Thursday, February 13, 2014

Valentine's Day Causes Divorce


"Because Valentine's Day forces us to assess our romantic relationships, many people realize that they are not happy in the situation they are in and there is no possibility of it improving," Brandt told MainStreet. "Thus, they may turn toward divorce to get a fresh start." This report also shows that 67% of the people seeking divorce are women.

This, my friends, is why God commands older women to teach younger women to love their husbands.  There are so many women who are unhappy in their marriages.  The majority of them are married to basically good men.  They work hard. They are faithful and they love their children, but the wives are unhappy and that is all that matters.

In our grandparents day, marriage wasn't about being happy.  It was about commitment and hard work.  It was about staying together through the good times and the bad times.  It was caring for the spouse who was stuck in an addiction or in some kind of bondage.  It was keeping their vows until 'death do us part.'

Now, if women don't get chocolates and flowers on Valentine's day, they want a divorce.  Their husband is just not romantic enough.  He doesn't help around the house or with the children enough.  He doesn't build their self-confidence and make them feel special so they are willing to destroy their family unit and seek a divorce.

The Bible tells us that godliness with contentment is great gain {I Timothy 6:6}.  It tells us concerning marriage "Let no man put asunder"{Matthew 19:6}.  God warns us that women may have to suffer in marriage {I Peter 2 and 3}, but hang in there because God is with you and will never leave you nor forsake you.  He will give you the strength to endure.

So if you want flowers and a card or whatever, ask your husband in a loving way if he will get them for you.  For your birthday, tell him exactly what you want.  They are not mind readers.  Most men are not naturally romantic so you must let him know what you would love to get from him.  If he doesn't want to do anything for you, love him anyways for this pleases God.

Comments (27)

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Love your post, Lori - my husband's birthday is on Valentine's Day so his birthday celebration always overshadows the Valentine's Day part. I told myself long ago not to get hurt or be offended, because the day is his and that's more important. It's easy for women to "expect" what they think is romantic, and in reality our husbands don't have a clue. Just be grateful for a loving man who is committed to your marriage and family, and loves the Lord! I sure am!
It is amazing what a blessing you are to so many, even through terrible physical struggles of your own. I pray you are feeling better.
1 reply · active 580 weeks ago
I saw this a little while ago & immediately thought of sharing it here: Proverbs 9:7&8 "He who corrects a scoffer gets dishonor for himself, & he who reproves a wicked man gets insults for himself. Do not reprove a scoffer, lest he hate you. Reprove a wise man, & he will love you." I thought you & Ken would appreciate these words of wisdom. Love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia
I understand that if you are married you should work to stay married, I know there is value in that, particularly if there are children involved. But as a non-Christian looking in, I guess I just don't understand what the purpose of marriage is if not to add to a person's happiness. If I were married (assuming I don't have children for simplicity) and I were deeply unhappy, I don't understand why I would want to stay married. I can't believe God would want us to live unhappy lives.
12 replies · active 578 weeks ago
Yes, that's another Smart and wise thing my mother taught me and said when I was gonna get married! That she married my dad thru thick and thin...even if "he sometimes was not EXACTLY what she wanted!" He was a great husband, a wonderful dad and a good provider, I miss him so.
My mom was always happy because she chose to be, not because others have to provide it to you...anyway, that's what she taught me and yes, hubby is the greatest, like dad, and he is no prince charming either...I'm glad... caz look what happened to Lady Dianna, her prince was the worset!!! Women this days take nothing they don't like or is it not THEIR WAY and how THEY WANTE it to be and are so selfish!!! Great post, I will be sending it to my daughter!
Happy Valentine's caz I know you will have one for sure!
FABBY
Wonderful. Thank you for bring this to the young and the old attention.

I have been married for over 11 years and I promise myself from the very beginning not to bring valentine day or any other 'men made' holidays into my marriage or my family's life.

Peace to you.
Really? I absolutely love Valentine's Day. I'm realizing more and more that my husband truly is 1 in a million. He really is romantic and sweet, kind, and I'm not exaggerating when I say he's the absolute closest person to perfection that I know. I'm not trying to brag or sound cheesy, but it's the truth! I think happiness in marriage IS the goal! But maybe that's because I think if you are both putting each others needs first, happiness is a natural byproduct. We just had our 9th anniversary a few days ago and have been so happy all 9 of those years. :)
1 reply · active 580 weeks ago
I am figuring the hyperbole is intended to encourage couples to work things out?
We always stay home on Valentine's day for the past 14 years at least. The last time I remember going out we went to a little neighborhood Italian restaurant and got seated because we had reservations and they knew us there. Then the waiter never came we waited and waited and finally asked another waitress in our section and told her how long we had been there. She went to check and said "I found your waiter in the parking lot crying"! Kind of funny but made me said because I immediately though he was overwhelmed with how busy they were but then I decided his girlfriend probably broke up with him because he was working. He was young, high school or college aged so I'm sure he had a demanding, selfish girlfriend. We need to work hard to teach our daughters about those kinds of expectations. I have a husband who loves me everyday and I refuse to make him jump through hoops on Valentines day, my birthday or our anniversary. It just isn't right or fair!
1 reply · active 580 weeks ago
One should never ask for gifts and therefore I would never ask my husband to buy me a valentines gift - if he doesn't remember thats fine with me - life isn't about the gifts one receives. Nor does my husband like me to give him birthday ideas - things I would like, he likes to go out and select his own and he does a brilliant job. I have received jewellery, perfume, lingerie (the right size) and many other things such as iPads that are spot on. I trust his decision. And when he buys me something I might not be 100% excited about, I don't tell him - I accept graciously. A marriage is more than the gifts.
This is why I don't like the holidays. We're suppose to drop everything, buy some manufactured dribble, and hand them out with a smile. This year, there are no valentine parties at school. My kids didn't even know that it was near. Yeah! Don't even get me started with Christmas.

The ideal is be connected to the point that its a daily occurrence, not a date on the calendar.
My husband has always been more into Valentine's day than I am. I've never really expected much if anything, even told him numerous times he doesn't have to do anything big, but he always does something. I guess I got lucky we don't have much money, but I have a hubby with a romantic streak who always remembers special days and makes a point of doing something even if it's inexpensive. Really it is the thought that counts and my yearly box of Whitman's chocolate lets me know he knows me well enough to know what that means to me. See my grandparents were happily married for 34 years and every Valentine's day my grandpa would buy my grandma her favorite (Whitman's chocolate) and she would always share with me when I was little. Then as I got into my tweens my grandpa started buying me a box too. It was just his way of saying he loved me and grandma. He passed away when I was 13. At some point I told my husband about my grandpa buying me and granny Whitman's chocolate and he remembered it and started buying it for me. The fact that my husband knew how close my grandfather and I were, and chose to carry on that tradition means more to me than any expensive gift he could ever buy.

We've had funny things happen at Valentine's too, once he got confused about what holiday he was buying for because our local dollar store put out Valentine's and Easter decorations at the same time and I got a bunch of Easter village figurines for Valentine's. We still joke about that, and it's been so long ago that most of the figurines have long since been broken during moves or by one of the kids when they were small.

As for sharing holidays I don't really mind our anniversary is also his birthday he picked that so he could easily remember it. The running joke in our family is if he ever forgets our anniversary I get to put him in the nursing home since he will have obviously gone senile. My third child's birthday always falls on or around Mother's Day so that's one I don't really get to celebrate because my child comes first. My mother's birthday is the day after mine we used to go out on a special mother daughter lunch or go do something girly together like getting our hair and nails done. We have done that in ages not since my mom had her accident and got hooked on prescription pain pills. Now I'm lucky if either of my parents even remembers my birthday, and gives me a call. My husband though makes a point of letting me know he remembers even if money is tight and he can't buy me anything. That means the world to me, because it means he knows me well enough to know I get a little sad around my birthday, because I miss the way my mom used to be and how close we once were. I love my husband we've been together long enough to know the little things about each other. We fuss and we fight occasionally Lord knows nether of us is the easiest person to live with, but to throw away all the good times over not getting a box of chocolates and some roses that will be dead in a week seems a bit ridiculous to me. Granted I'm in my mid-thirties and closer to being middle-aged than a young wife still I have younger friends who would find the idea of divorce over a missed Valentine's day present silly. I think marriage is a mindset if you go into it thinking if it gets tough I'm out of here then of course it isn't going to last. Alternately, if you go into it thinking I love this person faults and all, and even when I'm so mad at them I could throttle them I still love them too much to leave then it will likely last. I think some couples just rush into marriage the bride isn't thinking much past a big wedding and reception and the groom isn't thinking much past the honeymoon, and when reality sets in they bolt.

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