Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Shhh! She Spanked Her Children

“You raised such great kids, did you spank them?” “No, I don’t believe in spanking.” “You never spanked your kids yet they turned out so well?”

Then she went on to explain that she will never tell anyone she believes in spanking as some may misunderstand or misuse it, but she spanked her children when they were young. She has raised amazing children, so I asked her to tell me how they trained them. She explained a very intentional, step-by-step approach that shows the modest use of discipline in a well thought out way.

When they began to crawl, if the child wanted to touch something they didn't want them to touch, they would say "No!" very firmly. If the child disobeyed again they gave a mild smack on the hand. Just enough discomfort to get the child to stop so they would associate negative feedback when disobedient.

When the children were older and could be reasoned with, the parents would take them to their room and ask the child what they did wrong when they were disobedient. The child would tell them and then they would use their bare hand and spank them on the bottom. They didn't like using any type of instrument, because they couldn't gauge how hard they were spanking. They always used their hand so they could be careful to administer enough pain but not cause any injury. When they were finished, they would hug their children and tell them how much they loved them reminding them that they were not upset with them, but that the child needed to learn to obey Mommy and Daddy.

By five years old they wanted their children to always acknowledge someone who said "Hello" to them. They taught them to look into their eyes and say "Hello" kindly. They wanted them to learn to speak with respect and be polite. Just one child refused to do so. A friend came over and said "Hello" to this child and he didn't respond but kept looking at the floor. She immediately took him to his bedroom and one session of being disciplined trained him to be polite and say “Hello.”

They only spanked their children if they disobeyed them and never in anger. They were always consistent. If they were somewhere such as a park and it was time to leave, they would tell their children they were leaving in five minutes. In five minutes, they would tell their children it was time to go. All of their children came immediately to the amazement of all their friends who had to count to ten over and over again, raise their voices and threatened punishments that never came.  Then these parents wondered why their children never obeyed them. The reason is that their children never believed them because no did not mean “No.”

By the age of five the training in discipline was basically over. They never had to ground their children. The children were always extremely well-behaved, never rebelled, and now they all walk with Jesus as disciplined, highly successful grown adults. She sees how misused spanking is with some parents, so she refuses to tell people openly that she spanks. They were mentored by an older, wiser couple when their children were very small on how to spank and discipline appropriately. Their modest, yet consistent approach to child discipline, paid great dividends in the life of their family and children.

Young Christian women need to be taught not only how to love and obey their husbands, but also need to be taught how to raise disciplined children. To spank or not to spank is not the issue. I know many of you do not spank and that is your decision, your choice as parents. There is nothing godly about spanking your child, but there is something required of you by God to raise disciplined children. A modest approach to spanking has produced many godly kids, but it must be done properly, in a controlled and consistent manner.

If you believe you have a better way to train your child at a young age so to avoid heartache and teenage rebellion before the age of seven, go for it. So long as it is consistent and done in a manner that shows unconditional love, your experiment with parenting should provide excellent results.

The rod and reproof give wisdom: 
but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
Proverbs 29:15

***Remember, you are a new creature IN CHRIST, 
covered by His grace and mercy, and walk in newness of life!