Always Learning: Men's Wandering Eyes

Monday, September 3, 2012

Men's Wandering Eyes

She is very upset that her husband likes looking at other women's boobs and butts. The majority of men enjoy looking at boobs and butts. No, they aren't suppose to lust. Teach your young sons to bounce their eyes and control what they look at but most husbands weren't taught that.

Boobs and butts are everywhere today. Women love showing them off because they like the attention they get from men. We are called to a higher standard. We are called to be modest and protect our brothers in Christ.

However, I told her she needs to focus on her own sins and forget her husband's sins. Let the Lord deal with them. He has to stand before God and give an account of his life. We aren't accountable for our husband's sins.

Many of you will say that the wife needs to confront her husband in his sin. In my experience, I haven't seen this to be a problem. Wives love confronting their husbands in their sins, over and over again. Yes, confront him once but then let the Lord work on him.

If he wants you to hold him accountable, hold him accountable but you must not let it bother you. Let it go and enjoy life. He isn't perfect. He never will be and neither will you. Would you like him always confronting you about your sins? Overeating? Gossiping? Being unsubmissive and arguing?

We all have sins that we struggle with. Instead of nagging him about it, pray for him. Pray for him often. Our husbands need our prayers. This is the best gift you can give him. They are in a battle just as we are. Satan would love to destroy our husbands and our marriages so pray.

And never be afraid for...

Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them:

because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.

1 John 4:4

Comments (16)

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Nicole · 655 weeks ago

I think it should also be mentioned that women shouldn't be 'withholding' their boobs/butts from their hubby's either. Women so often use sex and their bodies as a reward or punishment. As unpopular as it is today, your body is not yours....it is your husband's. If he likes some parts more than another...show him. Men are SO visual. Wear what he likes (except for revealing....keep that in your home ;) Flirt with him, respond when he flirts back. He will have no desire to look elsewhere if he's bombarded by the woman he loves at home!

4 replies · active 526 weeks ago

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April · 655 weeks ago

While I'll agree with most of your statement, there is a very incorrect portion and has dangerous indications. A wife can do everything in her power to sexually please her husband and he can still chose pornography over her. This is not her fault; he is bound in addiction and needs deliverance. She doesn't need to try harder and pushing that idea is damaging to the wife who is probably already barely holding on. A wife does have a strong responsibility to her husband in her sex life but the lie among Christian women that if you were thinner, gave him better/more sex then he'd stop lusting is so wrong and hurtful.

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Nicole · 655 weeks ago

I wasn't referring to men with addictions. I was referring to the overwhelming trend in marriages today for the woman to use her body as a 'reward' for 'good behavior'. I never mentioned needing to be thinner or the quality of sex. I am the one that has body issues (my hubs loves my body), however, if I keep myself from my hubby because I am self-conscious.....that is wrong. Sure, he needs to control himself sexually, but I want no part in him looking somewhere else because I with hold what he wants/needs....because of my self-consciousness.

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miranda · 526 weeks ago

This is true... you're right. He loves his wife but still lusts overt every orher woman

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carileighb 0p · 655 weeks ago

So very true Nicole! I need to remember this.

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Cecilia · 655 weeks ago

April, I agree with you. I have seen it over and over again on christian conservative blogs and websites, women (and men) so eager to teach women`s duty in marriage that they fall in to the trap of placing all or most of the responsibility on the wife`s shoulders. It is exactly what Nicole does (though she might not have intended to say so) by saying that if a husband is sufficiently "fed" at home, he will not lust after nor look at other women. In other words - if a husband IS lusting or looking, his wife alone is to blame.
That is very wrong, very unfair and NOT biblical.
A husband`s wandering eyes is hurtful for a wife - he is giving away something that was only to be hers. While I agree that confronting him over and over again probably won`t make it better, and that only the Lord can totally change a persons heart, I would point out that when a husband choose to spit on his own marriage by looking at others and not being willing to quit, he must also bear a significantly big part of the responsibility for not having a very happy marriage.

3 replies · active 598 weeks ago

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Nicole · 655 weeks ago

not my intention.....AT ALL....guess I should've left the last line off because it's being taken the wrong way. My intentions were hopefully made more clear in my response to April

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Cecilia · 655 weeks ago

Yes they were. My comment wasn`t personal meant. There are probably many out there like you, with good intentions but who just happen to say things in a way that is actually wrong or at least very easy misunderstood.
My point was basically that it`s very important, when you claim to teach God`s word, to not teach what`s directly wrong or just personal interpretations as if it were biblical, (not that I accuse you of doing that) but that`s why I commented your post.

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Mrs. D · 598 weeks ago

I understand what you are saying, Nicole. The wife does have the responsibility to be obedient to scripture by not withholding her body from her husband, but that does not mean she is responsible for her husband's sin of lusting. I do think as women we tend to take the blame on ourselves too often, so we have to be careful in how we understand our responsibility.

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christi4imp 0p · 655 weeks ago

Look, I catch MYSELF looking at what women display without realizing it-- it is unfair to expect my husband to keep his eyes front and center at all times. Lori, I think you're exactly right-- sometimes we make more of it than it is (perhaps in doing so, ignore the real issue). The key is balance. A healthy relationship can withstand the occasional onslaught of "outside" cleavage. The problem comes when the healthy balance in a marriage is off kilter and one or the other spouse is abusing their role-- that's sin and needs to be dealt with. Porn, abuse, affairs all fall outside of God's plan for marriage. That needs to be addressed appropriately. Really any discussion like this online usually turns into a minefield because there is such a continuum of experience.

Also, I love your advice on teaching my son to "bounce" his eyes! We'll have to talk about that!

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KM Logan · 655 weeks ago

Ooooh I can see this getting heated. I agree with some of what you say but..........

I do think it's a big deal when a man has sin in his life. My husband is the spiritual leader in my home and that role is incredibly important. In fact if he isn't honoring me, his prayers will be "hindered". So to me I'm not going to let a sin of my husband's just "go".

Now should a woman nag? No, but she should storm the gates of heaven with her prayers that her husband may give up his sins and change. I think it is better to work through a problem like this rather than just ignore it. My husband's relationship with God is far too important to allow sin to get in the way. He leads our home he protects our family with his prayers, I don't want them hindered in any way.

1 Peter 3:7
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

KM from lessonsfromivy.com

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ayearinskirts 66p · 655 weeks ago

I also think it is important that women not try and compete with pornography. I think this is what is leading many women to think their bodies do not look right or sexy enough. I hear so many women talk about their bodies as though they are deformed and this mentality is totally wrong! The Lord made us, and we are good and right as we are. We all have our interesting individual characteristics and "special touches".

One thing I want my son to know is what normal females look like. When he is of age I actually want him to see the 007b.com site so that he can see the wide range of normal. Otherwise, all he'll ever see are fake ones! i want him to know what to expect from his girlfriend/future wife and I want to explain to him "wouldn't you rather spend your life attracted to the real females around you, rather than have an appetite for what's not God-given? I also plan on showing my daughters that site so they can know what to expect from their own bodies.

2 replies · active 655 weeks ago

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Lady Violet · 655 weeks ago

Wow, I would absolutely NOT show a son that site. If you do that, you are inciting him to have a lusting problem for life. Not to mention giving him all sorts of images to have in his mind other than his future wife's. Really, do you think you could in good conscience tell his wife that you had shown him all sorts of breasts before they'd come together, in order for him to just "see"? He will NOT get those images out of his head if you put them there.

You mention "all he'll ever see are fakes ones!" Well, obviously you believe he'll see some other than his wife's, which may very well happen in our culture. BUT that does not excuse you, as his mother, to actually SHOW him a naked woman's body. It is your job to teach him not to look and to keep himself pure, not "show him what else there is". That is sick.

I say this not to be mean, but to save you from the guilt of causing your son a problem instead of helping him. And hopefully you will listen for your son's sake so you don't cause him harm and his future family harm as well.

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Cecilia · 655 weeks ago

I am not familiar with the site mentioned here, but I don`t think I would encouraged my son to look a site with naked women either.

But i do think that every one, out of natural, healthy and educational reasons, should know what normal men`s and women`s bodies look like, and how they function. It`s an essential part of biology and human life. And i believe it`urgent for children to grow up with a healthy view of bodies. That does NOT mean in the over exposed and over sexualized way our society teach them, but neither in a strict, negative way that gives them nothing but bad associations such as sinfulness, lust and immodesty every time they are exposed to any form of nakedness and bodies, or every time something body related is mentioned.
And THAT I will teach my son. :)

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Scott · 653 weeks ago

How grateful I am that one summer when I was 14, I visited my aunt who lived in a very populated city. She had recently adopted a very attractive 15 year old orphaned young woman (15 going on 25), to walk behind her by about 30 feet and watch the mens reaction. I never realized how many men would look her over from the front and then do the same from the back when they walked past her. I learned from observation some things I never would have believed if I was just told. I'm 50 now, and I still have to control my eyes, maybe even have them "bounce" and concentrate on looking at a woman's face.

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Greg · 652 weeks ago

Men DO need to be careful to respect women by not ogling them--that is critical! But there's a big difference between ogling and noticing; it can be a fine line, but it exists. We need to admire; not lust--taking any sinful and disrespectful thoughts captive.

I can't speak for every man, but I personally wish God never created us to be so visual; life would be a whole lot easier and far less frustrating...especially nowadays when (thanks to the secular media) the topic of sex is in-our-face virtually anywhere we go.

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