Tuesday, June 28, 2016

The Serpent Whispers, "It's Never Enough"

Why do we have this desire to control our husbands? Is it to make sure our perceived needs are being met? Maybe it is to complain about him and the deficits we perceive in him and ignoring the time and energy spent in providing for the family? It is the same old story from the beginning of time. The Serpent continues to whisper lies into our ears as he did into Eve's ear, "Has God said you shall not eat from any tree of the garden?" {Genesis 3:1}

My recent viral post hit several nerves, including the feelings that many young wives have felt when their husbands don't help enough around the home, as if housework is so difficult and time-consuming with the many appliances we have today. {Thanks to the men who invented and built them. They make it much easier for us than in generations past.} However, most of us have felt dissatisfied since we are taught that men should help us with our housework or they aren't being caring husbands. The biggest nerve was the fear by the feminists that my little blog is somehow going to set women's progress back to the dark ages. Somehow my championing of SAHM's and having a strong marriage is dangerously brainwashing young ladies, as if all who read my posts are somehow uneducated and unable to come to their own choices in life. Guess who is whispering in the feminist's ears as well?

In my earlier years of marriage, my anger with Ken often came because he didn't help around the home enough. Keeping a home and raising four children isn't easy, but it is nothing compared to what Ken was doing to provide for our family. However, I had an insatiable need to make sure that Ken was doing his fair share. During those years, he was gone half the year traveling and when he was home, he spent most of his time working in his office, then playing with the children and helping them in their sports. To be honest, the root of the problem started right after our wedding. Even with just the two of us, I felt unloved at times, because Ken failed to do what I wanted him to do. 

I know I am not the only one who struggles with this need to get something from my husband and wanting more. The Serpent's whispers were strong in my ears as I felt this need to control him in order to "feel" loved. So long as he was doing what I wanted him to do, our relationship felt pretty good, but if he did not meet my requests or expectations, my countenance would fall and my angry mood would set in. I would hear these whispers ~

"He does not really love me; if he did he would show it more."

"Why did he leave the dish on the table? He must be lazy."

"He will probably forget my birthday and fail to give me a romantic gift and card."

"Is he the man I should have married?"  

Not only did I have to contend with the whispers in my own head, but when I would go to a family member's or friend's home, I would complain about Ken to others. They often felt the same way about their husband since they were afflicted with the same virus, so the two of us would feed new whispers in each other's ears, never once taking a step back to see all the good in our husbands.  Eve, at least, set the Serpent straight by telling him, "We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden," but God said, "Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die." {God never said anything about touching it.} And we all know the end of the story. Even though Eve had all the fruit she could possibly eat at her finger tips, she wanted the fruit she could not have. 

Eve's discontentment wasn't due to God failing but from her need for more and to take control. After the fall, we should understand that this need to control and do things our way is only stronger. It is as simple as this. If my husband doesn't help me around the home, it's because I am unable to control him into helping me and in my mind, I believe I should be able to boss him around. As I have written many times before, a man struggles with his sexual nature as a woman struggles with her desire to control. All those negative whispers about your husband you are hearing in your ear are from the prince of darkness' influence on you and the lies you are believing.  If I had looked at the reality of our lives, I would have clearly seen that my life was much easier than Ken's! After all, I was created to be his help meet, not vice versa.

 We chase the dream of happiness, not realizing that happiness is not a place we can find, but a life we need to live in obedience to the Lord. Happiness and contentment will never come from our circumstances, but rather it comes when we are walking in the Spirit and serving others {especially our husbands}, pleasing them, and walking in the garden daily with Jesus.  Have you chosen what values to live? Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the LORD his God {Psalm 146:5}.

Most women will never understand this about the Christian woman, nor will they understand why they are searching to be something they were never created to be. They were created to be women! Yes, many climb the ladder of worldly success and the corporate ladder but at what cost? Does the world want us to be content, or forever dissatisfied while chasing a dream that proves a career does not give us the best things in life? All I can do is share my story; it was not until I gave up my desire to control Ken that I found true contentment. I stopped arguing with him, and decided to try to please him instead of expecting him to please me and knowing that God has given me all I need. I am happy with the man of my dreams, and he was there all along, but those whispers in my ear were so loud that for many years I failed to find him. I don't need to control him! He's the one that God has designated the head over me and I am deeply satisfied with this.

The way to clear out the whispers in our life is to first shut them down from the outside. Anyone who wants to talk negatively about your husband, just tell them to please stop saying those things and instead begin telling them all the good in him. Then do as I did for a month or two. Every time a negative thought about Ken or my situation crept into my mind, I would kick it out. Don't allow the whispers of the Serpent in your life anymore, but dwell on the pure, lovely, and good. Always remember that the enemy is out to destroy you and your marriage. The enemy is not your husband.

Yes, I am teaching hard lessons, but isn't all of life a desire to find the truth and rest within it. I am not trying to change the world with my little blog. I am trying to help women who love the Lord find what God has so graciously shown me. His ways are lovely and perfect! Relish the role of being a woman and celebrate being a keeper at home.

But godliness with contentment is great gain.
1 Timothy 6:6