They haven't been married for very long. They are both young and healthy. They both love Jesus and are so very precious. They both work hard and are fun to be with.
The problem...he rarely wants sex. He is addicted to pornography. She is miserable. She was even contemplating divorce...
I tell her that we are not here on earth to be happy but holy. {True happiness, however, is a by-product of holiness.}. She is commanded by God to love her husband...period. He is trapped in an ugly, destructive sin. If she leaves him, it will only get worse.
I told her to love and serve him as God commands. To win him without a word. Mostly to pray for him. She has a lot better chance of helping him by loving him than by being angry.
These are hard words but she appreciated them. She knows they are Truth. She doesn't want to give up. She loves him and is willing to fight for him because that is what she has decided to do.
Many men, even Christian men, are addicted to pornography. It is everywhere. Sexy women are everywhere. You can get it with a click of a mouse. We must not let Satan win this battle. We must continue to do spiritual battle for our husbands by loving and praying for them.
If they want to be held accountable, great! If they want help, great! For those who don't, remember God is the God of the impossible. He came to set the sinner free...Free from what? SIN. Believe Him and rest upon His promises and His strength.
Love suffers long and is kind.
Logging you in...
Elle · 648 weeks ago
Thanks for reminding us.
Lori Alexander 122p · 648 weeks ago
marcia · 648 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 648 weeks ago
A wife in this situation must surround herself with godly counselors who understand and seek to live completely by God's Word, and then to prayerfully consider what options are open to her if her godly strategy appears not to be working. One strategy may be to give her husband more time. If the oppression becomes unbearable, separation, or threat of separation may be acceptable and perhaps healthy options.
The scriptures are always true ... and so is the promise that a wife "may win her man without a word." A multitude of wives have seen this blessing and the results of this promise, but "may win" is not a guarantee that all husbands will be won. Seeking wise Christian advisors who know the cost of separation on a family, and the cost of giving up too quickly, is vital to advise such a wife on her particular situation. The harm done by such a man on the psyche of the kids is an important consideration to be balanced against the known costs of separation or divorce.
Thank God we have the Holy Spirit who "leads us into all truth" as we seek to please Him through obedience to His Word. God's truth lives in a healthy tension that each believer is responsible to live out sensibly before the Lord. With good advisors even tough situations like this one can come to a good and God honoring solution.
hisinfinitegrace30 1p · 648 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 648 weeks ago
erica · 648 weeks ago
Adrienne Dixon · 648 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 648 weeks ago
PJB · 648 weeks ago
A wife *can* win her husband to Christ 'without a word' -- but that is neither a garuntee that it will work, nor is it the only plan laid out in Scripture that she may follow.
Confrontation, accountability and consiquences are a part of love too. They are a part of love in the Body of Christ, and they can be a way for a wife to love and serve her husband, doing him good all the days of her life, rather than being prayerful yet passive, and therefore helpless in her suffering.
Lori Alexander 122p · 648 weeks ago
Laurie · 648 weeks ago
Anyway, I do agree with what you say and also to pray, pray, pray. But this is what I'm wondering: when these women have gone to the pastor (and his wife) and elders, they've basically just been given a pat on the head and a "there, there, dear". What do you think should be the response? Somehow these 3 women were made to feel victimized again by the pastor and elders. Also, each one has told me that this porn addiction is equal or worse than adultery. That is why 2 ended in divorce. That was the conclusion that the wives came to in order to justify ending the marriage. Do you think that a long term porn addiction could be equated to adultery?
Lori Alexander 122p · 648 weeks ago
PJB · 648 weeks ago
The first is that in the Bible text, Matthew 19:9, the 'reason' Jesus gives as acceptable is *not* the word adultery, but a different word, translated "sexual immorality" in most translations, and "fornication" in the King James. This word does not mean merely the physical act of copulation. It has a wide semantic domain which is well worth investigating before advising people that any non-copulation offense falls short of destroying a marriage.
PJB · 648 weeks ago
It may be that viewing pornography, while arrousing, might or might not meet the definition of volitional lust -- but it does absolutely fall within the definition of sexual immorality. Jesus does set copulation as the only grounds for divorce... and I don't think you are going to change His mind.
You are gifted and a deep thinker Lori. You would be a much more successful teacher if you would refrain from your bad habit of using an English dictionary to define Greek words. With your level of desire for Scriptural knoweledge, I think you would really enjoy access to a good theological dictionary for scholars. Unfortunately they tend not to be very affordable (which is why internet resources are so sub-par). I can make some reccomendations if you would like. I assume you are primarily interested in the New Testament?
Jill · 648 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 648 weeks ago
[uh-duhl-tuh-ree] Show IPA
noun, plural a·dul·ter·ies.
voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse.
Pornography isn't sexual intercourse with someone else. The definition of adultery is very clear. Masturbation isn't sexual intercourse.
tbg · 648 weeks ago
Lori Alexander 122p · 648 weeks ago
Ken · 648 weeks ago
At this point I would have to part ways with you to some degree. Although I do not agree with the conclusions of this website, I love the way they have gathered of much of the rich Biblical commentary on the work "porneia" and listed it for us. His conclusion is that "porneia" almost always indicates an illegal sexual act between a married person and another married or unmarried person, or a prostitute. To broaden the work out to include every sexual sin and pornography is a stretch as 95%+ of its usages is referring to an illicit sexual act between two persons. Look up all the usages, but disregard his conclusions as there are plenty of other passages that forbid premarital sex, which he is trying to excuse.
http://www.the-goldenrule.name/Fornication_ILLICI...
I would challenge any conclusion to Matthew 19:9 that it does not refer to an actual sexual act between two parties, and would suggest that even the way Jesus used the word was not intended to broaden out fornication to all sexual sins, but instead as referring to true infidelity with another party. To apply this to all sexual sins would give most Jewish and Christian women the right to divorce their husbands which Jesus is specifically arguing against in the context!
So yes, sexual immorality or fornication is a most appropriate translation of the word "poneia" BUT everything about the word "porneia" when studied in almost every context of the scriptures refers to a sexual act between two persons. When one would translate the word as "adultery" in the Matthew 19:19 context the strong sense would be that they are capturing what Jesus intended his listener to understand.
Beyond this, the entire Sermon on the Mount is given in such a strong manner that it should be seen as Christ, the New Law Giver, taking the place of Moses. All that Christ is teaching in this Sermon is before the age of Grace has begun. He is speaking to the Jewish people and their hard hearts and making the ultimate point that none of us can keep the law and what God intends for his children. He is setting the groundwork necessary for the cross, that apart from the cross we all are hopeless and we all sin, we all lust, we all fall short of the glory of God."
Fast forward to the apostle Paul and you have your answer on divorce for any reason:
I Cor. 7:10: "To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife."
Paul was very familiar with what Christ said, and yet under the inspiration of God he writes to the church that Christians are not to divorce, period. That they may separate, but if they do so they should stay single or reconcile.
I am not trying here to throw divorced Christians under the bus, as I know this is a heart wrenching issue and the grace of God covers even divorce. My point is that for Lori to say that the context of Matt. 19:9, the general use of the word "porneia," and Paul's not repeating any "out" Jesus may be giving for divorce, all tell me that if one is to adopt a grounds for divorce they should go to the strongest of terms, adultery, or sexual intercourse for the use of "porneia" in this context, instead of the broader use of the term as sexual immorality... which still would in this context mean illicit sexual intercourse with another person.
Jesus, nor the whole of scriptures, teaches that divorce is acceptable because of a man or woman's sin of pornography, and certainly not because a person lusts after another, other than their spouse.
Priscilla · 647 weeks ago