Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Were You Madly In Love?

Were you crazy in love when you got married?  Were sparks flying, anticipation building for the big day?  Neither Ken nor I were madly in love or had sparks flying on our wedding day.  In fact, Ken says, "We got engaged.  It went downhill from there, but we got married anyway."  Sad, isn't it? 

{After I wrote this, I asked Ken if he had sparks for me on my wedding day and he said, "Yes!  I couldn't wait to have fun being married to you, but that hope died quickly when I couldn't do anything right in your eyes.}

Is being crazy in love with sparks flying a prerequisite for getting married?  No...I have proven that, BUT the reason we weren't madly in love with sparks flying was because I didn't really know what love looked like. 

I was very disappointed I didn't have all those feelings you were suppose to have before you got married.  After we got engaged, I kept asking Ken if he was sure we should get married and he would reassure me, "Yes, we were molded for each other." 

My marrying him was pretty much a mental decision.  Sure, we were physically attracted to each other, but we argued all the time.  I focused on his faults and tried to change them.  It is all I really knew.

We both loved Jesus.  We had the same type of personality.  We had the same goals and values. We enjoyed doing a lot of the same things, so I reasoned we were right for each other.  We got married and struggled through 23 years of a bad marriage which, unfortunately, is typical.

We have a great marriage now, because I learned how to do it right.  If someone asked me if being madly in love and having sparks should be a prerequisite for marriage, I would hesitantly answer "Yes" because both my children were madly in love with sparks and have a great marriage.

The bottom line, however, is love is a decision and a commitment.  It has nothing to do with feelings in the long run.  Feelings will come and they will go.  Deciding to love God has nothing to do with feelings.  It's a decision and a commitment. 

If you married someone just based on being madly in love with sparks, you could be headed for trouble.  I think it is smarter to marry someone because you know they are what you want for a spouse. 

Some people just aren't too emotional or passionate and can't expect sparks to fly.  That doesn't mean they can't have a great marriage.  It is a day-to-day commitment to love and serve that person whether you feel like it or not.  Now, that is what makes a great marriage!

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.  I Corinthians 13:4-8

P.S.  These great wedding photos of my children that I keep using were taken by Lauren Bullock.  I just had to give her recognition, because she is amazing!