Monday, February 17, 2014

Getting Blasted!


Yes, I will write posts that offend some people.  I get blasted quite often!  Do I mind?  No.  See, I am the type that needs hard words to get it.  This is why I liked Debi Pearl's book Created To Be His Help Meet so much.  She clearly showed me my fault in my marriage and the changes I needed to make like no other book had before.

The quote from the man I used on this post was tough to hear.  Lots of women were offended. Recently, a young man told me he was frustrated that so many godly, wonderful single women were quite overweight.  Men are visual.  Gluttony is sin, so I put the two ideas together to write a post.

There are so many single women who want to get married.  My intention on writing that post wasn't to offend or hurt them.  I wanted to try to get them motivated to lose weight if their greatest desire in life is to be married.  Yes, many men like women with some meat on them but they still want them to be in shape and show self-control with their appetite.

I didn't say women needed to be beautiful as some people accused me of saying.  They argued that God looks at the heart.  Well, men aren't God and they look at the outward appearance.  However, women can do a lot to make themselves attractive to men whatever they look like.  Women who are joyful and positive are very attractive to men.

Sunshine Mary listed things that are attractive to men ~ a lot of smiling, classy and feminine clothing, self-control, friendliness, affection, appreciation and a thankful heart, a pleasant/friendly facial expression and tone of voice, honesty and truthfulness in a spirit of love, a desire to be his help meet and to bless and serve him, youthfulness/a feminine figure/ physical beauty {making the most of our appearance in a healthy, confident, and godly way}.  You can read the full list HERE.

My purpose for writing this blog isn't to offend or shame people but to make them think about their choices and lifestyle. I am very sorry if you felt offended or shamed after reading that post.  I may not always choose the best quotes or the best words but I only desire to help women become godly women who walk in obedience to God in all areas of their lives.  Many women don't like Debi Pearl's writing style as many women don't like mine.  I love hard words that challenge me, however, so I will continue to write them.  After all, Jesus certainly knew how to use words that were difficult to hear!

Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; 
reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long-suffering and doctrine.
II Timothy 4:2

Comments (29)

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Lori, I am so glad you write the way you do. Perhaps some people get offended because they see themselves in your writing and the truth stings and it is easier to blame someone else than to face the facts and do the hard work to improve themselves in whatever areas that may be. I, like you, love hard words that challenge me. I have learned so much from your blog. Thank you!
1 reply · active 579 weeks ago
Gently Led's avatar

Gently Led · 579 weeks ago

Your post the other day reminded me of how important it is for me to lose my baby weight (baby is almost 5). The truth sometimes hurts but never harms. I thought it was really good advice for women of any marital status. Thank you for always telling it like it is (not as we may want it to be -- reality is better).
1 reply · active 579 weeks ago
sheila payne's avatar

sheila payne · 579 weeks ago

I agree with your post on weight. I am 52 and I still try very hard to keep my weight at as close to the woman he signed up for as I can. It is not easy but I love trying to look nice for my husband. In general it is also a matter of trying to be healthy with a side effect of a good weight. Many rewards for staying a healthy weight.
1 reply · active 579 weeks ago
have you posted before on married couples being open to children? birth control? being quiverful? I'd like to hear your thoughts on the topic. blessings~~angela
1 reply · active 579 weeks ago
The quote was hard for some people to hear - but from the man's perspective - more true than not. So sorry to hear that you got negative feedback. I always enjoy your blog and admire you for standing up for your beliefs and expressing them so well. have a good week.
1 reply · active 579 weeks ago
I applauded you, Lori (and Ken too)! Thank you writing the things that women don't hear. Like you, I need the hard words to show me my sin. The Holy Spirit has used posts like yours and Sunshine Mary's as well as the writings of Debi Pearl to change my attitude and show me the Truth found in Scripture. Thank you.
In His Grace,
Martha
PS...I used yesterday's post in our homeschool Bible Study about unity in the Body of Christ this morning with my 13 year-old daughter. Excellent timing!
1 reply · active 579 weeks ago
Based on all of your comments today it looks like you may be feeling better. I sure hope that it's the case!

I don't know if it's fair to call all of the people who post on your more controversial posts trolls. I think you have a lot of passive readers who only contribute to the discussion on more controversial topics. (I guess I would include myself, though I have been pretty passive as of late.) I think the true trolls are the ones whose comments don't make it through moderation.
1 reply · active 579 weeks ago
Lori - I am so thankful that you are not afraid of not being politically correct. Speaking of myself here, I am not without sin. I don't always say things the most graciously way possible, but my intention is never to be offensive. Thank God for his grace and forgiveness through Jesus. But I will stand by the truth of God's Word. That in and of itself is not politically correct because it calls out sin, and aims to bring conviction and repentance. So while I don't intend to be offensive, I seem to be constantly offending people because I don't bend on the word of God, and I am not ashamed to say so. Many people (even Christians - as the most vile attacks I've had made against me were people who claimed to be saved), can't handle that. That is between God & them. I cannot change anyone's mind, only lead people to the Bible and let God's spirit do the convicting.

Praise God that there are teachers like you who are willing to accept the backlash of offended people. Too many "christian" teachers (bloggers, authors, pastors) only want to have their ego stroked and have abandoned the Scriptures in preference to being popular and praised. I've had many sleepless nights after offending people, not because I am hurt by their response. The only one I aim to please is my Lord, being shunned and hated by man doesn't bother me. But I always find myself stressing that I was too harsh, too forceful, too lacking in eloquence when I have stood on the word. Thus I am so thankful that people like you are willing to be out there!!

Blessings Ken & Lori - you are a great encouragement to me. :)
Glad to hear that you are feeling better!

One point that's so important for us to keep in mind is that outward physical appearance doesn't always tell the full story of what is going on, health-wise.

My sister's sister-in-law is a lovely woman. Someone who would simply glance at her may believe that she was plump. It would be truly unfortunate if they would conclude that this was due to gluttony and feel that they had the right to judge or admonish her. In fact, her weight gain is caused by the fact that she takes prednisone to control a chronic disease, colitis, which threatens her life.

My middle child started to gain weight rapidly when she was almost 5. Her former doctor ignored my concerns and insisted it was a matter of diet and exercise - even though I explained that she was very active and that she ate absolutely no junk. We got a referral to a pediatric endocrinologist who discovered that she had a mild version of congenital adrenal hyperplasia. While it is a genetic issue, it is being properly managed today and she is healthy (with a new family doctor).

I can give other examples, but I'm sure you get my point. It's important to promote a healthy lifestyle (I've discussed how my husband and I get up at 5 a.m. for our workouts) and almost everyone can benefit from sensible exercise and nutrition, but external appearance alone does not tell the full story of someone's health or eating habits.
Count me as one who appreciates your time and words on here. Tickling (wo)men's ears is not what we are supposed to do. I found it noteworthy that no man contradicted you on your post about what men wanted but many women did. All the men who were brave enough to write in agreed with everything you said. If I were a man and married to one of these militant women against that post, I'd be scared to mention that you were right as they'd bite my head off!
Truth often has two sides and like riding a horse bareback we as believers must not move too far to the one side of God's demands on our lives, or too dependent on His love, grace and mercy. Lean too far either direction and we fall off the horse of truth and must get back on again.

Weight is a tough issue and considered by many, especially parents to be off limits in discussions when raising kids. It is so important to do the best we can to teach our kids that God is looking at the heart, and not the outside, and that some carry extra weight because it is God's design of their body. Others because of physical issues and low metabolism have to battle weight more than most, but God loves us just the way we are... AND yet wants us to be the best we can be in all areas of our lives, including what we eat and how we eat, and controlling our weight if we can.

If we can say that we are being faithful to be the best we can be with our eating habits to please Him, then if we gain weight, we know He is still pleased with us. We all battle many things in the flesh, and it is in the battle that we can learn to not only please God, but to accept His grace when we fail. Moving from where we are now to where He wants us to be should be our daily focus, never beating ourselves up over our lack of discipline or sins, but accepting that who we are in Christ is perfect. Now let us live out that New Life in the Spirit, and accept the trials of weight, or any other trial He may allow us to pass through as we learn to depend on Him with both His demands on our lives and His abundant grace.
2 replies · active 579 weeks ago
Keep up the good worD, Lori! It's Truth that will set us free!

Hugs and happy highways,
Kelley~
I agree with what you said on weight. Being overweight is not healthy nor does it look good. As Christians we should take care of our bodies because they are God temple.
You are doing good. Keep up the good work.
This was a good clarification post. When I was pregnant with my second child my husband started exercising and losing weight. I was so annoyed!! Here he was getting skinny while I was getting bigger and bigger by the day. And then he did the unthinkable and KEPT exercising and KEPT losing weight! He lost a total of 35lbs. I was like "I thought we were going to get softer as we got older!" So then I was stuck. I can't stand the thought of being the heavy wife to a skinny husband. So by that motivation alone I make sure to keep my weight in check. I am not as fit as he is, but I do exercise most every day.
Glad you handle it so well. Thanks again!
I wanted to add that one of our favorite things to do when taking a vacation together is to go on long bike rides. He has said on more than one occasion that he is glad I am fit so that we can do these things together. So yes, it is more than just about looks (although I'm sure that does matter on some level). It's about being fit and capable.
Although- this is the man I married. For a different sort of man he might like a lady who makes great nachos and wants to sit and watch football with him.
I share your conviction on this. The word of God is a double edge sword and sometimes it cuts at us when in sin. Your post did just that! Continue speaking God's word with boldness.
I understand that Lori wants girls to become healthy, attract godly men, etc. But I am going to harp on this point: what men is she talking to? Lori's previous post help me remember how many guys at my school were not asking all us girls out. Like in "A Beautiful Mind", all the guys lined up to a few girls and waited their turn instead of looking around at the sea full of pretty, smart, full of manners, unattached girls. Funny thing, the EXACT same thing was happening at church. Lots of faithful girls (including me) stood around trying to practice our greeting skills, while all the guys stood around a handful of girls, as if they took a number. I don't see much different in my church today. No, if guys want to date Christian girls, they need to go ask, and stop using weight "issues" as an excuse, and you, Lori, should be hold them accountable for their griping.
It takes a great character to humble oneself and say what you did here. I was upset at the harshness of your post. However, I have been reading for a while now and I do know you are very blunt in your writing. I also know your writing is not to be mean or judgmental but comes from love. Just wanted you to know that. God bless.
1 reply · active 578 weeks ago

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