no choice in the matter, but God has really been working in my heart to be content with being a keeper of my home, wife, and mom. Following along from Titus 2 Tuesday link up!
http://the-life-of-faith.blogspot.com/
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lynn · 654 weeks ago

Thanks! I so agree with you! I was a keeper at home, too, well before having children. My husband and I often wished for more $, but I knew having a 9-5 would work against me being there whenever he needed me, as well as wear me out, so I would want to come home and be taken care of, vs taking care of my dh.

My mother stayed at home till I was 14. I guess she thought the youngest was in school and she wasn't needed at home anymore. And/or she felt she could find "her place" in life then. Mom struggled at home, but still, when she was there, life was comfortable and safe and simple. When she left for work, it was empty, sad, lonely, chaotic. We no longer had limits on food eaten or types of food, we no longer had training and us kids fought alot. Dad came home to grouchy, hateful kids at the end of work....and no dinner planned nor made. And mom....she was getting kudos at work and achieving things and felt important....and she stayed later and later. In the evenings, mom and dad completely zombied out. They both checked out from life, from parenting, from raising their children, from their marriage. Mom spent more time chitchatting at work with other men than she spent discussing things with her husband. And dad would often start talking to his daughters as though We Were supposed to carry his work day stuff....like we were his wife. It was odd.

So I will tell young wives, even ones struggling with how to make ends meet, maybe struggling with depression, or feeling like they are failing as moms....my mom was never perfect, and she struggled terribly w depression and motivation and wondering how to do it all w 4 kids plus babysitting kids....but I would take that every single day over the professionally satisfied mom who checked out of family life. Who gave everything she had to impress others, with nothing left for the family. Who still ended up depressed....but depressed plus frazzled plus pulled into 50 directions plus stressed out plus nearly losing her husband plus nearly losing her kids plus never developing a relationship with her youngest plus never hearing our deepest heart's cries.....
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kandis · 654 weeks ago

I am a 23 yr old, I have a baby boy and a wonderful husband. I chose to stay home and care for my home and I am looked down on by many people because I am looked at as being lazy for staying home and not making money for my family (my husband is in school) we made our decision for me to stay home before our son was born and when money was needed he took on a part time job, when that wasnt enough he took on a full time job along with his full time school. I wanted to give our children what my husband and I didnt have... a stay at home mom. i do not think badly of others who do work but i get upset when i am looked at like im lazy... let me tell you being a stay at home mom isnt a get by free pass my 1 little boy keeps my hands plenty full!! i read something the other day that said a womans job is to provide what ever the family needs such as if the Lord puts you in a situation where you have to work outside of the home do it, if your needed in the home stay home and teach your children about our Heavenly Father. everyones journey is different and if you dont know what God's propose for you is ... Pray and ask the Lord and Listen!
1 reply · active 654 weeks ago
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Katherine · 654 weeks ago

The way I see it, this is such a hard subject to deal with because most of the world considers stay-at-home mothers to be worthless these days. But we are not of this world. Our God does not look at things the way the world does. We are supposed to be different. We are supposed to be lights shining in the darkness. How can we be lights shining unless we are doing the opposite of what the world says is right.

We live in an upside-down world. What holds value here is not valued with God. And what holds value with the Lord, the world absolutely hates. This should make it clear that whenever we are going to do or be what the Word instructs us to do or be, we are going to be misunderstood, hated, mocked, etc. It was the same way with Jesus. So, be of good cheer!! : )

Proverbs 31: 30 - 31
"Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates." Amen!
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Debbie · 654 weeks ago

Being a keeper at home is very important. I must say though that our hearts need to be home too. You can have a body at home, but if your heart is not there then you also, have problems
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Marcia · 654 weeks ago

I am, by your definition, a "keeper at home," and have been since before my first child was born 21 years ago. I agree with the benefits you mentioned, but have also seen situations where having the mother rejoin the work force once the children were established did not cause chaos. A friend of mine, a mother of seven, worked during the time she had a number of children in university/grad school/vet school. She is an RN and could make a decent salary. The youngest daughter took over the household during that time, and became a first-class homemaker. The family was still well-managed and cared for. Interestingly, Matthew Poole in his commentary on Titus 2 writes that the passage forbids "gadding about" from home to home. In our internet age, we can accomplish a fair amount of this same behavior from the convenience of home!
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Carletta Griffin · 654 weeks ago

Enjoyed your post and have no contention. I am not in a situation that I can be home full-time with my 6 year old son yet I am focused on maximizing the time I have with him and my husband as God opens the door on when I can be home according to his will. I think that is also important for other moms in similar working situations to remember- according to God's timing and HIS will. Thank you for the inspiring/thoughtful post.

#Intent on being the best Christian, wife and mom I can be! :-)
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Valerie · 654 weeks ago

Hi Lori.

Great post. I've done it both ways...I worked full-time (with summers off as an elementary classroom teacher) until our firstborn turned 4 and middle child was 2...and then just called it quits. I found the work/home balance to be unachievable...for me. I couldn't give it all to 18 or 20 eight year olds all day and then come home and give my all to our daughter and son. Three children later, I am proud to say that I am "just" a mom...a homemaker...a wife.

But by the same token, I know a woman stays at home...who never supervises her own children (they eat/visit our home constantly)...told the school she was opposed to homework that her child couldn't complete on her own (b/c she had already "done" school) and informed my child never to speak of Jesus Christ to her children...

Your heart must be in the home as well as your body.
1 reply · active 623 weeks ago
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Cheryl · 654 weeks ago

Something that is being forgotton here is God is a God of love. If mother's have to work (let's say they are divorced to no fault of their own), then that is their situation and they should not be judged by this. It's wonderful if you can stay at home with your kids (I do). But I do see too many situations that mother's have to work and my heart goes out to them. If we tear each other down as women rather that build up then we are nothing more than hypocrites, because please try to remember ladies God is a God of love!
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Ana · 654 weeks ago

So it seems all the women here who are stay-at-home moms have husbands who prefer them to not work? My husband was raised by a working mom and considers that to be the norm. I asked him if it was ok if stayed at home. He said ok, but you can go back to work when we're done having kids and our youngest starts school. (Currently we just have one child who was born 2 months ago.) So my question for you ladies, how would you react if you were happy being at home with kids, but hubby asked you to get a job, even though financially, it was unnecessary?
1 reply · active 653 weeks ago
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Janet · 653 weeks ago

Just found your blog. Great comments here. I'd like to add, it is a very important thing to discuss when courting/dating. Twenty five years ago, my hubby and I discussed this, and agreed that, aside from drastic situations--loss of job, him becoming disabled, etc.--I would stay home with the children. Because we agreed on this BEFORE marriage, I was never forced to, or guilted into working; as some of my friends were. We didn't always have alot of money, but God has always met our needs, and many "wants",
Our biological kids are now grown, and we have adopted 6 special needs kids from China.
I look forward to many more years serving here (at home) in my mission field=)
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missawesomelissy 33p · 616 weeks ago

While I am a SAHM, I don't believe this verse places superiority on being a SAHM. I have never felt that what I was doing was more morally right than working and I looked up the verse, for myself, in the translation I am most familiar with (NIV) and this is what it said.

"Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

This one merely says to be busy at home and I think you can certainly do that while working outside the home as well. I would be very interested to talk to someone who can look at the original Greek and see what it means by the verse. Perhaps it could mean nothing to the level you think it means, as different translators have obviously interpreted in different ways.

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