Where biblical patterns are not followed, husbands and wives have no clear guidance on how to act within their marriages, and there is increasing stress that brings harmful and even destructive consequences to families. {Wayne Grudem}
Those who believe in egalitarian marriages "submit to one another" are on a slippery slope to watering down the Word of God where each generation gets farther and farther away from the Scripture as it is written. "There is a sifting, a sorting, a dividing going on within the evangelical world, and I believe that institutions that adopt an egalitarian position on this issue will drift further and further from faithfulness to the Bible on other issues as well."
If you believe that there are no differences in our roles as husband and wife, many things will steadily go downhill from there. If the man is not the protector and provider of the family as God ordained, women abdicate their roles as keeper of the home to work full-time outside of their home. If a woman is not the nurturer and nester of the home and children, children are left all day in the care of strangers and the home is neglected, marriages fall apart and stress rules the day.
If you believe that there are no differences in the roles of husband and wife, there will most likely be a lot of conflict, arguing and quarrelling which God definitely forbids in Scripture. If there is not one leader in ANY organization, chaos is likely to reign. Every institution needs a leader to run smoothly or else it will fail.
So how does a biblical marriage work. Here are the words of Wayne Grudem again because I think he says it perfectly ~
But in every decision, whether large or small, and whether we have reached agreement or not, the responsibility to make the decision still rests with me. I don't agree with those who say male headship only makes a difference once every ten years or so when a husband and wife can't reach an agreement. I think that male headship makes a difference in every decision that the couple makes every day of their married life. If there is genuine male headship, there is a quiet, subtle acknowledgment that the focus of the decision making process is the husband, not the wife. And even though there will often be much discussion and though there should be much mutual respect of each other, yet ultimately the responsibility to make the decision rests with the husband. And so in my marriage, the responsibility to make the decision, rests with me...This is something that is God-given. It is very good. It brings peace and joy to our marriage, and both Margaret and I are very thankful for it.
Alina · 516 weeks ago
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Rachel · 516 weeks ago
I am truly only curious, not looking to argue, just still seeking so hard to have a settled heart on the issue of Egalitarian vs. Complementarian.
Do you believe that the 3 Persons in the Godhead- Father, Son, and Holy Spirit-, are co-equal in power and glory? Or do you believe that the Son submits to the Father?
Also... Do you believe that the Church is built on Gifts of The Holy Spirit or Roles?
When a woman is Gifted with leadership, and the husbands wants her to lead, so she does, isn't that still submitting to husband?
It's okay to email me personally if you don't want to post my comment.
Thank you for your blog :)
Lori Alexander 122p · 516 weeks ago
Rachel · 516 weeks ago
helen UK · 516 weeks ago
I would echo what is often said on this blog, Gods ways are always best, so if he says in his word that there is to be an order in marriage, we should do it. In my experience, husbands who want wives to lead just need bags of encouragement from their wives to be a Godly head. Alot of the time its about giving your husband confidence that he CAN lead. Women can be intimidating, even unintentionally, as we do multi task well and be a bit 'superwoman ish!'. If a husband doesn't want to lead, we STILL need to submit to them and therefore encourage them to take their God ordained position through spoken and unspoken ways.
Gods ways are always best!.
Blessings to you
Helen UK
Joi · 516 weeks ago
Just wondering your Biblical opinion on this. I recently attended a new church in a denomination that believes women aren't to teach or usurp authority over men. This past Sunday a woman was called on to recite scripture before the congregation. Do you think this is against the command for a woman to keep silent? All she did was read the verses, but I am torn. Thanks in advance for any help! Joi
Ken · 516 weeks ago
If a pastor's wife, or woman pastor regularly taught men I would have strong scriptural objections and not attend that church regularly, but I probably would not walk out of a meeting if a woman stood up and started giving the sermon. Instead I would question what else this church is not willing to take a strong stand upon when God's Word is clear, and would quietly withdraw. They can exercise their faith as their elders so choose and these elders will be accountable for their decisions before the Lord to go against what God’s Word clearly teaches.
Remember, this has nothing to do with talent, as many women may give better sermons than men, but it has to do with God’s order of things, displaying for all of mankind what the Godhead looks like. Three equal persons all as One, yet having different roles and authority that goes with those roles. Perfect unity with submission of equals.
Ken · 516 weeks ago
This verse proves what I am saying, along with the verse Lori quoted, and such submission is the perfect example for how husband and wife can be equals yet a wife submit her will to her husband so that her husband may serve her and exult her:
"Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross" (Phil. 2:5-8)
Ken · 516 weeks ago
Should she submit to his wishes to lead men? It is hard to imagine any wife ever being asked to submit to such a request unless she has diligently worked to prepare for such a position of leadership. In other words, her lust for such leadership is leading to this charade of a husband's demand that she violate God's Word by leading men, or teaching men within the church. For her to submit or not submit probably becomes a moot point when one asks the question after sin after sin has already been committed or lusted after. She should begin and end her leadership by teaching her own husband at home what God’s Word says, so that then she does not have to violate God’s Word by taking a leadership role over men “in the church.” There is no admonition for a wife not to teach their husband God’s Word.
If the leadership you refer to is leading women's ministry, or does not involve leading men, she would certainly be welcome by the scriptures to use her gifts in this way, and should submit to her husband’s request. To be gifted does not mean one should step outside their God given roles. If that were the case, Jesus, God the Father's equal, and the very nature of God, could argue this same way. He is fully gifted, so why not lead when His role is to obey the Father? Because indeed He desires order and harmony, not His own ego and will. He leads by serving and submitting, and allows HIs Father to exult Him, not exult Himself outside of God's will.
helen UK · 516 weeks ago
Blessings to you and Lori
Helen UK
helen UK · 516 weeks ago
Great post, a contentious issue (particularly in the UK) but its so true, Gods ways are ALWAYS best!
Blessings
Helen UK
Lori Alexander 122p · 516 weeks ago