Always Learning: Is Viewing Pornography Adultery?

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Is Viewing Pornography Adultery?

Many people think that men viewing pornography is the same as committing physical adultery. This gives women whose husband's view pornography a biblical excuse to divorce them. Is this a biblical excuse to divorce one's husband?

The dictionary defines adultery as voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse. Men viewing pornography are not having sexual intercourse with someone else. They may be having it in their minds {lust} but masturbation is not the same thing as adultery. If lust were a cause for divorce, then every single woman could divorce her husband, since all men have lusted at one time or another.

I think this needs to be clear so women stop using it as an excuse for divorce. The majority of men have had sex with another woman in their minds {lust} at one point in their lives. Christian men know it is wrong so they battle it and try to keep their minds from going there.

Men's battle is with their sexual nature just as women battle their emotional nature. Lust and pornography are sins just as moodiness, anger, and the silent treatment are in women.

Pornography is absolutely a cancer in our society. I don't want to downplay its destructive influence in any way. However, it is a trap that many men have fallen into just as many women have fallen into the trap of given into their emotional tantrums.

The only sin the Bible gives as an excuse for divorce is adultery. Pornography is not adultery. If we say that it is we are giving many women an excuse for divorce which leads to so much harm. Yes, pornography leads to a lot of harm but so do all other sins.

We must remember that when Jesus was speaking about this issue, He was speaking to Jews who were still under the Law and was making the Law even more narrow so they would see their need for a Savior. There was no way they could keep the whole Law without stumbling.

Help your man in his battle with pornography if he has one. Pray for him. Win him without a word by your godly behavior as the Bible commands. Support him and love him. There are good groups like Celebrate Recovery he can join if he wants an accountability group but don't give up on your husband because he sins. Hopefully, he hasn't given up on you because you sin.

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved,
compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness,
and patience, bearing with one another and,
if one has a complaint against another,
forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you,
so you also must forgive.
Colossians 3:12,13

Comments (26)

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Dianna · 645 weeks ago

This is hard to agree with, simply based on my experience. I didn't divorce my husband. He's still addicted, I've learned how to put it in God's hands. I did find this page that supports what you're saying... http://www.christianforums.com/t7530157/... and I appreciate this point of view. For women who want to divorce their husbands with such an addiction, staying is hard, but it's worth it when you understand the reasons why you're staying, and 'how' to stay.

1 reply · active 524 weeks ago

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Elise · 645 weeks ago

Just curious, how does this verse interpret/affect this? "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28"

2 replies · active 524 weeks ago

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Joluise · 645 weeks ago

Whilst the bible tells men and women to stay in a marriage unless adultery is committed is fine - but we do need to remember the many women (and I know a few) are being verbally, physically and emotional abused by their husbands and leaving is the only way to stay alive or stay in one piece emotionally. It is also a wise decision to leave if the children are being affected by the abuse.

1 reply · active 645 weeks ago

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Constance · 645 weeks ago

How does this article line up with Matthew 5:27-30, You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery'; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. "If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. "If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.?

1 reply · active 645 weeks ago

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Lori Alexander 122p · 645 weeks ago

The verse you all bring up from Matthew 5:28, Jesus makes the distinction that the man has committed adultery "in his heart." Jesus' purpose in bringing up all these issues in Matthew is to point out how badly we all need a Savior. NONE of us are able to keep the law and are worthy of death. Thankfully, he paid the penalty for our sin so we can all go to heaven if we believe. If lust was a sin that allowed divorce, then I would venture to say that all of us could divorce our husbands because I am sure they have lusted in their hearts at one time or another. Most women have nagged their husbands which can destroy a marriage just as much as pornography can. We must all believe we are "freed from sin" and are cleansed from all sin, walk in newness of life, and live a life that forgives easily, even if it causes pain as pornography does. All sin causes pain.

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minicooper1 1p · 645 weeks ago

Paul says in Galatians 5:16-6:2 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. 17 For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law. 19 Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, 21 envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. 26 Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another. 6:1 Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. 2 Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. - minicooper1 is Constance of simplyliving101.com

2 replies · active 645 weeks ago

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jsr · 645 weeks ago

For all the women who believe lust justifies divorce ...

Does anger against your brother justify the death penalty?

Does a woman dissociating (visualizing someone other than your husband, even imaginary, during sex) justify the husband divorcing the wife?

1 reply · active 645 weeks ago

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Tiffany · 645 weeks ago

I agree with you Lori. I have close friends whose husbands have had problems with pornography addiction and it is devastating and awful. I don't think you down played the seriousness of it at all, you just said it's not the same as adultery....and it's not. I can imagine I would FEEL cheated on if my husband looked at porn, but it's just not the same. Still horrible, yes, but not the same. Great post.

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Mrs. P · 645 weeks ago

I always find it helpful to look at the original Greek when trying to understand these issues. The Greek word used in Matthew 5:32 for "sexual immorality" is porneias, which is where our word "pornography" comes from. This doesn't necessarily mean that the verse is specifically referring to pornography though. I found a bunch of different definitions for it, one of which is: a selling off (surrendering) of sexual purity; promiscuity of any (every) type. Another definition is: harlotry (including adultery and incest); figuratively, idolatry; fornication. So it's unclear to me whether this is referring specifically to adultery, or to any type of sexual fornication. Maybe this isn't helpful at all, but my point is that in your post Lori, you say that the bible allows for divorce in the case of adultery only, but I'm not sure if that's actually true. Depending on what "porneias" actually means in this context, divorce may be permitted for other sexual sins besides adultery.

All that aside, I agree with you that many women use their husband's pornography use as an excuse for divorce when it may not actually be permitted. You're absolutely right that if we were to count lust as adultery, we could all divorce our husbands if we wanted to. And they could probably divorce us too because most of us have had impure thoughts about other men at some point as well.

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Rozanne Workman · 566 weeks ago

I am troubled by the comments of those who may not have experienced the tremendous battle, living with a sex addict can be. Viewing pornography can act as a methamphedimine, perforating and changing the the confirguration of the brain, rendering the addict mentally impaired!!
They are not able to reason, visualize, or surge motivation to act. The poison of viewing pornography actually makes them lathargic and mentally stuck!!! It is the same with any addiction, the addict will lie, manipulate, blame, cheat, and use passive aggressive behavior.
It is a lonely, confusing, difficult, depressing, crazy, defeating lifestyle for the spouse (or patner). The partner, generally a woman, will begin to develop emotional relationships with other men. This helps her feel She is still desireable, valuable, and intelligent. As the addicts' spouse continues to hide the insidious addiction from family and friends, She seems like a very unstable person to those around her. Almost crazy. There are alot of arguments in the relationship with a sex addict. These arguments may or may not be hidden from the children, but non the less, the children see the partner as weak, because the sex addict will contradict or discredit the spouse in front of others. Public disagreements are usual and money is always a sore spot in the relationship. Addicts are Gods' children, but they are Hell to live with.
If you have an addict in your relationship, address the situation head on, while you still love that person. If you sweep the addiction under the rug, no matter how long, once you address the problem, the learning process both partners will go through, remain the same steps now or later. In some cases, years later. You will still have to accept your truth, admit your truth, release harbored emotions, recognize emotional dettachments (of which you have now passed on to your children), learn new thought processes, learn and implement new tools of thinking and communication, and finally recognize the addict as a Child of God and not a monster born on this Earth to make your life a living Hell. And then, you will have to live through the growing emotions of endearment toward the recovering addict as you recognize your own self worth. This is a really difficult part of recovery, because we have been wronged and the forgiveness process is moving into the metamorphis of Gods' love. It is a long proces, it takes time, and it is necessary, for both people to come to a new place of compassion and love for humanity. This new world of understanding the love of Christ toward all men, is a process not easy to accept, depending on your personal situation. However, going through this process, seeing death, feeling hate, feeling lonely, feeling despair and heartache, feeling unheard, unloved, unworthy, unintelligent, misunderstood and seeing SO MUCH LOSS, will bring the opposite to your soul, if you are willing to go through the refiner's fire with the addict. Each story will be different and each recovery will be different, but the principles learned are the same.

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Christelle · 559 weeks ago

My husband proclaims to be a christian, but he is addicted to street drugs and porn. How do I tolerate this in our home? My heart is broken.

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Michelle · 554 weeks ago

Right on Roxanne! First I want to let any women out there know that there are resources to help you when your husband is a sex addict or uses porn. Faithful and True Ministries in MN, Doug Weiss in CO, Ken Adams In MI can provide therapy for husbands and spouses. Next, I want to share Biblical insights that God has shown me about adultery and unfaithfulness. In Matthew 5:27-28, Jesus says, "You have heard it said, 'You shall not commit adultery'; but I say to you that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." The Greek word for adultery in verse 28 is "moicheuo"(Strong's Concordance number 3431) meaning from 3432 "to commit adultery:-commit adultery." The Greek word from which this refers (Strong's number 3432) is "moichos" meaning "a (male)paramour; fig. apostate:-adulterer." According to Webster's dictionary, an apostate is a person guilty of apostasy, and apostasy is abandoning what one has believed in, as faith, cause or principles. In verse 27 of Matt. 5, Jesus is quoting from the Ten

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Michelle · 554 weeks ago

Commandments, "you shall not commit adultery." the Hebrew word for adultery is "na'aph"(Strong's Concordance number 5003) meaning "to apostasize:-adulterer, commit adultery..." In all references of the word adultery in the Old Testament, the same word is always used-"na'aph" (5003). What I hope to show here is that God is concerned with a person's heart.

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Michelle · 554 weeks ago

In Isa. 50:1 "Thus says the Lord, 'Where is the certificate of divorce, by which I have sent your mother away?" I see Him talking to His children, the children of Israel and referring to the law in Deut. 24:1,3 that establishes when a man marries a woman and she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, he writes her a certificate of divorce and sends her away. Look back to the verse in Isa. Who has written and given a certificate of divorce? I see the Lord has. We find more in Jer. 3:6, 8-10 where it is written,

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Michelle · 554 weeks ago

"Then the Lord said to me in the days of Josiah the king, 'Have you seen what faithless Israel did? She sent up on every high hill and under every green tree, and she was a harlot there....And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and was a harlot also. And is came about because of the lightness of her harlotry, that she polluted the land and committed adultery with stones and trees. And despite all this her treacherous sister Judah did not return to Me with all her heart, but rather in deception,' declares the Lord." I see that

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