Sunday, December 9, 2012

Respecting His Name


When I first start mentoring women, most of them just want to tell me all the negative things about their husbands that they don't like.  I let this go on for several weeks, then I ask them to not say anything negative about them anymore. {If they were being physically abused, it would be a different story but so far, I have not mentored a woman who was being physically abused.}
Many women love to complain about their husbands to anyone that will listen.  It is good for them to have an older, wiser woman they can go to and discuss true concerns with, but to speak negatively about him to others is wrong.  It damages his character and reflects poorly on them as wives.  As long as they are speaking negatively about their husbands, they will never treat them with the respect that God commands of them.  What we say and think about others always comes out in our actions towards them.
We must guard our husband's reputation and never speak ill of him, especially to our children.  We are to treat others the way we want to be treated and we sure wouldn't like it if he was speaking evil of us to our children.  A house divided falls.  Work on building a united and peaceful home for your children.

I always ask my young women to explain to me all the good things about their husbands, what made them fall in love with them, and to start dwelling on those qualities instead.  No husband is perfect and never will be so learn to accept them with their faults and speak highly of them to others.  This honors God, your husband, and his name which is so valuable.
A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: 
but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. 
Proverbs 12:4
A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches,
and loving favor rather than silver and gold. 

Comments (14)

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Thank you for that post, sometimes I find it hard when wives are running down their husbands in conversation especially as a group because I find that I don't have anything to say and feel awkward, not because my husband is perfect but I am intentional about building him up and not running him down and I strive to dwell on the wonderful things he does as a husband and father. Tara.
i love this post! and i love tara's comment. it's always uncomfortable when women speak badly of their husbands and oftentimes it makes me think less of the woman than their husband. i love my husband dearly and think the best of him and i want others to think the best of him as well. why would i want to bring him down in the eyes of others? it only makes me appear ungrateful and unloving as well as hurtful towards someone who i'm supposed to love most.
Lori,
When I was a younger mom, I would often vent my frustrations about my husband in my daughters' presence. When I heard one of them using my words as she played house with her dolls, demeaning "her" husband, I realized that I was undermining the respect my daughters needed to have for their father. The Lord revealed to me that if they didn't respect him, as they got older, they would disregard the value of his instructions, rules, and guidelines, which would undermine his effectiveness as a father. From that point on, I purposed never to be a "foolish woman, tearing down her own house with her hands." Thanks for sharing this important truth. This is my first visit to your blog, and I'm coming from Be Not Weary.
Hi,
Thank you for all the wisdom on strong marriages. I recently am taking the FW class and hopefully will be a teacher one day...or mentor like you. I have so many things I need to work on as a wife. But your insightful writings with scripture sends me on the right path every time.
YES!!! Amen, Lori! Whenever I hear women talking badly about their husbands I can't help but think, "Why does she WANT us to think negatively about her husband?" I just don't get it! I want people to think my husband is the most amazing, wonderful guy ever...because I truly think he is! But even if there have been minor complaints I certainly wouldn't voice them to anyone. "Don't talk badly about your husband to anyone. EVER." is some of the best advice I've ever received. That, and don't involve your parents in your marriage. ;)
this is such a great post... so much truth! when we got married one of the promises we made to each other about our marriage was to never talk badly about each other to others. we've been married 11 years and honestly, it would be HARD to talk poorly about my husband because it is such a habit not to! (and of course he's not perfect, but neither am I). I also feel strange in many groups because women so often talk down their spouses, it's too bad.
I have always felt this way as well. And it always makes me cringe when I hear a woman complaining about her husband. I have never complained of my husband to any of my friends even when we were going through a difficult time.
I agree with this post. I think people forget that when you are constantly talking negative about someone, its hard for you not to see the all those bad things when you look at them. This happens often in families. A sibling is constantly speaking negatively about their spouse and then everyone slowly stops liking/ trusting that spouse. Then things get better and every is asking "what about ......"
For ten years I have made it a point to never down my husband to others.
-Blessings
I always feel awkward when I hear other women trash-talking their husbands. Sometimes you can tell they want you to join in, but I will not do that--I just try to say something like, "I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings" or "Maybe y'all should talk about it."
So true! Not only should women not say negative things about their husband to their children, but they need to be careful waht they say to their mother or mother-in-law.

My newlywed daughter and I have talked about this in the past - before she got married. But now that she's married, she was having a little trouble figuring out what was okay to say and what wasn't. She didn't want to affect my view of her husband but she wanted to talk to me about these things!

That was something I hadn't thought of. I reassured her that anything she said would be fine because she's not one to "slam" or just vent. If she's talking to me, she's always very respectful and looking for advice and a solution. I told her a lot of it was the attitude in which the words were said. Unfortunately, most women aren't being respectful when they talk about their husbands.

Great article.
Inspirational post and so true. Thanks
It would serve us well to remember this always. Thank you.
This is an inspiration to me. Thank you for re-alerting me to this truth! Never talk bad about your husband! Take it to God!
Excellent post! Thank you for this reminder.

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