Monday, August 25, 2014

Micromanaging Your Children's "Courtship"

Our children did not date much. We raised them to only date when they were ready for marriage and then date someone they thought they may want to marry. Once they found "the one," we let them manage their relationship the way they felt led. We raised them to walk in Truth and they all were well aware of God's ways and what He expects from them.

The Duggars seem to micromanage their children's courtship. When one of their children skype with the one they are dating, the parents are right there with them. When they text each other, the texts go to the parent's phone, I believe. When the couples are together, there always has to be a chaperon with them. They only do side hugs until marriage and no kissing until then, either. Jill and Derrick talked with all of their parents and asked them if they thought it would be okay to hold hands after they were engaged. All the parents thought it would be fine.

This seems overprotective to most people. If I had not been watching the Duggar's show, I would have felt this same way. However, since watching several of the daughters date and now one is engaged and the other newly married, I don't think it is a bad idea. The children love and respect their parent's influence. They absolutely want to remain pure until marriage so they do everything they can to accomplish that goal. They all seem happy with no hint of rebellion in any of them.

Would I be that strict if I were to do it over again? I doubt it. We taught our children when they were young all about purity and trusted them as they got older to do the right thing. All of my married children have strong, happy marriages and I am sure Emily and Steven will have one also. It all comes down to how each family decides to handle the issue of sexual purity.

I am glad we have the Duggars as a visual example of their way of parenting. I have learned a lot from them as you can tell by the number of posts I write about them. They are rare indeed and I too love doing things God's ways and pleasing Him.  If I was just beginning to raise my children, I might do more of the things the Duggars do since they are such a happy, close family. 

I think we should have godly role models in our lives. We didn't really have many in our life when we were raising our children. Even most marriages were not that happy. I don't believe God ever intended it to be that way. The older generation should always be modeling to the younger generation and teaching them the ways of God since society will never do this for us. In fact, it does the complete opposite of God's ways.

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: 
that you abstain from sexual immorality; 
that each one of you know how to control 
his own body in holiness and honor, 
not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles 
who do not know God.
I Thessalonians 4:3-5

***How have you or how do you plan on counseling 
your children through dating and courtship?