Friday, October 30, 2015

Arguing with Your Teenager

Arguing with your teenager seems to be a common things these days. I teach that as godly women, we should NOT argue with our husband. Arguing, quarreling and fighting with our husband is forbidden in Scripture, so why wouldn't this apply to our teenagers also?

I argued with one of my teenagers. We didn't have that good of a relationship during the teenage years. Looking back and knowing what I know now, I know I was wrong. I was the adult and instead of arguing with them, I should have poured love and affection upon them for we are commanded to overcome evil with love.  After they were grown up, I have apologized to them and told them how wrong I was and how I wish I would have treated them differently. They agreed and wish I would have responded with love and affection instead since arguing destroys the relationship instead of making it better. They forgave me.

The teenage years are turbulent, difficult years as most of you can remember. Your hormones begin; looks become all consuming; you're noticing the opposite sex and their view of you and then there is all the other girl junk you usually have to put up with: envy, jealousy and gossip. Teenagers don't need their parents to be arguing with them during these years. They need their parents support and encouragement, even if they are struggling in their relationship with the Lord; especially if they are struggling in their relationship with the Lord. The Lord is patient and long-suffering with us. We must be this towards our own children.

Whenever I hear or see anyone on another blog say or write that they are constantly arguing with their teenager, I give them this advice and they have always thanked me, knowing it sounded like the godly and biblical way to handle their teen. Yes, continue to set boundaries, follow through on discipline if they break the boundaries but do it in a kind and loving way. No need to be angry with them since anger does NOT achieve the righteous life that God desires. Also, as your teenager gets older, you  must loosen the reins on them and not be so strict since the major disciplining and training years are when they are young. If they have a rebellious and disobedient heart, pour burning coals upon them {heap love upon them, Romans 12:20}, pray for them and overcome evil with good as the Good Book commands that we do. This will be MUCH more effective at winning them to the Lord and keeping the relationship close between the two of you than arguing and fighting will.

If you have a problem with getting angry and arguing with them, do a word study in the Bible by looking up all the verses about anger and arguing, write them on post-its and put them in areas around your home so you will see them. We are transformed by renewing our minds with God's Truth, so remind yourself consistently of Truth and the Holy Spirit who lives mightily within you will give you the strength and wisdom to live it out. Also, look up anything to do with being at peace with others and pursuing peace. These are also great verses to commit to memory.

Arguing never accomplishes anything good or worthy. It never mends relationships but simply pulls them apart and your teenage draws farther away from you. Don't let this happen anymore! You are the mother of the two of you so it is your responsibility to be the one who takes the high ground and treats your teenager with love and warmth, even if you think they don't deserve it for this is how the Lord treat us.

Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:21

Follow peace with all men
and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord.
Hebrews 12:14