Sunday, June 3, 2012

She Only Does Him Good


Some of you don't agree with me.  I wrote a post A Simple Happy Marriage and some of you think marriage isn't simple.  You said life is hard and we are all sinners.  Nothing in life is easy and marriage takes a lot of hard work.

I still have to disagree with you.  I never said that life was easy or simple.  The past eight years that Ken and I have had an easy marriage has not been an easy life.  I have had a brain tumor, been in bed for years due to the tumor and a neck fusion, and other health trials.  Life hasn't been easy for us.

Our marriage has been easy, however.  Ken and I were discussing that post and the comments and Ken said that the more unselfish one becomes, the easier marriage becomes.  This is so true.  I use to be so selfish and I have definitely seen that the more I forget about myself and my wants and focus on him and his wants, the better our marriage has become.

Ken's parents had an easy marriage.  They never argued.  His mom was loving and submissive and did everything she could to make sure Ken's father was happy.  Ken's father remarried after Ken's mom died and his second marriage is easy.  Their lives haven't been easy.  They have had many trials but their marriage is easy.

Jon's parents have an easy marriage.  They are best friends.  They adore each other.  Jon's mom loves waiting on Jon's dad hand and foot.  She loves making him happy and he is one happy guy.  He also loves to make her happy.  He treats her like she is his queen.

My best friend, Sandy, has been married twice.  Her first husband died of a brain tumor.  She is a gentle, kind, and submissive wife.  Both of her husbands have adored her.  Her life has been hard.  She has had a lot of pain and trials in her life but she knows how to do marriage right.

Ken's mom, step mom, Jon's mom, and Sandy are unselfish people. They live to serve others and they have reaped what they have sown.  Their husbands love them and they have simple, happy marriages.  I know it can be done.

They have all lived by this verse ~

The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he shall have not need of spoil.  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:11,12

If marriage is to be a model of Christ and the Church, we should be one beautiful model to this ugly, messed up world.  Maybe the world would be much more attracted to Christ if we were modeling to them what a Christ centered marriage looked like.

Ask God to make you more like Jesus.  Spend time in His Word and prayer.  Listen to wise Bible teachers and mentors.  Find examples of women you admire and hang out with them.  Watch them closely and allow God to work mightily within you.  Start having a heavenly marriage.  It is a wonderful thing.

Comments (21)

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Marriage is a challenge. We have made it 38 years and it has been a journey of ups and downs... not easy but not difficult. It is a learning and giving and sharing and looking beyond oneself. God said it is not good to be alone.
You have such great posts! We have an 'easy' marriage (32 yrs) .. including a life of ups and downs .. with incredible medical problems. It's only been by the grace of God that we have kept is simple. Most people look at our family and wonder 'how do they do it' ... garner strength to raise a handicapped child .. have lots of turmoil at hubby's police job ... God has allowed me to stay at home all of these years and make our home a sanctuary of peace .. a place to recharge and be nourished. When eyes are focused on the Lord, He ministers to others through us.
Thank you for putting into words what is in my heart. This is what I am teaching my daughters (21,16). My husband and I have been married 24 years and has been an easy marriage, not an easy life but a joy!! Clarice
Selfishness is not a trait of a god-honoring marriage. Dying to self is what believers are called to do. If you die to self in your marriage, your marriage will be wonderful and glorious; simple! I would prefer to have trials outside of my marital relationship rather than to have them BE MY marital relationship! I'm blessed with 14 yrs of a simple marriage because of walking the narrow path, which is HARD because you have to lay down your life! You will have trials because Jesus' word says you will. Life will be hard because the Lord He refines us and He has done those things to me through chronic ill health and financial ruin. I could allow those trials to hinder my marriage, or I can look to the Lord for my strength to overcome MYSELF. A three-cord strand is not quickly broken.
What a great post and correct post. My husband and I just celebrated 15 years, As I look back over the years, the times when I was selfish, we were selfish, were the times our marriage had difficulties. I began praying that I would be a Proverbs 31 woman. I wanted to be the Christian wife and mom that I was called to be. I have found that when one partner is determined to serve and be unselfish that the other typically follows suit. I love reading your posts on marriage..you are an inspiration!
Good post! I've only been married 10 years, but when our marriage seems to be tough, I look at my actions and motivations and boy has selfishness reared it's ugly head! It's just something God is and will continue to refine in me. I pray that by the time I am married as long as you I can share the same thing as you and can help others along the way! We're getting ready to move to a new town and I pray God gives me friendships with women who can mentor me along this road.
"the more unselfish one becomes, the easier marriage becomes" great quote from a great post.
I only wish that I had realized that my grandmother was this type of woman before my grandfather passed away. I always thought she was so weak but now I realize she was so WISE! I really enjoyed this post!
Cynthia Swenson's avatar

Cynthia Swenson · 668 weeks ago

Paul in the "marriage chapter", I Corinthians 7 plainly says in verse 28 that if one marries they will have "trouble in the flesh". The next seven verses suggest marriage is actually a distraction concerning the "things of the Lord". I have a special needs child who is difficult to care for. It would be "easier" to put him in a "home" but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt the Lord has called me to care for him. Some people have "difficult" spouses but God has called them to remain in the relationship. Being a Christian isn't easy but we are blessed beyond our comprehension. I do believe God calls us to "count the cost" & yes, a life following Jesus requires our life as cost. Love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia
Love this post!!!!
Great post! We have been married 37 wonderful years, life can be hard at times, but even in the hard times God is so good. Marriage is simple when you live for each other and follow God's plan. Enjoy your posts!
Thanks for this reminder. I've only got about 3.5 years of marriage up my sleeves, but I know it's true what you say about selfishness. The more I want my way, think about myself, see only my needs, the more difficult things are and the more I need to sit at the feet of Jesus, confess my selfish heart, and ask for His.
This is really great. :)
I've been married just one year, and when people ask what I think of married life, I usually say, "It's the hardest and the best thing I've ever done." Hardest because yes, it requires me to be selfless and submissive and respectful--things that do NOT come easy. Best because, when we DO obey God and love each other, marriage really is easy and amazing.

It's the setting aside of my sinful nature that's hard. That's what makes a good marriage a lot of work. But the marriage itself--I'll agree with you on that--is the easy part. :)
Wow, I really agree with this. Thank you so much for posting. It really encourages me and is a good reminder for me. I agree, the marriage itself is not what is difficult. What is difficult is me letting go my selfishness and becoming willing to serve the other person and to seek God's agenda and not my own. The difficulty is with myself, not with my marriage.
Thank you for this post, it makes me look forward to continue growing in the Lord. I have been married 18 months and started off being very selfish and controlling almost to the point of destroying my marriage. I now see that the Lord is teaching me to trust him , to let go and allow my husband space, and I am thankful and look forward to a lifetime with my husband.
I have to agree with this based on scripture, but especially based on experience. I was a very unsubmissive wife, and not only was it hard for my very godly and self-sacrificing husband to minister to me, but I started fights purposely. I was very, very selfish. We hadn't even been married for two years when I cheated on him. It was small - lasted 3 days - and the only thing that happened was a kiss (physically). But I had been emotionally adulterous for probably our entire marriage. Put simply, sin complicates everything. It complicates your relationships with God, your spouse and everyone around you. The purpose of marriage is not for "happiness" but for routing out sin from your life (Sacred Marriage is a great book that elaborates on this). Since that adultery happened, we have been active to destroy sin with the power of Christ, and our marriage has been very peaceful, and yes, simple. My husband forgave the man - and prayed over him - the day he found out (the 4th day). He forgave me whole-heartedly and we are more in love than we were when we got married - thankfully! I am blessed because of my marriage; I have learned through my husband's example of following Christ to be self-sacrificing, submissive (as he submits to Christ) and peace loving. I am confident that only death will separate us.
My marriage to my husband is a joy every day. It is easy. Our life isn't...our oldest son has autism and our other two sons have food intolerances and the youngest also has a lot of speech issues. We spend more on therapy and food than most people do on food, the mortgage, their cars, their clothes, and their vacations. It is hard...but we are always here to hold each other, to look to each other, to trust one another and to put our faith in our vows, that they are how we really are meant to live together...for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, etc....plus, my husband is really funny and very handsome. <wink> Every little bit helps! Even with all the troubles, it is a happy life. I'm so grateful for the gift from God that this love and marriage are to me. So grateful!
"She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life" is a verse I recite to myself often.

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