Charles Spurgeon wrote, “Never try to live on the old manna, nor seek to find help in Egypt.” As believers in Jesus Christ, we should not try to find marriage counselors from the secular world, help for training and disciplining children or any type of relational advice from them either, since they come from an entirely different perspective with different goals than a Christ follower.
Recently, Susan wrote to me about her father who is living a sinful lifestyle and she
doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. However, she knows from Scripture
that she must honor her mother and father. How does she reconcile the two? If
she went to the secular world or probably even many lukewarm believers, they
would probably tell her she didn’t need to have anything to do with him if he
was doing something she didn’t like. The Bible is outdated and written by men
any ways.
What
does the Bible say? We are to honor our father and mother regardless of their
behavior. Our parent’s disobedience
doesn’t give us a right to be disobedient, just as a husband’s disobedience
doesn’t give his wife the right to be disobedient. We will one day stand
alone in the presence of the Lord and have to give an account for our actions,
not our parent's or spouse's. We are told to reverence our husbands and respect
all those in authority over us for the positions they hold and the
responsibility that goes along with it.
How
does Susan honor her father who is living a sinful lifestyle? She needs to gain
an eternal perspective. Hell is an awful place to spend eternity and she must
keep his eternal soul in mind in all her behavior towards him. Pray for him
consistently. Write him notes with Scripture verses and encouraging words. When
she sees him, she should always be kind and loving since the Lord may use her to win him to the Lord. Remember, even Jesus asked the Father to forgive those
who were murdering him. Those trapped in sinful lifestyles are in bondage to
sin and the enemy is winning their soul. It is all a spiritual battle being
waged in the heavenlies. When you try to win your parent, spouse, children, and
friends to the Lord, you use the same weaponry: the armor of the Lord to fight
this battle. Once you put on the Lord’s armor, you have a great chance of
winning them to the Lord because greater is He who is in you than he who is in
the world.
Whenever
you have a relationship problem, go to the Word or to a godly person you know.
Don’t seek help in Egypt. Years ago, Egypt said pornography was fine. Now, they
are realizing the harm in it. We always knew sexual immorality is evil and
something we must flee since the Word is clear about it. Read and study the
Word to find principles to live by. You will never go wrong obeying the Lord in
what He commands that you do. It is much better to reap rewards from the Lord,
than the manna the world has to offer that quickly spoils.
But
without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that comes to God must
believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.
Hebrews
11:6
Logging you in...
Christy · 444 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 444 weeks ago
Mrs. O · 444 weeks ago
Thank you !!
Lori Alexander 122p · 444 weeks ago
Mrs. Kelley Dibble · 444 weeks ago
Fight fire with fire. A parent is critical? Compliment what you can when you can. They're negative? You be positive and find the good in what you can when you can. Soft responses are ideal responses, yet firmness will on occasion be required. Of course, your parent will wonder what might be wrong with you when you respond in a measured, self-controlled manner.
My father left Mother for another woman over three decades ago. Growing up, I was not real close to either of my parents, but Mother, a godly woman, and I have grown closer through the years while Dad and I drifted even farther apart after their divorce. I incorrectly justified my ungodly behavior toward Dad for a long time thinking that "forgiving" him was enough. As a result of deep soul searching, I realized I was the one who needed Dad's forgiveness.
Dad was a hard worker and never failed to help support the family (Mother worked full-time outside the home, too) until he "lost his mind" and had yet another adulteress affair. Mother would have taken him back again, but this time the enemy of Dad's soul and another adulteress convinced Dad that he should leave my mother and their last child of four still in the nest at 12 years of age. Dad stopped supporting his wife and son and things went downhill from there.
Mother never spoke a cross word about Dad, encouraging her wounded children to forgive him because "he doesn't know Jesus like we do." I can't say that Mother acted toward Dad like Connie Hultquist did toward her Jim, but it was Mom's patient, godly influence that spoke volumes to me about love and mercy.
I have always been the one to initiate a "relationship" with my dad and this is a practice I continue today. The ways I've learned to honor him are with questions. "What kind of plant can I put in a shady area of my tropical background?" Or about his childhood, "So were you close to your stepdad?" (My dad's own father abandoned him and their family when Dad was only 2 years old. Why did his dad leave? Adultery.) I have found ways to honor my dad even with an ocean and a continent between us. As we have lived overseas for the majority of the past 16 years, that is mostly via email, and it works. I also always send him Father's Day cards, November birthday cards and Christmas cards. Always.
With Dad I never bring up the bad past. He knows he was abusive physically and verbally. He knows he made the biggest mistake of his life leaving Mother. He knows he sorely mistreated her and his four children. He has to live with his own demon-memories, and if I chose to, I would live there, too. But I choose charity. I choose to overlook the faults and find the provider, the protector, the man by whose loins I became a living soul.
(Continued...)
Lori Alexander 122p · 444 weeks ago
Mrs. Kelley Dibble · 444 weeks ago
Last year we travelled North America and parts of Canada on deputation, raising funds to return as career missionaries appointed to the Pacific. In mid-May I felt impressed by the Lord with the idea fly from where we were in Arkansas to Florida where Dad lives. I called him to ask if he would like some company Father's Day weekend. You'd have thought he'd won the lottery! He started bragging to the entire mobile home retirement community that his daughter was coming to see him for Father's Day!
I flew there on a Thursday and what a time we had! Friday we went to Disney World and I saw a side to Dad I never knew. "I would own season tickets to Disney if I had someone to go with me," he said. Though all his friends in the retirement park rely on Dad, he is lonely. God's Word is true: It's not good for a man to live alone. Don't you know every day he is reminded how he messed up.
At Disney World, I took Dad's arm, held his hand, asked him questions, took a ton of we-sies (that's a selfie of two or more people), and made a point on the hour every hour to say, "Thank you for bringing me to Disney! I'm having so much fun!"
I didn't let him pay for anything. I asked him at the outset, "So, what do we want to make sure we eat before we leave?" For him it was Dole Whip and ice cream. For me it was a smoked turkey drumstick. When I couldn't finish the other half of mine, he polished it off for me. When we were done, we both had hickie marks on our bottom lips! "Now I know where I get this from!" I told him. Whenever Dad and I both eat something we have to bite into, like a whole apple, our bottom lip gets bruised. We laughed at "like father like daughter." We learned something new about each other and about ourselves.
"Dad, what do we want to make sure we do before we leave Epcot?" There were two rides he wanted to do twice and he wanted to do "everything!" So we did. We did everything at least once and his favorites we did at least twice. We would be standing in line and he'd say to some young dad, "This is my daughter. She's visiting me from Guam for Father's Day weekend." I heard with my own ears that my dad felt honored.
We went to thrift stores, something we both enjoy, I did some mending for him, made him some curtains for his mobile home, and we looked through an old box of photos that he hadn't looked through since his second divorce (the 1990s). I showed him how to make a compete dinner in his Crock Pot on Father's Day: pork chops, sweet potatoes, baked onions and apples. There wasn't a morsel left. We went to his favorite ice cream parlor for dessert. He loved every moment and often throughout the day I would kiss his cheek and say, "Happy Father's Day, Dad."
On Monday he drove me back to the airport. I had prayed for an opportunity to speak with him about the condition of his soul. That very weekend when we were having breakfast with the "Saturday morning breakfast bunch," Dad had gotten a call to come immediately. A park resident friend had been found who had passed away during the night. It was on our minds that Monday en route to the airport. I asked him about the man's religious beliefs, and was he a Christian. This opened the door. Had Dad thought about where he wanted his own soul to spend eternity? "I want you to spend it with me and Jesus in heaven," I'd said. Dad had been baptized in Jesus' name before he had gone into the Marines in 1957, "Right?" I asked. Yes, he said, and, "Yes, I have thought about it, and I certainly don't want to go to that other place." I reminded him that he knows what it takes to live for God and that, only as long as there is breath in our lungs can we do that. "I love you, Dad, and I want you to go to heaven."
Our parents aren't responsible to lay out the plan for their own children to honor them. It's the children's choice, their idea, their duty and responsibility. We will reap what we sow. It's an investment in our parents' lives to honor them OR the memory of them. Find something good to say about something they did right!
When Dad dropped me off at the airport that Monday, I initiated the long daughter's hug of her father. In his ear I said, "You are the best dad in the whole wide world." He hugged me even tighter then and stifled his tears. "Text me when you get home safely, Dad," I said. "I love you." Later, his text read, "I stopped crying by the time I reached the Dairy Queen drive-thru."
The Bible says that every good and perfect gift comes from above. Stop and think about it. God gave us the biological parents He wanted us to have. That's the very reason I could say, "Dad, you are the best dad in the whole wide world."
*hugs*
Kelley~
Valeria · 444 weeks ago
HappyHomemaker · 444 weeks ago
Colby · 444 weeks ago
2happy4 66p · 444 weeks ago
HappyHomemaker · 444 weeks ago
Mrs. Kelley Dibble · 444 weeks ago
I, too, had to/have to preach sermons to myself. We ALL lost a lot with my parents' divorce, and I could Dwell there, in the past, with my list of what he did wrong, how he is never wrong and blames everyone else instead of manning up to his major failures to lead his family, that his alcoholism and his anger issues caused not only the major disfunction in our family but a type of death of our family.
But my forgiveness and mercy can be a giver of life to our family, to my father, to my siblings and my other parent, Mother, to whom it is also my duty to honor. In my pride and arrogance I struggled to do what I knew God's Word commanded me to do. In my stubborn bitterness, everything would've stayed rock hard and immovable. I decided it was time to set myself free of that junk and honor my father. While he still has breath, it's not too late. I believe God will save my dad before he breathes his last breath, and if it's because of my efforts, it will be worth it all.
Daughters, unite to honor parents-- godly or sinful. Period. Watch and see what God will do!
*hugs*
Kelley~
HappyHomemaker · 444 weeks ago
Daniele from Quebec · 444 weeks ago
Mrs. Kelley Dibble · 444 weeks ago
Unsafe environments are definitely no place for the family. Absolutely. The children and you can send to your dad cards and email him if he does that and call him on his birthday, Father's Day, etc. I'm so very grateful that your husband is leading your family in the wisest way he knows as the provider and protector. If he is wrong in his decisions, God will handle that. God alone is, as you said, our comfort and peace. Continue to pray for your husband's leading and for your parents. You are doing the right things, Daniele, though it's difficult sometimes. I believe that there are other ways that, with your husband's blessing, you and the children and your husband, should and could show your love for your dad.
*hugs*
Kelley
Daniele from Quebec · 444 weeks ago