Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Egalitarian Marriages Begin a Slippery Slope


Where biblical patterns are not followed, husbands and wives have no clear guidance on how to act within their marriages, and there is increasing stress that brings harmful and even destructive consequences to families. {Wayne Grudem}

Those who believe in egalitarian marriages "submit to one another" are on a slippery slope to watering down the Word of God where each generation gets farther and farther away from the Scripture as it is written. "There is a sifting, a sorting, a dividing going on within the evangelical world, and I believe that institutions that adopt an egalitarian position on this issue will drift further and further from faithfulness to the Bible on other issues as well."

If you believe that there are no differences in our roles as husband and wife, many things will steadily go downhill from there. If the man is not the protector and provider of the family as God ordained, women abdicate their roles as keeper of the home to work full-time outside of their home. If a woman is not the nurturer and nester of the home and children, children are left all day in the care of strangers and the home is neglected, marriages fall apart and stress rules the day.

If you believe that there are no differences in the roles of husband and wife, there will most likely be a lot of conflict, arguing and quarrelling which God definitely forbids in Scripture. If there is not one leader in ANY organization, chaos is likely to reign. Every institution needs a leader to run smoothly or else it will fail.

So how does a biblical marriage work. Here are the words of Wayne Grudem again because I think he says it perfectly ~

But in every decision, whether large or small, and whether we have reached agreement or not, the responsibility to make the decision still rests with me. I don't agree with those who say male headship only makes a difference once every ten years or so when a husband and wife can't reach an agreement. I think that male headship makes a difference in every decision that the couple makes every day of their married life. If there is genuine male headship, there is a quiet, subtle acknowledgment that the focus of the decision making process is the husband, not the wife. And even though there will often be much discussion and though there should be much mutual respect of each other, yet ultimately the responsibility to make the decision rests with the husband. And so in my marriage, the responsibility to make the decision, rests with me...This is something that is God-given. It is very good. It brings peace and joy to our marriage, and both Margaret and I are very thankful for it.

Comments (25)

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I have learned and been encouraged so much by your blog. I am home full time and homeschool my four children. I tried working just part time for a very short season but it was stressful so many mornings. I missed taking morning walks with my kids and reading together after breakfast. I am grateful to be back home.
2 replies · active 516 weeks ago
You will NEVER be able to find anything better than God's wonderful ways, Alina. Yes, we will try but they will never be able to compare to God's ways. He created us and knows what is best for us!
I work part time from home while taking care of it and our eight-month-old daughter. I am also pregnant again after miscarriages and so thankful. Yet I am exhausted from trying to do it all and feel that my connection with my husband suffers. Yet still I try to accomplish it all, as I have been taught that I need to work too. And my husband appreciates the extra income (which is in fact equal to his full-time pay, at least almost) and is also proud of the work I do. I feel somewhat stuck. So thank you so so much for keeping on writing about homemakers. I hope that one day soon I will find a way too. Maybe then I will also be able to write the book that I dream about writing.
Love this. So bold of you to stand for what not only is right, Biblically, but what WORKS. Your blog is the only reason my husband and I have a very peaceful marriage now. We argued all the time and finally, I tried to just let go of my pride and just let him lead. And low and behold, it worked! It takes time and discipline, but each day we get better and better at being GREAT together. :) Thank you, Lori!!!
1 reply · active 516 weeks ago
Practice makes perfect! I love hearing of happy and peaceful marriages. God's ways are so simple but ignored by so many, unfortunately. I LOVE having a happy and peaceful marriage, also.
Lady Virtue's avatar

Lady Virtue · 516 weeks ago

Thank you for posting this, Lori. God's ways always prevail, even as this wicked world continues to distance itself from Him. I know there are couples who state that they have an egalitarian marriage, that it works for them, that they get on well, and that their kids will turn out fine, but personal anecdotes never override the timeless truths of the Scriptures established thousands of years ago. These days, everyone wants to be the exception to Biblical norms.
1 reply · active 516 weeks ago
Someone is the leader in those homes, Lady Virtue, and it is most undoubtedly the woman. God's Word is timeless and it is good.
I'm so happy for you, Alisha! The Lord will give us grace to walk in His ways for those who want it. He is a generous and loving God.
Lori, Where we live most if not all the women have started full time employment outside the home. Homeschooling which was once very strong has been decreasing every year. Almost everyone of them say they are following God. It is His will for them to do it and be fulfilled. The churches support this 100%. The egalitarian idea is so entrenched that I do not see it changing. We are so alone here.
1 reply · active 516 weeks ago
Be a light in the darkness! God is with you and when Christians live out His ways, others are usually attracted to them. Overcome evil with good!
You need to be speaking on tv so more can hear God speak thru you. We need more bold Christians who tell it like it is biblically.
1 reply · active 516 weeks ago
Thanks for the compliment, Missy, but I have absolutely no desire to be on TV!
Agreed....as usual :)
Hi,

I am truly only curious, not looking to argue, just still seeking so hard to have a settled heart on the issue of Egalitarian vs. Complementarian.

Do you believe that the 3 Persons in the Godhead- Father, Son, and Holy Spirit-, are co-equal in power and glory? Or do you believe that the Son submits to the Father?

Also... Do you believe that the Church is built on Gifts of The Holy Spirit or Roles?
When a woman is Gifted with leadership, and the husbands wants her to lead, so she does, isn't that still submitting to husband?

It's okay to email me personally if you don't want to post my comment.

Thank you for your blog :)
8 replies · active 516 weeks ago
Absolutely, the Son submits to the Father. "Not my will, but yours be done." There are 12 references in the Bible of a wife's relationship to her husband and they are ALL of the wife being under the husband's leadership. Paul is VERY clear about the roles in the church. He is VERY clear that women are NOT to be teaching men and to remain quiet in the church. Women can lead and teach in the children's department since they aren't being in authority or teaching men, they can teach other women and serve in numerous ways in the church that aren't teaching and being in authority over men. Men and women are equal in the fact of their value and worth in the kingdom of God; no doubt, but He has assigned us clearly spelled-out roles that are different.
Thank you for your response. Jesus also said "I and the Father are one".
Good evening Rachel (well it is in the UK!)

I would echo what is often said on this blog, Gods ways are always best, so if he says in his word that there is to be an order in marriage, we should do it. In my experience, husbands who want wives to lead just need bags of encouragement from their wives to be a Godly head. Alot of the time its about giving your husband confidence that he CAN lead. Women can be intimidating, even unintentionally, as we do multi task well and be a bit 'superwoman ish!'. If a husband doesn't want to lead, we STILL need to submit to them and therefore encourage them to take their God ordained position through spoken and unspoken ways.
Gods ways are always best!.
Blessings to you
Helen UK
Lori,

Just wondering your Biblical opinion on this. I recently attended a new church in a denomination that believes women aren't to teach or usurp authority over men. This past Sunday a woman was called on to recite scripture before the congregation. Do you think this is against the command for a woman to keep silent? All she did was read the verses, but I am torn. Thanks in advance for any help! Joi
I would not try to overthink too much about a woman reading the scriptures in church, as reading is not teaching. But I certainly would look for additional signs of the slippery slope Lori is referring to in her post. Although I think it best for men to lead all of the service when other men are in attendance, based on the scriptural admonitions, I think it best not to focus too much on non-essentials, and this area of scripture reading is a non-essential.

If a pastor's wife, or woman pastor regularly taught men I would have strong scriptural objections and not attend that church regularly, but I probably would not walk out of a meeting if a woman stood up and started giving the sermon. Instead I would question what else this church is not willing to take a strong stand upon when God's Word is clear, and would quietly withdraw. They can exercise their faith as their elders so choose and these elders will be accountable for their decisions before the Lord to go against what God’s Word clearly teaches.

Remember, this has nothing to do with talent, as many women may give better sermons than men, but it has to do with God’s order of things, displaying for all of mankind what the Godhead looks like. Three equal persons all as One, yet having different roles and authority that goes with those roles. Perfect unity with submission of equals.
There is no doubt that God the Father and Jesus the Son are "One" just as Lori and I are one flesh, and complete equals. In both cases there is a subordination of wills, not of nature or essence. The Son Jesus subordinates his will and gives up a grasp on equality to do the will of the Father and accomplish His role in the Godhead. So too, Lori accepts her role as wife, mother and helpmeet to her husband, deferring to me on any decision I feel strongly about, as best for her and the family.

This verse proves what I am saying, along with the verse Lori quoted, and such submission is the perfect example for how husband and wife can be equals yet a wife submit her will to her husband so that her husband may serve her and exult her:

"Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross" (Phil. 2:5-8)
When a husband desires that his wife take a leadership role in the church where she must lead other men, he is in violation of two clear scriptural precepts. He is essentially abdicating his own leadership if he is then to submit to her and have her teach him in the church, unless he is still in authority over her in the church, and he is telling her to do something God's Word says she should not be doing.

Should she submit to his wishes to lead men? It is hard to imagine any wife ever being asked to submit to such a request unless she has diligently worked to prepare for such a position of leadership. In other words, her lust for such leadership is leading to this charade of a husband's demand that she violate God's Word by leading men, or teaching men within the church. For her to submit or not submit probably becomes a moot point when one asks the question after sin after sin has already been committed or lusted after. She should begin and end her leadership by teaching her own husband at home what God’s Word says, so that then she does not have to violate God’s Word by taking a leadership role over men “in the church.” There is no admonition for a wife not to teach their husband God’s Word.

If the leadership you refer to is leading women's ministry, or does not involve leading men, she would certainly be welcome by the scriptures to use her gifts in this way, and should submit to her husband’s request. To be gifted does not mean one should step outside their God given roles. If that were the case, Jesus, God the Father's equal, and the very nature of God, could argue this same way. He is fully gifted, so why not lead when His role is to obey the Father? Because indeed He desires order and harmony, not His own ego and will. He leads by serving and submitting, and allows HIs Father to exult Him, not exult Himself outside of God's will.
Great comments Ken, thank you as always for your insights

Blessings to you and Lori
Helen UK
Lori

Great post, a contentious issue (particularly in the UK) but its so true, Gods ways are ALWAYS best!
Blessings
Helen UK
1 reply · active 516 weeks ago
Oh, it's contentious here also, Helen! When men forsakes God's ways, they hate His ways.

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