Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Not Created To Be Abused

As many of you know, Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl is my favorite book to give to women who are struggling in their marriage, yet it has many detractors and is banned from the recommended reading list in some churches. 

This book radically changed my life and marriage as Debi gives a hard hitting, Biblically accurate portrayal of the role of the wife.  If you aren't a Christian, this book may not be for you, but God's principles do work for believers and unbelievers.  However, God's Holy Spirit works mightily in those who believe in Him to make these necessary changes.  

Whenever someone comes to me with criticisms of the book, I usually find they are inaccurate or petty criticisms, or they run away when I challenge them to give me specifics, unwilling to provide proof of their criticisms ~

Debi Pearl makes it sound like I am suppose to serve my husband all day long.  What about him serving me?

Yes, Jesus said we are to be the servant of all by giving us an example of this when He washed His disciples feet {which was the job of the lowest servant of the house} and exhorted us to do the same with others. 

Why is it we can serve others all day long, yet when it comes to our husbands, we expectantly wait to make sure we get our fair share in return?  This isn't the sacrificial life of giving that Christ and other biblical writers require of us.

Debi's teaching will surely lead to husbands abusing their wives, if they willingly submit to and obey their husbands.

This argument is used to throw out the whole concept of wives submitting to husbands.  Debi is very clear that no physical abuse should be tolerated in any way.  She encourages women to seek the arm of justice if this is taking place.  I have found that the more wives show love and serve their husbands, the more the husbands start wanting to love and serve their wives in return.

My experience with mentoring women the past eight years is that husbands come to adore their wives as their wives learn and put into practice Biblical submission.  I have not had one woman come to me and tell me their husband was now abusing them, since practicing Biblical submission.  These husbands are being drawn to their wives in a powerful and intimate way as the Bible promises the wives that they will win them {their husbands} without a word.

Debi teaches that wives are to be subservient to their husbands.

This is another criticism women have said of Debi's book.  Debi never uses the word subservient in her book, nor even alludes to it.  Submission is a "willing heart that seeks to please her man" not as his slave, but as his full equal, yet like Christ, she is willing to not grasp onto equality so tightly that she can no longer submit, serve, and shine Christ's love to her husband.

In fact, Michael Pearl writes in his new book Created To Need A Help Meet ~

There is nothing in Scripture that suggests the female gender is to be subjugated by the male.  Both were created to meet the needs of the other, which means that each voluntarily serves the other... Her assistance is first on a level of the soul and spirit, which may then result in gracious, voluntary service.

And herein lies what I think is the main issue.  Too many of us are still waiting upon our husbands to finally get it, to see that he too is to serve us, and he is to be our partner and friend. 

Yet we go about it all the wrong way, protecting our own interests, protecting our hearts, not willing to give of our time, our love, or our lives in an unconditional manner that Christ asks us to do for all.  We are to empty ourselves in this life into the lives of others, so should we not begin this journey by loving the man we are suppose to love most in this world?

There will always be those who disagree with Debi's writing style and approach.  I don't even agree with everything she writes, but the Bible is the only book that I agree with 100%.  I have yet to find a book that so radically changes marriages as her book does.

We as believers must not live in fear that we might be taken advantage of especially by our husbands.  Instead, we live by God's ways and believe His promises even when they seem slow in coming.  Countless men have been changed into incredible husbands and now serve their wives and families in loving ways, all because the wives took the risk to be vulnerable, let their husbands be boss, and serve them as they serve Jesus.  Is this not the heart of Christianity?

The heart of Jesus is to give, even if we do not receive in return, waiting patiently for God to change hearts and minds.  I challenge the detractors to look at their own hearts and try pleasing their husbands in everything with joy and a smile for 30 days.  If you do that, then come to me and tell me if Debi's message isn't powerful to change marriages.

If anyone wants to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.
Mark 9:35

Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends {or husband}.
John 15:13