Why do we have this desire to control our
husbands? Is it to make sure our perceived needs are being met? Maybe it is to
complain about him and the deficits we perceive in him and ignoring the time
and energy spent in providing for the family? It is the same old story
from the beginning of time. The Serpent continues to whisper lies into our ears as he did into Eve's ear, "Has God said you shall not eat from any tree of the garden?" {Genesis 3:1}
My recent viral post hit several nerves,
including the feelings that many young wives have felt when their husbands don't help enough around the home, as if housework is so difficult and time-consuming with the many appliances we have today. {Thanks to the men who invented and built them. They make it much easier for us than in generations past.} However, most of us have felt dissatisfied since we are taught that men should help us with our housework or they aren't being caring husbands. The biggest nerve was the fear by the feminists that my
little blog is somehow going to set women's progress back to the dark ages.
Somehow my championing of SAHM's and having a strong marriage is dangerously
brainwashing young ladies, as if all who read my posts are somehow
uneducated and unable to come to their own choices in life. Guess who is whispering in the feminist's ears as well?
In my earlier years of marriage, my anger with Ken often came because he didn't help
around the home enough. Keeping a home and raising four children isn't easy, but it is nothing compared to what Ken was doing to provide for our family. However, I had an
insatiable need to make sure that Ken was doing his fair share. During those years, he was gone half the year traveling and when he was home, he spent most of his time working in his office, then playing
with the children and helping them in their sports. To be honest, the root of the problem
started right after our wedding. Even with just the two of us, I felt unloved at times, because Ken failed to do what I wanted him to do.
I know I am not the only one who struggles
with this need to get something from my husband and wanting more. The
Serpent's whispers were strong in my ears as I felt this need to control him in
order to "feel" loved. So long as he was doing what I wanted him to
do, our relationship felt pretty good, but if he did not meet my requests or
expectations, my countenance would fall and my angry mood would set in. I would hear these whispers ~
"He does not really love me; if he did he
would show it more."
"Why did he leave the dish on the table? He must be lazy."
"He will probably forget my birthday and
fail to give me a romantic gift and card."
"Is he the man I should have
married?"
Not only did I have to contend with the whispers
in my own head, but when I would go to a family member's or friend's home, I
would complain about Ken to others. They often felt the same way about their
husband since they were afflicted with the same virus, so the two of us would feed new whispers in each other's ears, never
once taking a step back to see all the good in our husbands. Eve, at least,
set the Serpent straight by telling him, "We may eat of the
fruit of the trees of the garden," but God said, "Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die." {God never said anything about touching it.} And we all know the end of the story. Even though
Eve had all the fruit she could possibly eat at her finger tips, she wanted the
fruit she could not have.
Eve's discontentment wasn't
due to God failing but from her need for more and to take control. After the fall, we should understand that this need to control and do things our way is only
stronger. It is as simple as this. If my husband doesn't help me around the home, it's
because I am unable to control him into helping me and in my mind, I believe I should be
able to boss him around. As I have written many times before, a man struggles
with his sexual nature as a woman struggles with her desire to control. All
those negative whispers about your husband you are hearing in your ear are from
the prince of darkness' influence on you and the lies you are believing.
We chase the dream of happiness, not realizing that happiness is not
a place we can find, but a life we need to live in obedience to the Lord. Happiness and contentment will never come from our circumstances, but rather it comes when we are walking in the Spirit and serving others {especially our husbands}, pleasing them, and walking in the garden daily with Jesus. Have you chosen what values to live? Happy is
he that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose
hope is in the LORD his God {Psalm 146:5}.
Most women will never understand this about the
Christian woman, nor will they understand why they are searching to be
something they were never created to be. They were created to be women! Yes,
many climb the ladder of worldly success and the corporate ladder but at what
cost? Does the world want us to be content, or forever dissatisfied while
chasing a dream that proves a career does not give us the best things in life? All I can do is share my story; it was not until I gave up my desire to control
Ken that I found true contentment. I stopped arguing with him, and decided to try to please him instead of
expecting him to please me and knowing that God has given me all I need. I am happy with the man of my dreams, and he was there all along, but those whispers in my ear were so loud that for many years I failed to find him. I don't need to control him! He's the one that
God has designated the head over me and I am deeply satisfied with this.
The way to clear out the whispers in our life is
to first shut them down from the outside. Anyone who wants to talk negatively about your husband, just tell them to please stop saying those things and
instead begin telling them all the good in him. Then do as I did for a month or two. Every time a
negative thought about Ken or my situation crept into my mind, I would kick it out.
Don't allow the whispers of the Serpent in your life anymore, but dwell on the pure, lovely, and good. Always remember that the enemy is out to destroy you and your marriage. The enemy is not your husband.
Yes, I am teaching hard lessons, but isn't all of
life a desire to find the truth and rest within it. I am not trying to change
the world with my little blog. I am trying to help women who love the Lord find
what God has so graciously shown me. His ways are lovely and perfect! Relish the role of being a woman and celebrate being a keeper at home.
But godliness with contentment is great gain.
1 Timothy 6:6
1 Timothy 6:6
