One Disgusted Man

Christian or not, the sad fact remains that it is the culture that is at the root of the problem. American women WANT divorce—whether they admit or not; whether they spout religious-sounding platitudes about it or not. The divorce rate speaks for itself.

Like you rightly pointed out on another post: our culture does NOT teach women to value men. At best, they only see us as ‘sperm donors’ and ‘bill payers’; and resent us for needing us for even that little. Men are utterly expendable in this culture and women feel ashamed of responsible men and turn to pursuing dead weight males who make them feel superior. 

This was a comment left by a man on another man's blog. This blog is written by a man from the perspective of a husband dealing with a feminist culture, even within the church.  He feels that most women will use any excuse to get a divorce ~

Pornography {even if the wife is denying him sex}

Emotional abuse {This can be used to cover a wide range of reasons to divorce.}

Not helping with the home and children enough

Working too hard

The wife isn't "happy."

You get the picture.  He said the divorce rate is 38% among Christians and that is way too high.  Christians should weather the storms together.  The ones who have come out of them usually have a stronger marriage.

He states that most marriages today are initiated by women.  I am not surprised.  Women expect a lot more in marriage.  They want a Prince Charming who makes them happy and can read their minds.  I know, I felt this way for many years and was very unhappy being married.

He also writes that most women want a divorce so they can marry someone else.  He thinks this is women's path of promiscuity, sanctioned by the church.  Sad, sad state of affairs.

Most men will rise to the occasion.  If he is being loved and respected, he will usually become a leader with confidence and lead his family well.

Let marriage be held in honor by all, and the bed undefiled. 

Hebrews 13:4

The Power Of Silence

She bubbles with the joy of the Lord.  She quotes scripture as if she has memorized the whole Bible.  She is madly in love with Jesus.

I had my Bible study group over for a luncheon.  We were sitting around my table sharing our lives together.  A very special time!  One of the woman shared her life and I thought you'd love to hear it...

She was raised in a Christian home.  Her parents were madly in love with each other and with Jesus.  She knew the right way to live.

She met a "hunk" when she was 18 and fell head-over-heels in love with him.  She was pregnant two months later.  He wasn't a Christian, but she married him anyways.   She knew she could convert him.

She preached to him constantly.  He would be eating his sandwich at work and bite into a Bible tract.  The next day he'd find his napkin with these words on it, "Repent or you will burn in hell!" Then she would have a big kiss on the napkin from her lipstick. 

He would use the restroom and on the toilet paper would be scrawled,  "Jesus is coming soon...Repent or you will suffer eternal damnation!"  She wanted him to be saved so badly.

Seven years after they were married when she had two children along with a baby in her arms,  he came home and said to her,  "I don't love you anymore.  I'm having an affair." 

The Holy Spirit spoke to her right then and told her,  "Stop preaching!"  So she went about her life without saying a word to him.  She was determined to win back his love.  She still desperately loved him.

He was an alcoholic.  He drank until 2:00 a.m at the bars every day.

One day she was washing the dishes and he came to her and said something like,  "I was reading in your Bible about lost sheep and needing salvation.  I want to be saved."  Right then and there, she led him to the Lord.  He hasn't had one drink since then which was many years ago.

The power of winning a husband without a word...the power of silence...God knows what He is talking about.  His ways are good.

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation {the way you live your life} of the wives. 

I Peter 3:1

Should Christians Dance?

 

YES!!!  Dancing is wonderful!  Just as sex is good and a gift from God within the bounds of marriage,  but can be used in sinful ways, dancing modestly and appropriately is also good and can be enjoyed as a gift from God, but can be done in sinful ways.

My daughter, Alyssa, was a professional dancer with Ballet Magnificat for nine years.  They went around the world dancing for Jesus.  The picture above is Alyssa from one of their  performances.  They share the love of Christ through their dancing.  Little Ricky from I Love Lucy is the owner.  His wife is an incredible dancer and she is in her 50s! God has blessed her amazingly with the gift of dance, just as He gifted Alyssa with that talent.

Both of my children had dancing at their weddings.  My neighbor went to Alyssa's wedding.  She watched all the people dancing.  She was impressed!  She wants her daughter to go to a Christian college.  She said that if Christians can dance and have fun without getting drunk and dancing inappropriately, that is where she wants her daughter to go.

Alyssa taught Jon a dance for their wedding.  I posted it here awhile ago, but I will post it again for all those who haven't seen it.  Go and watch it.  Go to Ballet Magnificat's website and see how God-honoring and beautiful dancing can be when it is unpolluted by the world.

Let's not let Satan take everything beautiful and allow him to make it ugly.  Let's show the world how beautiful God created things and how we can do everything for His glory...even dancing!

You have turned my mourning into dancing. 
Psalm 30:11

Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. 

Jeremiah 31:13

Wives Who Suffer For Jesus

Before you read this, I want to make sure you know that I am a firm believer that if a wife or her children are in any way threatened or physically abused, they must quickly get help and protection. There is a big difference between being a doormat and a punching bag. These wives can win their man by getting him the help he needs from the authorities.  This being made clear...

Jesus was a doormat. The Creator of the universe came down to earth and allowed sinful men to persecute Him, mock Him, and nail Him to a cross ~

For even hereunto were you called; because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: Who did no sin, neither was guile found in His mouth; Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to Him that judges righteously.

I Peter 2:21-23

I hear many times that we shouldn't be doormats. Yet, we are called to be like Christ, even turning the other cheek. Jesus called us to be "the servant of all."

Now, I am not judging you if you  refuse to be doormats.  I just feel that a lot of women are giving up too easily in marriage these days.  Everyone has a right to live life the way they feel called to live walking in the Spirit.

The scriptures give perfect guidelines how we are to live out our faith, but one of the greatest guidelines is to constantly check in with the Spirit while using God's Word as our foundation. I just want to reason with you... so you may ponder this important subject with me. I've been thinking about it as I mentor women who regularly tell me that they "don't want to be their husband's doormats." Then I look at Christ's example.

Right after the above verses, it reads ~

Likewise {just as Christ suffered}, you wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation {lifestyle} of the wives.
I Peter 3:1

Scripture seems to state that wives may have to suffer under a husband's leadership with a husband that seems insensitive, lazy, uncaring, always late for dinner, doesn't help with household chores or the children, etc. It goes on to say ~

Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters you are, as long as you do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

I Peter 3:6

This seems to encourage wives to not be afraid of submitting to them, because God is with them. He will never leave them or forsake them.

Many Christians have joined society in avoiding suffering at all cost, including relief through divorce. They rarely consider what the Bible says about suffering and their need for perceived relief propels them headlong into a whole new set of suffering and robs the husband or wife who initiated the divorce from ever seeing what God was willing to do for them if they had only patiently suffered for the sake of Christ. 

I have a good friend whose Dad was very gruff and difficult. He beat up her brother while he was growing up, but her mother stayed with him until he died. He accepted the Lord almost on his death bed.

No one would have faulted this wife if she had left her husband, especially not me, and yes, her life was hard. I know she will be greatly rewarded in heaven as she showed the greatest of love. Both her kids walk with Jesus. I wonder if three souls might have been lost if she had not checked in with the Spirit and used God's Word as her foundation for life, instead of her own comfort and an easier life.

Believers are called to suffer for Christ's sake. Should we not suffer by trying to win our difficult men over to God, by following God's ways? A life with a difficult husband is hard. However, as I stated above, women divorce too easily these days... often because they are not "happy." 

May God give you the strength to stay with your man if he is a Peter, and the wisdom to know when to run for help when he is a Judas. Peter had a good heart but made mistakes, and this kind of man needs Jesus to love him through you.

A Hippie Story

The Pearls lived next door to this home that was full of hippies.  There were three of them, two girls and a guy.  They had wild parties all the time, smoking weed and blasting loud rock-n-roll.

One night, Michael Pearl went over to visit during one of the wild parties.  There were a lot of people there so they just thought Michael was one of them.  He had long hair, cut off jeans, and bare feet.  They were all sitting around in a circle, so he just sat down cross legged with them.

They were all telling stories, high as can be on dope.  Finally, it was Michael's turn to tell a story.  He told them about a man named Jesus.  He was born of a virgin.  He lived a sinless life and went around healing everybody that needed healing.  He even raised people from the dead. 

All the religious leaders hated Him because all the people loved Him and were listening to Him talk about loving others and the kingdom of heaven. The religious leaders were finally able to crucify Him on a cross.

Several days later, there was a huge earthquake and everything went pitch black for three hours.  The next day, the tomb where they had placed Jesus was empty.  An angel in the tomb told his followers that he had risen from the dead.  He had paid the penalty for our sins and now sat at the right hand of God.

All the people, in their doped up state said, "Wow!  That is the craziest story we have ever heard!"

Then Michael Pearl got up and left.

The next morning, he met one of the girls outside.  She said to him, "Man, you messed us up.  Us three usually sleep together but after that story you told, we couldn't.  Something felt wrong about it."

He then proceeded to tell all three of them more about Jesus and the salvation that He provides to anyone that believes.  Two of them walk with Jesus to this day.  The other one lives a homosexual lifestyle and refused to believe.

The power of the gospel... Amazing!

{This was one of the stories Michael Pearl told when we went to his week long conference.  It is how I remember it so the details aren't exact but I know it is close because it was a story I couldn't forget.}

They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved--you and your household." 

Acts 16:31

Harry Potter And Witchcraft

My children were not allowed to read these books or see the movies. I know witchcraft is sin and I didn't want any part of it.

Ken and I were walking the other day and I asked him his thoughts about the Harry Potter books and movies. He didn't really have a strong opinion either way. He pointed out that we watched The Wizard Of Oz growing up, along with a lot of Disney movies that had witchcraft in them.

The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe has witchcraft in it. Most of these movies do portray a struggle between good and evil where good triumphs.

My question: Just because we watch a movie with some witchcraft in it, does that mean we are participating in it?

I used to love the television series called Monk. Every show started out with a murder. Was I participating in that murder, because I was watching it? I think not. The Bible has a lot of stories with murder and evil in them. So where do we draw the line?

I asked my 29 year old son what he thought since he read them last year and this is what he replied: "Yes, I will allow my kids to read them when age appropriate, probably middle school age. I've read them and found them to be very well written and entertaining. I don't think they're too different from Lord of the Rings since good triumphs over evil." He did tell me that the later books are darker so he wouldn't let his children read them until they were a bit older.

I think this is just another gray area where everyone has to be convicted in their own mind and seek God's wisdom. I am very convicted about not watching movies with immodesty, sex, and a lot of foul language. We are commanded to dwell on the lovely, good, and pure.  But I am sure I can watch a good murder mystery or fantasy movie and not sin.

This is why we have to be so careful in judging others. God doesn't spell everything out in black and white. He sent His Holy Spirit to live inside of us to convict and encourage us. We must listen to him and know God's Word. We need to be sensitive to live our lives for the Lord, which means earnestly loving others and doing good.

I am sure there are godly children out there who have seen Harry Potter movies and are not involved in witchcraft. I just didn't feel comfortable with them, especially as society around us gets darker and darker. I want my light to shine brightly...not by judging others in issues that are not clearly spelled out in Scripture, however, but living my life pleasing to Him.

The faith which you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. 

Romans 14:22

***My book "The Power of the Transformed Wife" is on sell for $12.48!

Frugality Taught and Caught

This is a very interesting story a woman told from Countryside Magazine ~

A different friend's daughter graduated from homeschool and got a job cleaning off tables at the local restaurant.  Then she learned how to waitress and then she worked in the kitchen. 

While still living at home with mom and dad, she bought a car on credit and paid it off in a year.  Then she moved into her own home, lived frugally and paid it off in five years. 

Later, when she married her chef-husband, she wore a repurposed wedding dress, made her own wedding cake, and for a wedding present her employer provided the food for the reception. This was not an expensive wedding, but I am sure it was lovely.

Five children later, this lady has been able to stay home with their little ones and they do very nicely on her husband's wages, due in part to frugality "taught and caught" long before the wedding.  This is financial sanity. 

Here is an example of one smart woman. She spent her single years looking towards a future goal of staying home with her family. Short term pain for long term gain!

Instead of going out and spending like crazy at the mall or wherever you fritter money away, why not model frugality and contentment to your family. If you are a young woman, use your time in preparation for your future calling as a wife and mother, instead of saddling your future husband with a lot of debt.

Strength and dignity are her clothing, 
And she smiles at the future. 

Proverbs 31:25

Thanks Living

A wise woman sets a joyful mood in her home.  Through laughter, music, and happy times, she creates a positive attitude in her children.  She knows that a lighthearted home relieves her husband of stress.  Debi Pearl

Learning to be thankful is a very good thing.  Life is an enjoyable ride if you can learn to be thankful instead of grumble and complain.

Thankful for a husband that works very hard to provide for his family and is available to help anyone in need, including me.

Thankful for a daughter who found a perfect husband for her and they married on February 27th!

Thankful for my son and wonderful daughter-in-law who blessed me with my first grandbaby!

Thankful for a son who has steadily plugged away at his goal of becoming an orthodontist for many years and a daughter who brings us so much joy as she walks with Jesus.

Thankful for two cats that are kind and gentle {finally!}.

Thankful for my mom and dad who seem to be feeling much better.

Yes, this picture is from a long time ago but I just thought it would be fun to show you what my family looked like many years ago!  Very thankful for my sweet sisters also!

Thankful for wonderful friends.

Thanking Him for everything, small and big.  Thanking Him for trials, because they helped me lean upon Him more and loosen my grip on this world.

He is good and He is worthy of our praise!

O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever. 

Psalms 136:1

Ashton's Desire For A Wife

Right after the divorce of Ashton and Demi was announced, an article in the paper wrote this~

And what might be the most revealing comment of all, Kutcher remarked, "I could never be with a woman who felt like she needs to change me."

I have news for Ashton, the majority of women he will date or marry in the future will want to change him. Isn't it amazing that even a Hollywood star would say that acceptance is the most important thing in a relationship to him?

The first secret in The Secrets Of Fascinating Womanhood is to accept them just the way they are and don't try to change them.  This is the husband's greatest desire, but it seems to be the hardest thing for women to do.

I love to be accepted as I am. The best friends in my life have accepted me just the way that I am and loved me for who I am. {Thanks, Sandy and Terri!} They never spent any time trying to change me. We are commanded by God to treat others the way we want to be treated.

For some reason, most of us are pretty good about that until we get married, then we want to change many things about our husbands. I guess it is because we think we are so superior to them and know much better than them. Or do any of you have another explanation as why most wives become so dissatisfied with their husbands after they marry them?  

So when they eat with their mouth open, keep the lid of the toilet up, get angry and complain all throughout football games, yell at the referees, throw their wet towels on the floor, put the kids to bed with clothes on, eat too much, drive too fast, swear at another driver, chew tobacco, whatever, let them be. 

You are not his mother.  He had a mother.  He wants a wife! Your job is to make him happy, not holy.  God does a better job at that.

Don't you want your husband to feel this way about you all the days of his life ~

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.   

Proverbs 5:18

Changing America

The new election cycle is almost upon us and we are going to be hammered with political commercials and debates.  The next new president will be able to fix America!  He will provide jobs, fix our failing schools, and put families back together...

Not so...I have come to the conclusion that our hope is not in any political system.  It is in God and God alone.  The last command Jesus gave before leaving this earth was Therefore go and make disciples of all the nations...and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.  Matthew 28:19.20

We had a preacher from South Africa teach last week at church.  He spoke on this subject.  He said families are crumbling.  They are the bedrock of any society.   He challenged us to make it our goal to follow Jesus and make disciples.

He gave one illustration of something that has been very successful in one community of over 45,000 people.  Every couple that is engaged must be mentored for two years before marriage...once a week.  After they are married, they must be mentored for the first six years of marriage. 

Each week they are asked how they spent their money, if they were moderate in their eating, if they argued with each other, how well their children are being trained, ....everything that pertains to every day living.  He then went on to say that the divorce rate among those mentored couples is .01%. 

Ken and I spent three hours with a couple the other day teaching them how to get along and to stop arguing.  We gave them suggestions on how to change the interaction they had between each other. 

We gave them a game to play...Every time they started arguing, they had to yell out "One" for the first fight, "Two" for the second one, etc.  Then they had to write down what they were arguing about and report back to us.  Do you think this is going to keep them much more aware of how they are treating each other?

We all need accountability!  We all need training.  Teenage girls should be training elementary school girls.  College girls need to be training high school girls.  Mothers need to be training their children.  Grandmothers need to be training mothers.

From my own personal experience, mentoring works!  Marriages are healed, they start eating better, they start walking with Jesus more closely, and life just gets better for them.  Jesus didn't suggest we make disciples, He commanded it!

So I encourage you to start making disciples. 

This nation needs it. 

Families need it. 

Marriages need it. 

This is how we change America.

And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others. 

2 Timothy 2:2

Whom we preach, warning every man, and teaching every man in all wisdom;  that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus. 
Colossians 1:28

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom;  teaching and admonishing one another. 
Colossians 3:16a

Testimony From A Working Mother

Fascinating Womanhood still gives classes!  I had no idea but it sounds like it would be a good class for most women out there.

Jenny from The 21st Century Christian Wife wrote me this ~

This is a wonderful post....I could not agree with you more. I am a graduate of the Fascinating Womanhood online course and will be retaking in January to become a certified teacher. I LOVE your blog and follow you daily.

Thanks for posting the TRUTH about womanhood, we need more and more people to understand the importance of frugality, doing without, and staying home to mind the household.

I am so lucky, recently I was able to stop working and am now home full time again and loving it! Thankfully I was home while my children were young, then we went through financial problems and I went to work, however, this did not relieve the problem.

It caused more stress and confusion and disorder in the home than was worth the money. I want to be remembered for how good of a wife, mother, and servant of God that I was, that I was generous and devoted to taking care of the less fortunate, not that I made a lot of money and advanced in my career.

See, in today's society, if the family is struggling financially, the first thing they think of is to have the mother go to work outside of the home.  It should be a very last resort.  I have seen it destroy too many marriages.

What a man needs more than anything is a peaceful, organized and happy wife to come home to even if he doesn't realize it.  When a wife is home full-time, she can cook things from scratch, shop deals, stay home, and do everything as frugally as possible.  She also has the time to raise her children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord which is the most important thing!

If she works outside the home, this is extremely difficult.  Women can't do everything.  Each of us only has so much energy every day and if we work for a boss, we must give our best for him/her or we will be fired.  This is too much stress on a wife and marriage.

If you need extra income, consider watching a few children in the home.  Make some homemade items.  Be creative and pray.  God will show you a way for you to stay home if that is your desire.

I just watched the Duggers announce that Michelle is pregnant with her 20th baby.  They were all smiling and happy.  All the children sat there very well behaved and shared how they love being a part of a large family.

God provides.  Children are a blessing.  The best place for a wife and mother is at home submitting and obeying her husband.  I know these are all contrary to what society teaches but I believe God.  He has shown Himself faithful time and time again to me.  Believe!

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. 

Proverbs 3:4,5

Wilderness Christians

There are many Christians out there that repent of their sins and believe in Jesus, yet fail to live the abundant life that He died to give us.  I have heard these people called "Wilderness Christians"  because they fail to understand what Christ did for them on the cross and how to live an abundant life.

A good exercise to do would be to study Romans 6-8, Ephesians 2, and Galatians 5 and have two separate sheets of paper.

On one sheet label "Living in the flesh" and write down all the ways one can live in the flesh from those chapters ~

walked according to the course of this world

lived in the lusts of our flesh

children of wrath

adultery

fornication

hatred 

etc.

On the other sheet label "Walking in the spirit" and find all the descriptions of life living in the spirit ~

freed  from sin

dead to sin

servants of righteousness

free from the law of sin and death

love

joy

peace

quickened together with Christ

fellow citizens with the saints

etc.

I just have given you a small sampling of both, but there are many more.  We have been rescued from the dominion of darkness and walk in the newness of life.  We are new creatures in Christ.  We are no longer called sinners but saints.  The Bible makes sense once you understand these truths! 

Every day, every moment we can choose to walk in the flesh {Romans 7} or walk in the Spirit.  Our flesh was crucified with Christ {You are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwells in you. Romans 8:9},  but many choose to crawl back into that old, dead flesh and walk in it not realizing that it was crucified with Christ and we are able to walk in the Spirit, set free from the law of sin and death.

So choose this day, every moment to walk in the Spirit.  It is life!  It is freedom!  It is God working mightily through you.  It brings joy and happiness.  It brings love and acceptance.  It brings peace and harmony with others.  Praise be to God from whom all blessings flow!

Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; And walk in love. 

Ephesians 5:1,2

This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh...If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 

Galatians 5:16,25

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. 

Romans 8:1

Wouldn't you much prefer to walk here? ~

Count The Cost

Many women considering divorce don't count the cost.  Sure, your marriage may be bad, but think about what your life will be like if you get a divorce...

I just got this email from a woman commenting on my Discontent Wives post ~

"Today I read 'Discontent Wives' & found myself in tears, with desperation. I am separated from my husband because I was a 'discontent wife'. I am heartbroken & the Lord has been convicting my heart for weeks now. I have asked for forgiveness & am desperately praying that God will heal my marriage. I have a little boy (who will be 2 tomorrow). I was a stay at home mom (& I miss it SO much). I took it for granted because I didn't feel like my needs were being met."

My parents had a bad marriage.  They argued all the time.  My dad worked all the time.  He was an only child and my mom was one of seven children.  They are almost completely opposite in every area.  I wanted them to divorce when I was younger.  I didn't like having tension in our home all the time.

I've changed my mind.  They stuck it out.  They have three children {along with their husbands} and ten grandchildren {with two spouses} all walking with Jesus.  They love and appreciate each other now.  My mom never had to go out and get a job and leave us to be raised by someone else.  We had a father.  Children want a father, even if he isn't a great father. 

Single motherhood is very hard.  Raising children by yourself is hard.  You must ask yourself if you want to exchange one difficult situation for another, maybe even more difficult.  Please, consider the cost.

Marriage is honourable in all. 

Hebrews 13:4

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 

Genesis 2:24

Warrior Wives

Erin claims to be a "Warrior Wife."  My sisters helped point this out to me...

When we were in Wisconsin last summer, I asked Ryan to vacuum out the van for me.  Now Ryan is not a perfectionist.  That is okay, but sometimes I will say something to him about it.  He failed to vacuum underneath some things between the front two seats. I pointed it out to him.  Immediately, Erin said to him,  "You did such a great job!"

Ryan and Erin moved into their new home this past weekend.  Ryan needed to install a garbage disposal, a faucet, etc.  Jon and Alyssa were coming down.  Jon works in construction so I mentioned that Jon could figure it all out.  That night at their home, Ken and Ryan were working on the faucet.  I mentioned that it was good that Ken was there to help Ryan.  Erin responded, "Ryan could do it on his own!"

She doesn't like to hear Ryan's abilities put down in any way or anything slightly negative said about him.  She defends him every chance she gets.  Ryan has said to me that her confidence in him makes him a confident leader....Wow!

I learn so much from watching and listening to my married children.  They are so wise for their age.  They are doing it right and it shows.  They are reaping the blessings of heavenly marriages!

Wouldn't you love your sons to marry warrior wives?

And the wife see that she reverence her husband. 

Ephesians 5:33

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 

Proverbs 31:12

She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.  Proverbs 31:26

Were You Absolutely Certain?

Were you absolutely certain you were marrying the right person on your wedding day?  Were you madly in love with your soon-to-be spouse? I sure wasn't certain. I knew Ken had most of the qualities I wanted in a man. I wanted a man who loved Jesus. He worked hard. He was tall, dark, and handsome. He wanted children. Marrying him was a heart decision.

However, we argued a lot. The thing we argued about the most was food {I am terribly ashamed to admit.}  He ate mostly junk food and I was a health nut. We actually argued about almost everything. I was always upset with him about something.

I don't think there was any man out there who I would have married that I would have been absolutely certain that he was the one for me.  I was very critical. I expected a lot from Ken, instead of loving, serving, and pleasing him. I didn't accept him as he was at all. I did almost everything wrong in the marriage department.

I just asked Ryan, my son, if he was absolutely certain Erin was the right woman for him on the day he married her. He said, "Absolutely!"  I asked him if he had any doubts.  He said, "No."

Erin started off her marriage doing almost everything right. Ryan said she has never nagged him or told him what to do. She treats him like a wife and not like a mother. Alyssa, my daughter in the picture, started off right also. Of course they aren't perfect, but they do most things the right way. They love to please their husbands and make them happy. Their husbands easily accept their faults, because they love them so much. T

So, how about you? On your wedding day, did you have any doubts or misgivings?  Were you madly in love with him?

Thankfully, Ken and I stuck it out until my eyes were opened to all the ways I was destroying our marriage before it was too late, because I now know that he is perfect for me. I think he thinks I am perfect for him, also. I married him with my head but my heart has finally followed!

May your fountain be blessed, 
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.  
Proverbs 5:18

Fruit Bearing Daughters

He looked at the congregation and hollered, "You Mothers, stop producing daughters that only produce flowers without any fruit!"  Daughters who only care what they look like on the outside.  Who want the latest fashions.  Who spend hours on their hair and nails.  Who dress to attract the opposite sex.  Who only care about themselves and their needs...Ugly!

Spend time instead, mothers, developing their inner person.  The one that will live on into eternity. 

One that is gentle and quiet. 

One who loves God with all her heart, soul, mind, and strength and loves others as she loves herself. 

One that likes to serve others and make others happy. 

One that is generous and kind to the outcast and hurting. 

One that knows God's Word and hungers for it. 

One that is salt and light to this fallen society. 

One that is learning what a godly helpmeet is and not expecting a future husband to meet all of her needs and make her happy. 

One that will be true to her commitments and vows of marriage. 

One that loves babies and children and doesn't mind being inconvenienced to give herself as a living sacrifice.

This is what mothers need to be training their daughters.  God's ways bring happiness and joy.  The world's ways promise to do that but end up being empty promises. 

Teach her right from wrong.  Help her learn where to get wisdom and then hold tenaciously onto it.  For it is life.  God is life.  Teach her that living for Him and pleasing Him is all that matters.  Then she will have the abundant life that Jesus came to give.

This is what true beauty with lots of good fruit looks like.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 

I Peter 3:3,4

Modest Mondays

Femininity Delights A Man

Femininity is doing the exact opposite of what men do.

Angela and Ted had a terrible marriage. Ted moved out and lived in an apartment. Angela started going to a series on Fascinating Womanhood and started applying the lessons learned to win back her husband.

One evening she fixed a cake for him , dressed up femininely, and went over to see Ted with their two children. She looked at him and said, "If you decide to come home and look after us, we all promise to follow your leadership one hundred per cent."

She went into his kitchen and fixed him a warm dinner. As she was leaving, she went to him, wrapped her arms around him and said, "Good bye, Ted. I love you so much."

Since going to this class, she started eating light dinners, exercising, and wearing feminine clothes. {I haven't finished the book yet, but I predict she is going to win her husband back.}

One of the most feminine women I know is my daughter-in-law, Erin.

After meeting her the first time, Ken commented on how feminine her mannerisms were...

She speaks softly.

She never talks too much.

She listens carefully when others speak.

She wears dresses and wears her hair in soft, feminine ways.

She is very tender with animals, babies, and her husband.

She cries easily and freely.

She likes being protected by Ryan.

She smiles a lot and is joyful.

She is exactly opposite of a man and his characteristics. I have learned a lot from her. I know there were many young men who wanted to marry her when Ryan met her. Men like feminine women. Erin has proved that to me!

Let it be the hidden woman of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands.

I Peter 3:4,5

Discontent Wives

Every Wednesday, Dennis Prager has a male/female hour.  It gives me a lot of information for this blog!  The other day a woman called up and said this ~

I am very unhappily married.  My husband works many hours.  We have a big, gorgeous home and two vacation homes.  I can buy anything I'd like.  We have three small children and I stay home full time raising them. 

We have gone to counseling for the past five years.  It hasn't helped.  I have a master's degree and had a successful career.

Dennis Prager asked what she would like her husband to do for her.  She responded, "I would like him to leave encouraging notes on the counter.  I'd like for him to hug me a lot and tell me he loves me.  He gets a lot of kudos out there in the business world.  I don't get any.  I want a relationship with him."

I didn't hear how Dennis responded because I had to get tires on my car, but I sure know how I would have responded ~

Men show love by working hard and providing for their family.  Do you ever thank him for that?

Men don't get many kudos out there in the business world.  They normally get torn down instead.  Do you ever try to build him up and encourage him?

Raising children is the most important thing you can do in contributing to society.  Children need a lot of guidance, love, and training.  If given this, they will make a good impact on society.  They need the stability of a mom and dad in their home.  They want a mom and dad at home.  Do you thank your husband for allowing you to be able to stay home so you can raise your precious children and not have to put them in someone else's care?

Did you know you can't demand someone to treat you loving?  Being angry and upset with him will not draw him to you but away from you.  Do you treat him warm and loving, making sure his time at home is pleasant and happy?

These are the things I would have asked her.  Women today think they will be happier if they get divorced.  They have so many expectations in a marriage instead of just being thankful and content for what they do have and showing appreciation for the good things their husbands do.

God hates divorce for a reason.  It leaves a path of destruction in its wake.  Do everything you can to hold your marriage together.  Do everything you can to make your marriage good.  Stop demanding your way and start loving and serving.  That is the path to true happiness.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves. 

Philippians 2:3

Winning With Kindness

A long time ago, a girl named Li-Li got married and went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.

Days passed days, and weeks passed weeks. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish.

All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing the poor husband great distress.

Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it. Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all.

Mr. Huang thought for awhile, and finally said, Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you.

Li-Li said, “Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do.”
Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, “You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body.”

“Every other day prepare some pork or chicken and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.”Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.

Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.

After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument in six months with her mother-in-law, who now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.

The mother-in-law's attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter. Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening.

One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again. She said, “Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law! She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her.”

Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. “Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. All of the herbs I gave you were simply to improve her health.”

“The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her.”
Author unknown.

If it be possible, as much as lies in you, live peaceably with all men.  Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath:  for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay says the Lord.  Therefore if your enemy is hungry,  feed him;  if he is thirsty, give him drink:  for in so doing you shall heap coals of fire on his head.  Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.  Romans 12:18-21