Saturday, November 15, 2014

Choosing Careers Over Children

"Do not be self-centered. You will regret it one day. Will your children want to spend time with you when you are old if you did not spend enough time with them when they were young? How strong will the bond be? Why should they come around as often as you would like? Your example was one of living your life for yourself and not others. Why should they be any different? If you spend time with them and listen to their silly little stories now, they will reciprocate when they are adults. Will you be lonely and neglected? Your career and colleagues will not be there for you when you are too old to work any longer. Who will be there? Look at all the old and neglected people sitting in nursing homes not even getting visits from their family. I wonder why?" 

This comment was made by Trudy on one of my posts about being a keeper at home and all the questions you should ask yourself if you are choosing to have a career over being with your children full-time. {I realize there are some of you who have no choice. God's grace is large enough to cover you and your children in this case.} The rest of this post is a comment in response to Trudy's comment that I thought you all should read and consider carefully ~

It sort of chilled me to read this. I'm my mother's sole child, all grown up, and I rarely see her. In the past few years, I've realized our distant relationship has a lot to do with how I was brought up. She was divorced twice when I was a baby and worked my whole life. She told me she chose not to remarry again, despite many good offers, because she didn't want to have to "compromise" with a man; she wanted to call all her own shots. I was mostly left with my grandmother, who did not like children, or home alone when I got old enough. 

It was always important to my mom that I be as "independent" as possible and not need her for anything {she hated "neediness"!}, so that is how I learned to be and how I have remained {in regard to her, anyway; I am extremely close with my husband}. I do feel guilty for not having a desire to spend time with my mother, so I do, sometimes, out of obligation, but I know if I ever had a child I wouldn't want them to feel this way about me. After all the reading and learning I've done, I think I would do everything possible to be a stay-at-home mom! Anyway, just a cautionary tale, I guess. This stuff does happen. 

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said,  I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you comin' home son
I don't know when, but we'll get together then, Dad
We're gonna have a good time then
{Cat's in the Cradle}

To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home...
Titus 2:5