Sunday, June 17, 2012

Dying With Regrets


Let's pretend I never read Created To Be His Help Meet.  Ken and I stayed married until I died at the ripe old age of 82 years old.  We were essentially roommates.  We lived our whole married lives arguing with each other.  I never really showed him respect.  I continued getting upset with him when he ate poorly, drove too fast, or said stupid things.  We never had that intimate marriage we both desired.

When I got to heaven, God asked me why I treated my husband so poorly.  I told him all the things about Ken that bugged me and why he wasn't worthy of respect.  He wasn't the spiritual leader he was suppose to be and he didn't love me like Christ loved the church.

God gently told me that loving our husbands is written all over His Word.  We are told to please them, obey them in everything, be servants of all, and love each other earnestly.  His Word commanded me to respect my husband and that love covered a multitude of sins.  He asked me if I didn't understand that I Corinthians 13 applied to husbands as well.

I told Him I read my Bible all the time.  I was raised in the church.  I always was in a Bible study and even led them.  Then I told him it must have been the church's fault.  There was no older woman who taught me how to love my husband.  I was never modeled a godly marriage.  It must have been my parent's fault.  It sure couldn't have been my fault.  I was too godly.

Then He lovingly told me he forgave me.  Yes, I was completely and totally forgiven.  He told me He loved me so much that He paid the penalty for my sin of not loving my husband.  He would remember my sin no more.  It was dead and buried.

Unfortunately, I never got to experience a heavenly marriage.   I never experienced my husband adoring me and wanting to serve me.  I never experienced him telling everyone what an incredible wife I was to him.  I never experienced long walks holding hands and having fun conversations.  I never experienced deep, intimate love making.  I missed out...

Don't miss out.  I am that older woman admonishing you to start loving your husband today.  Don't live with any regrets.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
I Corinthians 13

Thankful for ~

A God of second chances
A transformed marriage
God working mightily in me
Having no regrets...

Multitudes On Monday, Gratituesday, Encourage One Another, Hearts 4 Home
Marital Oneness, Better Mom, Miscellany Monday, Imperfect Prose, Thought Provoking Thursday
Modest Monday, Metamorphosis Monday, On Your Heart, It's Okay Thursday

Comments (39)

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My husband and I spent last night fighting. I was sick of everything. We were laying in bed tonight sulking and we got this blog e-mail. We read it together. It was what we needed, what I needed. It helped me get a renewed sense of God's purpose. To keep trying again to be a loving wife because i have God backing me and He will give me the stregnth. I apologized and my huband and I reconciled. Thank you.God bless:).
1 reply · active 666 weeks ago
you are too sweet.My friend and I were talking on how we long for an older woman to come into our lives to guide us. thanks for a great post.

nancy
1 reply · active 666 weeks ago
Love this post, Lori! Please come by The Alabaster Jar and share it at my Marital Oneness Monday link up!
1 reply · active 666 weeks ago
Ouch! This post really spoke to me! Thank you!
1 reply · active 666 weeks ago
This is very true - and I find the effort of treating someone badly is much harder (and time consuming) than treated them with love and care, so why put all that effort into it just for the sake of being bitter towards someone you vowed to love forever.
1 reply · active 666 weeks ago
My entire life has been transformed because of your blog and that book! I read Created To Be His Helpmeet last fall after following your blog and hearing some friends talk about it. I am 52 and couldn't believe how much I didn't know about godly marriage or how much I overlooked. We just celebrated 27 years and I have to say that the past 6 months has been the most blessed. I am so aware of my words and my actions now (and those of others). My in-laws divorced right after we got married and I can tell you that my father in law can be horrible, my mother in law was bossy and critical. He married again and his 2nd wife of over 20 years left him at the beginning of May. I know being married to him was difficult. This 2nd wife is whiney and critical and a complainer. He fell and broke his hip and ended up in Hospice care and died yesterday. I have been mad at him for years and so has my husband. In the past few days I have been wondering what could have been if all the women in his life were showing kindness and love to him. I don't excuse his behavior but still, I wonder how situations could have been turned around or avoided. I wonder...I will never know. I don't have to wonder about my marriage any more
1 reply · active 666 weeks ago
Lori, good exhortation. It is sad that there are so many unhappy marriages, even among Christians. My husband and I have been married for 26 years (happily, most of the time!) We are marriage mentors at our church and have been working with couples who are struggling to have a godly marriage for almost a year now. Doing so has helped us to love and appreciate each other more. Stopping by from Metamorphosis Monday.
1 reply · active 666 weeks ago
Cynthia Swenson's avatar

Cynthia Swenson · 666 weeks ago

"if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing!" This gets my attention! You have illustrated beautifully how this works in marriage. ( It won't always change the other person but our motivation to love always must be to please God, not to change anyone. God always has us inspect our motivations.) Great post! Love & prayers, in Jesus,Cynthia
1 reply · active 666 weeks ago
Don't forget the part where your husband is held responsible for you, too... That is such a big thing to me, that I could choose to disrespect my darling husband and HE would be the one standing before God on my behalf, giving an answer for the way he led me and taking responsibility for my lack of respect and love to him.. It really puts things in perspective.

Thanks for the writing. I appreciate your thoughts.

Much love,
LL~
1 reply · active 666 weeks ago
Thanks for your words of wisdom.
1 reply · active 666 weeks ago
I have been married 18 years to my husband with 5 children together. I am sorry to say due to circumstances I have spent alot of time bitter and resentful. We are conservative Christians and would never divorce, so I just kept walking through it all. This year I have strived to be a Proverbs 31 wife rather he deserved it or not and things have really turned around. Kindness breeds more kindness and if we are going to be together forever-we may as well be happy.
1 reply · active 666 weeks ago
Visiting from Ann's. This post is wonderful and powerful. Just what I needed to hear this day. Thank you so very much for speaking this truth.
This was beautiful and yet another emphasizing from God of what I need to change...in myself. Thank you for sharing today. It seems there are many of us who needed to hear. :)
Such truth here, bless you.
strong piece...and i think the same should def be echoed for the men as well....but def a strong bit of wisdom...smiles.
Love the way you got your message accross here......inspiring!! :-)
I know I'm not ready for the Pearls, but I so appreciate your message, here, and I'm glad for your strong and beautiful marriage. May God continue to bless and keep.
Wonderful! I have also read Help Meet. I read it once a year to remind me and keep me grounded. It's fantastic! I also blogged about something similar--looking into the future and seeing my grandchild looking at my marriage. We have been struggling for a few years now and it's been hard, to say the least. I'm just trying to obey and walk it out, not knowing where it'll take me. Thanks for this. Your words are encouraging.
Thank you for this encouragement - when we choose to live life focused on "ME," we miss the blessings that God has for us in the lives of others!
Thank you for the encouragement for marriages. Your story is so sad. Marriage has been one of the enemy's favorite battlegrounds. So much so that it is endangering our country and other countries as well. Many families are giving themselves to be led by governments instead of fathers and mothers. I wish every married woman could read your post. :)
Isn't it awesome that our God always gives us second chances? I'm blessed!
Love this!!

visit nichollvincent.blogspot.com

Have a fabulous day! xo
Thanks for the insight. It's easy for spouses to take their eyes off God. When we do, our relationships suffer.
I have started reading Debi's "Help Meet" book, there is a lot of wisdom there.
What do you think of couples sleeping in separate bedrooms due to sleeping incompatability?
My examples: one is a light sleeper, the other one needs less sleep and gets up very early; one is a restless sleeper who moves around a lot in their sleep, different ways of covering with blankets--one has to have 'hospital corners' and the other sleeps 'cocoon-style', snoring (of course); inconsistencey of one of us taking business trips and being gone all week and then having to readjust over and over again....etc etc etc....
Or even separate beds in the same room. Do you think that this would be a good option? We are able to sleep that way when we are staying in a hotel, so maybe it would work at home, too.
Adequate sleep is so important to our health, and to our overall mood during the day so that we get along better with each other. We get snippy when we're sleep deprived! We slept together for many years but we have evolved to separate bedrooms (I initiated it), and even though it seems to be be OK, maybe it's really not such a good idea?
this is very convicting, lori. a challenging and loving perspective. thank you.

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