One reader asked me if I thought it was okay for married people to sleep in separate bedrooms. I told her I didn't see a problem with it as long as they had a healthy sex life and marriage.
Many couples as they get older and the children are all gone, move into separate bedrooms for a variety of reasons. I sleep in another bedroom on occasion. When my neck flares up and I have a very hard time sleeping, I need a room to myself. When Ken gets up early for a business trip and I don't want to be awakened at 4:00 a.m., I will sleep in another bedroom.
When all of our bedrooms were occupied with children, I would sleep on the sofa in the family room when I was real sick or in pain. I like to be alone in those cases. For one, I don't want to wake Ken up from tossing and turning and for another, when I finally do fall asleep, I don't want to be awakened.
Sleep is very important for good health. If one spouse snores real loudly and the other can't sleep, this may be a good reason to sleep in separate bedrooms. My sister, Alisa, doesn't mind when her husband snores because she says she is so madly in love with him that she likes listening to him and knowing he is there!
Some may argue with the Bible verse about keeping the marriage bed undefiled because it only refers to one bed. I believe this verse is only referring to sexual sin. Sex should only be between a married man and his wife. If you are a wife that loves, serves, pleases, submits to, and respects her husband, I think it is okay to sleep in a separate bedroom if you feel the need for a good night sleep and you have a spare bedroom and as long as your husband is okay with it.
This isn't possible, usually, when you have a bunch of children at home. I liked my children knowing their mommy and daddy slept in the same bedroom when they were under our roof. When they were all grown up and moved out, it didn't seem to be as important.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. I don't believe it is a sin issue at all. The Bible clearly spells out sin and this isn't one of them. We are free in Christ. This means we don't have to make up a bunch of rules to live by that aren't in the Bible. Hallelujah!
Let marriage be held in honor among all,
and let the marriage bed be undefiled,
for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Hebrews 13:4
